Housewife News by NoMoreDrama
Brandi Glanville went on another Twitter Rant yesterday. Let’s all remember that she has a book on tweeting coming out – so .. Anyway, the first part of this one was aimed at RadarOnline. RadarOnline has clearly taken sides in the fight between Brandi and her ex-husband Eddie. Remember that this is the news outlet that Eddie had publish his scathing email to Brandi. Now they have an inside source who is claiming that: “People around Brandi started getting vocal a few weeks back about their worries concerning her parenting of the boys.” and “Numerous different people told Brandi that they were concerned that when she had her sons with her she wasn’t paying enough attention to them and was distracted with everything else going on in her life.”
RadarOnline is sketchy at best and their writer wrote this as a lead in to the quotes: “The bitter, and very public, battle between Brandi Glanville, her ex-husband Eddie Cibrain and his wife LeAnn Rimes has blown up to epic proportions with accusations of eating disorders, drug abuse, boozing and bad parenting being thrown around.” Let’s be clear – all of those first allegations were leveled at LeAnn and Eddie – many of them in this email exchange.
Brandi Glanville shared her frustration on twitter.
“I know 1thing for sure in life I am a GREAT &loving Mom.My boys come 1st ALWAYS ask anyone that knows me.Whatever radar is always full of BS”
“Ignore N haters,the silverlining is I think I found a name 4 tumor in my booby thats coming out dec12 starts with an R &ends with an online”
(She’s referring to a lump in her breast that is being removed - but has clarified that it isn’t cancerous).
Meanwhile, Brandi took another swing at LeAnn Rimes by tweeting out a RumorFix article that highlighted some erratic behavior of LeAnn’s at a recent concert. LeAnn was reportedly unstable on her high heels and kicked them off and did her performance barefoot, sitting down, and rambled her way through it..
Kenya Moore’s story line on the Real Housewives of Atlanta is that she moved to Atlanta to be with boyfriend Walter. Rumors have been swirling that Walter is another “fake” boyfriend. Remember Kelly Bensimmon from Season Two of the Real Housewives of New York and her fake boyfriend Max. Fake boyfriend storylines seem to be a common on these shows. Anyway – Walter has been photographed kissing another woman. It’s being reported that the woman is singer/songwriter Christon Ingram out of Atlanta.
How much market can there be for flavored vodka? I’d love to see the market studies, because I really don’t see the need for another housewife to hawk vodka with their name on it. Yet Vicki Gunvalson is launching a vodka line. “I am weeks away from launching my own vodka line. It’s called ‘Vicki’s Vodka’ and I believe is going to become a household name. We’ve abbreviated it to ‘V.V.’ and will have orange, original, lemon and our newest flavor BACON!” says Vicki according to Gather. Raise your hand if you are running out the door to buy BACON flavored vodka.
Real Housewives of Miami – Elsa Foretells a Storm by NoMoreDrama
The show starts with some fairly random filler scenes. At Marysol’s place we learn that she thinks freezing herself is the Fountain of Youth. Let’s keep in mind she lives in Miami. For some reason, Mama Elsa is staying with her, and it’s so cold that she’s wearing a fur coat and saying her ears are freezing off. Marysol is in bed wearing a fur coat and asking for a cup of coffee, and Elsa doesn’t seem to have a clue on how to make it. It doesn’t help that she can barely see because she’s got on so many scarves. Perhaps this is supposed to be funny, but I can’t help thinking about all the energy they are wasting deep freezing a house with air conditioning in Miami.
Then there is the never ending story line of Joanna and Romain’s relationship. At this point in the season every time Romain is on screen I break into a big smile and don’t even notice Joanna’s complaining. This week she is complaining about having to spend all her time with Romain, and complaining that she doesn’t trust him. He says “If you commit to me, I’ll commit to you,” and she says after 5 years they should be ready to fish or cut bait – and then says that she’ll go on the girls’ trip and figure out if she really wants to be with him. Great. This sets it up so she can whine about her relationship with him during the trip. I suspect all this relationship drama is about trying to get a spin off and I’m not buying any of it.
Now we’ve got the Elaine Lancaster – Marysol Patton meeting rehashed. James Davis (the actor who plays Elaine) and Lea Black have a scene so James can
bring Lea some hats complain about his meeting with Marysol and how she just didn’t get it. Lea says she’ll make Marysol see the light. I don’t think so. I think Marysol is pretty tired of Lea and Elaine/James and ready to drop this story line. Previews show she won’t be able to. Lea and Marysol seem to get along fine in public, but there is a lot of talking head swipes that are going on.
Finally time for the trip to Bimini Island in the Bahamas (Bimimi Bay Resort I believe) and Lea is worried about the weight load for the plane trip. Apparently they have a 50 lb limit on luggage, and she quizzes everyone as they come in about how much luggage they have and how much they weigh. That’s right. How much each lady weighs. Adriana has way too much luggage (15 bags), but claims she only weighs 80 lbs so it’s okay. But her luggage is only part of her issue, she discovers that she forgot her passport.
Adriana is a bit of a diva, and decides that she has to go back for the passport herself (rather than have her “slow as a turtle” maid bring it to her), and that they had better wait for her. Now remember that Lea and Adriana are great friends, but Lea doesn’t suffer fools easily – and she quickly realizes that they are talking hours of delay for everyone. So she gets the pilot to say they can’t wait more than half an hour or they’d have to reschedule, and they all decide to ditch Adriana but take her luggage. Well Lea decides and the rest of them are happy. Especially Joanna, who is cracking up that Adriana will have to take a commercial flight. I sort of am too because she’s always late and it serves her right. (Research note: Bimini is only 48 miles from South Florida - A 25 minute flight, 90-minute high-speed ferry or 2 1/2 hour private boat ride away.)
Another small flight with people that don’t like to fly. Marysol is the most terrified and wears her flotation device the entire way. Back in Miami, Adriana’s flight is delayed or cancelled because of the weather, and she is getting mad now and says she doesn’t even want to go on the trip. Get over it Adriana.
At the resort the girls need to separate into
teams homes. Joanna, Karent, Lisa and Lea go off to one house and Lea says she’s glad because other than perhaps Lisa these girls are lower maintenance. Huh? Before Lea leaves, Alexia says she needs to tell her something, and that she is to come back without the other girls.
The houses are far enough away that they have to take a golf cart. Now is the requisite choosing of rooms and the Miami girls handle it a little differently than Beverly Hills ladies and try to drag each other out of the good room. Lea is a surprisingly good sport and takes a room with tiny twin beds. Lisa gets the best room and is a princess. It was a fun scene.
From here to the end of the episode I wish I had just turned the TV off because it was all about Karent and her relationship and a total waste of time. There were about a thousand different conversations about her relationship / non-relationship with
fake boyfriend Rudolfo but I’ll try to get you some highlights.
First, Karent takes the opportunity to suck up to Lea. All of a sudden she’s talking about how perfect her relationship is with Rudolfo but that it’s not perfect. She blathers on and on and my brain starts to shut down.
Over at the other side of the resort, Adriana finally shows up. Lea frees herself from Karent and escapes back to the other house. Now the big reveal. It seems like Alexia just happens to have a magazine article with her that proves that Rudolfo has another girlfriend. Shame on Alexia. Whether she was asked to do this by production or decided to do it herself – shame on her for letting this be part of the story line. And instinctively they all know how horrible they are being gossiping about Karent and setting her up to be humiliated on camera. Marysol (later) even says that if they tell Karent at dinner they’ll all look like bitches. Well – let’s just say Marysol was right about the last half of the sentence.
The only person that seems human is Ana. We have a flashback scene to the first episode of the season, where Karent accused Ana of texting Rudolfo and Ana denied it, but said that he was a player. Karent pretty much made it sound like Ana was a celebrity stalker (Rudolfo is a minor celebrity). Well it turns out that this NEW girlfriend is named Ana. Our Ana is relieved that she’s not crazy. Then Alexia points out that the girlfriend ANA is prettier than Karent and only 24. They pretend to be sympathetic to Karent, but you can tell they aren’t.
The girls all meet for dinner. Again they have to leave Adriana behind because she’s so slow – and even with that Karent, Joanna, and Lisa have to wait an hour for the rest of them. They all start doing shots. Even Joanna.
Lea puts back the shots while Ana and Alexia crack up, and Lea interviews that she’s never been drunk. But she is in rapid fire mode tonight and Karent is her target. Her first shot - she asks Karent if she’s made any decisions about Rudolfo. (Why the heck would she do that unless she wanted to humiliate her?)
Karent is a little taken about because she thought the conversation they had earlier was private. No one brings up the cheating.
It starts to rain and they go inside and drink some more. By now everyone is desperate to tell Karent, but no one wants to be the one who does it. Adriana decides to get things going and shouts out – “so how many people here have been cheated on here,” to the group. Crickets. Then poor Karent admits that she has been, and starts to tell a story about being naive. It’s painful. Truly painful.
Alexia then asks, “Karent would you want to know if someone was cheating on you.” Karent says yes and blathers on some more, but still no one says anything. The worst part is that Karent, Lisa, and Joanna are oblivious, and everyone else is in on the “inside joke”. I’m beginning to hate them all. Finally, Alexia takes Lisa outside to tell her, which means now everyone but Karent and Joanna know. Lisa immediately says that Karent should be told.
Inside Lea takes another shot at Karent and says she’d hire a private investigator if she had a long distance relationship – and Karent blathers on and on defending her relationship with the cheater. Lea is like a cat playing with a mouse.
Once Lisa digests the information and sees how the other ladies are acting, she begins to realize that they are just waiting to see Karent humiliated. She’s so got their number. She starts to tell Karent, but Alexia walks in and says she needs to be there. The others are just hanging around watching. Alexia FINALLY begins to tell Karent about the article and Karent completely shuts her down. Lisa takes over and tells her (in a very caring way). Karent’s smile just gets tighter, and she claims the article is false, pictures can be fabricated and refuses to look at it. Lisa interviews that Karent did the right thing by not reacting in front of the jackals. If this show doesn’t get renewed next year you can blame it on episodes like this.
Project Runway All Stars “Green Dress on a Red Carpet” by BB
Challenge 1: Anthony Ryan wins, Peach goes home
Challenge 2: Uli wins, Wendy goes home
Challenge 3: Emilio wins, Suede goes home
Challenge 4: Anthony Ryan wins, Andrae goes home);
Challenge 5 (Emilio Wins, Kayne goes home).
Both Anthony Ryan and Emilio have two wins; Uli has one.
After Kayne’s departure last week, the competition has truly begun. All of the remaining designers are especially talented and I think they deserve to be in the all-stars competition.
This week, the designers will be going green by making a “green” dress for the red carpet, meaning it’s made in the most environmentally friendly way. They pick from some environmentally friendly swatches for their fabrics. Althea gets to pick last and is not that fond of the last fabric swatch but she’s going to make the most of it. The guest judge this week will be Diane von furstenberg. Carolyn says she will be wearing the winning design at her next red carpet event.
The designers start sketching to get ideas for their red carpet looks. When they get back to the workroom, they all scramble to get what they want from the limited choice of trims that have been recycled from the previous challenges. Anthony Ryan doesn’t think red carpet gowns should have that much trim in the first place, so he’s not really worried about it. Laura Kathleen has the audacity to refer to two-time challenge winner Emilio as a costume designer and says she’s not worried. This is the person who was in the bottom two in the last challenge. She decides to do a pant-dress and Joshua admires that she’s taking such a risk of making pants for the red carpet.
Joanna comes in and visits Laura Kathleen who explains her palazzo pant design. Joanna likes the idea. She thinks Emilio’s red dress color is spectacular for the red carpet. She’s looking forward to seeing it on the runway. She also likes Anthony Ryan’s bold blue color (Anthony Ryan always leans toward the bold blues). Althea’s fabric seems dreary to Joanna and she wants to see Althea rise from the middle. Joanna is worried about the pattern of Joshua’s fabric. She calls Casanova’s a little bit weird. She likes Ivy’s vision, but Emilio thinks Ivy is limited as a designer. Joanna tells Uli a “Rainy Day in Miami” is not what should be on a red carpet and thinks she’s going overboard with the trim. Some of the other designers think Uli may be in trouble. Towards the end of the day, Anthony Ryan sees Ivy still cutting and not sewing. When her model comes in, Ivy has nothing to fit on her. She knows she’s screwed at the moment. Casanova notices that Althea’s fabric is not good for the look she’s trying to design. Anthony Ryan likes his dress, but Ivy thinks it’s bad.
Later, Ivy is feeling freaked out and knows she just has to make it work somehow. Most of the designers leave for the day with a lot of work remaining to do the next day. That night they talk about who they have dressed. Althea has dressed the Kardashian girls and Emilio has dressed someone (whom I don’t know) for the red carpet. They all wonder whose dress Carolyn will be wearing on the red carpet.
The next morning the designers have two hours until runway. Everyone seems to be in the same boat in that they all have a lot to do. Ivy’s dress is a mess and she decides to shorten it at the last minute. Casanova thinks her design is way too ambitious for the time limit they had. Uli thinks Althea’s dress look a little like Marie Antionette. Anthony Ryan is not fond of Laura Kathleen’s design. Anthony Ryan’s model is having trouble walking in the dress and he has to make some adjustments. Other than the fact that it’s not form-fitting and more flowy, Anthony Ryan’s dress looks similar to everything he makes with the bold blue and the black trim. I wonder if the judges will think so and call him on it.
Here we go. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s impossible to see on the TV what the judges see up close and in person. I like Josh’s design but it doesn’t really stand out because the fabric’s not that bright. I don’t like Uli’s design with the feathers and trim. It’s just not red carpet to me. Neither is Althea’s look. She got shorted on the fabric choice being last to choose. Casanova’s gown would definitely stand out on the red carpet. I like it. Josh’s gown looks too voluminous to me. It’s not that flattering to the model. Ivy’s dress is a gold satiny number that’s short and I’m not a fan of it. Lauren’s pant dress looks well-made, but I’m not crazy about the fabric. It looks good on the model though. I like Emilios but he’s super upset about how sloppy the hem looks. He says it’s the worst he’s ever sent out on the runway. I really can’t tell how bad it is, but I’ll take his word for it.
Joshua and Casanova are both safe. That means there are three high scorers and three low scorers remaining. Diane likes Anthony Ryan’s a lot but thinks there may be too much fabric. Isaac thinks it looks different from the others he’s done. I guess Isaac means the design, because he chooses the same colors over and over. Carolyn would wear it and Georgina thinks he’s done a great job. Isaac thinks Ivy’s is the worst her fabric has ever looked. Carolyn says it’s not something she would wear. Georgina thinks it looks too heavy and it would be the last one she would pick. Diane thinks the execution leaves a lot to be desired. Carolyn sees lining problems under Emilio’s dress. Isaac doesn’t think Emilio went far enough. Diane doesn’t like it. The judges love Uli’s dress with all the feathers. Who knew? Carolyn doesn’t think the back of Althea’s dress make any sense. Georgina thinks it’s a shame she had that fabric to work with. Isaac thinks she needed to go for something and she didn’t. Diane loves Lauren’s elegant palazzo pants and thinks it’s well done. Isaac applauds her for making something out of the print she chose. Georgina warns her about the proportion of the shoulders on the top.
So who’s going to win and who’s going home? Isaac called Anthony’s dress damn good and all the judges love it. They aren’t sure why they like Uli’s dress but they do. They think Althea’s dress looked old. They thought Ivy’s design was good but she couldn’t handle the fabric and Georgina thinks it’s unforgivable to keep going down that road when you run into trouble with the fabric. I’m calling Anthony Ryan the winner and unfortunately I think Ivy may be going home.
Anthony Ryan is safe (so he didn’t win). Lauren Kathleen is the winner of this challenge and I think Diane had a lot to do with the decision based on her story of how she used to wear palazzo pants back in the day. Laura Kathleen has dreamed about Diane von Furstenberg announcing her as the winner of a challenge. I’m just glad Uli didn’t win. There is no way Emilio is going home and he is deemed safe. Althea will be going home and Ivy is safe. I’m kind of happy Ivy is safe, but I’m surprised the judges are sending Althea home. I think some of the designers are sorry about Althea going home too; as a few of them don’t think Ivy is that good of a designer.
Duck Dynasty – Season 2 “I’m Dreaming of a Redneck Christmas” by Stars99
It’s Christmastime at Duck Commander Headquarters and they’re busy decking the halls. The Christmas tree is being decorated and Martin, even though he doesn’t have his climbing shoes on, precariously climbs up several rows of wooden storage shelves just to put the star on top of the tree. Jase comes out and tells them he thinks that they’re all wasting time decorating for Christmas. This is surprising to me – since Jase is always looking for a reason not to work. Si quite aptly calls him out on it and tells Missy (Jase’s wife) that he will make a sign for outside their house that lights up and says, “Mr. Scrooge lives here.” Si describes Jase’s attitude, “Talk about bah humbug – Why don’t you just kick Tiny Tim’s cast out from under him, and by the way, hey, while you’re at it – go ahead and punch Santa in the solar-plex.” Jase explains, “I don’t like lights, decorations, and imaginary characters.” Jase is into the true meaning of Christmas, “Faith, family, and facial hair.”
At Phil and Miss Kay’s house, the grandkids are working hard at decorating for Christmas – but they are complaining that their hands hurt so bad they’re just gonna die. Miss Kay explains that Christmas is her favorite time of year. She decorates every single nook and cranny in her home. Her grandmother talked to her about Christmas and she advised her to, “Milk it as much as you can.” She also recommended her to, “Milk dairy cows so that the udders are flaccid.” Thanks – those are words to live by. While Phil thinks that all the decorations are a little tacky, tacky, tacky… he concludes, “Whatever fires your panties up.” At times, Phil just kills me. This year for the big family feast, Miss Kay is fixin’ a Purduckin – which is a pig that is stuffed with a turkey, which is stuffed with a chicken, which is stuffed with a duck. Phil thinks Miss Kay deserves the “Nobel Feast Prize.” Willie brings in some much needed groceries. He looks around and says he doesn’t think Miss Kay needs to put any more decorations up – except that she needs about 12 more dancin’ Santas. He loves the dancin’ Santa cuz it brings up memories of his childhood. He flips the switch to turn on the Santa and starts dancin’ right along with it – the kids all love it! However, Phil says that when Willie’s face is all face painted up and he’s camouflaged ready for duck hunting – that when he’s Phil’s son; but once he starts dancin’ with little Santa Claus – that’s when he turns into Miss Kay’s son.
Back at Duck Commander Headquarters, Jase thinks he’s going duck hunting tomorrow. Korie (Willie’s wife) tells Willie to remind Jase what tomorrow is – since evidently they’re supposed to dress up like Santa and his elf to pass out presents to the children at church. Willie says that Korie has volunteered him for this duty for the last 7 years straight – and he’s gotten out of it every year because he’s claimed there’ve been too many special Christmas orders to fill for him to be able to take the time off to be Santa. Willie recognizes that this year, “That sleigh has crashed to the ground and has burned and killed all the reindeer.” So he knows that he has to dress up and make an appearance. Jase, however, continues to say there is no way on earth that he’s going to dress up like an elf. He thinks elves are creepy. Jase says, “Let me think about this for a second – No.” And if we didn’t understand him when he said “No” the first time, he then offers to put in in Spanish for us, “No.” Si comes to the rescue and volunteers to be an elf. Si thinks elves are cool cuz he believes that a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow goes along with elves. Everyone thinks it’s a good idea for Si to be an elf – cuz it’s not like he does any actual work at the warehouse anyway. Everyone leaves the warehouse and leaves Martin sitting on the top shelf… and as he tries to make his way down, he trips, feels the earth move under his feet and the whole Christmas tree comes a tumblin’ down, a tumblin’ down.
After sizing up her decorations, Miss Kay thinks it’s her best decorating job yet. Phil says that Miss Kay has always one upped herself every Christmas over the last 50 years – and they just keep getting bigger and bigger. He wonders how much bigger it will be if they’re still on the earth for another 25 years. Jase likes this time of year, cuz they can go hunting for anything edible. Phil wants to go with Jase – but is reminded that he promised to go get the Christmas tree with Miss Kay. The guys are also needed to hang Christmas lights. Miss Kay bribes Jeb, Martin and Godwin to hang lights for her in exchange for sweet potato pie. Jase says that his momma knows the power of her sweet potato pie. Jase is not a happy camper cuz he’s losing his hunting buddies to be “Santa’s helpers.” He thinks they’re charlatans. Phil reminds Jase never to underestimate the power of a sweet potato pie. Jase concedes to the truth of that statement.
Willie and Korie are waiting on Si to bring the toys for the kids. Willie is dressed up as Santa. Si comes lugging the children’s gifts in a not-so-festive trash bag. Korie is shocked he didn’t bring the gifts in a Santa bag. Si is then told he has to put on the elf costume. Si is not okay with this…However, he does agree to wear the shoes and maybe the hat. Although in his talking head interview, he’s wearing cute pointy elf ears.
Jase and Jeb are on top of the roof of their mom and dad’s house. Jase is wondering how he got tricked into doing this. He is thinking perhaps he should have agreed to be an elf – because if he had, at least he wouldn’t now be risking life and limb on a wet, slippery, leaf covered roof. He does acknowledge that sweet potato pies are inspirational. Godwin starts tossing large bulbed Christmas lights to the guys on the roof – and they don’t catch them so they drop on the roof and shatter. Godwin actually asks them if they’re ready, and even when they say, “No” – he continues to toss them up to them – with more and more of the bulbs getting broken. Jase says the saying goes that a person can be, “a brick shy of a load.” Jase says that in Godwin’s case, he is, “a load shy of a brick.”
Miss Kay and Phil are out off-roading looking for their Christmas tree. It’s an annual tradition. Miss Kay asks Phil if he ever had poinsettias at their house for Christmas when he was growing up. Phil says his momma used to send him out hunting for some mistletoe growing in the wild. Miss Kay asks Phil if he will kiss her under the mistletoe. Phil promises he will do more than that with her under the mistletoe. These two are fabulously frisky after being together 50 years.
Willie and his elf, Si, walk into the church… Willie is dutifully wearing his Santa suit… but looks funny cuz the fake white beard is laying on top of his bushy, real brown beard – and you can clearly see the rest of his brown hair on the sides and in the back. His “creepy, geriatric elf”, Si, walks in wearing an elf hat with bells on top… pointy ears… jingly elf shoes… and camouflaged pants and shirt. Hysterical. The kids start asking Santa and his elf questions. The first kid asks how long it took them to get here all the way from the North Pole. Santa said that it was a long trip from the North Pole. Si, his elf, says, “Hey, it was okay until we lost one of the reindeer. He had a heart attack on the way from pulling that heavy sled.” The kids’ faces were filled with horror. Santa looked like he would smack his elf right on his pointy ears. Santa admonished his elf. The elf clarified, “but that was okay, we ate on him for 3 days.” The elf explained to Santa that, “I’m just telling them the truth.” Willie knows that bringing Si to something like this is like playing Russian Roulette – most of the time it’s a good thing – but every once in a while it’s a very, very bad thing. The kids start asking the elf questions directly, “Why are you wearing camo?” The elf tells the kid to pipe down. One girl says, “I thought elves are supposed to be little.” The elf says that they have elves that are 10 feet tall – and bulletproof. As the kids start getting in line to see Santa, the elf starts grumpily bossing them around. The elf says, “Hey, if I’m gonna be an elf, I’m gonna be the realest elf these kids have ever seen.” Si thinks he should be real with the kids cuz his parents were real with him – and look how good he turned out. Santa asks one of the girls what she wants for Christmas, and she says, “An art kit.” The elf asks her if she’s going to be an artist when she grows up and the girl eagerly nods, “Yes.” The elf says, “There ain’t no money in that.” Santa rebukes his elf, saying “Si!” The elf thinks that it’s good that she finds out the truth now rather than later. Si thinks these kids, “Need a dose of reality – you gotta quit treating these kids like children.” Santa reminds the elf that he’s supposed to be spreadin’ joy to the kids – not killing their dreams. Another girl wants a horse – but the elf tells her that a horse is a lot of work. The elf tells a 4 year old boy who is jumpin’ up as high as he can, that he will never make it in the NBA. Willie thinks they’ve ruined Christmas for these kids and they’ve only been there for five minutes.
Back at Phil and Miss Kay’s house, as Jase, Jep, Godwin and Martin are hanging Christmas lights – they go to plug them in – but there’s no outlet on the side of the house they’re on. Jase explains Redneck Rule #1, “Most things can be fixed with extension cords and duct tape.” Jase doesn’t panic in the face of adversity, though, because he knows that sometimes when God closes a door – He opens a window – literally. They actually try to thread the Christmas lights through an open window. Jase’s wife, Missy, comes out and catches Godwin trying to do it and asks what they’re doing. Jase explains that they either hafta put that one little cord through the window – or they have to redo the whole Christmas light display. Missy uses her nice words and asks him to please don’t leave it like that… and Jase knows, “The power of women at Christmas is the ultimate opponent – there’s no sense in fighting it.” So they start redoing the lights even though it’s likely going to take all night.
Phil and Miss Kay are still looking for the perfect Christmas tree. It has to have the right height – and the right fullness. He keeps pointing out options and she keeps saying, “No.” After 50 years of being together, he’s used to hearing the word, “No.” Yet – as long as she’s happy, he’s happy. Miss Kay suggests that they go to a Christmas tree farm. Phil is shocked, and says, “And BUY one?” He’s not one to buy something he can find out in the wild. However, he concedes to, “Break out the wallet and go buy a yuppie tree.”
Back at Willie’s church, as Santa is passing out gifts to the kids, he gave one of the kids an expensive duck call. Willie asks Si why he brought such an expensive gift. Si says he just quickly grabbed things that he found around the warehouse. To a 4 year old, he gives him what looks like a thick duck hunting book, Santa says, “That’s a $20 value.” Ummm… yeah. To another little kid they give a “magic marker” (looks more like a yellow highlighter to me). To a little girl, they give her a tape gun (which is actually a packing tape dispenser). Santa looks at his elf weirdly – and his elf had no defense since he obviously shopped at the office supply room. It appears he even took a personal object from one of his coworker’s desk. One lucky kid got a sleeve of Styrofoam coffee cups. There was also a printer cartridge, a dust pan, and a ball of twine in Santa’s sack. Si thinks the kids today are spoiled rotten. He thinks they should take stuff as it is – and then turn it into whatever they want it to be. One year for Christmas, Si got “Hand me down underwear and a paperclip – and that was a great gift.” Korie tries to assure the kids that they’ll get what they want for Christmas. She’s cranky that Willie outsourced the picking out of gifts to Si. The elf says, “You’re welcome, kids.” Then Willie hands one kid a $20 dollar bill.
Phil and Miss Kay are at the Christmas tree farm and there are trees as far as the eye can see. Miss Kay is thinking that at first glance most of the trees look perfect – but once you get up close you can see their flaws. They finally find a tree that looks exactly like the 8 foot tree that Miss Kay wants… but instead of deciding on that one… she wants to think about it. This drives Phil crazy. She thinks and thinks and thinks and thinks some more. She finally decides it’s the one for them. Phil thinks it’s a Christmas miracle that they found a tree! He feels like they’ve been looking for a Christmas tree for weeks.
Jase boasts they’re gonna have the best lighted redneck roof in the neighborhood – but they keep crushing the large bulbs with their feet. Si, Willie and Korie come back to Phil and Miss Kay’s house from their Santa outing to see Jase and the others still hanging Christmas lights. After seeing Si in his jingly elf shoes and pointy ears – Jase concludes he got the better end of the deal. Jase tells Si he looks like a “Vulcan with green slippers.” Si says, “Hey, I’m proud to be Spock – Spock is the one who blew up the Death Star, boys. You know he can kill a man with that Volkswagen death grip.” Si reminds everyone that he previously told them that he had magical powers.
Willie and Si go into the house and they’re asked about how the Santa thing went. Willie insists that Santa was okay – but it was his little helper was the problem. Si insists that all he did was bring a little realism into the lives of the kids. He said what he did was “educational” and that “Big Bird has nothin’ on me.” Meanwhile, Phil brings in the Christmas tree they just picked out – and like every other household in the world, the tree is too tall for the ceiling. Phil doesn’t think it’s a problem and goes out to get his saw and brings it into the house. The girls are aghast when they realize that he’s gonna cut off the trunk of the tree INSIDE the house… Miss Kay reminds Phil of her rule, “No chainsaws in the house.” Wow, that happens so often you actually hafta make a rule? Phil says that all he has to do is to do it really quick – so there’s not much arguing. After the tree is appropriately sized, Miss Kay asks Phil if he’s going to decorate the tree. Phil responds, “No – listen, a skinny, “I never eat creamed potatoes and gravy” woman – they need to be decorated. But this tree – full bodied, a little top heavy, no Maybelline needed – I say leave it as it is.” Willie says they go through this every year… each year, Phil just wants a plain tree in the house – but Miss Kay wants it decorated. Willie says, “Here ya go, kids, Bark, needles, sap – Merry Christmas.” Willie starts decorating the tree… and says, “There’s one thing I learned a long time ago about decorating a tree, be as bad as you can be – that way I can just sit back and have the women show me how it’s done – works every year.” I bet it doesn’t work next year, Willie – cuz you’ve just divulged your strategy on national TV. Everyone helps to decorate the tree… but unfortunately they seem to be breaking more balls than they’re actually putting on the tree. The star on the top of the tree doesn’t sit quite right, but Miss Kay assures everyone that she always loves a crooked star on the tree.
Miss Kay brings out a mug of juice for Jep, cuz he’s her youngest and ignores Jase and the other two guys. Jep immediately runs his tongue around the rim of the mug and offers it to Jase, knowing full well that his brother will never drink any now. He said he learned that move from watching his other brothers over the years. Jase explains that when you’re served a plate of food – that the first thing you do is spit all over it – that way if you hafta get up and do something, the food will be safe cuz no one will want any of it.
Jase thinks they’re done putting up the Christmas lights… but Miss Kay told him that he only got a couple of boxes from inside the house… not the several boxes from the shed. Miss Kay threatens Jase that if he only puts up half the lights that she might only make half a sweet potato pie. When Jase goes into the shed… and sees the dozens of boxes of Christmas lights – he tells his mom she needs to go to a hording rehab center. Miss Kay says they’re all in California. Back inside, the grandkids get out the Christmas albums. This really flips Willie’s fig cuz he’s really, really hungry. The album contains really great pictures of Willie and Jase when they didn’t have beards. Willie thinks that everyone should let the clean faces die – he doesn’t pull out pictures of Korie when she had her perm. And then they had a picture of Si that was hysterical. Si’s favorite part of Christmas is hanging the mistletoe. He says, “Hey, women, they get real skittish during Christmastime around me.” Then Willie and Korie talk about the time they drove all the way to Baton Rouge to pick up Lil Will and how he was their Christmas present that year. They adopted him when he was just a month old – and he was the cutest thing they had ever seen. He blended perfectly well into their family. Sadie joined in and said she was happy she was an older sister to him. It’s so great when people who have already had kids biologically, also want to adopt kids. As an adoptee, it’s near and dear to my heart – it was a very kewl moment.
Meanwhile, Willie just wants the meal to be finished and he’s cranky that all anyone wants to do is to look at pictures and to reminisce about the past. Willie says, “When I get this hungry, I’m liable to hurt someone.” I believe him. Everyone comes outside to watch the great lighting of the lights that Jase and his lil helpers have worked on so hard all day. They are so very close to getting the sweet potato pies… Jase can almost taste them. Jase says, “Without further ado, I present you ‘Joy’.” However, instead of the word “Joy” written in lights on the roof, it just says, “Oy”… It’s missing the “J” – but “Oy” is actually more descriptive of the kind of day Jase has had. He decides that it probably would have been better if they had tested the lights first before asking everyone to come out to see them. However, for the final crescendo… he flipped another switch and revealed that they had covered Willie’s truck with hundreds of Christmas lights as well as anything else that stood still long enough. Everything, and I mean everything, was covered in lights.
Sadie, Willie’s daughter suggests that they sing Christmas Carols. Missy begins singing “Silent Night” – and holy crap on a cracker, can she sing. After a few lines, everyone else joins in – but in nice harmony. It was pretty kewl. Willie ends the episode by saying, “Christmastime is the Robertson’s favorite time of year. Sure the costumes we have to wear be it elf ears or a special sweater are scratchy and awful, but everything else more than makes up for it. We get to play with electricity, and we get to eat the delicious purducktin something or another – all I know is that it has a lot of meat. But best of all – is the family is altogether. It brings joy to my heart.”
This is the last “Duck Dynasty” episode of 2012. Hope you enjoyed our fine, bearded friends!
Here’s a few photos of the guys without their beards.
Friday Night Lineup, December 7th by BB
8PM – Undercover Boss (CBS); Nikita (CW); Last Man Standing/Malibu Country (ABC); Kitchen Nightmares (Fox); Gold Rush (Discovery); WWE Friday Night SmackDown (SYFY); Monsters Inside Me (Anpl); Facing Evil (ID)
9PM – CSI NY (CBS); Fringe (Fox); Celebrity Holiday Homes (HGTV); Say Yes to the Dress Bridesmaids (TLC); Gold Rush (Discovery); VGA Ten (Spike); Killer Karaoke (truTV); Married to the Army Alaska (Own); WW2 from Space (History); Ghost Adventures (Trvl); Pretty Bad Girls (ID); My Ghost Story: Caught on Camera (Biography)
10PM – Blue Bloods (CBS); Dateline NBC (NBC); 20/20 (ABC); The Ultimate Fighter (FX); Bridesmaids of Beverly Hills (TLC); Jungle Gold (Discovery); Haven (SYFY); Fashion Police (E!); Back to the Wild (Anpl); Married to the Army Alaska (Own); The Dead Files (Trvl); Mystery Diners (Food); Wives with Knives (ID); Haunted Encounters: Face to Face (Biography); My Naked Secret (FitTV); Rodeo (GAC); Man vs. Monster (NatGeoWild)