Housewife News by NoMoreDrama
I don’t know what to believe when it comes to the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Hollywood Life is reporting that a source has told them that Joe Giudice hit on Melissa when she was first dating Joey Gorga. The source also said that Melissa found him creepy. Here are some of the quotes: “He always complimented the way [Melissa] sings,” the source claims. “He told her she makes the most beautiful pregnant woman. He complimented her style, too.” I call B.S. If my brother-in-law said those things to me, I’d think he was being kind. Seriously. If that’s the best this source has got!!
But wait, there’s more. . Radaronline is claiming to have photos and an eyewitness to Joe’s cheating in Vegas. “I walked into Harrah’s bar around five in the morning and saw Joe Giudice conversing with a young girl,” Rosie exclusively told RadarOnline.com. “I know it wasn’t Teresa. She looked more like a working girl, although I can’t prove it. They walked out of the bar together to a more secluded area in the casino and played the slot machines for a bit.” There were a bunch of photos. They all seemed fuzzy to me. Read full story here
It is so hard not to make fun of Jill Zarin. So very hard. She’s taken to twitter about her “big” return to Bravo. She just can’t stop talking about it. So when someone tweeted her the following, she couldn’t help herself. “Ask Andy if I begged or was invited. Ask him. Ask him. Andy – uhhhh- she asked (and asked and asked and asked and I needed filler) so I invited. And remember how I had a twitter conversation with Simon van Kempen about how Andy could edit the interview. It seems like Jillzy has finally realized that Andy controls the interview. Ruh roh!
Photos by Boston
Survivor Philippines Oct 10, 2012 by MelTheHound
Create a Little Chaos
Welcome back… Here’s where we stand kids.
Kalabaw (Water Buffalo) Tribe (red)
- Sarah Dawson, 28, Silver Spring, Maryland, insurance salesperson
- Katie Hanson, 22, Newark, Delaware, 2011 Miss Delaware
- Jeff Kent, 44, Austin, Texas, former Major League Baseball All Star
- Dana Lambert, 32, Winston-Salem, North Carolina, cosmetologist
- Carter Williams, 24, Shawnee, Kansas, coach
- Jonathan Penner – Third time through- Evac’d last time with an infection.
Matsing (Monkey) Tribe (Blue)
- Malcolm Freberg, 25, Hermosa Beach, California, bartender
- Denise Stapley, 41, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, therapist
- Russell Swan – Carried out last time due to dehydration
Tandang (Rooster) Tribe (Yellow)
- Abi-Maria Gomes, 32, Los Angeles, student
- Roberta “RC” Saint-Amour, 27, New York, banker
- Artis Silvester, 53, Terry Town, Louisiana, computer engineer
- Lisa Whelchel, 49, Dallas, former star TV’s “The Facts of Life”
- Peter “Pete” Yurkowski, 24, Holmdel, New Jersey, engineering graduate
- Michael Skupin – Returning player who passed out and burned the skin off of his palms after falling into a fire.
Last week, We lost the beauty pageant queen from Utah, Angie when her Matsing tribe once again blew the challenge for a third straight time. Back at the camps, Day 9, we first see Matsing since they are the ones who can’t seem to win anything. It isn’t for lack of effort there is just some dead weight there. Dead weight that can’t pull his own ass out of the water up a ladder. Dead weight that claims he almost ‘died’ for this game (as he reminds us for the 998th time).
Can we talk a second? Please, Russell, Cut the bullshit. You almost died because you were a dumbass and didn’t drink enough water and passed out. That’s what got your butt carted off of the island. Besides, I doubt you almost died. You are constantly surrounded by people including medics and there is usually a camera crew with you so please, kill the drama.
Anyway, it’s pouring rain, their fire went out, and they can’t get another one started. Later they are yucking it up about how they have to get it together, they have to win one or another one is going home. Denise notes that when there are three people in a group, one is always out and she has to bring everything she has to council or she’s going home. While Malcolm and Denise are trying to relax again, Russell is on the hunt for the immunity idol. The cameras show him pass by it at least a dozen times (so I guess they didn’t use it for kindling) and he still can’t find it. Has anyone ever lost their glasses only to discover they are wearing them? That’s kind of what this reminds me of. Russell even notes in his TH that it’s probably right in front of him, people are screaming there it is, pick it up! Yet, he never finds it. When there is a break in the rain, Denise comes back from gathering wood and sees Russell trying to hide something. He makes an excuse but Denise is suspicious that he may have found the idol. They search though his stuff in the shelter, no idol. They figure the best thing to do is blindside him and let him leave holding the idol, if he has it.
Over at Tandang, Peter (who is quite sneaky) has taken the hidden immunity idol clue (remember that Abi already has the idol), and strategically placed it among RC’s belongings in order to stir drama. He hasn’t told anyone he did this but it creates a rift and the final straw between RC and Abi who, no longer wants anything to do with RC. I kind of feel bad for RC here because she didn’t do what she’s being accused of by Abi. I kind of know what that feels like. Only Peter and of course Abi know that the idol has been found. Lisa has kind of become the sounding board for RC who is wondering, WTF just happened. Abi is talking about how she can no longer trust RC because ‘RC’ let the clue slip out. Umm, Pot – Kettle – Black. Lisa and RC also talk but Lisa notes in Her talking head, she’s just going to blow a little oxygen on the fire between RC and Abi (as well as the rest of them). So far, just noting this, Lisa has had it pretty easy in this game.
Meanwhile, the rain has stopped and we pay a visit to the Kalabaw (red) camp. The men are in the lagoon digging for clams and they discuss being a 3 person alliance and getting rid of the women first. Remember last week, Penner told Jeff that he has the idol so Jeff thought it in his best interest to partner up with the guy he originally wanted gone first. He says he doesn’t care which veteran was on his team, that had to be the first to go. Now that Penner has the idol of course, that has changed. Carter, the third man on the team of course wants in too. The fact that the tribe is now gender separated isn’t lost on the women. So for fun, let’s count here. As it stands, total in the game, there are still 7 women, 8 men. Pre-merge. We’re going to keep that tally in mind for awhile.
Once they have 6 pots on the stands, they then have to swing a wrecking ball at them to break them. Once all 6 are broken, the game is over. First and second to do so, win immunity. Reward is also up for grabs. First place gets the fixings for a steak dinner including spices vegetables, and of course, the utensils to cook it with. Second place gets some utensils and some vegetables, no meat. Both prizes can be traded for a tarp. Loser, gets nothing but a trip to tribal council.
To navigate the course, they must step over on the way to deliver the pots and then crawl under on the return. Each player will go once to deliver two pots. Once all 6 are delivered, the entire team crawls back through the course so that one member can begin smashing the pots. I probably should have mentioned that with Matzing down three players, the other two had to sit out 3 players. All of the women from both teams were given a break. Denise is the only woman playing in this particular task.
The players swinging the wrecking ball are Malcolm, Artis, and Jeff, who is very late in the wrecking ball part of this. Red, (Kalabaw) isn’t looking very promising at this particular point but they quickly catch up. The way it shakes out is this. Artis wins it for yellow, it comes down to Malcolm and Jeff trying to smash their final pots. Both miss a couple times but in what I call a bit of a freak swing of the wrecking ball on the way back down, Red’s final pot is broken. Once again, Matzing is on the way to Tribal Council. I can’t say it was for lack of trying and in this case, I can’t blame the loss on anyone in particular. Yellow, of course will be enjoying their steak dinner, Red opts to stay dry and trades their prize for a tarp. After all, they have the good fishing kit complete with a canoe.
Russell, pulls a bitch move in my opinion, and slams their final pot on the ground and begins bitching. ‘Same Old Crap’. SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSore loser much? Probst asks WTF as the others look on in amazement at this tantrum (I think he just wrote his ticket home) and Russell thinks that because he tried his hardest, he should have won. He complains to God that he can’t seem to pull out a win. Sorry dude, that’s the way the rice pot shatters. You don’t always get your way. That’s pretty much what Probst said too. Russell says he’s a guy who was formed by God’s hands, and he is a perfect creature (cough cough, bullshit cough cough). For what it’s worth, I remember a couple weeks ago when Roxy was laying on the beach praying for a win, Denise in her TH said it’s okay to ask for guidance but God isn’t going to help any of them win. That’s on them (paraphrasing). Have I mentioned that I like this woman’s attitude and drive? Okay, enough of Russell’s tantrum.
Matzing returns to camp and of course, the talk of who to send home commences. Russell wants to get rid of Denise and keep the two ‘athletes’ in the game for strength. Malcolm pretends to agree. Of course, he tells Denise he’s voting Russell. Denise tells Malcolm that she’s voting Russell and whatever happens, happens. Russell and Denise are on the beach talking, and here comes the Hallmark moment (thank you, cocfarm). Russell tells us a story of when he was 8, he was jumped and beaten up by a couple other kids. Schoolyard scrap type stuff. He says for a long time, he was afraid until he caught one of them and punched him in the face and the kid started crying. That kind of shocked Denise, I don’t really know why but Russell says at that point, he wasn’t scared anymore. (been there myself)
The discussion turns to how are they going to vote and I don’t think anything was resolved. Each of the tribe thinks they are the swing vote, I think except for Denise, she has it in her mind that she’s voting Russell out. The way it shakes out is anything can happen. Earlier Denise noted she didn’t want this to go to a ‘rock vote’ (which I’ve never seen) so she would like to know where things stood. I think that’s why she was talking to Russell to begin with. I think she has him convinced she’s voting Malcolm. Before they head off to council, Denise notes that if she gets ‘bamboozled’, SHE screwed up and the guys played the game better than she did. Either way, three are leaving for council, two will return.
At council, the questions begin. Malcolm notes that if they aren’t saying different things to each other regarding the votes, they aren’t playing the game. Probst asks Russell about his outburst and he says that he has the right to expect perfection from himself every single time. Probst asks Malcolm who put him into the go to spot of swinging the wrecking ball. Malcolm takes responsibility for that and once again, throws himself under the buss for the loss. He missed the final pot twice. This may work amongst this tribe, but after the merge, he may want to stop doing that, especially if playing in teams (which they tend to do after the merge). The question comes up of why send Denise home… The answer? If she is there at the end, she’ll get the jury votes for the win (Russell). It’s nice that they really can’t come up with anything bad to say about her but Really? Just to make sure she doesn’t get the prize, I assume over either of them. Why should Malcolm stay? Because he has 20 years on Russell and a foot in height on Denise who, he says, is ‘an Ox of a woman’. I think he meant that as a compliment. Either way, both Russell and Malcolm believe that Denise is the biggest social threat in the game.
Vote time and let’s wrap this up… Russell goes first and votes for Malcolm. Malcolm goes second and votes for Russell. That leaves the decision to Denise. Since she cannot and would not vote for herself, One of those two is leaving.
With only two players left on Matzing (blue) there HAS to be a mix up of some sort. Each of them were talking as if they stayed, they knew they would be going to a new tribe. Probably split up but for both of them, they will be starting over, unless, Probst just merges the tribes. Keep in mind here, the Matzing Idol has yet to be found. Will they find it before changes are made and if so, do hidden idols travel with players into the merge? At any rate, I would not want to be in either of their positions right now. This is the end of day 10 my castaway friends.
See you next week when it looks like there will be another medical evac and until then,
Watch episodes here
Life After Top Chef – Episode 2 by Keida
Still in Aspen, Richard and Jenn are going to run the 5k charity run. Fabio and Jacopo arrive in a little red wagon. Jenn’s never run before, and already Blais is beating himself up. What a perfectionist. Jacopo pulled Fabio for the entire race! And then cut to Spike just waking up in his lovely bed back in his hotel room. After this, Blais heads home. Fabio is the ultimate schmoozer. He and my dad would get along great. Jenn checks out the drinks tent. Spike also happens to be there. There are a ton of great chefs there. Tom Colicchio and Gayle are also there doing a demonstration. Spike is on a panel! For real? Plus, he’s on there with Jacques Pepin! Jenn is at the demo with Tom and Gayle. Back to his panel Spike discusses the secret of being a tv chef. Back in Atlanta, Blais visits one of his partner restaurants. He has the chefs there do a tasting for him. This restaurant was great. Off to check the next one.
Okay, Fabio is in his car and on his way to an event. He’s on the phone with a woman who is handling the charity event for her Greek Orthodox church. She asks Fabio when he expects to arrive, but he tells her don’t freak out. What? She didn’t sound freaked out. They end their conversation and Fabio explains that women tend to choose ways to communicate that usually p*ss him off. What a jerk. The woman calls back and tells him she’s offended for him to say she’s freaking out when he’s never even met her. Fabio calms her down, she imagines he’s apologized, but OH NO, Fabio didn’t apologize because he didn’t say anything wrong. I like Fabio, but he seems a little patronizing here.
In DC, Mike Isabella goes out with Spike for an early brunch. Spike discusses his next business. Jenn heads to Charlestown Food & Wine Festival. Even though she doesn’t have backers for her restaurant, she’s going to honor her commitments. That’s a true pro. Although, holding onto a side of lamb on the back of a golf cart doesn’t scream professional.
Back in the car, Fabio gets a call from the producer of his internet show Chow Ciao who asks where he is. Funny, he doesn’t tell this guy to stop freaking out. At the offices, he meets with the producer and others, but gets a call from his mother. She surprises him by speaking English. After this meeting, Fabio calls the father of the church that he’s doing the charity for. He complains about the girl Alex. Seems a little jerky.
At the 2nd Flip restaurant, Blais checks on the staff. This place doesn’t look nice. The kitchen looks gross, the food looks greasy, and Blais is concerned. He doesn’t like the food. He sits down the chefs and asks the chefs what’s wrong with the dishes. Then he asks them if they’re mad at him. Huh?! That was weird. He’s the lead chef. It just seemed weird. Back to Jenn, she’s explaining why her backers backed out, which was because she wanted more ownership. That would have to suck to be the name, the chef, and not own controlling interest of your restaurant. She’s right. Back in LA, Fabio arrives at the church and is nervous to meet Alex. He’s avoiding her, and she’s talking smack to her girlfriends. That’s unprofessional. Maybe Fabio was right. He starts the cooking lesson and of course he gets interrupted by a phone call. Mmmm, this chicken looks good. When Fabio is on, he’s ON. This is the Fabio everyone loves. He’s a professional.
Spike can play the piano?! Interesting. Spike has a new turtle, Fabio. Yes that’s his turtle’s name. He is mirroring Fabio, the guy not the turtle, who talks to his turtle. That’s not weird. It’s a pet. I talk to my plants. Spike’s mom shows up at his house. Of course his mom criticizes Spike’s cooking. She’s the boss. They immediately talk business. Aww! His sister’s little baby girl is gorgeous!!! What a cute baby! Supper is a lovely family meal with teasing, laughing, and love. I love those kind of meals. Back to Blais’ house, Jazmin is sulking about his lack of home life. I’m sorry, but give the guy a break. He busts his butt for you and the kids, and you’re not being supportive. Sorry, this is not for me to comment on. I can’t imagine the pressure that their family is under. Jenn and many chefs are enjoying each others’ company. Back to Fabio. He goes to a fast food place. Really!? While in line he updates his twitter. He eats in his parking lot. Poor thing, he seems so burned out and lonesome eating his food alone in the parking lot. Ah, the glamorous life. The next morning he’s on his phone again. He cannot relax because he’s still bummed about the situation with Alex. Because of this, he’s taken a sick day. He gets a visit from his life coach. How LA! This guy also acts as a chiropractor. He’s definitely stressed.
Jenn has a fabulous apartment! It’s spacious with a great view. At least, I think it’s her apartment. She has a very close relationship with her dad and heads over to visit her parents. Her mom has had a stroke, so she’s still not back to 100%. They bicker a bit back and forth. I love that between parents. Playful bickering, not for real. Jenn rehabs her mom a bit. Sweet. Her dad shows a bit of worry on his face. He’s definitely being brave by covering with snark. What a sweet guy, sincerely.
Flipping Out – Bad Move By Keida
The house where they are currently living is West Knoll. They are moving to Spring Oak, and Grammercy is their dream home. Jeff is loving this move. He especially loves that there’s a pool at Spring Oak. Of course, when ordering lunch, Jeff advocates that Jenny be on the LA diet, don’t eat. Yeah right. Jeff and Jenny then head to his grandmother Patty’s house. They are going to do a remodel for her. Since his mother died when he was 18, she seems like a surrogate mother. Her first words on the show are, “Jenny, I hate my grandson.” Yep, she’s related to Jeff. Jeff is already taking control. Her furniture looks very 1960s. Jeff teases her a bit with a bad painter who’s cheap at least. She tells him, “Now’s not the time to get cheap.” Yeah! He warns her that there will by many workers coming in and out of her house, and she warns them not to let out her dog, “Or I will slit their throats.” Oh-kay… In Grammercy, Jeff has his sister-in-law and her partner looking through the house. He’s getting their informal appraisal of the house. He’s going to sell it?! Jenny astutely says that Jeff is in love with the flip, and Grammercy will allow him to revive that business again. They all decide that if they sell it, they’ll sell it for $2.995 million. Of course, Jeff hasn’t said anything to Gage about it. Instead he overhears. Jeffrey, what a douche! Sorry, but I don’t know how to say it any nicer. That was a plain low, dirty move. Back at Spring Oak, Jeff is deciding where people’s desks/office space will go, but Gage is not into it. I’m wholeheartedly on Gage’s side. Who cares that Jeff has bought the house with his own money. They are together, which entitles Gage to a little appraisal of what direction their lives are going to take. They both need to sit down and talk this out.
Zoila and Jenny head to the dress store, so that Zoila can try on her dress. Jenny’s sister Krissann looks JUST LIKE HER! I like the dress that Jenny chose. I like that they can wear it in many different ways. Jenny is working with a trainer, and of course, Jeff has to hassle her about it. Love that Jenny says that he’s just jealous that he’s not putting on a wedding dress. See, I told you.
While packing their house, Jeff begins the purging process. He needs to come clean my house. Although, why’d he throw away half a box of Cheerios?! The move is going like clockwork. Gage is being left behind, or at least he’s dragging his feet. Jeff and Jenny both say that Jeff used to move many times a year. I couldn’t see doing that. How would you have roots? You need a home, a heart for your family. It’s funny that he doesn’t feel the same way. Jeff knows that Gage is upset, so he gives him a room for an office instead of giving it to Zoila. She calls him a beetch. Gage is milking this a little, but I’m still on his side.
Andrew, Vanina, and Jeff head to Patty’s. Andrew butters her up with some flowers. Just like a mother, she shows family pictures of Jeff. Wow! Jeff’s mom is BEAUTIFUL. Jeff looks like a stuck-up jock in high school. The first bump in the road is Patty’s drapes. She does not want to let those ugly things go. I’m on Jeff’s side. Get new ones!
Jenny is getting her wedding dress designed by Marc Bower. I don’t like him! He criticized a girl on America’s Next Top Model about being a plus sized model. He’s a sizist jerk. BUT, that gown he’s designed for Jenny is GORGEOUS!!! Looking at homes in Malibu, Jeff seems to be foaming at the mouth to get back into the flipping game. Jenny describes it as an addiction. I wonder what he’s compensating for. While furniture shopping for Spring Oak, Jeff is loving it. Vanina makes a joke about not moving to Grammercy. Did I mention that I don’t like her? In the car ride on the way home, Jeff flips on Gage. He basically tells Gage that this is how it is and you should be grateful. He doesn’t respect Gage. That’s where I’d start think about leaving. If you don’t respect me as an equal partner, then why am I here? I’m not arm candy, and neither is Gage. Jeff, wake up. Gage, you deserve better. Either demand it or it’ll never happen. Whoa, have I overstepped my bounds? I mean these are real people in real relationships.
Zoila is not into the bridal bootcamp session. Well, I guess Jeff bought the $300 chrome stools. What a waste of money. Instead of talking with Gage, Jeff takes some of his frustration on Zoila. Since he’s sulking, Gage’s punishment is to stay at Spring Oak and finish the house. This is definitely displaced anger. In the car, Jeff says that if he breaks up with Gage, he’ll get a blowup doll. For real, Jeff? What are you doing? Are you still in high school? There’s a showdown at Grandma Patty’s. The drapes. Ugh. In less than 5 minutes it’s over. Really? She backed down that fast? Hmm, maybe she’s mellowing. In the car ride home, Jeff checks in on Gage and FLIPS OUT about things not getting finished at Spring Oak. Just finishing stuff, like picture hanging and other stuff. Calm down Jeff. You know, this looks familiar. I think I’ve had freak outs like that too. When things aren’t going just so, then I will start cussing up a storm. Why? I don’t know.
Back at Spring Oak, things seem calm. Gage took care of the little details that Frank couldn’t finish. There’s major tension in the house. Of course, Jeff being 16 starts talking about Gage behind his back to Vanina and Andrew. Finally, he puts on his big girl panties and talks to Gage. Calmly and maturely. He begins with thanking Gage for his work on Grammercy. Gage brings up the baby. Where would a baby fit in at Spring Oak. Quickly, Jeff says that it’s going to have to be postponed. He needs to take advantage of these opportunities now, and that needs to be his priority. Gage’s face drops. He says that he’s okay with selling Grammercy, but he’s not. He wants a family, a child, and he wants these with Jeff. Jeff is still 16. He needs to figure out what he wants because I don’t think Gage is going to live without having a family.
Duck Dynasty – Season 2
Grass and the Furious & Driving Miss Sadie
Back-to-Back Episodes by Stars99
Grass and the Furious
The season opens with Willie, the CEO of Duck Commander and his brother Jase shopping at a hardware store. Jase asks Willie if he could only have one weapon in the woods – what would it be? Willie decides he would want a ninja throwing star. Jase says, “Willie has this obsession with ninjas.” But Jase launches into Captain Bringdown mode and says, “You don’t have the body type for a leotard… I think there’s a weight limit for ninjas.” Jase continues talking about Willie, “When he takes off running, he looks like two possums fighting over a dead squirrel in a tow suit. I think he’s more like a sumo wrestler than a ninja.”
Outside in the parking lot, they meet up with their childhood friend, Phillip McMillan who challenges them to a riding lawnmower race that’s happening in a few days. Jase explains, “You can talk a redneck into any challenge. That’s why so many rednecks die in such strange ways – cuz he would rather die than be disrespected.” Jase and Willie go back to Duck Commander headquarters and they start talking about the challenge to the guys who are there making the duck calls. They all agree that they hate Phillip McMillan cuz one of the workers said that Phillip had stolen his favorite hat one time – and as a result his head got sunburned. Willie chimes in that Phillip made fun of his beard. Si, Willie and Chase’s uncle, holds up two fists and says, “Never insult a man’s beard, ‘cause you’ll either get ‘Thunder’ (the name of the 1st fist) or ‘Lightening’ (the name of the 2nd fist) – either one.” As a result of all this information, when Willie told them about the lawnmower race challenge – they were all up for it. They decided they had to leave work that very minute to gather their lawnmowers and take them over to Willie’s house to figure out which one is the fastest.
Meanwhile, at Phil and Miss Kay’s house (Willie and Jase’s parents) – Miss Kay is showing the granddaughters how to make gumbo – but Phil knows instantly that something is up. Miss Kay is blackmailing Phil with gumbo so that he will put together a country cottage playhouse for the granddaughters. After spending some time with several of his granddaughters, Phil is thankful he and his wife had all boys… cuz the girls are just so overwhelming to him and he wonders if there is any hope for them because of their girliness. Of course he decides put the cottage together without directions. I mean, who needs directions? After he’s done, the granddaughters say that it really doesn’t look like the picture on the box. Then one of them made a comment that there weren’t any windows. Being solution oriented, Phil whipped out a chainsaw and cut a convenient window right through the side of the roof of the cottage. One of granddaughters called the structure their duck blind – and so they decorated the outside of the cottage with branches, etc. for camouflage – just like you would a duck blind. They pretended to be duck hunters just like their daddies. This made grandpappy proud and he figured the granddaughters would be fine after all. He offered a crisp $1 bill to anyone who successfully shot one of the of the duck decoys along the rail with the beebee gun. At first no one was successful but with a little bit of coaching, Mary finally hit the mark… and made sure she got the money. Phil boasted, “Ladies and gentlemen, one yuppie girl moved just a little bit closer to bein’ a redneck.”
The entire Duck Commander Workforce participated in the Riding Lawnmower Time Trials that was meant to test the lawnmower’s motor as well as each participant’s driving skills and their overall driving demeanor. They all were riding mowers of all sizes and levels of repair and all of the mowers were made before 1995. One guy even brought his push mower cuz he didn’t even own a riding lawnmower. The push lawnmower man was actually doing really well and almost won the whole thing before he tripped and did a face plant into the ground. Of the experience, Jase says, “Do I feel stupid? Oh yeah, I’m on a lawnmower in Willie’s backyard with other grown men. Would I rather look stupid or be disgraced by a redneck? – I’ll take stupid every day.”
It was determined that Willie’s lawnmower was the best and so they decided to take it back to the shop and work on it to give it more power. Willie says, “You get a redneck workin’ on a mower, and you’re gonna get something awesome. You get five rednecks working on a mower, and you’re gonna get something epic.” After working on the mower for a while… and tearing it completely apart almost beyond repair, they figured out that they actually knew someone who professionally built lawnmowers. Willie is exasperated that this information didn’t come out earlier – and he was told that it was because they really didn’t want to go back to work building duck calls that day.
The day of the lawnmower race, they show up to the venue with a lawnmower they borrowed from their friend Jimmy Red. They know his mower is fast as crap and they are super confident they’re gonna win…. That is until they see Phillip McMillan’s mower. Then they saw the track on which the race was going to be held. Then they saw the other drivers and their lawnmowers. Willie said, “When I accepted Phillip’s challenge, I didn’t know that death could occur. I’m not quittin’ cuz I’m not a quitter – but I am a little concerned.” Willie confidently put on his American flag helmet and stared certain death right in the face. The race started…. And Willie is driving on the inside of the track like 8 mph while the others are zipping by and lapping him. The guys on the other lawnmowers are described as “supersonic fast” The only thing going on in Willie’s mind is, “Just don’t die – cuz then Phillip will win.” Phillip then has some severe engine trouble and is barely able to remain in the race. This gives Willie great hope – cuz he figures he doesn’t have to actually win the race – he just has to beat Phillip. The race announcer declared, “It’s nail biting to see who can take LAST place.” Willie doesn’t win… but he beats Phillip! Woo hooOOoooo! Willie was terrible – but at least he didn’t take last!
Driving Miss Sadie
Today is the day that Willie’s daughter, Sadie is scheduled to take her driver’s test. Willie is taking Sadie on a driving lesson in the Duck Commander parking lot. He’s trying to teach her how to parallel park by using a saw horse and garbage cans as markers. The employees are sitting around the loading dock acting as the peanut gallery. She demonstrates she’s not so great at parallel parking. Everyone goes back to work.
Meanwhile, grandson John Luke brings his girlfriend, Emily, to meet his grandparents – Miss Kate and Papaw. He hems and haws as he’s talking to his Papaw, and finally stammers it out that he wants to take her out on the river to show her how to catch fish. Papaw Phil remembers what was on his mind when he was their age – and decides he’s gonna crash their date and go fishin’ with them. Papaw Phil says, “I think our culture needs more grandpas riding along with their grandson and his girlfriend.” As they’re boating, Pawpaw imparts some advice to his grandson, “John Luke – never touch her below the neck until you sign on the dotted line – that’s being a gentleman about it.” He admonishes them not to even entertain the thought of sex – no matter what you see on tv or on the movies. Phil thinks the worst thing would be if one of the grandkids came up to him told him they had herpes. He knows where that comes from. Then Papaw Phil starts listing off venereal diseases as he’s driving the boat. Emily can only utter, “Wow.” Then Pawpaw Phil imparts a pearl of wisdom, “Better a good day’s catch of fish than a lifetime of crabs.”
Si, Willie’s uncle, decides that it’s up to him to teach Sadie how to drive and so they sneak off. Willie comes out to the workshop looking for his daughter. Everyone is saying they haven’t seen her. But no one is looking him in the eye – and he knows something is up. He sees Si’s chair is empty. The next thing you see is Si driving with Sadie in the passenger seat – and Si is weaving back and forth across the road saying, “It’s on like Donkey Kong!”
Sadie says to Si, “Ummm, did you see that sign that said ‘35’?” Si responds, “What about it?” Sadie reluctantly says, “You’re going 55.” Si clarifies the posted speed limit by saying, “Awww, that’s just a suggestion.” Si helpfully tries to consolidate the rules of the road into 3 handy rules to remember. First, he tells her she has to put her hands on the 3:00 and 9:00 o’clock position on the steering wheel. Sadie isn’t so sure about that one, but she is too polite to contradict him. The second rule according to Si, is that you have to establish your dominance. When driving, you always have to be on offense – never on the defense. And the third rule of the road according to Si, is that you should always have iced tea on hand to keep yourself refreshed. He throws in another piece of pertinent information – that she has to pay attention to the people around her because as he says, “You see those pedestrians right there? I might have killed them both if I hadn’t been paying attention to them.” They pull into the Duck Commander parking lot and her dad Willie was pacing up and down the parking lot. Dad Willie wants to know if she had learned anything from Si. Sadie said, “Pedestrians need to watch out.” Si interjects that it’s a dangerous world out there. Sadie also said that Si told her from his days in Vietnam, that you could get a pretty good fightin’ chicken for under $20. Dad Willie warned Sadie, “If you’re gonna pass this driving test… you have to forget whatever he told you.”
Meanwhile, back at dating headquarters, Papaw Phil is gutting a fish right in front of Emily. Miss Kay comes in and says that it reminds her of their dating days. Papaw Phil says, “I think when you clean fish, it’s a great first date. It’s romantic.” Later, Miss Kay is showing Emily how to cook fish. She is impressed that Emily wants to learn. She lets her in on a secret that the way to a Robertson man’s heart is through his stomach. She says that all you hear about is sex, sex, sex – but you can only have sex for a little while. She logically reasoned out that you have breakfast, lunch, dinner and all kinds of snacks in between – thus demonstrating how much more time is spent eating versus the time in just having sex. Miss Kay also imparts another great hint, “It never hurts to have a good pan of cornbread.”
Willie is determined to teach Sadie how to drive and sets up a duck decoy obstacle course. He even bribes her that for every duck decoy that she DOESN’T hit – she will receive $20.00. He gets in the car with her, and her hands are at the 9:00 and 3:00 o’clock position on the steering wheel just like Si had taught her. He corrects her, and she moves them to 10:00 and 2:00. In record time, Sadie demolishes all of the duck decoys – but fortunately, the wooden pedestrian is still safely intact. Uncle Jase decides it’s time for him to step in and teach her how to drive. After they make their getaway, he drives her into the woods to a jeep. Jase says, “Your redneck chariot awaits.” Jase asks Sadie if she felt comfortable driving at any point that day… and Sadie immediately said, “No.” Jase pointed out that she had spent all day in the parking lot practicing but that she hadn’t gotten any better. He welcomed her to the woods. He explained his thought process, that if you are thinking about too many rules that you will then forget the fun of driving.
Eager to show her uncle that she knows what she’s doing, Sadie puts her hands in the 10:00 – 2:00 o’clock position on the steering wheel and asks, “Looking good?” Jase responds, “No, you’re gonna hafta forget all of that. When you’re driving down the road and you have a flaming hot donut in your hand – you can’t be worrying about 10:00 – 2:00 o’clock… You’re trying to drive and eat your hot donut. Look, there’s no rules here… just fire it up.” Jase describes that he is giving her the art of driving according to the woods. She begins to drive – and she’s feeling the freedom – they’re flying through the woods. Jase says, “I’m trying to supply her with confidence… with freedom… and… safety.” Famous last words as they truly go off-roading headfirst down a bank into a water-filled ditch.
They arrive back to Sadie’s house really late – too late for her to take her driver’s test. Her mom and dad are there – and talk about trying to reschedule it for later that day. Sadie wisely assesses her own driving ability by pointing out that she hit 8 duck decoys, knocked over a trashcan and drove into a ditch… and that postponing her driving test might be the best possible solution. After she leaves, her dad and her uncle comment about what a terrible driver she is… Uncle Jase says that she’s, “Hide the puppies terrible.” Dad Willie agrees.
Willie concludes, “I’m angry – but in this family, you gotta learn to get the positives out of anything. Sadie came back alive – positive. She missed her driving test – positive. She won’t kill anyone on the streets for another week – positive!” He then decides he needs to figure out how to get some armor for the car.
Couple’s Therapy Episode 2 by Lulu and her Husband
Opens where it left off the previous episode. Nik and Doug have a heated exchange over Doug and Courtney’s marriage. Thomas Carusso is there to keep the peace. Nik is quick to take cheap shots at Doug calls him a “child molester.”
Doug and Courtney’s therapy session
Topic: Darkest hour of their relationships
Doug and Courtney- An argument over yet again the way Courtney “dresses” brought negative attention. The fight escalated and Courtney said bad things to him that she regrets. He feels very insecure and that she will leave him for another man. Dr Jen is quick to point out it’s because of the way Courtney dresses.
Alex and Simon-A fight that escalated to the point that Alex said she wanted a divorce. Alex felt at that moment it was a “who gets the last word game.” Visibly you can see she is upset while Simon is emotionally shut down and that is part of what makes Alex angry.
Jojo and Tiny- The moment Jojo was released from the hospital after one of his organs attacked him. His first request was to stop by a store and buy alcohol. Tiny lost it and berated him.
Nik and Shayne- Nik didn’t cut ties with all of his past girlfriends. After a month of marriage a women sent him a nude photo of herself. Shayne discovered it and lost it. This women is a sore spot in their marriage.
2 Short and Monica
2 Short’s professional image is that of a womanizer. He attracts all the wrong women. When he dated Monica they had a normal relationship but eventually she ended it. She couldn’t handle the constant attention 2 Short would get from women. He still loves her and seems like she loves him.
2 Short hits it off with all the men who know him one way or another. Nik is surprised that he would be there given his past behavior. When 2 Short meets Courtney he is shocked to hear how old she is and by the way she dresses. He’s seen many types of women from all walks of life. He comments that even a stripper doesn’t dress that way all the time only a child would.
Doug and Courtney
Dr Jen is wondering whether their relationship is pure. She asks them how they met. Courtney explains he was teaching an acting class. Over time they became very close and at one point Doug called Courtney’s mother to ask for her consent. Courtney’s family consented to their marriage. Dr Jen then asks why they didn’t wait till she was 21. Doug is quick to state that he couldn’t wait he was soo in love with her. She then tells Courtney that she presents herself in a hyper-sexual manner. I don’t think Courtney understood the question. Her response was that she likes to wear those type of clothing. The next question is was Courtney ever sexually molested. She is very quick to so No never. Something happened that’s for sure. The subject changes to Doug’s family. He voices how upset and devastated he is by his family disowninf them. Dr Jen wonders if their relationship is genuine or something destructive.
Nik and Shayne
Nik voices his passion for exposing people’s horrible secrets. Dr Jen feels the “dirty” is a factor in why their relationship is suffering. Nik feels his “site” is therapeutic and empowers people?? While Shayne is very uncomfortable with the “site” She hates his job and the nudity on the site. She asks that Nik takes down only the nude photos. Nik says no that’s how he makes money. She feels disrespected and in an act to punish him she goes on very expensive shopping sprees. Dr Jen voices that she needs to open up more to Nik and be vulnerable.
Dinner of Hell
Courtney sets the table in a barely holds everything in bikini. She flirts with Nik who pretends he is completely disgusted by her after all she is a “child.” At dinner Shayne asks her to cover up and of course she says no. Alex the voice of reason asks her if she dressed that way just to seek attention. Of course Courtney is quick to say no. I really don’t think she understood what Alex said. Honestly as a viewer I am questioning why are they on the show. All the other couples are sincere and then they add the one couple who are over the top. It’s killing the dynamic of the show since it’s continuously being centered on them.
Shayne questions why she is there. At that moment Thomas Carusso asks her if she needs to talk. She breaks down feels the environment is toxic. She is having major separation anxiety from her 8 month old daughter. At this point she just wants to leave.
Watched the opening sequence and was struck by a few things about both Nik and Doug as they went back and forth. That opening sequence set a subtext for the rest of the show.
In a limited way, I feel bad for Doug but also find fault with him. Having been to places where woman of significantly younger age are on the norm married to older men, I try to curb my own knee jerk reactions to this kind of relationship. Culture bias of the the concept can be pretty deep. So I try to be objective about the fact that a sixteen or seventeen year old whether we like it or not isn’t necessarily a child. But Doug is more paternal to his wife then spousal, a fact exacerbated by Courtney’s seeming stunted maturity. I could say Nik was out of line goading Doug about his wife. Yet it is hard to blame Nik when you see Doug acting more like a father not wanting to see anyone ‘hurt his baby girl’ rather then telling another married man to come on down off his faux moral superiority and deal with his own marriage problems.
Nik has some real issues, which are making him miserable and drove him to take out his frustrations on Doug. It wasn’t mentioned specifically in the segment, but Nik and Shayne had a daughter only eight months before this was filmed. So Nik not knowing any better is wading through the loneliness of being a first time father as he tries to figure out what happened to his marriage. Of course the answer is his wife had a kid, and nothing is ever going to be the same again. Sorry Nik, the cool, hip, married, fun young couple thing you had with Shayne is gone. You got something better, but also infinitely harder, fatherhood in a marriage. Also with the post pregnancy body issues his wife is having, the anxiety, etc, it must totally suck to be Nik with a Courtney going about the house. Nik knows having to see Courtney can, and most likely will, be upsetting to Shayne as she unfairly judges her own-self. And dealing with Shayne’s reaction, real or imagined, as she perceives her husband reacting to how Courtney dresses is only going to make Nik even more miserable. Combine that with the candor Nik has to write with, and the photo materials for his blog, being at that house has got to be like wearing two shoes filled with broken glass for Nik, no matter how he steps he is getting hurt.
Group Therapy Session and New Arrivals
I don’t think that Alex gets her husband Simon completely. He isn’t being granite, that is male emotional pain right there that she isn’t quite registering. It is pretty obvious that on some points Simon, like most men myself included, does not have the emotional strength of woman. He wasn’t holding back, as much as he wasn’t able to share in the way she’d expected and wanted.
Jojo and Tiny have more an Irish Catholic marriage than anyone in my entire family. He’s was on the sauce, she is at the point of deciding between being a co-dependent and not trying to save his life anymore. It was a flashback to about half the married people that surrounded me as a kid. I think watching them for the remainder of the season will be a little hard, they remind me of the people I knew as a child making me fond of them, but I also remember where those people they remind me of have ended up.
I liked hearing the details of Monica and Todd’s relationship, and why they are on the show and what they are hoping to gain from it. You can just tell Monica is the smarter of the two, but at her wits end trying to figure out how Todd just ‘doesn’t get it’ when it comes to realize what an amazing woman she is, and how she can, and will walk on him. And it seems that Todd really doesn’t know either as he works out being himself, and being 2 Short still.
Getting back to the subtext set by the show opening. Wow, Courtney’s immaturity leads her to be a bigger emotional terrorist than my two year old. This girl really knows how she can use her appearance to draw attention to herself, and also how to inflict that on others lives. While she may not seem to have it all there up stairs, she played that entire dining room of people like Gary Kasparov would have a chess board. I’m not saying she is a Doctor Doom level mastermind or anything, but she damn well knew how to create drama for Nik and Shayne, and keep Doug wrapped around her finger. Everyone else at the table sort of looked like they just wanted to get going on with their lives, but were stuck watching the ‘Courtney’ train wreck. Wisely they chose to stay in the ‘shark tank’ and not get themselves involved with it.