Caroline Suspects Al Cheated and Linda Thompson – Yolanda Foster Feud by NoMoreDrama
No nonsense Caroline Manzo is out promoting her memoir, “Let Me Tell You Something” which is due out next Tuesday. Something tells me this book won’t fly off the shelves like Brandi Glanville’s did last month. Hollywood secrets versus New Jersey drama. Hmmm. In a surprisingly candid interview, Caroline lets out that she believes Al Manzo cheated on her – but none of his dalliances resulted in long-time affairs – so she’s okay with it. Yup. That’s what she pretty much said. How sad for her and that perfect marriage she tries to show us on TV if he cheated on her when she was a young mother raising his children. Click here for a link to the interview in The Daily News.
“I know the man I married. He’s a good man. But he’s a man. I don’t believe there were any long-term affairs. If that were the case, this story would end differently. If something happened here or there along the way, it’s very possible. I have no inclination of that, but logic tells me …” the words drift off before she finishes the thought. “I can’t worry about 20 years ago.”
Caroline also talks about the challenges and opportunities that come from being on the Real Housewives of New Jersey. While the opportunities the show has opened are “amazing … And the experience is incredible,” the downside is: “We’re targets. And there’s a valuable lesson in that for my children. Life is big. Life is tough. There’s adversity in anything you do. And you deal with it. When someone calls your daughter fat, or the perception is that my sons are gay, or mama’s boys, at the end of the day it makes them stronger. But it’s not easy going through it.” Hold the phone. This coming from a woman that called her own daughter fat and a bitch on national TV??
Speaking of marriages, Yolanda Foster took a swipe at Linda Thompson on Monday’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Despite claiming that they get along great and everything is fine between David Foster’s current wife and his ex wife, Yolanda was caught on camera saying that Linda still wanted to sleep with her ex (and Yolanda’s husband) David. Linda swiped back at Yolanda’s marriage on twitter. Yolanda has been clear that she thinks David is her King and her role in the marriage is to take care of him. Linda’s response:
Then a few tweets later, as if to explain the first swipe, she said:
Uh – then why did you take a swipe at Yolanda on twitter? And finally to deal with the backlash she got on twitter …
Here’s a thought. If you don’t want people to comment on your life, don’t go on a reality TV show or air your dirty laundry on twitter.
Real Housewives of Vancouver – Episode 6 – Cold Shoulders and Hot Butts Recap by NoMoreDrama
One week ago …
Last we left the Real Housewives of Vancouver, Jody had found out that she was going to be a guest on Top Chef Canada, and had invited Ronnie, Amanda, and Robin along. There was no mention of inviting Ioulia, and she intentionally left out Mary. The episode I’m about to recap aired last Tuesday and Ronnie was very active on twitter saying that she was FORCED by CONTRACT to go to Toronto, and hadn’t wanted to go AT ALL. She claims she has PTSD because of the choking incident a year ago when Remy almost died. As far as I’m concerned, she’s played the SICK CHILD card every single episode this season. I hate to be mean, but I have to point out the obvious. Ronnie knew that her child (Remy) had almost died when she CHOSE to sign up for Season 2 of Real Housewives. It was clear from the Reunion that the ladies were on year to year contracts. She has made it clear that she doesn’t need the money from the show, so if she really cared about not leaving Remy, why not break the contract, or not sign in the first place. Rant over. However, seeing as they are all under contract, the producers have to figure out some way to have Mary go to Toronto without Jody inviting her – so …
Mary gets a call from her agent saying her media tour is about to start and she needs to be in Toronto in a few days (see how easy that was). In real life this ladies would have other things to do – so it’s amazing they can clear their schedules for filming so easily. Mary finds out that she’ll be performing her song, Hero, live on Global TV. She voices over that she knows the other ladies will be in the same city, but she doubts she’ll see them.
Jody shows up in Toronto and drops in on her son unannounced (with cameras). Her son is a freshman at Ryerson University and she’s already missing him, and hadn’t expected to see him until Canadian Thanksgiving (which is early October) so he’s probably only been away a few weeks. She apparently dropped by his place and found out he wasn’t there, so was forced to find him. At least he gets a few minutes to get ready. He’s in a coffee shop. She starts quizzing him about his dorm room – which I find strange. Didn’t she help him move in? She asks him if he as all the amenities he needs because it is a dirty dirty world out there. Is she talking about soap or condoms? She says Mia can take him shopping and he laughs and says “Mia the dirty one. That would really help.” How is this young man related to Jody. He seems so normal?
Robin and Mary get together to drink champagne and eat chocolate covered strawberries and celebrate their success at Thunderbird. Mary tells Robin about Global TV wanting her to sing, and invites Robin to sing with her. Wow – I didn’t see that coming. With one swift move Mary has gotten Robin out of Jody’s evil grip and back on her side.
Ronnie is up next. She’s shown jetting off to Toronto with her two sons. I have to wonder why they aren’t in school when Jody’s son is. And if she’s taking them, why not take Remy? Amanda, with the most amazing bun on her head, voices over that her sister lives in Toronto and she’s looking forward to catching up with her. Ronnie, who still claims to be Mary’s friend, voices over (with a roll of her eyes) that Robin isn’t traveling with them anymore, she’s going to Toronto with Mary to become a professional back-up singer. Right – because that’s less important than being a friend to a guest judge on Canadian Top Chef. I really don’t understand how Ronnie and Mary were ever best friends.
Amanda meets up with her sister Denise. Her sister is the Ass Lady (flashbacks to Seinfeld) and works in the plastic surgery field. Amanda wants a whole lotta work done including getting her foo foo fixed (she should talk to Brandi) and having a butt lift (maybe she should buy Phaedra and Kenya’s videos first and see if they work.)
The other three head off to Toronto. Three because they’ve invited Ioulia, because what’s a party without Ioulia? (I guess they ran out of excuses). After getting to Toronto Mary has to find some backup musicians. She practices with Donna, a guitarist and things are going great. Robin shows up with Ioulia. Robin harmonizes as Mary sings. Ioulia gives them feedback, telling Robin to sing louder. Mary laughs it off in her voice over – because no one hearing Robin is just fine with her.
Jody is in bed with her little girl Hannah reading fashion magazines. Mia stumbles in, hungover as usual, with a tray full of covered food. They blindfold Jody and give her a taste test of desserts. Hannah is so adorable. She gets to feed her mom. Then when the taste test is over, Mia and Hannah play fight to eat the desserts. They all look fabulous to me.
Jody begins taping the dessert episode of Top Chef Canada. We learn that EVERYTHING is scripted, including where they stand and where they look. It looks like Jody is the judge of a quickfire (if they use the same format as our Top Chef). After tasting all the desserts, they say good luck and they’ll see the chef’s tomorrow. Hmmm – no winner?
Meanwhile across town Mary is singing live (to a track) for Global TV. After a rocky start she does a great job. Robin does well and even Ioulia approves. Ioulia is a great friend to have around – no nonsense but positive. As far as branding goes – I think this is the fifth time I’ve heard Mary sing Hero (once last season and now four times this season already).
If you haven’t seen her sing it, here it is on youtube.
Back to the other three ladies. Amanda has invited Jody and Ronnie to get butt lifts at her sister’s place. Great branding Amanda. Ronnie is a little off-put by the short skirt the “consultant” is wearing as she explains what they could do for the ladies. Ronnie would rather have them work on her abs than her butt, and Jody wants her face done. Jody thinks her butt is perfect. My guess is neither Ronnie or Jody want their butts shown on national TV. Amanda’s is highlighted several times, and let’s just say I think Kenya and Phaedra have some competition. Finally the owner of the business invites the ladies to a cocktail party at his house, in a very rehearsed, stilted way.
Mary, Ioulia, and Robin continue their day with a fancy lunch. They start off by cheering to a successful morning. Then we get to see them actually eat – is this a housewives show? Ioulia follows instructions and calls Amanda in the middle of their lunch. Amanda acts surprised to find out they are also in Toronto. She makes a dig at them – asking if they flew coach while she flew business (maybe she was wondering if they were stuffed in the back of the plane.) Ioulia asks if they want to get together, and Amanda invites them to dinner that night. Ioulia makes sure Mary is invited and Amanda says okay (but voices over that as soon as she invited them she regretted it). Ioulia hangs up and is mad about the flying coach dig.
They head to dinner/cocktails at Dominic (the owner of the spa) and Joanne’s place. I wonder if they are about to launch a Real Housewives of Toronto and are doing a cross-over. That’s what it feels like. They have an amazing home – over the top. There is lots of money in Toronto. Dominic compliments Amanda’s butt, and acts skeezy. His wife looks on and laughs. No Kyle Richards here.
The other three ladies arrive and Amanda pulls Robin aside to gossip about Ioulia. Robin can barely hold a conversation because she’s distracted by Amanda’s breasts that are about to pop out of her dress. Amanda thinks Ioulia is rude, so on cue Ioulia confronts her about the flying coach comment.
Mia and a gaggle of friends show up to the party. Mia is wearing a very short dress, and announces that she can hear her mom the second she walks in. Mia immediately gets serious about partying. How old is she?
Creepy Dominic makes the ladies do birthday vodka shots. Jody declines and says she’s not drinking. Amanda tells Mary that she’s not being a good friend to Ronnie by drinking in front of her (at a cocktail party). She explains that Jody never drinks in front of her. This is said as Mia, Jody’s daughter and Amanda’s good friend, is getting wasted in the background. What BS. If Ronnie has a problem with it, let her say so. Otherwise leave them alone. They are at a cocktail party where everyone is drinking!
Mary says that Ronnie is not an alcoholic. It’s another white lie. Ronnie looks like she’d rather they not have this conversation in front of her. Jody voices over that she doesn’t see how Mary can say that Ronnie doesn’t have a drinking problem. She is basically calling Mary out for defending Ronnie. Of course Mary is only saying this because last season Ronnie was really upset that Mary practically outed her as an alcoholic – so Mary is very careful not to go there this season. Jody starts to tell Mary that she’s fake and the worst person she’s ever met, and that she’s being fake by sitting beside Ronnie because Ronnie doesn’t like her half the time, and she says bad things about Mary. Isn’t Ronnie just as fake then?? Mia is in the background faking pretending to vomit. What a pair the two Claman girls make.
Mary apologizes to the host. Now Jody sits back down and calls Mary a bully. They banter back and forth and Mary tells Jody to look after her very drunk daughter. Jody calls Mary an awful person. She says she’s a disgusting human being and she can’t believe Mary would come to this party and that it isn’t her demographic. I’m waiting for her to say “I’m up here and you’re down there.” All the while her daughter is behaving like an ass at the party, and all Mary was doing was sitting down and chatting. It feels as though Jody knows she has to bring the drama for ratings. Mary points out the obvious that Jody is delusional.
Now Ronnie decides to have her moment and announce that she can’t take the stress anymore. Ronnie then lays into Mary for fighting with Jody, while Robin points out that Jody was the one that started it. Ronnie is slurring as she tells Mary “you want to extradite yourself from all your lies, and I’m here to tell you, …” Mary interrupts and asks if Ronnie has been drinking. THIS MOMENT WAS THE NAIL IN THE COFFIN FOR THEIR FRIENDSHIP. NEVER, NEVER ACCUSE RONNIE OF BEING DRUNK ON CAMERA. In Mary’s defense, it sure looks like Ronnie’s drunk (she gets mean when she’s drunk) but she claims she’s having a panic attack. Now I understand what all the tweets were about. Ronnie then falls apart on Ioulia’s shoulder and leaves crying.. Amanda has a dumbstruck look on her face.
While this is going on Jody is having a great time at the party. She voices over that the women at the party are from HER demographic – rich and successful business women. On the other side of the party, as soon as Ronnie leaves sobbing telling the world how mean Mary is to her, Amanda sits down beside Mary and tells her that she’s not authentic. Didn’t they just meet? Mary finds it hard to take her seriously with her boobs about to fall out of her dress. Amanda voices over that the really irritating thing about Mary is that she lets on that she’s perfect (with all her little white lies). I can see that bugging the others, but that doesn’t excuse Jody and Ronnie’s behavior. Robin agrees with Amanda, even though she loves Mary. Mary gets up to leave, but is distracted by a naked man falling into the pool. As the skinny dipping starts, some of the other ladies decide it’s time to leave. But, as Amanda is leaving she overhears Ioulia talking to Robin, complaining about her. A heated fight between Ioulia and Amanda finishes off the evening. Next week promises more tears from Ronnie and Mary as they realize their relationship is over.
Duck Dynasty by Stars99
(all photos are screen shots)
Catching-Up: Our favorite duck guys are back in action! They have received a lot of attention since December’s Christmas show garnered 6.5 million viewers to become A & E’s most watched telecast ever! They’ve also caused some controversy after originally being scheduled to appear earlier this month on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” along with British singer and animal rights activist Morrissey. After finding out they were going to appear with him on the show, Morrissey canceled his appearance calling the duck guys “animal serial killers.” Kimmel had the guys on anyway, because well, in his words with his tongue firmly planted against his cheek, “they have guns.” Duck Dynasty premiered this month to an audience of 8.6 million viewers (zap2it.com). I am an animal lover. I hate guns. I love to laugh. I love Duck Dynasty. While it’s true they hunt and fish in accordance with the law – they absolutely hunt for food and not for sport. Although they have millions of dollars and some of them live in the suburbs – they continue to exhibit a love for nature, gratefulness for what they have, and incredibly funny perspectives on life. I am playing a little catch-up to recapping this season… remember they play back-to-back episodes each week. If you missed seasons 1 or 2 – never fear, A & E often runs marathons of them. Below are the recaps for Season 3’s first 3 episodes. Let’s first reacquaint ourselves with who’s who in the zoo:
Phil Robertson – Is inventor of the Duck Commander® Duck Call, is founder of the Duck Commander company, and is known as THE Duck Commander throughout Louisiana. He married his high school sweetheart, Miss Kay, and together they’ve raised four sons, three of whom (Willie, Jase, and Jep) are featured prominently on the show. They are a fun, frisky couple and it’s really great to see them completely love and adore each other.
Willie Robertson – Is the current CEO of Duck Commander and is Phil’s son. As a visionary, he took a small, home-based business and catapulted it into a multi-million dollar venture. He is often teased about being a managerial kinda guy who has gone yuppie on them. He is married to Korie and they have five children. Korie helped Willie build the company and she is currently the office manager.
Jase Robertson – Is Willie’s brother, is in charge of the manufacturing portion of the company and is completely hysterical. He is often the pied piper who distracts the other workers from working. He suggests doing things like pulling pranks on Willie, playing basketball, building a conveyor belt from scratch with materials they have on hand, and racing turtles when an important decision has to be made. However, when his back is against the wall, he can be counted on to work hard to get the job done. Jase has been married to Missy for 21 years and they have three children.
Jep Robertson – Is Phil and Kay’s youngest son and enjoys all the benefits that being the youngest brings. He loves to flaunt the fact that Miss Kay seems to really cater to his every need. He’s really the quiet brother – but he is always up for a good prank. He is married to Jessica and they have four kids.
Si Robertson – Is Phil’s brother and his best friend. Si is also really amazingly funny. Si also kind of works for the company, but like everyone else, is easily distracted. He is a Vietnam vet who loves to tell stories. Si still drinks ice tea every day from a blue plastic cup that he always keeps in his back pocket that his mom sent to him while he was serving in the military overseas. He is married but it is rarely mentioned on the show.
Others: Martin and Godwin are Duck Commander employees who often accompany the guys wherever they go – especially when it gets them out of work.
Duck Season Eve
This episode starts at Duck Commander Headquarters with Jase christening a brand new duck call with his spittle. Evidently, Duck Season starts tomorrow and they’re all way too excited for words. Jase explains, “Duck Season Eve to us is kinda like Christmas Eve to city folk…. Ho ho ho…” How many ducks are they going to kill? Jase is gonna kill the limit of six…while Si thinks he’s gonna kill million – 6 legally and the rest just with his icy stare. According to their tradition, the night before Duck Season they rough it in the great outdoors. Jase says they’re going to “show nature who’s still in charge.” According to Jase, Willie has lost what makes him a man because he doesn’t like to rough it anymore. Si says, “Willie’s idea of “roughing it” is opening a garage door manually. Jase says, “Willie’s idea of “roughing it” is having the wrong comfort setting on a sleep number bed.” Si and Jase continue to jab back and forth about Willie’s inability to rough it… Si says, “Watching a DVD instead of a blue ray.” Jase says, “Having to unload his dishwasher because Korie’s out of town.” Si says, “Having a showerhead that only has 3 massage settings.” Jase says, “Having to actually walk.” Jase also insists that Willie isn’t the camping type anymore cuz he has begun to go to coffee shops. Huh? Si decides to use his icy stare on Willie so that all the workers can get an extra day off from work! At first it doesn’t work… but Willie quickly gives in and the workers have the rest of Duck Season Eve off. As they’re leaving, Si says, “It’s on like bing-bong, Jack!”
Jase says there are two good traditions that make him ready for Duck Hunting Season. No bathing for a week before it starts and roughing it the night before. It just puts him in the right frame of mind. Somehow, he feels that it makes “a declaration that they are lords of the wilderness.” Jase reminisces about how his dad, Phil, went 60 days without bathing or changing his socks and underwear during Duck Hunting Season. But Phil has decided that he would much rather camp in the comfort of his own home with Miss Kay rather than to go camp with the guys this year. Phil says that Miss Kay is gonna be his sleeping bag.
As the guys start to put their gear in the truck for their camping adventure… Si is chagrined at the amount of stuff each is taking. One guy even brings a full-sized pillow. Gasp! Si says, “These boys, they have enough stuff in their trucks that they could survive a zombie nuclear apocaliss (apocalypse).” He further clarified, “They might survive the zombies, cuz they’re not much to eat when it comes to brains.” Jase explains that it’s hard to listen to Si’s long winded stories cuz it’s hard to separate what part is fact and what is just filler. Si insists that his stories are so long, cuz you have to let them develop. Si says, “It’s like a good roll… you got to let the dough rise. You look here, these kids today don’t know the value of a good story, you have to have a beginning, middle, and an end.
All of the sudden they hear honking… and it’s Willie driving a honkin’ RV to where they are camping and Jase is just plain embarrassed. “Once you bring something with wheels and it’s enclosed, you’re no longer camping… you’re parking.” Jase insists that they’re trying to rough it and doesn’t understand why Willie brought the RV. Willie insists he is roughing it – since he doesn’t have any cell phone service. Jase thinks Willie yuppyism is killing his wild spirit. Jep asks Willie if he has an X-Box in the RV. Jase implores Willie to act like a man and, “Use your beard for more than a decoration.” Jep decides to go along with Willie to the RV and Jase insists that Jep needs to surrender his man-card, and that he needs to shave his face. Jase mourns the fact they’ve lost their adventurous spirit.
Inside the RV, Willie tries to initiate a conversation with Jep, but Jep’s too busy playing FIFA soccer on the X-Box. Willie just blankly looks at the screen. Willie insists he is enjoying nature while in the comfort of his RV and is looking forward to talking with Jep – but Jep is so engrossed in his video game that he can only respond to Willie’s comments and questions with a monosyllabic “Yes” to everything Willie says. The guys who are still actually outside in the great outdoors trying to “rough it” are having issues with mosquitos. As Si says, “Hey, these mosquitos down here in Louisiana are so big, that when you slap em, hey, you better knock ‘em out cuz if you don’t … hey, they’re gonna slap you right back, Jack.” The guys are wondering why the mosquitos aren’t bugging Si – they surmise it’s because he’s old and tough. Si says it’s because of bug spray. Si says when you go in the woods, “Rule #1 – Bring plenty of bug spray.” Si has many rules about going into the woods… it gets confusing cuz he refers to each of these various rules as “Rule #1.”
Back at Miss Kay’s and Phil’s house, Phil wants to initiate tradition #2 of Duck Hunting Season (he hasn’t said what tradition #1 is – unless it’s the no bathing tradition). Miss Kay wants nothing of that – since Phil smells really ripe. Miss Kay loves traditions because it’s usually about cooking and making memories. However, she says that Phil smells like a landfill – and tells him if he wants some loving tonight that Phil is going to have to take a trip to the shower. Phil asks her if she’s trying to make him an offer he can’t refuse.
Back at the campsite, you hear a gunshot with Jase shouting “Si! What are you doing?” Si explains he was shooting at a snake that had reared its ugly head out from a hollow log… Si says, “You never go into the woods without bringing a pistol – that’s Rule #1. As Si continues to shoot into this hollow log, Jase wonders if Si has ever heard of the term “ricochet” but Si disregards the idea of a bullet coming back at him as being just a superstition. The happy campers are really hungry and they decide they need some sausage. They know that Phil has a whole lot of sausage in his freezer that they could use. Si immediately volunteers to go get it for them. Si says, “Hey, look here, you always gotta have your campin’ buddies’ backs – Yo hey, that’s Rule #1 in the woods – Have your buddies’ back.” While they were initially surprised that Si wanted to leave – but then they figured they couldn’t blame him.
At Phil and Miss Kay’s house, they are still talking about his tradition #2 of having sex before duck hunting. Phil quotes a Biblical passage about a husband should not withhold his husbandly duties – Miss Kay fires back about how cleanliness is next to godliness. Si walks in because he’s there to get the sausage for his camping buddies. Phil and Miss Kay invite Si to join them for their dinner of jambalaya in their nice, cozy home. Of course, Si decides to join them. Phil wonders if the guys back at camp would be okay with him sitting there with them eating while the others are all roughing it. Si decides, what the boys don’t know won’t hurt them.
Willie comes down from his comfy RV to talk to the guys at the campsite and tempts them with a bowl of fettuccini… Jase thinks it basically comes down to 2 choices… “Stay at the campfire and be a man, or go to the Girl Scout meeting in the RV.” Godwin decides he wants some fettuccini and decides to go with Willie back up to the RV. There are only two guys who are really roughing it left – but they console themselves with the fact that Si should be back with their sausage from Phil’s house any time now. Unbeknownst to them, as Si started to leave Miss Kay and Phil’s house to go back to the campsite, he is inexplicably sucked into the vortex that is the comfy couch. Si reasons that by now the guys are so hungry, they’re probably eating the bark off the trees – and he decides he doesn’t want any of that. He decides he’s gonna lay down just for a minute to rest his eyes. Si says, “Rule #2 of camping is that you gotta lay down and digest – wait, that’s the first rule, I always get those two mixed up.”
Back at camp, Jase and Martin have resorted to eating “Mallow dogs” – which are toasted marshmallows inserted into a hot dog bun. Jase says that, “Necessity is the mother of invention – and necessity gave birth to an abomination deemed “The Mallow Dog.” In the tent, Jase tells Martin that he stinks – and Martin agrees and says it’s the first time in a long time that he can even smell himself. Jase thinks this has been one of the toughest “roughing it” sessions that they’ve ever had – but they’re sticking it out despite the “aroma of death” that’s permeating their tent. Jase and Martin start trying to figure out just how many “Mallow Dogs” each of them ate. They know there were 2 packs of hot dog buns with 8 buns in each pack and they only have 4 left. So 16 – 4 = 12… So that’s a dozen they ate together. Martin asks Jase how many Mallow Dogs he had – and Jase says “Two.” That means that Martin had 10 Mallow Dogs. Jase just thinks that’s pretty impressive. Martin finally decides he’s had enough of this crappy camping experience and decides to leave Jase alone at the campsite and to join the others in the RV. Jase says, “Fine, leave – go frolic around with the other Girl Scouts…Actually, I will not compare these men to Girl Scouts because I’m offending Girl Scouts across America.”
Back at Phil and Miss Kay’s… Miss Kay is putting a blanket over the deeply sleeping Si. Phil comes out of the shower drying himself off with a towel. Miss Kay takes one look at him her eyebrows raise and she immediately starts to take off her apron. With a twinkle in her eye she says, “And that ladies, is how it’s done.”
You hear a rooster crowing when Si and Phil come down to the happy campers in the RV. Everyone is sleeping in… Phil thinks they’re a bunch of lazy birds. Si insists he didn’t sleep a wink last night – but we have footage of his snoring ways. Phil starts shooting a shotgun off into the air to be their alarm clock. Si says, “You snoozin’ sissies come out of there and let’s go do some duck huntin’.” Phil says he’s been on the earth for 66 years and has never known a group of men to sleep through the opening day of duck season, ever! Jase comes back – he’s already been to the duck blind to get it ready. He calls the deserters, “An RV overflowing with the equivalent of Girls Scouts who have eaten too many cookies.” Jase says, “The tradition is hunting; if we were going to start a tradition about hibernating, I’d hang out with you all.” Willie wants to know if he can drive the RV down to the duck blind, everyone shouts “No.”
Willie’s epilogue: “Here at the Robertson family, we have many annual traditions – like Duck Season’s Eve, camping, and not bathing in preparation for it – unless you’re Si, where not bathing is a daily tradition. But sometimes keeping a tradition can keep you growing as a family. For instance, an RV is a great update on camping – just make sure you pack an alarm. Another good twist on tradition is to use soap when… well, never mind… in the end it doesn’t matter how traditions evolve as long as they bring the family together.”
Can’t Hardly Wait
This episode begins with Korie being excited that Willie’s high school reunion is coming up. Willie thinks the Reunion is a great time to show off how successful you are… how smoking hot your wife is… and how little hair you’ve lost. He’s looking forward to it… Jase doesn’t think it’s a big deal cuz he didn’t go to his – he went frog hunting instead. Jase shares his perspective on high school reunions, “If I haven’t contacted you in the last twenty years – there’s probably a reason for that.” Korie, Willie and Jase begin looking at high school pictures of Willie. Jase compares the picture with the Willie that’s standing in front of him, points at the picture and says, “This looks like a kid. Now, you look like the Sasquatch who ate this guy.” Willie insists that all he’s done is grown a beard… Jase thinks that Willie has put on a “hondo” or a hundred pounds. Korie insists she likes a man with a little meat on his bones and Jase assures her that she’s hit the jackpot. Willie ponders Korie’s words and decides, “I like a man with a little meat on his bones – is just a polite way of saying ‘You’re fat.’” Jase thinks the dimples Willie use to have in high school, “Went from his upper cheeks, to his lower cheeks.” Like a good brother, Jase tells Willie that he should get ready for the fat jokes.
Si, Phil and Jase are hunting doves, and Jase calls them, “The filet mignon of the sky.” Jase is a dove addict and is unapologetic. Si says, that opening day of dove season is not a competition, “But I’m fixin’ to show these boys what it sounds like a dove cries. (obscure Prince reference).” They each have dogs sitting next to them… but Si’s isn’t moving an ounce. They deduce Si’s dogs don’t like him. Si wonders why his dog is just sitting there because after all… Si says, “Why do you think we have the term, ‘Working like a dog?’” Si’s dog just wants to play… Phil and Jase are laffin’ at his dog.
Back at Korie and Willie’s house… Willie tries on a brown coat that Korie recently purchased for him and it doesn’t fit. He explains it’s because she buys them at these boutique stores and they’re not the same sizes as you get in other stores. Willie is distressed that he can’t do some of his dance moves with his coat on. Korie suggests that if he wants to lose a couple of pounds that he should go with her to yoga class. Willie says that’s what men call “stretching.”
Si decides he needs to get a real hunting dog that fits his personality. “Well groomed handsome, and one that doesn’t mind taking a nap once in a while. Since Miss Kay loves dogs, she decides she’s gonna go with Si to help him pick one out. Jase thinks that Si scares dogs. Jase said, “The last dog that we got, the first thing the dog did was to bite Si right on the wrist. I mean Si scares humans, too – but they just don’t bite him.” Jase suggests that they try to find a dog with a screw loose so it matches his master.
Miss Kay and Si go off to find Si a good hunting dog. They agree they want to find a dog that doesn’t look like him, but one that has the same kind of attitude as he does. Si doesn’t think you should have a dog that thinks he’s the king of the hill or thinks he’s too fancy for the kind of work that you want him to do, “Or the next thing you’ll know you’ll both be getting matching pedicures.” Miss Kay says Si needs to learn to bond with the dogs. Miss Kay has a real way with dogs. Si thinks it’s because she’s the cook and the dogs are smart enough to always bond with the cook. Miss Kay thinks it’s not always easy to match a dog with someone’s personality. Miss Kay says in Si’s case, you’d need one that is, “Old, cranky, mangy, lazy, stinky…”
Jase decides he’s gonna help Willie lose some weight cuz… so they commence “Operation Little Willie.” Willie is chopping firewood while all the other guys are sitting around watching him. “You’ve got to harness the power of the gut, ” Jase tells Willie. Martin says, “Use inertia to your benefit.” Willie wants to know why he is cutting Jase’s firewood. Jase insists that it’s because he’s training him to be in shape. Jase says, “The greatest lesson that I learned in hauling firewood… is if you can find someone else to do it, DO IT!” Jase said, “If you don’t get in shape, you’re gonna be the BUTT of all jokes.” Jep joked, “I sure hope that ax doesn’t slip and hit you in the gut – cuz all that gravy is gonna come out.” Jase says, “Every time you back up – we want the beeping to stop.” Willie grunts back at them, “How is insulting me going to help me lose weight?” Jase insists that they’re motivating him. Willie is giving the concept of going to a gym a second thought because anything has GOT to be better than this! Jase doesn’t understand why people who go to a gym get up on a stationary bike… He reasons, “Why? Cuz you’re not going anywhere.” He motions to the great outdoors and describes it as “God’s gym.” Jase says, “When I’m working out… I’m working OUT (as in outdoors.)” Willie walks off and Jase tenderly reminds him that the wood still needs stacking. As he takes a big swig of tea, Jep says, “No, I’m busy – this tea isn’t gonna drink itself.”
Meanwhile… Willie begrudgingly goes to Korie’s Yoga class. After that day of chopping wood with Jase, he’s looking for a more relaxing way to get into shape. “What can I say, when the going gets tough, the tough strap on camo tights.” As Willie is trying to do “downward dog”… he says, “This ain’t nothing like a dog – If a dog does this, he’s sick.” Willie says they should give these yoga positions names that reflect more what they actually do, like “Spine snapper”… or “Wheelchair bound”… or “Humanly impossible.” Willie exhaustingly says, “I’m about to make my own new pose, ‘Dying fat man’.” Just as the whole class is on their backs with their legs spread eagled in the air with their hands holding their feet, Willie and Korie’s daughter walks in with Willie’s dad, Phil… Phil takes one look at Willie, shakes his head, and says, “Danger… what has happened to my boy? Yuppies…”
Meanwhile… back at the hunting field… Si is there with Jase, Phil and Si’s new dog. It’s a poodle! Jase and Phil are giving him a hard time about having such a fancy looking dog with a fancy haircut while hunting. Si says that poodles don’t give a rat’s behind about what other people think about them… just like Si. Jase says poodles are for older women and royalty… and Si tells them to just call him “Prince.” Now, this makes me laff… because earlier in the episode, Si makes an obscure “Prince” reference… coincidence? I think not… lololol… dies laffin’… The poodle does his job expertly… and Phil says he’s never going to say another bad thing about poodles as long as he lives.
Now’s the time for the big unveiling of Willie’s new physique… he’s been on a strenuous exercise program. It’s the moment of truth to see if the jacket fits… and lo and behold it does! Willie is convinced that hard work and dedication pays off. Ummm… I’m not gonna mention that the originally brown-looking jacket looks miraculously black now… Then Korie cops to buying a jacket in a larger size.
Back at Miss Kay and Phil’s house, Miss Kay was cooking again… as Phil looks longingly into the pot, he says, “That would make a hound dog hug a kitty cat on a frosty morning.”
Willie’s epilogue: “Sometimes when you look back on where you started in life you feel nostalgic. Other times you feel you need to lose 20 or 30 pounds. It’s easy to make excuses for some of the mistakes you’ve made along the way, but ultimately, if you want to change, the weight is on your shoulders – or belt. I guess I’m just grateful that I have my family to help me reach my goals, even if that involves fat jokes or camo tights.”
Shot Thru the Heart
The episode starts with Miss Kay trying to clean off a sticky substance off her countertop. Phil’s suggestion is to use turpentine. Miss Kay is saying that it’s not paint but Phil insists that turpentine can be used to remove many, many things, like: varnishes, paints, rust, stains, rabies, scabies… and Phil thinks it’s time to use it on larger projects – He thinks the whole country needs a good turpentine cleaning and he wants to “start with Hollyweird and move towards New York City…” Willie comes over and tells his parents they have a date on Saturday with a famous pet photographer – Seth Casteel (NY Times bestselling author) – who is as Willie says, “kind of a big deal.” Willie gave the photo session as a gift to his mom for her last birthday but she still hadn’t previously made a date for the session. Phil thinks that a pet photographer is the degree you get when you were rejected from a degree in aromatherapy… Phil sighs, “America.”
Willie’s son, John Luke has broken up with his girlfriend. Korie is worried that John Luke is probably crushed. Meanwhile, at Duck Commander Headquarters, Jase is just hanging up the phone saying, “It’s an honest mistake.” Evidently, a customer called because he said something was seriously wrong with his duck call. After a series of questions, Jase figured out that the guy was blowing in the wrong end of the duck call. Everyone has a good laugh at that one! Willie walks into the workroom and announces that John Luke broke up with his girlfriend and Willie’s not sure what to say to him. Jase says that whenever he got “wounded” at his age that he would go into the woods to soothe his soul. Willie reminds Jase that he spent a whole lot of time in the woods. Willie admonishes the guys not to say anything to John Luke so he doesn’t get embarrassed.
Seth, the pet photographer shows up to Kay and Phil’s house and the first thing that Phil said was, “How’d you get your hair to stand up like that?” Seth tells him it took a whole lot of hair spray. Phil then comments on Seth’s not one, but two watches… and grunts when Seth tells him that neither one of them actually work – but that he wears them mainly for fashion. Seth says he loves animals. Phil says he loves animals too, “They’re delicious.” Seth is aghast. Phil says, “One thing for sure is that Seth is not from around here.” Seth says he wants to do a really nice family shot and them some individual “personality” shots of the dogs. Phil looks at the dogs and thinks they don’t have much personality. Seth just nervously laughs. Miss Kay asks Phil how her hair looks… and Phil picks up the hose and suggests a wet t-shirt for the photo shoot. Gotta love their spunk!
Jase, Jep, and Si are out in the woods about to meet up with Willie and John Luke to do some manly stuff to provide salve to help heal John Luke’s broken heart. Jase clues Si in about John Luke’s breakup and admonishes him not to say anything cuz John Luke is shy about talking about stuff like that. Si promises not to say a word. Right… When pigs fly! Sure enough, the minute Si sees John Luke he mentions the breakup. John Luke looks at his dad and asks if that’s why they’re out in the woods? Willie at first says of course not… no… not even… well… ummm… yeah, well maybe… yes. Willie says that John Luke is clearly distraught. John Luke tries to assure them he’s fine.
Seth is encouraging Phil and Kay to act candidly for their photo shoot. Seth likes that Phil brought a prop – but Phil quickly tells him that, “It’s no prop – it’s a gun, Seth.” The dogs (JJ and Bo Bo) are growling at Seth. Seth is really trying to capture Phil and Miss Kay’s personality. Miss Kay is smiling and waving but Phil is just kinda looking really bored. Seth encourages Phil to look “happy” – Phil tells him, “This IS my happy.” They’re taking pictures of Miss Kay and Phil in the truck with the dogs. Seth wonders if they can position the dogs to look like they’re driving. Phil responds with an, “Um, no.” Miss Kay pretends to be waving at people and Phil just wonders why he’s there at all. Phil sums it all up and says, “Boy, ain’t this a fun time?”
The guys are walking through the woods, rifles in hand, and giving John Luke girlfriend advice. Jase says, “There are six billion people in the world. Assume half of them are women – then there’s three billion to choose from.” Willie quickly corrects Jase, “But that doesn’t mean that all of them are available for him,” They decide that some of them are too old or too young. Jase reasons, “So okay, maybe 2 billion are available.” Willie keeps correcting Jase, so Jase goes down to one billion… Willie says, “No, five hundred million.” Jase thinks that John Luke still has it better than he did when he was his age – cuz he figures he only had about 200,000 – 300,000 women to choose from, if that. Willie’s concerned they’re going to raise John Luke’s hopes if he believes that there are that many girls are available for him. Jase tells John Luke that the Robertson men are not the chasers, they’re the chasees.
Back at the photo shoot, Phil points his rifle into a tree and hits a squirrel. Seth’s mouth drops wide open. Seth says, “Is that safe?” Phil replies to him, “For the squirrel, not so much.” Fortunately, Seth has brought some organic treats to get the dogs’ attention – Phil says they already have their own organic treats. Seth decides to rake up some leaves so they can do an autumn action shot with the dogs. Phil encourages him to rake up a big pile. Phil suddenly sees value in this photo shoot – his yard is getting raked. Unfortunately, the dogs don’t want to run through the piles of leaves and instead run around them. Seth looks bewildered. Phil explains that where they live, dogs stay clear of piles of leaves cuz snakes live in them. Phil suggests raking up some more piles of leaves to see if the dogs run around them, too.
After a long day of photo shooting they’re back at the house, and looking through the pictures they took that day. Seth doesn’t really feel they really captured a good picture of Phil and the dogs. Phil is sitting in his recliner… and Bo Bo is sitting on the top of the back of the chair and is looking the window. Phil explains he’s his lookout cuz he alerts him when he sees people come driving up the road. Seth gets a brilliant idea. The next thing you see is a portion of their family room re-created in the middle of the woods: Phil is sitting in his recliner with the two dogs in his lap, a lamp sitting next to it, a rug underneath it, and Miss Kay standing right next to him holding a pecan pie. Perfecto!
Back in the forest, the guys are still trying to help John Luke get over his heartache. Willie says, “It’s like the sea, there’s tons of fish in the sea.” Si says that he’s right, “There’s blue fin tuna, there’s yellow fin tuna, hey, there are plenty of fish in the sea – barracudas, hey mackerels, snapper, swordfish, catfish, perch… there’s sharks, sushi, cop, corn, hammerhead sharks, bull crabs, sting rays, manna rays, gama rays, hey… Ray-ban…” Willie interjects that they don’t need to name all the fish in the sea. Si goes on to mention fried shrimp – Jase objects cuz they’re not fried in the sea. With all this talking about fish – Si got himself hungry. Willie is glad that Si came along cuz kids learn by example and, “Si is a glaring example of what you never want to be if you ever want a woman to talk to you. Ever.” The guys tell John Luke that they care. The head back home and you hear Si singing, “Shot through the heart, girl you give love a bad name.”
Miss Kay brings out the final framed pet picture for Phil to look at… he concedes the photo shoot went better than he thought. The guys show up to Miss Kay and Phil’s and look at the pictures. Phil asks John Luke what he learned on his little jaunt… Willie says the Robertson men are like sharks – always moving forward – and twice as lethal. John Luke says he’s good. He says he’s going out again. Willie says, “Of course you’re going out again – You’re gonna go out with tons of people.” John Luke corrected him… no me and her… we’re going out again – he had just texted her and they’re all good. Willie asks about all that advice they gave him. John Luke insists that he knows he caught a good fish and she’s a keeper. Si says, “He’s right, there’s cod, there’s snapper and there’s fish sticks – hey those things are delicious.” Then an argument ensues on whether or not fish sticks are made with real fish or just parts of fish.
Willie’s epilogue: “When you’re young, relationships can come and go faster than you can say, “hey” but the one thing about us Robertson men, is that we have a knack for finding that one in a million (Jase inserts more like a billion) (Willie tells Jase to shut up)… The point is, no matter how many fish there are in the sea, there’s always that one perfect catch.”
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Wednesday Night Lineup, March 20th by BB
8PM – Survivor: Tribe Shake Up (CBS); American Idol (Fox); Arrow (CW); Whitney (NBC); The Neighbors with Bethenny Frankel (8:30 ABC); Cousins on Call (HGTV); KKK: Beneath the Hood (Discovery)
9PM – Rachel Zoe Project (Bravo); Criminal Minds (CBS); Supernatural (CW); Law and Order SVU (NBC); Suburgatory (9:30 ABC); Property Brothers (HGTV); Hoarding: Buried Alive (TLC); Weed Country (Discovery); Haunted Collector (SyFy); Boston’s Finest (TNT); Rescue my Renovation (DIY); Not My Mama’s Meals (Cook)
10PM – It’s a Brad, Brad World/Dukes of Melrose (Bravo); Duck Dynasty (A&E); Chicago Fire (NBC); The Americans (FX); Psych (USA); My Strange Addiction (TLC); Rip the Runway (BET); HLN After Dark: Jodi Arias Trial (HLN); Stranded (SyFy); Southland (TNT); Restaurant Stakeout (Food); Dark Minds (ID)
11PM – WWHL: Megan Hilty and Patti Stanker (Bravo)