Shahs MJ has done Time and Other News by NoMoreDrama
Well this is a first. MJ from Shahs of Sunset is more than a hot mess; she is also a felon. What was her crime? According to RadarOnline, while 18 and working as a bank teller, she was approached by four men who asked her to take part in a fraud scheme. The court documents show that she first refused to aid the men, but after they threatened her, her father, and her boyfriend, and she agreed to assist them. She made several deposits on behalf of the them, involving “monetary funds in excess of $100,000.” Because of the fraud she was denied a real estate license in the early 1990s, but after doing her time (one month in prison, house arrest and probation), getting a college degree, and doing community service she was allowed to get a license. I’m not really sure how I feel about this. On one hand she has done her time and deserves another chance – but on the other hand, was she hoping to keep this a secret, and if so, why did she go on a TV show.
Details from Bethenny Frankel’s divorce demands from Jason Hoppy surfaced yesterday with TMZ reporting that Bethenny filed for primary custody of their daughter Bryn, as well as child support and medical coverage. RadarOnline published a story later in the day with a source close to the situation quoted as saying, “Jason was blindsided by Bethenny’s request for primary custody of Bryn. The plan all along had been for them to have joint custody of the two year old. Jason believes that Bethenny has filed for primary custody so that if her talk show does shoot in Los Angeles, he won’t be allowed to object.”
Timeline Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Taylor’s Fake Birkin Handbags
Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Taylor Armstrong told viewers she was forced to hand over her wedding ring and Hermes bags (Birkins) to settle a lawsuit. According to Huffington Post this occurred around July 14th. They printed the story because her Hermes bags turned out to be fakes. The ring, with a canary yellow diamond was worth $250,000, which may explain why she teared up when she talked about having to hand it over.
This scene was supposed to take place a week after Kyle’s dinner party with Faye Resnick, according to Kyle – but her dinner party took place around May 23rd – when Yolanda was attending Donna Summer’s funeral.
Real Housewives of Vancouver Preview
They’ll be Back February 5th (although I guess we won’t be able to see it in the US). Here’s a preview.
RadarOnline is reporting that Network Executives were furious at Lisa Vandercamp for appearing on Good Morning America to promote her book and new show. GMA is in a fierce ratings war with NBC’s Today Show. The main story is that that RadarOnline again seems to have completely made up a story – at least according to Lisa. She tweeted: “Utter nonsense
@radaronline BRAVO coordinated the schedule and even came with me….”
Lisa was also on Say Anything with Joy Behar and talked about the perils of Reality TV on marriage. The clip is here.
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Episode 8 by BB
Now, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted by the holidays? Oh, yes. Brandi has publicly revealed a secret involving Adrienne Maloof that was so horrific it could not be repeated on television; or so Bravo has led us to believe. Anyway … someone feels it’s their civic duty to put Ms. Brandi in her place for this breach of confidentiality.
Under the guise of showing off her badly redecorated dining room, Kyle decides to throw Brandi under the bus. She does this by having the (according to Camille) morally corrupt Faye Resnick, who doesn’t even know Brandi, take her to task, while the others either sit there silently (Taylor), pile on (Kyle and to a lesser extent, Camille), or come to Brandi’s defense (Lisa and Marisa). By the way, in case you didn’t know it before now, Faye Resnick is not only morally corrupt, she’s also a bad interior designer, as can been evidenced by Kyle’s dining room. Brandi, who can’t take any more of Faye’s holier than thou attitude, decides to leave the torture chamber, I mean, dining room, via the kitchen. Continuing on …
Kyle (in her interview) says with a straight face that Faye was not trying to hurt Brandi. She runs out after Brandi, tries to comfort her, and tells her she doesn’t want her to leave so upset (I don’t believe a word coming out of Kyle’s mouth.) Lisa doesn’t appreciate Faye’s patronizing attitude towards her for defending Brandi, and reminds Faye just what Adrienne did to try to hurt her business. Faye thinks Lisa and Brandi are working as a team and Lisa gets Brandi to do her bidding for her. I could certainly say the same about Kyle and Faye. Poor, poor Kyle is in a bad place to be between Faye and Brandi. How many of you believe Kyle’s assertion that she’s caught between her two friends Brandi and Faye and has an allegiance towards them both? Please raise your hands. That’s what I thought.
After Lisa gets Brandi into a limo to send her home and she and Kyle go back in, Lisa decides it’s probably time for her to leave, also. I swear Kyle has a grin on her face when Lisa says some things aren’t that easy to fix. Kyle is eating this drama up like a hot fudge sundae.
Next we are at Taylor’s, who tells us she has so much going on in her life, she doesn’t have the energy for Brandi’s drama. Alisha, a psychic/clairvoyant from the Agape International Spirit Center (just for the record, it’s not a church as Taylor calls it), shows up to help Taylor get rid of the negativity in her life. Taylor mentions a connection between this “church” and Oprah. Sorry if anyone reading this is associated with this organization or psychic, but I just couldn’t keep a straight face watching this woman. I’m not sure Taylor is buying it either. The clairvoyant does all this “father is this?” and bending/jerking herself all around.
If I were Oprah or a member of this center, I would be a little embarrassed, but to each their own. This psychic is so good, she can predict that Taylor’s $1.5 million lawsuit will result in a settlement. They go through the house ringing bells and stuff and Taylor is pronounced blessed and protected. She promises to later tell Taylor what really happened with Princess Diana because she (Princess Diana) told her about it.
Mark, the Yoga instructor, is going to do some Yoga instructing with Kyle and Marissa. Marissa shows up and tells them she’s in the middle of a big deal and just came from the office. Kyle brings up the dinner party and Marissa says it was like high school and Kyle says it was more like elementary school. Well, Kyle has her friend Faye to thank for that. While they are doing their Yoga exercises, they talk about the Brandi/Adrienne comment situation. Kyle doesn’t think Brandi feels bad about it and tells Marissa so. Mark tries to get them on back on task. Marissa thinks Brandi is a cool girl and was friendly to her that night. She thinks Camille and Taylor were rude because they didn’t engage her or make her feel welcome. Marissa tells Kyle it wasn’t Faye’s fight to take on. I’m glad Marissa’s not tiptoeing around this stuff and says what she thinks. Kyle promises Marissa that the women are really fun and Marissa says that remains to be seen. Mark tells them both to stop talking. I’m with Mark.
Brandi and Lisa meet for some shopping. Brandi announces she doesn’t like Faye and she’s over it. Lisa tells Brandi Scheana wants to talk to her. Scheana has worked for Lisa for three years and Lisa has to be careful to try to keep Brandi and Scheana apart during social functions. Scheana had an affair with Eddie Cibrian while Brandi was pregnant. Brandi tells Lisa she has a problem feeling sorry for Scheana, but will meet with her for Lisa’s sake, not Sheana’s.
Most scripted scene of this episode. Taylor gets a call from her lawyer/married boyfriend John, who tells her some things have come up that have to do with the litigation. She’s blaming this lawsuit on Russell and says she’s responsible only because she also signed the settlement agreement. The lawsuit was brought on by Robert Lorsch of MMRGlobal. He’s suing for breach of the settlement agreement both Russell and Taylor signed. The proposal is that he gets her wedding ring and two Hermes bags to sell so he can try to recoup some of his losses. Taylor gets all upset and tells her married lover/lawyer that she cannot imagine someone having the guts to ask someone for their wedding ring. She has until the next day to decide. We all know she settles. I mean, what else was she gonna do?
Yolanda’s three kids show up for dinner and talk about their day. She’s making spaghetti Bolognese. Gigi mentions she misses playing volleyball. Yolanda reminds her that volleyball and modeling don’t mix. The workouts you do for volleyball are not conducive for a model’s physique. She tells Gigi she has to make a choice. Gigi asks her if she remembers when she used to wear athletic wear all the time and Yolanda says it made her wonder if she were a lesbian at the time. David comes in to have dinner and lets us all know how wonderful Yolanda is. Hey, Yolanda and David think each other are the most wonderful people in the world. If it works for them, it works. What can I say?
Brandi goes to visit Camille. They have grown close and Brandi says she loves her and Camille gives her good advice. (I wonder what happened because I don’t think they are BFFs at the present time.) Camille tells Brandi about trying to settle with Kelsey and the fact that her kids can’t say her name in his house. They talk about how their husbands are actors and have giant egos. Brandi wants to get Camille’s advice about talking to Scheana. Camille says if it gives Brandi closure it might be a good idea, but it probably wouldn’t be good to get too many details. Brandi thinks if she can go to therapy with Leann and Eddie, she can probably talk to this girl. Camille says if she’s going to keep seeing her when she goes to Sur, it would probably be a good idea to clear the air with Scheana. Camille wishes her luck.
Adrienne shows up at Paul’s office and tells him immediately she only has ½ hour then chastises him for putting her purse on the floor. She’s there to discuss a skin care line they want to market together. He tells her he’s done his research and she tells him she has too. I’ve noticed Adrienne is quite the one-upper with everyone. I’ve never seen anyone so competitive, even with her own husband. Adrienne wants to distance herself from “the girls” for a while and she uses the word “toxic” when referring to Brandi. Adrienne says Brandi has put a strain on their relationship. (I’m assuming she’s talking about Paul and herself.) That Brandi sure is one powerful chick if she is responsible for breaking up that marriage over one spoken comment. Man, I wish I knew what it was Brandi said.
Taylor and her married boyfriend/lover/lawer John meet Lisa, Ken, Kyle and Maury for dinner. It’s been two weeks since Ken’s surgery. Lisa says she’s glad to see Taylor laughing again and Taylor tells them she’s settled her lawsuit. She starts crying when she tells them they took her wedding ring and her two Hermes bags. Taylor is glad it’s over. Lisa tells her she’s glad because she’s seen her struggling and she’s proud that she’s turned a corner. Kyle tells her material things can be replaced. Taylor tells them they are all her friends. Kyle tells them she loves happy dinners. John tells Kyle he saw Kim at some club and Kyle is surprised. She tells them she wasn’t invited to Kim’s son’s Chad’s 21st birthday party. Kyle keeps telling them she’s fine with it. She doesn’t think she knows her sister that well anymore.
Lisa sits with Scheana before Brandi arrives for the talk. She tells Scheana she doesn’t have to meet with Brandi, but Scheana wants to get it out and get it over with. Lisa thinks this will be a good lesson for Scheana. Brandi arrives and Lisa gives her a hug. Lisa reminds Brandi Scheana was young and did a stupid thing.
Scheana tells Brandi she wants to get things off her chest. She starts off by telling Brandi she’s sorry and then she starts crying. Brandi tells her not to cry because she’s not the one who lost her family and lost everything. If someone is going to cry, it’s not going to be Scheana.
Brandi tells Scheana not to play the hurt person and not to cry about being hurt by Eddie. I think what got to Brandi the most was when Scheana went on Access Hollywood to whine about Eddie cheating on HER with Leann. This was while Brandi was pregnant with Eddie’s second child. Scheana tells Brandi things she didn’t know about her affair with Eddie, including how much they were together and which of Brandi’s friends knew about the affair, but claimed to Brandi they didn’t know anything about it. They both come to the conclusion that Eddie is a lying liar and Brandi says if he could act as good as he could lie, he would have 85 Oscars by now. Brandi tells Scheana how perfect her two little boys are and how she never wants them to be hurt. When Brandi talks about her kids, it finally hits home for Scheana how much Brandi has gone through. She tells Scheana she doesn’t hold her responsible and for her to never be the other woman again because she’s better than that. They agree they don’t hate each other. After Brandi leaves, the show segues into Vanderpump Rules.
Vanderpump Rules by Jen Freeman
After all the hype, Bravo finally delivered the debut of its newest “reality” show, Vanderpump Rules. Hoping to capitalize on the generous viewership, producers wove the first episode into/onto the Housewives of Beverly Hills. The Sur scenes began with Brandi Glanville agreeing to sit down with her ex’s mistress, Scheana, the newest member of the Sur waitstaff. Expecting the worst, Scheana bravely apologized and owned up to her part in the downfall of Brandi’s much-publicized divorce. Brandi was honest, and although originally reluctant to forgive, she actually controlled herself in the situation beautifully, and even left with a sweet -yet akward – shoulder pat on the relieved Scheana.
We were then introduced to the rest of the gorgeous staff, Guillermo (Lisa Vanderpump’s business partner), Peter the manager, Stassi (who previously dated Peter, but now lives with Jax), Jax the bartender, Kristen, and Tom who’s been dating Kristen for four years. As always, Bravo delivers beauty, sex, and drama with this new batch of stars. Scheana is the new girl on the scene, and the rest of the female staff treat her with catty eye-rolls, jealousy, and flat animosity. Between the few scenes of actual waiting on tables, Stassi cringes at any conversation or interaction between Jax and Scheana.
Stassi, who Lisa describes as a “jacked up, over zealous, cheeky ‘lil minx,” plainly states Scheana is a known liar and man-stealer, alludes to her earlier situation with Brandi’s ex-husband. She goes on to explain that she attended a private school in New Orleans and that Scheana is just not someone she would ever associate with. She later proudly admits that she intentionally is mean to new girls in an attempt to make them quit, such as in the scene where the staff has a sit-down to discuss the night’s tips and the tip-out policy. Scheana explains that it seems unfair that they all take the same tips, regardless of their personal contribution to the tip pool. Seeing as how Scheana was the best tip maker of the night and Stassi was the lowest, it comes as no surprise that Stassi thinks her ideas are ridiculously stupid and that she’s even out of line to express an opinion, despite Lisa having asked for their input. Fueling the fire, Lisa stays silent and allows Stassi to play her bitch role.
Later, Kristen – Tom’s live-in and Stassi’s best friend – boasts that everyone who comes to Sur comments on the staff there, and says that that is just because they are all great looking, the best looking waitstaff, and all other waiters/waitresses just want to work at Sur.
Katie, while completely hot in her own right, plays it cool in this episode and just smiles, laughs, and seems to be the bystander in most scenes, placed in the role of Stassi-groupie. Case in point when Stassi in true mean-girl style makes Scheana polish glasses. When Lisa encourages her to stand up to Stassi, Scheana goes to confront Stassi in the alley, of course! Private school girl hanging out with the dumpsters responds with hostility, but does admit to having trust issues and insecurities. Scheana defends herself with the fact that she has a boyfriend, with whom she is happy, and her past shouldn’t affect Stassi’s life or their work relationship.
Unfortunately, the situation does seem to be deeply affecting her relationship with Jax. Insecurities and distrust in over-drive, the first episode wraps up with a long and sometimes confusing collage of scene clips of Stassi and Jax fighting, maybe breaking up, someone cheats, someone gets laid in the bathroom at work (eww sexy?), Jax boasting of the best sex he’s had in a long time, a parking lot brawl between some of the guys, Stassi going off on her so-called two groupies, Kristen and Katie, Stassi in a drunken outburst in a club, and then Lisa’s reprimanding of all the alcohol-fueled sex and fighting going on.
While not a lot of time spent on getting to know anyone, this first look definitely supplies even more hype of the season that is sure to deliver plenty of young hot bodies with a whole lotta drama!!
Watch What Happens Live by BB
Time for tea and Vandercrumpets. Lisa is wearing a black lace see-through top and says something about feeling fat after the holidays. Lisa is very happy with her new show Vanderpump Rules, although she admits she is seeing half of it for the first time since she wasn’t there the whole time. Wait, isn’t she the executive producer?
The bartender is Cesar Milan, the Dog Whisperer.
The drinking prompt is the sound of Scheana groaning.
Andy goes to the vault and shows a scene from Baywatch Nights with Lisa and David Hasselhoff. Lisa tells Andy to keep searching because there are much worse scenes than that.
Poll Question: Which Beverly Hills housewife would you want as a boss?
Andy shows Amy Phillip’s debut impersonation of Lisa Vanderpump giving out RHOBH New Years Resolutions. As usual, it is spot on. Take a look:
Lisa has not talked with Adrienne since her divorce. They’ve seen each other at events and are civil to each other. Lisa says at some point diplomacy becomes a lie.
During the commercial, Lisa lets Giggy lick on a Vodka Tonic ice cube. Any asks Cesar what he thinks about it. Cesar says he’s learning a lot and doesn’t make a big deal about it. Lisa says Giggy has recently started humping/shagging a pillow and he’s so cute in his pink pjs doing it. Cesar says its natural and his dog Stella does it to him because she’s attracted to him.
Andy asks Lisa if there is any blow going on around SUR. She says of course not while Ken (in the audience) is laughing hysterically.
Lisa explains her difficult position during Kyle’s dinner party. She says what Brandi did was wrong, but it wasn’t any of Faye’s business. However, she really didn’t want to fight with pit bull Faye. Looking back she probably could have said more.
They play a game where they show pictures of dogs and Cesar and Lisa must guess, by the looks on the dogs’ faces, if they are humping or showing off doggy fashions. It’s a cute fun game. The game ends in a tie.
Andy asks if there is a drug testing policy for the employees at SUR and Lisa tells him yes, if they don’t have any, they give them some. JUST JOKING, says Lisa!
Mazel is Lady Edith from Downton Abbey with google eyes. (I don’t think it’s funny). Jackhole is LaScala Restaurant for making a big deal about Diana Ross seating herself at their restaurant. Lisa says if Diana Ross came into her restaurant, she could sit on Lisa’s lap if she wanted.
Of course, Lisa wins the poll.
Shahs of Sunset – You Took an Ambien
Recap By: Ana
This episode starts off with Asa picking up Reza in her Benz. Can I just say how much I love Asa’s bracelets? I want them! The rest of her jewelry: not so much. She’s wearing these gigantic hoop earrings with the letter A, her expensive Santos Cartier sunglasses, and some gold chains that are not my style. The A/C in Reza’s car broken so Asa was kind enough to pick him up. Reza proceeds to tell us that no one in the group clicks like him and Asa and that they are the “King and Queen” of the group. (I though he would click like that with MJ, since they claim to be BFFs for 20+ yrs…Somehow I don’t like Reza and Asa very much this season.) Then Asa and Reza begin a karaoke jam session in the car and dancing to the music. All I could think of was what my parents yell at me when I take my hands of the wheel: TEN TEN! (Your hand should rest on the wheel like the clock hands do at 10:10.) So ten, ten ASA!!!
Asa talks about her music and how she wants to put on a live show/concert. She’s been thinking about it for a long time, but has never performed live. She wants to take it to the next level. Somehow it turned from being a concert into being a music festival that will be the coming out of the Persian Pop Princess. Reza encourages her to go for it. Asa also says that this is the year she will make money off her music. Reza seconds that.
Three’s a Crowd
Is Debbie Gibson back in style? GG (much like nemesis Asa) is wearing a Debbie Gibson hat, Louboutin heels (a Bravolebrity MUST), light turquoise pants a disheveled white skull tee, Hermes black belt, bangles and her coin pendant. GG informs the viewer that its been a while since the fight and she thinks its time for her and Asa to get together so she can apologize.
MJ arrives in her best Jessica Simpson unflattering outfit: mom jeans and a 70s peasant polka dot blouse. Girl, you need a stylevention ASAP! MJ is a little shocked by how calm GG is being, to the point where she asks her I everything is okay. MJ explains that she set up this meeting so Asa and GG could “hammer out their differences.”
They order drinks and appetizers at 1:05pm: MJ a shrimp cocktail and GG cheese fries, hummus with pita chips, and beef tacos. (Color me jealous at her metabolism!) MJ says she hopes that they can get everything resolved between them before Asa arrives, and proceeds to tell her that she hoped her exclusion from the birthday party was a wake up call regarding her behavior. A surprisingly calm GG asks why she was excluded and not Asa. MJ is stunned by her questions and proceeds to explain to her that SHE (GG) was the one that got violent with Asa and had she ever thought that Asa might not feel physically safe around her? MJ says that if she was in Asa’s shoes, she would never want to be in a room with someone who was physically violent with her ever again. It seems to sink-in with GG and she acknowledges that she may need to seek help for her anger management. She tells MJ that she respects her decision and will be calling her therapist later. Kuddos to GG for being an adult in this situation (for now at least)!!! They both toast to break-throughs and therapy!
GG tells MJ that all she wants to do in Cabo is chillax, swim and have fun. She thinks the Cabo trip will be a great way to repair broken friendships. GG wants to apologize to Asa for becoming physically violent (not for defending her man Omid). By 1:32, Asa has not shown up – so MJ begins texting/calling Asa. Its 2:16 and still no sign of Asa, then MJ receives a text from Asa that says the following: “We can talk later Azizam. But I def have put enough energy into my friendship with GG. In my book, you have to give love & respect to receive it. She doesn’t deserve neither from me. Hit me when ur in ur car.”
MJ informs GG that Asa will not be coming. (Personally this was really rude of Asa, couldn’t she have told them an hour beforehand?) MJ tries to call Asa but her call goes straight to voicemail. MJ leaves a message telling Asa that she wishes she‘d told her she wasn’t coming and that she would’ve given GG a chance- however, she can’t convince her voicemail to change her mind for her. GG says that the more she gets pushed out, the less of an opportunity she’s getting to make things right. Honestly, how many opportunities do you need GG? Adult life works differently. MJ says she’s very angry because she knows how much GG wanted to make things right. MJ is annoyed so she needs to get drunk.
You’re In or We’re Out
At King Reza’s condo, he has an amazing breakfast spread! Yumm… Queen Asa arrives first wearing a tribal print super tight red and black dress. Reza explains that Mike invited everyone to Cabo: everyone means including GG. However Reza thinks that showing up and going on the trip with GG “means supporting and condoning GG’s appalling behavior.” Queen Asa agrees and says that this is where they draw the line with GG. Wow, the King and Queen have a lot of pull with Bravo since it seems that they will not be forced to film with GG, like every other show!
Mike arrives next and explains that Reza called them for a “family meeting.” MJ arrives next. They all sit down and drink mimosas. Reza explains that he is really stressed out about the prospect of GG coming to Mexico. He explains (more like gives an ultimatum) that Asa and him aren’t going to Mexico if GG comes. Asa says that she’s shocked Mike invited her. Mike and MJ seemed shocked that they are going down this route- cutting GG off completely. MJ says she’s pissed Asa didn’t show up to the dinner where GG was going to apologize, mainly because they all need to embrace and help GG get the help she needs.
The King and Queen of Shahs then issue really issue the ultimatum: either they go or GG goes to Mexico- can’t have both. Mike caves in and agrees to un-invite GG – they toast to un-inviting GG (except MJ). Mj puts it best in her talking head: “Who died and made Asa and Reza mom and dad.” Mike explains that he had to sacrifice one for the betterment of the group.
Then Mike states who is going: all those present, Sammi and Lilly. MJ is not happy with the Lilly invite. Pappa/King Reza tells her to get over it and get used to it because Lilly is coming on the trip. MJ can get over it but he can’t? If the shoe was on the other foot, I have a feeling it wouldn’t be the same.
Mike calls GG to uninvited her, GG sounds pissed/sad (I would be). She says she tried to make amends and says shouldn’t her friends try to help her instead of excluding her from everything? GG is not buying Mike’s kool aid so she hangs up telling them she’s not angry but disappointed.
GG and her dad, Mahmoud, are going out to lunch and are waiting for GG’s sister, Leila, to meet up. Since she’s not going to Cabo, GG decides to take over complete control of her extension line’s launch party. She can do it all on her own y’all. Apparently, Leila owes GG an apology (even though GG clearly threatened to cut her face while she was 9 mos pregnant)?!?!? Now we know where GG gets her delusions from- her dad! He seems to think that Leila owes GG an apology!
Leila arrives and to my shock and surprise apologizes to GG! Blames “her behavior” on her pregnancy hormones, apparently she gave birth three days after that fight. Their dad says that they can argue but not damage or attack each other’s character (but threats of violence and ok apparently) – they uplift each other. GG feels bad that her dad is always the middleman between her and her sister’s fights.
Mahmoud asks if everything for the launch party is set. GG says she is not allowed to be a part of everything and that part of her job description is to throw parties. Leila looks at her with annoyance and explains that she is basically the face of the company and that she and Michelle have been working on for a year. Leila explains to her dad that it’s a company launch part not a GG party. Leila is confused about GG’s sudden interest in doing the party- and being involved in the company. (We know sadly its because of the un-invite from Cabo.) GG sells it as it’s time for her to get involved and is delusional that she has a major say in the company. Her sister says she doesn’t and that she’s being childish. Leila is skeptical, given her sister’s track record. Eventually Leila gives in to GG’s tantrum and GG will throw the launch party! GG says she’ll prove Leila’s doubts wrong.
Let’s Party Aztec Style
Once they arrive in Cabo they get onto a Mercedes Benz Party Bus and start poppin’ bottles. Lilly is concerned about her bags?! (I would like to point out that Asa is wearing huge beats headphone DJ style. Its distracting- one would think she’d tuck them away like a lady and not wear ‘em like a 13-year-old boy…but I digress. Lilly does not like alcohol because “it tastes like gasoline, it makes you fat and it makes you lose control.” True, I wish I felt that way about alcohol- it would save me SO MANY CALORIES! Bravo editing awesomely places a strategic shot of MJ being annoyed. Sammi says that he’ll go nuts and Lilly says that he should go nuts then. MJ says in her talking head that Lilly’s stick is so far up her ass it’s a contagious constipation. Reza says Sammi just wants to get in Lilly’s pants because and wants to hit that. Talk turns to Sammi’s libido and then we learn a new Farsi term: doodool tala (pronounced doo doo talaub). It literally means Golden Penis. We also learn that it’s a term most Persian moms like to give to their sons. TMI Reza says white people might find this weird, but then again they find it weird that white people think its normal to kick your kid out at 18. I’m not Persian, but most Latinos think its weird too.
Also, MJ has a picture of Sammi’s Penis- that she shows everyone. For once, I can relate to Lilly in her confusion and repulsion, but out of curiosity would’ve taken a peek.
They arrive to the hotel safely- but Lilly is concerned about her Louis Vuitton bags. Mike again assures her she’ll get them soon and that they are ok. The hotel is awesome with amazing views! They all decide to go to the pool and toast to an amazing trip. Its hilarious to see the difference in unpacking between MJ and Lilly. Lilly is neat and MJ is a hot mess! Lilly goes to Queen Asa’s room (where King Reza is) and gifts her a bikini from her swingerie line. It was very nice of Lilly. Lilly then goes to MJ’s room and gifts her a cover-up. Kindda mean and obvious hint huh? Lilly says the that MJ wears unflattering clothes and needs some fashion guidance (agreed but doesn’t have to be so blunt about it) MJ is actually very nice, asks for Lilly’s advice on which suit to wear. Lilly advises on her wearing the red bathing suit. She wears the cover up.
Party Planning is a Bitch
GG and Omid are meeting with the Manager of Special Events for the venue where she’ll be hosting the party. Her name is Khrysta. GG presents Omid as her future ex-husband (something tells me this will be true- can you imagine GG’s crazy ass as an ex-wife? Amazing TV) GG les us know that Omid is a very special person in her life as a friend and as more than a friend. He has her back no matter what. The venue looks great! GG wants floating trays- Khrysta says they have waiters with appetizer trays available. Khrysta also says that they can make a special drink with her name – the GG. This makes GG really excited and ready to prove that she’s more than just the face of the company! GG and Omid are sold on the venue. Good Choice.
…Meanwhile back in Mexico
Everyone’s at the pool at the Nikki Beach Club, which Reza says has an Orange County hot mess vibe- minus the hot and quadruple the mess. Asa toasts to brown people. Sammi asks if she said round people or brown people. Asa says both and they all toast.
Lilly has been to Nikki Beach in the South of France, & this Nikki Beach does not do it justice AT ALL. Lilly states that there is not a single attractive person at the pool. MJ arrives late (as usual) wearing the cover-up Lilly gave her. Lilly is wearing a leopard print bikini top that makes her boobs look like two gigantic soccer balls…she’s a mini Big Ang from Mobwives (but prettier). Per Mike- white people are nuts for wearing speedos and fuzzy hats(?). Everyone seems to be having fun…except Lilly. Mike is getting HAMMERED, really hammered. MJ is being fun MJ so Reza loves her again. Mike is staring at Lilly’s boobs….LOL and Lilly looks like she’d rather be anywhere else.
Next we are treated to a scene where Reza is manhandling MJ’s boobs because they hang too low. This stops when Mike walks in and explains to Reza that it’s how real boobies hang- however he’s doubtful MJ’s bathing suit will be able to hold the girls in for much longer. Reza suggests they use duct tape- to hold them together.
Its night time and a mandatory Bravo dinner is in place. They are all ready and MJ is ready on time, You read right- ON TIME! I love MJ’s skirt btw- it’s a tribal black and silver sequin skirt. Fab! Since Mike hasn’t shown and they haven’t heard from him, they all decide to go to his room. Mike is napping and seems really lost when they all wake him up screaming and hollerin’ but he’s still drunk. I have to address Asa’s dancing with the stars outfit in her talking head: Debbie Gibson hat, 80’s red sequin madness. Mike goes to the bathroom, MJ and Asa decide to follow him into the bathroom since he keeps moaning. They see his doodool tala and let’s just say (from MJ’s expert opinion) that Reza and Sammi ain’t got nothing on Mike. I’ll leave it at that.
They all are at dinner and MJ begins to tell Asa that she’s actually attended her first therapy session on her birthday and that it was cathartic for her. She tells the group about her parents’ fight that they had over the affair. Lilly asks who had the affair and MJ responds that her mother. Lilly makes a toast to MJ, that this is the type of conversations she hopes to have more of with her. Reza wants MJ to change topic because it feels like death. MJ says it is not everyday that she has therapy, nor that she sits at a table with friends and acquaintances (looking at Lilly). This pissed Lilly off- I don’t see why since it’s the truth, a little rude but they are just acquaintances. Lilly says it doesn’t bother her. Asa giggles with Lilly- MJ is not amused that they are shutting her out when she is being emotionally raw with them. I though that as a friend Asa would be kinder given she knows MJ’s history. Lily tells her to stop the BS about her being a stranger, that she simply doesn’t like her. Sammi jumps in and is the voice of reason explaining to Lilly that she doesn’t really know MJ. I thought for all the loyalty talk BS, Reza would have stood up a little for MJ and diffused the situation.
Lilly goes on about how it was a backhanded comment. Reza then chimes in and says he adores MJ and loves Lilly- that he wants them all to get along without saying anything negative about each other. MJ then asks Reza and Asa if she’s ever called them and asked them a question about who is Lilly. **bull** Asa says MJ has called Lilly a chia pet. (More like a Persian Dolly Parton to me) Lilly is not amused and nor is MJ. MJ says Asa is lying right now and being shady. Reza says she did call Lilly a chia pet and that her wig walks into a room an hour before she does. MJ says that she never said that to Asa- she said that to Reza. I would be so PISSED and feel betrayed if I found out that my so-called BFF is reporting stuff back to a “new” friend…I can empathize with MJ- even though it was a funny mean girl comment. Reza, Lilly and Asa don’t see how that makes a difference.
MJ tells Asa to stay the fuck out of it and not to pretend she actually had a conversation with her about Lilly. Asa is playing the dumb card that is just infuriating MJ. I guess Asa’s new role is as resident Pot-stirring Queen- its unbecoming. Asa and Reza are pretending like MJ is insane (her logic is a little flawed) and that she’s being a bitch over nothing. Then Asa accuses MJ of being drunk and popping pills. MJ is FURIOUS at this accusation; I would be too. MJ swears on her father’s life that she doesn’t pop any pills. Asa chimes in to say she told her she had an Ambien earlier that morning. MJ gets up, calls Asa a bitch and walks away. MJ tells Asa that just like GG can’t apologize, she can’t apologize. #truth Asa continues to play stupid and doesn’t understand why MJ thinks her accusation about being a pill popper should make her mad. Frankly, I am disliking Asa and Reza more and more as the season progresses.
MJ from the bushes yells at Asa that bad things happen to people who talk shit. Reza joins in on the MJ bashing and sides with Asa. MJ is pissed and insults Asa. Lilly is amazed at Asa’s composure – while I was amazed at her shitty behavior. MJ calls Reza over, he says if she puts her drink aside she’ll come. She says okay. MJ tells Reza that if he stays at that table, he’s siding against her. Reza says that she attacked him and Asa instead of saying what she had to say to Lilly. I am confused by his reasoning. Reza says his heart is broken and he’s seeing his friend unravel. Does he know something we don’t? It just seems he prefers Asa and Lilly in every situation over MJ, and there is only so much MJ put up with. Reza turns the table and then threatens MJ that if she has any love for him she’ll come back to the table. MJ tells Reza that she did take an Ambien before she got on the plane to sleep, but she’s no pill popper. I though that was a strong accusation, given it can affect her reputation as a realtor. Asa get u and walks over to them and MJ is not having any of it.
Apparently the MJ is a pill popper they are trying to make it into a storyline….we’ll see next week!
PS- sorry for the lack of fashion descriptions in this recap, too much drama to keep up with!
Tuesday Night Lineup, Jan 8th by BB
8PM – NCIS (CBS); Betty White’s Off Their Rockers (NBC); Raising Hope/Ben and Kate (Fox); History Detectives (PBS); Pretty Little Liars (Family); Totally T-Boz (TLC); Holmes Inspection (DIY); Bad Girls Club: Makin’ it to the Mansion (Oxygen)
9PM – Dance Moms (Lifetime); The Real Housewives of Miami Never Before Seen Footage (Bravo); NCIS LA (CBS); Emily Owens, MD (CW); Go On/The New Normal (NBC); Happy Endings/Don’t Trust the B (ABC); New Girl/The Mindy Project (Fox); The Abolitionists: American Experience (PBS); The Lying Game (Family); Property Virgins (HGTV); Storage Wars Texas (A&E); The Sisterhood (TLC); Dual Survival (Discovery); Hardcore Pawn (truTV); Doomsday Preppers (NatGeo); Nightmare Next Door (ID); I Hate My Bath (DIY); Love Games: Bad Girls Need Love Too (Oxygen); Tia and Tamera (Style)
10PM – Million Dollar Decorators, Lindsay Lohan Edition (Bravo); Vegas (CBS); America’s Supernanny (Lifetime); Parenthood (NBC); Private Practice (ABC); Frontline (PBS); Justified (FX); Snooki and JWOWW (MTV); House Hunters (HGTV); Storage Wars New York (A&E); Africa (Discovery); In The Bedroom with Laura Berman (Own); Diggers (NatGeo); Evil Twins (ID)
Watch What Happens Live: Busy Phillips (Bravo)
New Facebook Page for Lynn’s Place
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