Real Housewives of New York – Pirate Booty Call
Holla! I enjoyed watching this episode for a change! I went into it with a little cynicism to be honest. I mean, Bravo pays for these lavish trips, no matter who the “hostess with the mostest” is. I know the housewives know that Bravo expects them to bring the drama. Sooooo glad Luann is not the hostess this time around. She pretty much ruined the Morocco trip for at least one half of the cast and for us viewers.
Carole, Ramona, Sonja, Heather and Luann all arrive on St. Barts and meet the villa staff, including Tony the butler and Jon Baptiste the chef. Sonja is already salivating. The villa is heaven on earth. It’s amazing and all the women are impressed. Ramona is speechless (NOT!) There are two heated pools and an amazing dining room. They are shown some smaller bedrooms and a huge master suite. Ramona gives Carole the high sign about wanting the master suite for herself and Sonja. Carole capitulates. Carole has learned pretty fast that if Ramona’s not happy, nobody’s happy. Luann wishes Sonja good luck being Ramona’s roommate. Sonja pulls Heather aside and tells her she will be looking after Ramona and not to worry. Heather breathes a little sigh of relief.
Carole and Heather get rooms in bungalows separate from the main house. Carole has stayed there before the big villa existed when she was with her husband. You know that commercial where someone used Windex on a window and it’s so clear a big bird flies into it? Well that’s what happens to Heather. She and her big honker walk right into a glass door. I know it hurt like hell, but I couldn’t help but chuckle. She leaves a big ugly greasy spot (go lighter on the make-up Heather) on the glass and her big honker is getting even bigger. Luann plays nurse for Heather and they decide it’s not broken.
Meantime, it’s party central at the main house with Ramona and Sonja already in the pool drinking pink champagne. Carole dubs them Samonja and Heather and Luann laugh. Of course Ramona has to ask Tony to take back the regular champagne because she specifically asked for the pink. I finally get a glimpse of Luann in a bikini as she’s diving in the pool, but just a glimpse. Carole announces her boyfriend Russ will be arriving after dinner and Luann asks her if that’s such a good idea.
While the ladies are waiting for dinner to be served, Samonja are delighted to discover the villa has a wine vending machine. What could possibly be better for these two? Dinner is served and Sonja wants to know where the dip is for her spring roll. Carole offers to go get some soy sauce for Sonja until Luann tells her to let the chef take care of it because she and Sonja have dealt with it (I guess she means “the help”) for ten years. Sonja talks about turning a new leaf since her separation from her husband and she’s turned a corner emotionally (I don’t think so, Sonja). Carole wants to know why the talk has turned so serious.
Sonja brings up the toaster oven photo shoot to Heather. Why, Sonja? Carole doesn’t want them to go there. Carole is a smart girl. Heather doesn’t mind talking about it. Of course Ramona gets her nose into it and it becomes the three women talking over each other. Bla, bla, bla, bla, bla. You’re not listening, Heather. I am listening, Ramona. Bla, bla, bla, bla, bla. Luann leaves the table because she’s over it and can’t believe they are talking about it in such a great place at St. Barts. I’m with Luann. Carole gets up and leaves, too. Ramona follows Carole and leaves Sonja and Heather to talk. Ramona, Luann and Carole know Sonja has had too much to drink. Carole tells them she’s nervous about her boyfriend Russ arriving soon, and asks Ramona not to say anything crazy. Sonja gets loud while talking to Heather when Luann walks up and breaks it up with a toast.
Russ arrives and Carole runs up to meet him, warning him the girls are being bitches and fighting all the time. The girls tell each other to behave and not embarrass Carole. They all try to behave. Russ tells the girls he can tell they’ve been drinking some wine. The girls keep talking about Carole being hot to Russ and he tells them he’s lucky. Sonja tells him she’s never met a cuter guy that night and he tells her thanks a lot. Luann gathers the women (except for Carole) to go get some expresso. Carole and Russ watch while Sonja drunkenly fondles and falls all over the butler in the kitchen and then they retire for the night. Russ is laid back just like Carole.
The next morning, Ramona arrives late for breakfast, but she’s ready for the beach in her bikini. Carole walks up with bed head and they ask her when Russ left and if they behaved. Ramona suggests asking Mario and Jacques down for the trip since Carole has a man. Carole tells them to have at it. It’s Sonja’s turn to plan the day and she’s taking them to Tom’s Beach. They all take forever to get ready because they all want to look hot. You can never tell who you might run into. All the guys at the beach are cute. They talk about what Russ thought about them the night before. He wasn’t intimidated by the women. Carole refers to Ramona and Sonja as “crazy drunk aunts.” Apt description. They all hit the beach and remark on Carole’s nice ass. Sonja remarks, “No wonder Clooney did her for a year.” Everyone’s in a bikini except for Luann. She’s covered up.
That evening, they all go for dinner at one of Sonja’s favorite restaurant/clubs. The group is personally greeted by the owner. They all meet Tomas, a Johnny Depp look-a-like. Sonja claims him first, but Luann has her eye on him too. Seems there is not a bad looking man on the island of St. Barts. The ladies all get into some serious drinking and dancing. There is a burlesque show on the runway and the ladies are asked if they want to do a show. They go backstage and get dressed in some skimpy pirate costumes. They decide they will dance on the tables and not the stage. Luann is the only one not dancing on the table. She’s heard explaining she wants to be special, she’s an Indian and not to phuck with her. They are all obviously drunk, some more than others.
The next morning Luann is in pretty bad shape (and Sonja isn’t even up yet, she looks worse later). Heather tells Luann she needs protein. Carole and Heather left the restaurant first, then Ramona and Sonja, then Luann. Luann tells the girls she met some old friends from Italy the night before. Ramona heard her when she came in and she wasn’t speaking Italian, she was speaking French to a man. While Luann is trying to get a call through to her beloved Jacques, Heather whispers to Carole that Luann came to her room at 3 a.m. that morning with a man and tells her it was Johnny Depp aka Tomas. Carole realizes she also heard Luann with the “young French boy.”
Luann is telling Jacques over the phone about meeting with her old Italian friends the night before. The situation is making Heather feel uncomfortable and sorry for Jacques. They all look at pictures from the night before all dressed in their Pirate costumes, including Thomas.
Carole and Heather talk via Skype to Aviva. Aviva tells them she will come for the weekend if she can bring Reid. Holla! Heather is happy Aviva is coming to the house. She tells Aviva to bring Reid and prepare to have lots of sex. Heather tells Aviva they are having a party that night and the ladies have invited the whole island.
At first, the ladies act like they are happy about Aviva coming for the weekend. Ramona is talking to Carole about hearing a man’s voice with Luann, while Sonja is there getting her hair done. Everyone’s been whispering all day and Ramona wants it all out in the open. Ramona then finds out Reid will be actually staying with Aviva at the villa and not at a hotel. Ramona and Sonja tell Carole the girls won’t be able to bond while Reid is upstairs. Carole wants them to give Aviva a break. Sonja tells Carole she’s bringing a man home too then. Carole leaves to take a call from Russ and Luann agrees with Ramona and Sonja that Reid being there is going to change the dynamic of the trip. They decide that one of them will bring up the subject when they arrive and suggest that Reid stay at a hotel. Ramona misses Mario and doesn’t think it’s quite fair that Carole had Russ there and Aviva gets to bring Reid.
Sonja asks Luann about a man’s voice they heard the night before. Luann tells them she brought a whole group home with her. Ramona tells her she only heard one man’s voice. In her talking head, Ramona finds it odd that Luann says on the one hand she wants to have a baby with Jacques and on the other hand is bringing another man home with her. Heather is very uncomfortable with the lie Luann is perpetuating.
Luann gets on the phone with her friend Cat, the restaurant owner from the night before. She talks in French and tells her she went out with Thomas last night and wants her to cover for her and tell Thomas not to admit he was there the night before. She tells her she doesn’t want the girls to know. She tells Cat she hasn’t changed. We’ve all heard rumors about Luann’s sexual escapades and apparently they are true.
Thomas and Cat seem to be the only ones attending their party that night. To be continued. Looks like next week, Ramona is determined to get to the bottom of the Luann tryst, Sonja is going to have a go at Tomas, and Aviva’s arrival throws cold water on the girls’ fun. Now this is what I call entertainment!
The Aftermath for LuAnn
This article starts like this:
“LuAnn De Lesseps has always looked like the ideal wife with children because she has always supposed her ex-husband Alex with everything he had going on with being the Count. “
I’m sorry – but I can’t get past that first paragraph. First of all it makes no sense – literally. Second of all – it’s completely and utterly wrong. Why don’t they let one of us write their articles?
Oh – the article goes on to say that LuLu tweeted that she and Jacques were spending the weekend together – to show that they were still an item. That’s not really a surprise – he obviously likes being on the show.
Seriously – they’d better hurry up and get on with having that baby. LuLu is running out of time.
Gallery Girls – Episode3 “Wild child”
Last week we left a drunken fool Eli trying unsuccessfully to get Maggie drunk. To major payback the following day. Maggie is hopelessly shoved into a back office stuffing envelopes. Then tasked to count all the pebbles in Eli’s bonsai tree. Meanwhile he takes Liz out for a bite. Liz mistakenly asks about Eli’s gallery. He goes on to not only say the word “China” after every word but on and on in useless detail. This man sure loves to hear himself say “China.” Once Maggie finishes counting pebbles she discovers an empty gallery. Liz at one point asks Eli why he treats Maggie as a servant to that he just laughs. What a jerk!
End of Century mess
A new artist brings in his abstract artwork to sell. They hope that by bringing in a fresh new artist they will miraculously make a sale! Miss Chantal fails to discuss pricing prior to accepting this artist’s work. They both discuss pricing which according to Miss Claudia is taboo. When the artist inquires about his compensation Miss Chantal is quick to offer 50% profit?!?!?!?! Overhead anyone?
At Liz’s apartment is a bittersweet scene with her grandmother. While cooking dinner they reminisce about her childhood. Particularly her relationship she had with her father which was great. Once she turned 19 she became addicted to cocaine. Once her father found out their relationship became strained. Thankfully she had her mother’s support that helped clean her up. In a very uncomfortable scene she met with her father at a restaurant. Liz tries very hard to make any connection with him.
Angela Angela Angela I had yet to write about her since thus far every scene focused on her “promiscuity.” She works as a waitress to bring in some sort of an income. Then free lances as an event photographer. She was hired to photograph the “Creator Project.” None of the photo’s she took launched her in anyway. That is her hope and dream to become a photographer.
Uptown Art Fair
Major dealers display their artwork and sell at sometimes a fraction of the cost. Amy quick to remind us of Kerri’s lack of art knowledge. Sharon Hurowitz tasks both of them to pick one piece that they believe she will like. This simple task will give her a better idea of what they know. Kerri picks a piece that connected to her via art and history of the drawing. Sharon commends her and tells her that is what she would chose too. Amy plays is safe and Sharon is quick to notice. One for Kerri zero for Amy darn!
Dorrian’s Bar aka “Upper East sider’s only”
Amy the sloppy drunk meets with Maggie. Hangs all over her boyfriend and his friends pretty pathetic. Then holds Maggie hostage in the bathroom while complaining that she can’t find a boyfriend?!?!
School of Visual Arts in Gramercy. Liz is still a student there she is assigned a drawing. During class someone accidentally steps on her painting. No one fesses but lucky for her she was able to salvage it and receive a nice compliment by her teacher.
End of Century “sale”
Miss Claudia decides to do a “trunk show” in hopes of a quick sale. They invite friends and acquaintances. The turnout is pretty good. Miss Claudia realizes that in order to make a sale you need a “cash station.” They finally make a sale what a revelation!
Baby Jane Holzer arrives who is major art dealer that used to model for Andy Warhol. Liz is quick to introduce herself and discuss the current displays. For no reason other then to be a jerk at this particular moment Eli decides that the dog’s water dish needs replacing. Calls Maggie out to replace it. Poor Maggie is mortified! Honestly no idea why she puts up with that jerk.
Push Girls Season Finale – “Breaking Back In”
Angela is working on getting her modeling career going again. She’s up for a big catalog shoot for Nordstrom. She receives word from her agent she’s been selected and she will be going to New York City for the photo shoot. Angela’s aunt Judy wants to go as her campanioin/caregiver. Angela gently informs her that Cody would be better because he can constantly lift her and her aunt has a bad back. Judy is a little sad but she knows she can’t handle Angela as well as Cody could. Cody is Angela’s younger boyfriend. Auti is concerned about Cody going instead of Aunt Judy because being a caregiver is not all that sexy and she’s afraid Cody might be turned off by it. Mia agrees there’s a difference between being a boyfriend and a caregiver.
Auti was in a movie and has a big premiere coming up. It was an independent film about wheelchair ballroom dancing. She is shopping for a premiere outfit with the other girls and tells them her dad will be attending the premiere. She’s never had a good relationship with her dad. Her mom died a year and a half after her accident. Her dad left the country right after that for eight years, abandoning Auti.
Angela is talking to Tiphanny about her relationship with Cody. Angela is high maintenance and even needs help to go to the bathroom. Tiphanny thinks if someone loves you they will deal with it. Tiphanny tells Angela Cody has consciously walked into this situation. Aunt Judy has told Cody to call her if he has any questions about Angela’s care during the trip.
Cody is excited about going to New York with Angela. He realizes he will be both lover and nurse to Angela. Aunt Judy has her doubts about Cody being able to handle Angela. One suitcase of hers is just for medical supplies. Even getting Angela on the plane is a huge chore. Angela is always afraid whoever is lifting her will drop her on her tailbone too hard which will create a sore.
Cody is always vigilant and watches Angela closely all the time. Angela feels normal when she arrives in New York with Cody. Getting her in and out of a taxi cab on the streets of NYC with all the cars blowing their horns is pretty tense and that’s only a small part of taking care of Angela. Cody’s responsibilities include catherizing Angela, giving her pressure releases so she doesn’t get sores, making sure she gets enough liquids, and preparing the bed for her.
Modeling for Nordstrom is a dream come true for Angela. She loves New York, but her traveling in a cab is not the safest thing to do. They finally arrive for the photo shoot and she loves the ambience of it. Angela is concerned about Cody losing his patience when she is getting her clothes on because everything has to be absolutely perfect. Angela’s eyes start getting glassy which means her catheter is out of place and Cody has to adjust it for her while the others are waiting to get started. Angela does really well during her photo shoot. She’s a natural. She’s so happy there are companies out there willing to use models with disabilities.
Eric and Auti are getting ready to visit Auti’s father. They talk about how Auti can forgive her father, but she can’t forget he wasn’t there when her mom died. Eric tries to explain what her dad may have been going through with her accident and her mom’s death at such a young age. Auti thinks her dad may need some closure too.
Angela and Cody have dinner together. He thinks it’s nice to have a nurse there for Angela and he just be the boyfriend, but he knows that’s not always possible. Angela feels normal for once and thinks they may actually be able to have a life together.
Auti had a tough father. He was angry a lot when she was little. She wants to forget the past and she’s determined to make a relationship work with him. They meet and have an emotional hug together. Her dad has all these great memories of Auti. He tells Auti he wished they could have sat down and talked about their pain when her mom and his wife died. Auti explains to him that she felt like she lost both parents. He tells Auti how he would get in her mom’s closet and sleep with her clothes for six months after she died and he couldn’t see her pain because of the pain he was going through. They were both happy to get things off their chest. He will be going to her film premiere and tells her he’s proud of her.
Auti is at her movie premiere and her dad hasn’t shown up yet. She thought her dad had changed and she got that old feeling that he was going to let her down again. He shows up at the last minute and Auti can finally breathe a sigh of relief. Everyone she loves is there to share her accomplishment. It was an emotional experience for Auti. She met one of her goals, being an actress. Her dad tells Auti her mom would be so proud of her.
This series has been one of inspiration for me. If these women can accomplish their goals in their situations, then there is no reason for us able-bodied people not reaching ours.
People magazine did an article on Angela’s modeling career. Here’s the link.
by NMD and Boston
It was a wild and crazy time on the set of Real Housewives of New York. Sonja had her mind strictly on business:
Looking into the business niche of bidet salons.
Meanwhile, Heather tries to find a way to tell Luann that everyone knows about the Pirate booty.
But can’t overtalk Luann – so she decides to tell Aviva what to do instead.
Thank you Boston for a sneak peak into the Housewives of New York.
“How Did I Get From There to Here?”
Poor Carole Radziwill. Back when she was filming the fifth season of the Real Housewives of New York, she must have been thinking, “How did I get here? What was I thinking?”
Going back to the time right after Bravo fired Jill Zarin, Kelly Bensimon, Alex McCord and the other one, Andy Cohen must have decided to approach his good friend Carole about being a housewife one last time. It’s been reported that he had been trying to get her on the show previously and she kept declining.
Here’s how I imagine the conversation transpired between Andy and Carole. Please note this conversation is merely a figment of my imagination:
Andy: Hey, Carole. I have a proposition for you.
Carole: Andy, I’ve already told you I’m not going to be on that lame housewife show of yours.
Andy: But Carole, the public has spoken. We’ve been reading the most popular blog about the housewives, LynnNChicago. She and her followers have been grumbling about last season and are clamoring for someone who’s the real deal. Not a wannabe like Shrill Zarin. Plus, we need someone who will take the Countess down a few pegs since they won’t be happy she wasn’t fired along with the others.
Carole: But Andy, I have nothing in common with those women. I’m a serious journalist, the widow of a real prince, I’ve hobnobbed with the Kennedys, and I’m already a best-selling author. What’s in it for me?
Andy: Plenty, Carole. First, being on Real Housewives will surely re-invigorate the sales of your book “What Remains.” And aren’t you writing another book and in talks about a possible tv deal? Think about the free advertising you’ll get marketing it on the show.
Carole: True. But Andy, I still have nothing in common with these women. I’m not married, I don’t have kids, and the others are not exactly on the same intellectual level as me, if you get my drift. In fact, I don’t think any of them even have a sense of humor. How will we communicate with each other?
Andy: Just look at it as a social experiment, Carole. Think how everyone will love your observations about the show in your Bravo blogs. You will come out looking smarter, wittier and cooler than the other women without even breaking a sweat. I promise you won’t get a bad edit and eventually you’ll be able to write another book about this. And the pay’s not bad either.
Carole: (Sigh) Ok, Andy. You’ve talked me into it. I mean, how bad could it possibly be?
Well . . . . .
Did George Clooney do Carole?
On last night’s episode, Sonja mentioned how cute Carole’s ass was, and said “No wonder Clooney did her for a year.”
A quick google search turns up …. Nothing. She may have interviewed him -but that’s about it. Hopefully she’ll spill on this.
I don’t kiss and tell but if I did tell I’d say Clooney was a very good kisser.
Carole’s Tweets from Last Night
OCCUPY ME Tee’s: http://www.etsy.com/shop/GIRLJETBOY?ref=search_shop_redirect … OCCUPY JOHNNY DEPP Tees: contact
HousewivesGames sounds good. DM the name.
Ok I know I’d get in trouble for saying “Girls trip” at my m&m lunch.
No one shows up at the party except for Capt Jack. Awkward.
Okay here we go!!!!! How many x’s can a Countess say Johnny Depp…? Count.
Rabblerouser found the retreat! Anyone want to pitch in for a Lynnfam get together? A mere $10 000 to $20 000 a night. I’m sure my hubs won’t notice the charge on our credit card.
Happy Birthday Twoile