Real Housewives of Orange County Photos by Boston
Real Housewives of Orange County
The episode opens with Lydia visiting Tamra’s house. After Lydia makes the obligatory compliments about the dark flooring that Tamra deflects by saying she hates because it shows all the dirt… Tamra ushers Lydia to the kitchen where she’s provided such an upscale spread that is fit for a king. On cue, Lydia asks Tamra if she needs to wear a tiara. It made Lydia feel so special. Sadly, Lydia is not wearing a headband or other such thing at this point about which I can mercilessly harass her. Be careful as you eat that cheese, Lydia – Remember: There is no such thing as free brie… (Note: I just have to share with you a George Takei post I recently saw on FB: “Sweet dreams are made of cheese, Who am I to diss a brie… I cheddar the world and the feta cheese… Everybody’s looking for Stilton…” lol… okay back to RHOC…) Lydia and Tamra talked about how proud they were of Heather and her performance on “Hot in Cleveland.” Gag… Are we really still talking about this? Tamra was happy that everyone got along so well – and within 2 minutes of Lydia being in her home she started saying crap about Alexis again – and about how her absence was the reason why everyone got along that night. Except, actually, everyone didn’t get along – Heather was really cranky with Gretchen, if I remember right… but just chose not to make a big deal about it at that point of time… Lydia thinks the situation between Alexis and Tamra is ugly and mean and Lydia wants to facilitate things getting better between them. Lydia thinks it was a shame that the last time they saw each other that it was so dramatic. Lydia then says in her talking head, “I am the friendship whisperer.” Sorry, Lydia – for that to actually be true – the people you’re whispering to would have had to have been actual friends before the rift happened, no? Tamara confides that she feels she actually connected to what Alexis was saying when she was in the back of the limo crying. Specifically, when Alexis was expressing that she felt like she was being bullied. Tamra says she can empathize with those feelings because that’s how she felt years ago. Tamra declares that she is trying to be the better person (No really, she is cough… cough). Tamra asks Lydia to call Alexis to arrange for the big friendship summit meeting – but Lydia makes Tamra do it herself.
Well, surprise of all surprises, Gretchen is shopping at a bikini shop. She is planning the bachelorette party for Tamra and she’s decided they’re taking her to Mexico although they are not telling Tamra exactly where she’s going. It’s going to be a secret! Gretchen told Tamra that she had to pack two different suitcases – one for cold weather and the other for warm weather. Heather meets Gretchen at the bikini place because they’ve decided to design a custom bikini for Tamra for her bachelorette party. They’re going to “Puerto Vallarta” and I know that you’ll be surprised to know that Gretchen totally massacres the pronunciation of it. Seriously, if you’ve lived in Southern California for any length of time at all you pick up some basic fundamentals of Spanish pronunciation – and I’m not saying you need a perfect accent… but just don’t call it “Porta” when it’s “Puerto”… Seriously, it just makes you look ignorant. Heather wants to take Tamra to an art gallery that’s next to a fabulous restaurant while there… (Insert laff here – cuz yeah, that’s what I first think of when I think of bachelorette party destination – an art gallery…Although arguably, I’d prolly enjoy that better than the inevitable stripper-laced drunken orgy that is about to ensue). On the other hand, Gretchen wants strippers (See, I told you… lol) It seems like Gretchen thinks she’s planning the party – but Heather thinks she’s also planning parts of it… Heather offers up an idea of a “Spa Day.” They have such differing points of view – this is not likely to work well… They then argue about the kind of bikini they want to get for Tamra – Heather prefers more coverage while Gretchen believes that sometimes when you have too much coverage on the butt it actually makes your butt look bigger. Gretchen thinks she knows best because after all – she IS in the fashion industry because she designs handbags. I kid you not – she actually said that – but this is not “THE” I kid you not moment of this episode…
Alexis is meeting Vicki at the Salt Creek Grille. Alexis asks Vicki about Tamra’s bachelorette party. Vicki has decided to go but she is nervous about it. Alexis tells Vicki that Tamra called her out of the blue and asked her meet her for lunch. Alexis says she’s a little apprehensive to meet with Tamra – not nervous, but hesitant. Alexis believes there is good in everybody. Vicki says that Tamra gets an “A” for effort that she made the call. Vicki thinks at the end of the day that you can at least agree to be cordial. Vicki starts talking about the bachelorette party again and asks Alexis if she will go… Alexis is so not going to go but Vicki can take Tamra her gift. Vicki doesn’t want to bring a gift – because after all it’s Tamra’s 3rd marriage. Oh, snap!
Lydia and Alexis show up to the restaurant to meet Tamra. Alexis tells us that there was no way that she would have consented to meet with Tamra without Lydia being in attendance. We are reminded for like the 81st time that the last time Tamra and Alexis saw each other was when Tamra screamed at her and unceremonially kicked her out of her dinner party at her fitness studio. As they sit down and order drinks, Lydia is realizing this is all on her if this meeting goes badly. Lydia breaks the ice with saying that she’s glad both of them are there. She thinks they’re both on the same page and that they both want to move on. Tamra says that it was great when Alexis first got to the party that night – it was nice showing her around and stuff – but then when things got back between Alexis/Gretchen and Alexis/Heather and Gretchen/Vicki and that all Tamra heard in her head was noise. Tamra acknowledged that she’s impulsive and explosive. No apology, mind you – just that she’s “impulsive and explosive.” Then, while she was eavesdropping on Alexis sitting in the limo talking to Lydia and Vicki, she heard what Alexis was saying… and she didn’t realize at that moment what an impact that would ultimately have on her. Tamra said she could hear the pain in Alexis’ voice. Alexis starts crying… Tamra says she doesn’t care whose fault it is – but that she just wants to break the cycle. Alexis tells her that she didn’t want to cause pain or anger at the party. She doesn’t expect people to love everything about her – but that she just wants some peace and for them to give her a chance. They don’t have to be best friends or anything. Alexis thinks she could cry for days right now… Tamra thinks it’s important that they keep this meeting a secret from everyone else because she just doesn’t want any outside influences right now in their fledgling relationship. Tamra probably wants to keep it quiet until after she gets all the gifts from her numerous wedding showers and bachelorette parties. Alexis thinks Tamra is truly sorry. Lydia is proud that she set them up on this blind date and it went well. Tamra thinks it’s not healthy to live in this anger. Alexis is hopeful – and is not expecting to be best friends with Tamra. Tamra doesn’t want to be the “mean girl.” Too late, honey, that ship sailed a long time ago to a galaxy far, far away. They toast to “New beginnings.”
Gretchen visits Lauri Peterson (former RHOC) at Sycamore Trails Stables in San Juan Capistrano. Okay, I’m just going to warn you all there’s gonna be a whole lot of manure flying around and don’t blame the horses. As we enter this phase of our program, please be reminded that Vicki once employed Lauri at her insurance company while Lauri was struggling to make ends meet after Lauri’s divorce. Lauri then met and married George and hasn’t worked a day in a professional workplace since then. In addition, Lauri has a past history of hooking up with Slade… So yes, Gretchen is meeting Lauri, one of Slade’s previous housewife conquests just so she can literally get crap from her about Vicki. I’m sure she got a heads up from Tamra about the kind of information she had… Okay, back to our regularly scheduled programming…
Gretchen tells Lauri that Tamra told her that Lauri went shopping with her for wedding rings. Gretchen was surprised since she didn’t realize they saw each other recently. I think Gretchen was jealous that she wasn’t invited to the big wedding ring shopping extravaganza such as it was. I find it so amusing at how jealous Gretchen is of anyone coming into the Tamra sphere. It’s like if someone gets too close to Tamra – She’s gonna act like a bug zapper and zap them out of Tamra’s life. Good luck with that, Gretch. They talk about how they can’t believe Tamra is getting married. Gretchen tells Lauri that Slade used to have horses at this same stable. I personally think Slade has made hay with several fillies and I may or may not be talking about horses or those who have a horse’s face (No shade intended on horses). Gretchen clues us in that Lauri used to date Slade and then, in a feeble attempt to minimize it, says cavalierly, “He banged her once, twice or three times… I don’t know.” I’m not sure if Gretchen was trying to use the kind of phraseology that she thinks a guy would use or what – but it really was quite weird.
Gretchen tells Lauri that she and Slade have been together for 4 years now and that they’re ready to have a baby. Lauri thinks they make a beautiful couple. Lauri asks Gretchen about a marriage first – Gretchen says “Maybe.” Oh, I get it – so the plan is NOT to get married, but have a baby out of wedlock? Wow. Gretchen asks Lauri if she talks to Vicki anymore. Lauri tells her that their friendship has really fallen apart. Gretchen says that she finds Vicki to be very hypocritical. Vicki accused Gretchen of cheating on Jeff (Remember Gretchen had her ex-boyfriend go on a trip with her to see her family in Northern California while Jeff was sick in the hospital down here, etc.). Vicki also completely trashed Slade for being deadbeat dad but then started dating Brooks who is in the same situation. (Ummm… allegedly, Slade actually was a deadbeat dad when he didn’t pay his child support for the several months while he was unemployed but working for Gretchen without drawing an actual paycheck. There have also been allegations that Brooks has not lived up to his obligations, either.). When Gretchen called out Vicki on that subject, Vicki just says she’s not a hypocrite… she’s not a hypocrite! Frankly, I find it baffling that Gretchen has somehow forgiven Tamra of all the vile things she said about her, Jeff and Slade… and now she conveniently blames it all on Vicki. It’s weird, no?
And the manure starts to hit the fan… Lauri, who is looking for any opportunity to be relevant to this franchise and to secure future employment, decides to throw Vicki under the bus and then proceeds to run back and forth over her several times. She tells Gretchen that the concept of Vicki having anything to say cheating issues is like, “It’s the pot calling the kettle ‘black.’” Lauri then says that in the last 12 years that she’s known Vicki that she has never known her to be with just one person – She means, never ever! “She’s just hopping from guy to guy… and guy to guy.” Gretchen’s mouth is gaping open. Gretchen asks, “I mean did you actually see her?” (This was such a set-up, loaded question it’s really laffable.) Lauri responds, “Yeah, I did. Oh yeah…” Lauri says she knows a lot about Vicki. She has a lot of dirt on her and Vicki had better watch out because she knows where all her bones are buried (I refrain from the obvious joke). Really, Lauri? I’m sure Vicki has some ammo against you, too! Gretchen tells Lauri this is the kind of crap that makes her go crazy. Lauri giddily continues fanning the flame… Lauri said that Vicki went to Greece one year and actually brought back a guy with her who Lauri describes as, “A Grecian god without any teeth.” Gretchen is becoming so, so angry at Vicki. Gretchen is unsure what shocks her more – that Vicki has had all these affairs while married or that there were that many guys who would want to have an affair with Vicki. So, as if this all was not enough… Lauri tells her about an insurance trip to New Orleans – and that she actually walked in on Vicki in bed with another woman and they both were in bed with another man. Gretchen is amazed that Lauri has kept all this quiet. Lauri says that she didn’t actually know whether or not they were having sex or not – because they were all under a blanket. Lauri feels that Vicki has so much stuff in her past that she doesn’t want to get out that she has to put everyone else on the defense. Lauri says that she has never ever talked to anyone about any of this. Right, except of course for Tamra and the Bravo producers, and who knows who else? Lauri is mad at Vicki because Lauri’s ex-mother-in-law sent Vicki some information about George (Lauri’s husband) and instead of just giving it to Lauri directly – Vicki sent it to several people. She said it was very defamatory information about George’s family and of course all of it was untrue… Lauri thinks Vicki should have come right to her and talked to her about it. Gretchen asks Lauri if she wants to talk to Vicki (Oh no, not another friendship summit)… but Lauri doesn’t feel comfortable about it (unless of course, Bravo wants to pay her for it). After exactly no persuasion, Lauri then decides she needs to talk to Vicki about it before anyone else talks to her because she has so much to get off her chest. Gretchen self-identifies that she has a problem. Gretchen does not think she’s going to be able to keep quiet about any of this now that she knows about it since Vicki really pisses her off. Rut roh…Get ready for a rumble! It is pissing Gretchen off so much that if she finds herself in a group setting she knows she is going to want to tell her that she knows who she’s been sleeping with for the last 25 years. Gretchen wants to call up Vicki and say, “You f***n’ b***.” Somewhere… Ryan and Briana are cringing… and Don is happy, happy, happy!
Meanwhile… People are busily packing for the bachelorette party trip. While Heather is packing, Terry comes in and she tells him that she thinks Tamra is nervous about the trip. Heather describes it as a bit of “hazing” and that there’s going to be a stripper there. Heather says she’s never seen a stripper and has never been to a strip club – she’s just never seen one other than in a movie or on TV. Terry assures her that she’s not missing anything. You can actually see Heather take a double take like, “How would you know?”… but she decides to drop it. It comes out that Terry has stripped for Heather but unfortunately that doesn’t count… like so many other things he does.
Lydia is also packing and asks Doug how many shoes he thinks she will need for 2 nights. Doug’s answer is 1. Silly him. Lydia reminds him that these girls are “fancy.” Lydia has never been to a bachelorette party – and she knows these girls are wild… She tells Doug that there have been whispers that there will be a stripper. Lydia is wondering how she’s going to exit the room without it being all weird and stuff. She has never seen a stripper and doesn’t want to. In one of the most quotable quotes of the night, Lydia says, “I have 2 boys, a dog and a husband… I see enough penises… I don’t need to see a stripper.” She laughingly says, “I feel like I’m leaving as a little child and coming back as a woman. (Nope, that wasn’t the “I kid you not moment” either.)
Gretchen is packing her hot pink bachelorette goodies and goodie bags. She tells Slade that she hopes this whole thing about Vicki goes okay because otherwise she is probably going to go off on her. Slade wonders why Vicki is even coming. Gretchen says perhaps it’s because she has a boyfriend down there. Gretchen is sure that she does.
Tamra is frustrated because she doesn’t know what to pack and she’s out of control of the situation. She’s been told to pack for cold and for warm – but she really, really, REALLY wants to go somewhere warm. She calls Gretchen and tries to trick her into telling her which suitcase she should use to pack her white tank shirt with “Bride” written on it. Shockingly, Gretchen doesn’t fall for the rouse. Tamra says that if Gretchen takes her to a cold climate she’s just going to stay in her room the whole time. Way to be a good sport, Tamra! Tamra uses the excuse that she doesn’t think she looks cute in cold weather clothes. Tamra tells Gretchen, “I told you… naked wasted is the kind of bachelorette party I want.” Yes, she actually told Gretchen… you know that same Gretchen that Tamra actively tried to get “naked wasted” at a dinner party at her house so that she would embarrass herself with Tamra’s own son.” And yet it is Vicki that Gretchen is still so angry at… Go figure! Don’t get me wrong… Vicki has said plenty of crappy things… but still….
Everyone meets at the John Wayne airport and boy is there a lot of black and white outfits going on… Gretchen and Heather both have on black and white striped outfits. How completely adorable (gag)… Gretchen is talking to Heather and Lydia about all the adult toys and bachelorette trinkets she has with her and says she thinks people will either think she’s going to a porno convention or that she’s just really, really horny. Vicki arrives and she also has some bachelorette themed goodies and starts to show the other ladies what she has. Gretchen is getting frazzled because she also has a lot of the same stuff. Vicki says in her talking head that there is no competition here because Tamra can surely drink out of more than one penis cup. When Tamra pulls up – they present Tamra with a gift bag that tells her what climate they’re travelling to – and voila – she pulls out the customized bikini! Tamra is happy! Aren’t we all? Whoopy-doo… Whoopy doo!
Tamra is told they’re going to Mexico. Vicki pulls out a “Bride to Be” sash and a fun tiara that Tamra has to wear for the duration of the trip (which is merely 2 days long, mind you). Tamra just wants to drink and have fun! After arriving in Mexico, on their way to the hotel in the limo – they talk about what they’re going to do while they’re there. They are first going to a really nice restaurant… Vicki tells them that after dinner she wants to go to “Andales” – a dive bar and whoop it up. Gretchen says they can’t whoop it up too much because they have to save enough whoop for tomorrow. Vicki wonders if they’re 80? Vicki has been going to Puerto Vallarta since she was 21 and she’s looking forward to letting loose. From sun up to sun down – no sleeping – It’s get your party pants on, girls! Vicki knows a lot of guys there. (cough, cough). Gretchen says that’s an understatement. Gretchen presents Tamra with a ginormous multicolored penis lollipop that will take her all weekend to suck. After Tamra licks at it a few times, Vicki takes it and sticks it deep into her mouth and well… ummm…. Let me just say that Vicki seems to know her way around lollipops. “Bet you had a lot of practice doing that before, right” Gretchen snottily says in her talking head. Somewhere you can hear Slade cussin’ at himself that even after 3 tries, he still picked the wrong housewife in which to hook-up. Vicki loves Mexico because you’re supposed to have fun and act like an idiot there. For those inquiring minds, the line that Tamra has drawn about having fun in Mexico begins and ends with a donkey. She wants no part of anything have to do with a donkey. Enough said.
They arrive at Villa la Estancia Riviera Nayarit. Vicki is determined to show Tamra a good time over the next couple of days and she will love it! They have dinner reservations in an hour to go to Heather’s restaurant recommendation. They drive over in a limo that looks like a truck… and surprise – there is “Champs” in the limo! I’m shocked! Tamra is told that her boobs are showing – and a sexual innuendo joke is made (I’m trying to be good… honest!) They talk about the agenda for the evening… Vicki says that after dinner they’re all going dancing. Heather just wants to go “night, night.” Tamra says she doesn’t want to drink two nights in a row – that she’s too old for that. They’re dining at “Café des Artistes” which according to their website serves “Classic modern cuisine with a Mexican flair” and is considered one of the best restaurants in Puerto Vallarta. It however, is NOT the place for a raunchy bachelorette party. After some of them had issues with the menu, even though English is printed on the right side of the menu – they manage to order. Heather assures them that everything is good there – and she recommends the spotted quail. I’m dying laffin’ because no matter how classy these guys think they are – they have NO idea how to conduct themselves in a restaurant like this. Lydia asks if they can get some salsa and chips to start off with – and the waiter looks like he’s going to kill her dead with that request. If he doesn’t kill her, Heather will. Heather assures her they’ll have chips and salsa tomorrow. It’s a great restaurant if you want a nice, quiet, romantic dinner. No one looks happy at all. No one. Well, except Heather. She’s perfectly at home here. Tamra says, “Welcome to a French restaurant, right?” Heather quickly corrects her, “It’s not French.” It is sooooOOoooo not a place to go with a bunch of girls on a bachelorette trip. They all start to nervously laugh because it’s so quiet. Lydia decides they need to do a bachelorette love game with Tamra – She explains that they’re going to ask her a quick-fire round of questions about Eddie. What’s Eddie’s best body feature? Tamra responds, “Abs.” Boxers or briefs? “A little of both.” Favorite color? “Black.” “What position does he like?” asks Vicki. Tamra looks bewildered and asks if she has to actually answer that question. Heather tells her, “No.” Heather doesn’t even know if she wants to know the answer to that question. Tamra figures out an answer, “He likes any position, actually.” As the food is served, Heather says, “Bon appetite, everyone!” (How appropriate, in this non-French restaurant). Heather says that her food is delicious. Gretchen is scared of her shrimp and she gives them to Tamra. Heather acknowledged that she may have picked the wrong restaurant. But she was surprised they all just didn’t take it in stride – you go, you eat – and you make the best of it and then you don’t go back. Gretchen says she once got sick on shrimp and now she’s scared of them. Heather thinks it’s rude to sit there and complain throughout the whole dinner. Are we having fun yet?
Vicki asks who wants to go whoop it up tonight? We’re going to whoop it up at “Andales.” We either rally and whoop it up or we go to bed. Heather and Gretchen are annoyed with Vicki. Gretchen says in her talking head, “This is not your day… This is not your weekend… And this is certainly not your trip that you planned…So if you wanted to come here and go to Andales… and (insert gratuitous sexually graphic hand to mouth gesture here)… with Mr. Doorman then you should have come on your own.” Gretchen says that they want to have some energy for their tour tomorrow. Vicki says she doesn’t want to do a tour tomorrow. Gretchen tells her that she shouldn’t go. Gretchen tells us that she’s proud of herself that she hasn’t gone off on Vicki yet – like calling her a “slut, whore.” Gretchen is just busying herself by singing, “Kumbayah.” Lydia, in a really funny voice says, “Whoop it up.” Lydia was worried about this trip being too wild but so far the night’s been really boring. Gretchen says it’s all about Tamra. Tamra says no, that it’s all about all of them. In Tamra’s talking head, she says, “What’s next? A yeast infection?” So cheers to Tamra getting married! As they head out, Gretchen and Heather say they need to “go potty.”
The next think you see is Vicki quickly leading Tamra and Lydia by the hand down some stairs. Heather and Gretchen are nowhere to be found. Lydia and Tamra are asking where is Heather and Gretchen? Vicki could NOT care less. Vicki insists that she’s taking the girls to her favorite places. Lydia wonders if they shouldn’t wait for them? Perhaps they should text them? Vicki continues to lead them by the hand and tells them to do it her way. Tamra says that Vicki is definitely the girl you want at your bachelorette party because they have so much fun together – it’s crazy! Vicki assures them that the others will likely follow them to Andales. Lydia is still asking about texting them…
Meanwhile, Heather and Gretchen, the trip planners, are sitting alone in the limousine wondering where everyone went. They’ve been waiting for over 20 minutes – but it makes no sense that they would have left without them. Certainly, they wouldn’t have just left us here, would they? Heather says that it’s not nice that they would have just left them there – because they would have been happy to go out… (I’m dying laffing because that’s exactly opposite of what they had said earlier). Gretchen thinks it’s strange that Tamra and Lydia would have done that to them.
Meanwhile, Lydia buys all the fun girls glowing headband bows (I just KNEW Lydia would get to wear a headband before the end of this episode). They are gleefully walking the streets of Puerto Vallarta hand in hand. Vicki says, “Bye, bye Gretchen” in her talking head. Make no mistake, Vicki knows exactly what she’s doing… lol. Rut roh… Lydia drops her cell phone and it breaks… I wonder if this is going to come into play next week… hmmm…. However, Lydia was able to call the restaurant before she dropped her phone to tell them to find Heather and to give her a message.
Gretchen and Heather are still waiting in the limousine. Gretchen whines, “Do you know the other part that really pisses me off? Do you know how much g*** d*** f*** money I’ve spent putting this weekend together?” Heather responds, “As far as I’m concerned this is as much of a slap to me as it is to you.” Heather says, “I’m going to text all 3 of them… We’ve been waiting for 20 minutes.” Heather wonders why she left her kids at home for this… They decide that Vicki always plays by her own rules… Vicki is going to blow her wad all in one night and get drunk and be totally stupid. And finally, in the “I kid you not” portion of our program – and just in case anyone is wondering… I listened to it several times and even confirmed it on close captioning for this one statement… Gretchen actually says, “Vicki pissed off the wrong girl. I want to unleash a wrath of FURRY on this bitch.” (At this point, Stars is laffing so hard she can’t even see straight… picturing that big old “wrath of furry” [no, not “fury” – she actually said “furry”] that Gretchen is gonna unleash… omg..omg…omg)… Gretchen then starts to tell Heather, “I don’t know if you know this… but I went and met with Lauri and she disclosed all these things about Vicki….” End Scene.
Careful you guys, until next week… Make sure you watch out for those big old furry wraths…
Newlyweds: The First Year, Episode 5 by BB
Blair and Jeff (Married 4 months, 2 weeks):
Blair’s not getting any. It’s been 2 weeks and Jeff says he knows they are in a rut. Blair says it’s not they, it’s Jeff. Jeff thinks Blair is in a fantasy world and Blair says they used to do it like rabbits, so why should it be different now? Jeff is not making sex a priority from an emotional standpoint. Blair says Jeff should be flattered that a hot, blond who’s 16 years younger wants him. Jeff thinks that cooking together and watching home improvement shows after work is better than sex. Blair needs the sexual connection.
A week later, Jeff arrives home from dinner with his friends and Blair is not happy that he hasn’t answered his phone calls. Jeff tells Blair he’s only been gone three hours, and Blair has called him three times and he answered the first two calls. Jeff says he deserves to go have dinner with friends without Blair checking on him three times in three hours. Jeff feels trapped that he can’t even go out with a friend for dinner and Blair feels like Jeff doesn’t want to spend time with him and he should be flattered. Jeff says they are together all the time. Jeff tells Blair he feels like he’s being attacked and Blair dramatically walks out of the room. Jeff says Blair always has to be the center of attention.
Now five months married, Jeff and Blair are cleaning the house. Jeff loves cleaning and Blair not so much. Blair thinks Jeff should be less obsessed with his old house and more obsessed with his young husband. Blair doesn’t feel he should spend his weekend cleaning a house that doesn’t even belong to him. Jeff hasn’t willed the house to Blair yet. Jeff wants to make sure Blair really appreciates the house and not take it for granted before he writes that into his will.
Jeff wants to sit down with Blair and go over finances, like the mortgage, homeowner’s insurance, etc. He wants Blair to pay more. Blair gives him something a month, plus he pays for all of their entertaining expenses. Blair agrees to increase his monthly contribution to Jeff. Jeff wants them to have a joint account, but Blair likes having his own money. Blair gets very emotional and Jeff shuts down. Blair thinks he’s paying more than Jeff towards the expenses. Jeff thinks he’s easily manipulated, but he doesn’t want to put up with that anymore from Blair.
Kathryn and John (Married 3 months, 3 weeks):
Kathryn is eating her ice cream while John, in his TH, because he’s an honest person, says Kathryn is gaining weight and he’s never fooled around with a fat person before. John and Kathryn watch videos of her in her wedding dress and Kathryn wonders how she could have blown up in three months like she has. He says the pancakes she’s been eating haven’t been helpful and she wishes he would be a little more understanding. In the back of his mind, John’s worried he’s never going to see the old Kathryn’s body again. Kathryn says John doesn’t see that he’s gaining weight also. She knows she’s going to lose the weight after the baby so she’s not that worried.
Kathryn and John have now been married 4 months, 2 weeks. They are meeting at the doctor’s office where Kathryn will be having a sonogram. She’s 20 weeks pregnant (you do the math). They can’t wait to find out the sex of the baby. John wants a little girl and Kathryn want’s a mamma’s little boy. Kathryn keeps saying “he” while they are looking at the sonogram. And guess what, it’s a boy. John is shocked but he’s glad Kathryn’s glad it’s a boy. I thought men secretly wanted to have a boy, especially the first one.
Married 5 and a half months now, John is going over the budget and they talk about how much Kathryn is spending. She gets a weekly allowance and has to tell him how she spends the money. She resents it. John wants to be fair but Kathryn feels so restricted. She’s spending a part of her allowance on their food. Kathryn is trying to work him a little to get more money. She tells him the tanning salon is doing well, she doesn’t take a salary and deserves a bonus. He says no. Kathryn asks him if he’s serious. John tells Kathryn they have to cut down on expenses because of the baby coming. She says they should sell the pool table to make room for baby stuff. John calls his friend who wants to buy the pool table. He can’t believe he’s giving up his pool table. At the end of the day, Kathryn gets her way.
Tina and Tarz (Married 4 months, 2 weeks):
They are in New York and are getting fitted for outfits to attend a premiere party for a Bollywood magazine that is featuring a spread on their wedding. Tina admits she has kept Tarz a secret from the Indian media because he’s White and she hasn’t wanted to deal with the BS from people who don’t like the fact she didn’t marry an Indian. One of the magazine staff tells them they are breaking boundaries, but Tina is a little nervous about walking the red carpet for the first time with Tarz. She reads them some really nasty tweets and facebook comments she’s gotten about marrying Tarz. Tarz says he’s even gotten death threats. The magazine decides they need to tighten up on security. Tina’s dad shows up with an attitude towards Tarz, but Tarz asks him to have lunch with him so they can have some bonding time. Tina’s dad says he’s bonded with Tarz enough and he doesn’t have time, even though he’s in NY on vacation. He finally agrees to have lunch with Tarz.
Tarz is late meeting his father in law, Kan, for lunch and knows he’s going to hear about it first thing. Tarz is right. Tan points at his watch and then asks why they are at an Italian place instead of at his favorite Indian restaurant. Tan says he has to leave as the waiter arrives. The Italian restaurant doesn’t have either dish Tan wants. This is not going well so far. Tarz tells Tan he just got a big project and Tan wants to know where the paychecks are from his “job.” Tarz says this project will bring six figures so he should be happy because it’s a big deal. Tan tells Tarz he lost his wife, he lost his daughter and he has a son in law he doesn’t understand. Tan is not over the loss of his wife and Tarz knows he’s taking the brunt of Tan’s grief and he’s willing to do that. Tan tells Tarz Tina was the only one left he could talk to freely and now he doesn’t even have her. Tarz tells Tan he understands how he feels but they are married now and he’s not going anywhere, but he hopes they can bond and have a father/son relationship one day. Tan calls himself a good guy and very understanding and says doesn’t give anyone a hard time. Tarz says he’s a good guy, but he has been giving him a hard time.
Tina has invited Tarz’ mom Ellie over for some girl talk. Tina loves that she can talk to Ellie like a friend. They get along very well. Tina asks Ellie for advice about how to get Tarz on the baby-making schedule. Ellie is a little embarrassed talking about her son and sex and tells Tina it’s none of her business. Tina asks Ellie what she does to spice things up with her husband. Ellie tells her she doesn’t have to do that much. Tina asks Ellie if she thinks Tarz might be gay and Ellie says no way. Tina keeps talking until Ellie tells her it’s too much information and asks her to stop.
The night finally arrives for Tina and Tarz to be together in public for the BiBi magazine party. Tarz isn’t sure where he should be standing while Tina is posing for pictures and greeting her fans. One of her fans is stalkerish and makes Tina and Tarz a little uncomfortable. Nobody seemed hostile towards them. Tina does a performance for the party goers. She’s pretty good. She sings OK and dances really well. She’s hoping her sexy dancing will turn Tarz on. Later at home, Tarz is on his computer, but Tina interrupts him with some sexy moves. He says she’s cute. Tina gives up.
Kim and Alaska (Married 4 months, 2 weeks):
Kim is in New York, Alaska is in LA. Her assistant tells her she doesn’t think they are even married. It’s fashion week and Kim is busy styling models and running a runway show. In LA, Alaska is busy producing music. He doesn’t mind they are spending time apart because they are both doing so well in their careers. Kim lives for her career, but she worries about the physical distance between her and Alaska and that it will translate to emotional distance.
Alaska is finally back in NY and they always have the best sex ever after being apart. Kim cooked naked for him and they are having strawberries and champagne. They later go to a party given by their friend Damon, who is a club promoter. They first met on a dance floor and it was music that brought them together at first. They are having fun at the club and that’s how Kim pictured married life would be like and she hopes it never ends.
Alaska is getting ready to leave town and the bickering begins. They fight over petty things but it’s really about him going back to LA. They are fighting about food for Pete’s sake. They are annoying each other and me too.