WWHL New Jersey Housewives Tell All by NMD
I think it’s still sweeps week, and Bravo has to do something to rescue Sunday nights now that RHOAtlanta is finished and Married to Medicine is tanking, so they are bringing in the New Jersey ladies. The format is Andy interviewing the ladies one by one, but the interviews are all cut together. The format is very hard to recap (or enjoy) because it’s choppy, but I’ll try my best.
How they Met
Andy asks about Kathy’s childhood – growing up with Teresa and Joe. Kathy explains that she and Rosie are older, but that Teresa was like Milania – a ball of fun. Teresa interviews that she didn’t speak to Kathy and Rosie for a time during their childhood – but they got back together for Teresa’s sweet 16 party. (Is this because their parents were in a feud? And why doesn’t anyone ever mention Kathy and Rosie’s brother??)
Caroline first met Teresa when she worked with Dina at a mall at the makeup counter. Caroline is also a lot older than Teresa. Teresa explains that she didn’t really know Caroline until the show. She knew Jacqueline much better.
Jacqueline and Teresa have known each other 12 years. Jacqueline’s first impression of Teresa was that she was a lot of fun. Jacqueline lived with Caroline for 6 months. They’ve had a rocky relationship. They got into an argument after Jacqueline’s first son was born and Jacqueline punched Caroline – but they get along well now.
Both Caroline and Jacqueline sort of knew Melissa before she joined the show. They had met her once or twice. They didn’t know Kathy. Caroline was guarded when she Kathy and Melissa joined the show. (Ya think?)
Melissa thought Caroline was standoffish the first she met her. Teresa and Melissa first met when Joey brought Melissa home for dinner at his mom’s house. Teresa was friendly and nice.
Caroline’s favorite moment on the show – when Albie was tossed out of law school and she gave him a pep talk. Melissa’s favorite moment, when she fell out of the canoe in two foot water and screamed her head off. Jacqueline – some of her fun times with Teresa and the trip to Venice. Teresa – being a best selling author. Andy says his favorite moment was the table flip. Teresa doesn’t regret doing it but she probably wouldn’t do it again. She just built up and exploded. And then they talk about the moment Teresa shoved Andy back into a chair at the reunion. She doesn’t remember doing it, and tells him it was a love tap.
Melissa thinks Kathy, Rosie, Teresa, and Joey all have the Gorga switch – 0 to 60 in 2 seconds.
Melissa and Teresa
When did things get dicey between Melissa and Teresa? Melissa – way before Housewives. Teresa – after Melissa had her first baby. Melissa says Teresa took digs. Teresa says that Melissa and Joey held grudges – and that she got over things. They show T bringing up the Danielle thing two years later.
Both ladies talk about the sprinkle cookies at Christmas. Melissa got a craving for them (and bought them from a good bakery.) Teresa thought they were shop-rite cookies and someone said something to her, so she was doing Melissa a favor by telling her they were terrible cookies and throwing them out. Teresa explains to Andy that he’s Jewish so he should understand about having to bring good food to family gatherings.
Teresa and Melissa talk about each other copying each other. Teresa really seems to think Melissa’s song “on display” was about her.
(At this point it’s clear that Teresa is getting the worst of the editing)
Jacqueline and Teresa’s Relationship
Now it’s Jacqueline and Teresa’s turn. Jacqueline says she responded to the tabloid stories because they were out there and public. Teresa thinks Jacqueline brought up the stories to be relevant.
The Caroline – Teresa arguments are rehashed. Caroline thinks that nothing is sacred enough in Teresa’s life for her to keep it under wraps (not sell it to the tabloids.)
I have to break and say the placement of Teresa’s microphone is distracting on her black dress. It looks like she’s having nip slip. And with her bun she looks like Marge Simpson. And she looks shiny. Kathy and Melissa actually look better than usual. Caroline looks like she made an effort – for her. Her hair is combed. Jacqueline looks like she just came from the mall.
The rehash the Napa fight. Then they all talk about their reactions to the phone call that Joe took in Napa where he called Teresa a c**t. Jacqueline said she cried and reached out to Teresa by text. Caroline said she felt like reaching out but didn’t. Kathy said something boring, and Teresa said the her husband never called her the c word. DENIAL.
Stripper Gate (yawn)
They talk about the Posche party. Teresa and Melissa both say a lot of people knew something was going down. Caroline says – “you know what Andy Cohen, the truth is going to come out,” with a smile on her face. Goodness – they won’t still be talking about it next season will they?
Ear Bleach Please
Andy tells Jacqueline she looks “tweaked”. She laughs and says he hasn’t seen her naked but she’s had a tummy tuck and something done to her neck. He said he’s looking forward to seeing her naked. She’s giggling as if she thinks it’s cute and not the strangest conversation ever to be had on national TV. Is it just me or does anyone else find it strange when Andy makes comments about the ladies bodies as if he’s interested in a non-platonic way.
Kathy’s Gorga Switch
Andy and Melissa talk about the reunion. Melissa says she has seen Kathy like that before, and when Kathy gets mad she yells. Now Kathy is in the hot seat to explain her behavior. Kathy says that all she was trying to do was help Teresa and then Teresa brought up some private stuff and her deceased dad, so she got angry. Kathy feels badly about how she behaved (thank goodness). Teresa has accepted her apology, but she’s not sure if her dad has.
Caroline thought that it was over for them after the reunion, since the reunion was so toxic.
Upcoming Season (Finally!)
Andy asks Jacqueline about her storyline for the next year. Nicholas’s autism will be a small part of the storyline. Kathy says that Rosie will be a big part of the storyline (yay). They show a clip of Rosie talking about an awful internet date. It’s pretty funny. BTW she looks great.
Andy asks about the brawls. Melissa nods and explains that things happen at an emotional level. Caroline says she’s never seen a group of people that are so quick to bring it on. Melissa says it’s because it’s family.
Teresa confirms that there are two brawls coming up this season. One of them will be embarrassing for her, but it was out of her control. I think one is between Joey and Joe, and the other is the one with Johnny the Greek, Joey, and Chris.
They talk about hurricane Sandy resetting their priorities.
They move on to their breakthrough moment (I think they went on some sort of therapy/team building retreat) and say that everything changed over the course of two days.
Caroline says Teresa is an enigma to her and she can’t hate her. She says the season is unpredictable. She has no idea how it’s going to end. Melissa says Teresa is family. Teresa says the season is a roller coaster. She got her happy back.
They end with word games. Teresa has trouble with it, but the rest of them say stuff things about each other.
I like them better when they aren’t together. This was a blatant attempt at ratings and there was very little of interest to viewers.
Meanwhile – from the peanut gallery
Johnny the Greek is washing his hands of the show (ROFL). After deleting all of his tweets again, he’s taking the high road and no longer interacting with the internet bullies or the NJ cast. Just to make sure we’re all clear on his new position of wanting NOTHING to do with the show he’s desperately been trying to get on for years, he tweeted this:
“Get this straight, IDGAF about any reality show or their cast. Stop tagging or associating me with any of it. You look lonely & desperate!!!
That’s right NO PART IN IT !!! I’ve seen their ways, scripted reality, cowardly setup, & their lies to the people. I’m not about that !!!”
Everyone get that. Johnny the Greek wants NO PART in the show now that he realizes that it’s scripted and set up. LOLOLOLOL
Real Housewives of New Jersey Sneak Preview by Lulu
Melissa is center stage at a nightclub about to perform her latest single “I’m more than a housewife.” The ladies await her performance Jaq looks confused and disorientated. Caroline asks her whats wrong and the women is incoherent. Uh-oh someone forgot to take her “I will go bat sh#t crazy unless I’m on my meds.” Disaster someone perhaps Kathy takes her wine glass away from her. Caroline is giving the film crew an evil look telling them to cut immediately. Oops Bravo continues rolling after all the years of the viewers complaining that Wacky Jaq has been edited. They finally show us the real “Jaq.” As she is escorted out not without an epic 2YO style temper tantrum kicking and screaming on the way out. Melissa is about to perform. As she takes stage in all her glory the techno music starts. Her pitch perfect voice booms across the speakers when of a sudden the track fails. Though Melissa is unaware that she is still lip synching to nothing. Only until the audience starts laughing their #sses off, Booing her and throwing crap at her. Does she realize that she’s been had! In a desperate attempt at some sort of dignity she screams “No you don’t understand I AM better than Tre!!! She set me up!!!” Joe Gorga runs to her rescue “Don’sss waugh at……” before he could finish his sentence he is immediately knocked out cold by a empty bottle thrown on stage. Melissa is now in a fetal position on stage mumbling “I am better than Teresa.” over and over again. Caroline is in complete disbelief she looks at the camera and says “I didn’t sign up for looneyville!” shakes her head and walks out.
In the preview of the next episode a car is shown pulling up to a rehab facility……
(Anyone want to take on Episode 2? LOL)