Real Housewives of New Jersey – Blogs Blogged
These episodes are increasingly getting harder and harder to watch, aren’t they? They keep lathering, rinsing, and then repeating the same issues over and over again ad nauseam. It’s like the storyline car is stuck in neutral and they keep stepping on the gas to rev up the engine! Watch out – The carbon monoxide fumes are coming into the car and are slowly killing the viewers as we’re lulled into a deep sleep. [Clap, clap!] WAKE UP! ARISE! WAKE FROM YOUR SLUMBER! We need to resist the temptation of falling asleep! We need to tell Bravo what a horrible piece of crap this franchise has turned into! We need to kill it before it kills us! It’s survival of the fittest, baby!
Okay, and let me just start off by saying this, Teresa – Please don’t call us “Loveys” cuz Thurston Howell III is gonna kick your ass for stealing his pet name for his wife. It is becoming more and more detestable to me that so many of these women start their blogs with niceties… There is nothing “nice” about these episodes. The blogs should all start with apologies to the viewers. “I’m sorry that watching paint drying is more compelling than what was shown on this week’s episode.” “I’m sorry you’ll never get back that hour it took you to watch it.” “I’m sorry you’re subjected to subpar acting and reacting.” “I’m sorry I’m a lying liar who lies.” “I’m sorry I continue to put my thirst for fame before the importance of human decency.” “I’m sorry we’ve exploited our children for a buck and a photo op.” “I’m sorry that we’re so stupid.” “I’m sorry that out gross overuse of hair spray has contributed to global warming.”
Teresa starts out her blog by saying that they’re rebuilding their shore house but sadly it does not have a TV. She says, “This week, I was kinda glad though, since it was not an episode I wanted my kids to watch. It’s not an episode I wanted to be in!” Okay, I cry “Foul” on this – Because if I have to watch it Teresa, you certainly have to watch it. It’s the law. Caroline says, “I really don’t have much to say about this week’s episode. To me it just rehashed the same issues that we’ve all been dealing with for the past couple of years. If anything, I think it shows how deep the hurt is between Teresa and Joe.” So why in the heck are we subjected to watching it? Oh that’s right… it’s because Bravo hates us!
Melissa Is Writing a Book – Okay, okay, you can stop laughing now… Yes, she’s actually writing a book. Brace yourself – Are you ready? No really… you need to make sure you have a barf bag handy… because her book, “Love, Italian Style” is reportedly going to be about how to have a hot marriage. Is this the right time to conjure up the visual of her husband and his “poison?” No? Oh, and by the way… talk about never having an original thought… I can’t help but think that the name of the book is an infuriating homage to that fun and quirky 70s TV series, “Love, American Style.” It’s just so wrong that they’re taking a perfectly fun and wonderful show and screwing up its memory. Puhleeze! Anyway, Melissa blogs about how difficult it was to write the book and to deal with all the memories it stirred up. We remember from watching the episode that the clueless wonder pondered aloud whether or not she wanted to tell the whole world through the book that her dad cheated on her mom. Ummm… hello? You just spilled that secret to the viewing audience on national TV which is arguably much larger than the 7 people who will ever actually read your book. I mean, she really can’t be that dumb, can she? Or worse yet – Does she think that we’re that dumb? Ugh…
Melissa says, “As necessary as it was to bring up those memories, it was painful as hell. It was devastating to go through the photos and find the card my father sent me within a week of his death. I struggled with translating those emotions to the page, believe me. Writing wasn’t easy, especially with three kids running around, screaming for cookies and juice. I had to do most of the work at night after the kids went to sleep.” Nope, writing isn’t easy. It’s a good thing you’re only going to have to proof someone else’s writing unless you believe the apparent lie that she’s actually writing it herself. Melissa continues, “Joe wasn’t too happy when I got into bed and put the computer on my lap. But when I wrote the chapters about keeping our sex life hot after almost nine years of marriage, he couldn’t wait to jump in there to add his juicy tips! Wait till you hear them!” Omg… Kill me now! Okay, are you guys still braced? Seriously, I can’t even believe that I’m typing this… (Breathe…) Melissa says she’s including, “Joe’s advice for the ladies” and that in the book they’re calling them his, “Joements.” GAG! Ptew, ptew, ptew! Aaack! (Sorry, you were warned!)
Kathy’s Epiphany – I know that many of us are tired of seeing Kathy on the show. I actually don’t mind her too much although her storyline has been pretty beige. I realize she went ballistic on last year’s reunion – but we seem to forget why. Teresa had just said that Teresa’s dad was more of a father to Kathy and Rosie than their own dad. This weight of this statement was made worse because their dad is deceased – and in their culture you don’t speak ill of the dead, no matter how true the statement may be. I admit, even though I’m not Italian, there was a time that I probably could have gone for someone’s jugular if they spoke ill of my dead mother. That being said, Kathy called Teresa’s dad a “coward” for walking out during a conversation she was trying to have with he and his wife. I just reviewed their entire exchange from last year’s blog… and both sides were pretty horrific. However, I don’t remember Teresa ever expressing any remorse for what she had said to Kathy – Nor do I ever remember hearing that she apologized to Kathy or Rosie. I’m sorry, but you just can’t expect everyone else to do all the apologizing when you also have been at least equally guilty of saying terrible things. Teresa does wish that Kathy would stop talking about Teresa’s dad on camera since he wasn’t the one who signed up to be on a reality show and only minimally appears for the sake of his kids. I agree – but I’m not sure how that could be accomplished since I believe his continuing feud with Kathy’s mom is at the core of their issues whether they recognize it or not.
Kathy blogs, “During this episode you can see that this is my turning point — away from holding onto negative aspects of life and towards personal recovery. I realized that I had allowed the toxic nature of the relationship I had with my cousin Teresa take a toll on me for too long, and had not made any movement towards healing. I wasn’t happy behaving like someone that was not 100% me, and I was getting blamed for trying to help and constantly being held to a higher standard.” I’m not sure that anyone on this show can say anything about a “higher standard” because really, aren’t the standards pretty low across the board? Kathy continues, “Now that I realize this, I refuse to do it any longer. That night I decided to step away from the insane drama. I am now in a better place with my cousin, but we had to work to figure out how to let her be her and me be me without either one of us having to win. Winning is not always the answer — sometimes one has to step aside and be a spectator to see things clearly. Life is short; make amends and move on.” I’ve got to admit that I agree with her – in that “winning” isn’t always the answer – I mean really, this whole blame type of culture in RHNJ – “You said ________ to me…”… “Well, you said ________ first”… the incessant going back and forth is just exhausting and isn’t accomplishing anything productive. They need to recognize they’re all dust, deserve to die and move forward, IPPHO.
O, Little Town of Hoboken – Caroline writes, “Little Town is now open and is doing amazing; the boys are managing to work both BLK and the restaurant without too much of a struggle. They’re full of energy and have dedicated themselves to both projects with a positive attitude, so far so good! Proud mommy moment!” I just tried to quickly determine if “The Brownstone” is also a restaurant or if it is just an event facility – Does anyone know? There is a HUGE difference in the ongoing amount of work for each one. It’s so difficult to be successful in the restaurant industry especially in today’s economy. There is absolutely nothing about the Manzo boys that would entice me into wanting to go to their restaurant. While they worked for Dad’s company – it’s a whole other Oprah to own your own restaurant. The hours suck… the pay sucks… the work is back breaking… do they really understand this? They haven’t done much to show me they have… I keep thinking the Manzo boys keep throwing darts into the wall in hopes that one of them sticks… The whole “Black Water” concept was just so horrible it’s laughable and it makes me question every other decision they make. Both Melissa and Jacqueline sing praises to, “Little Town” in their blogs and they encourage people to eat there. Who knows? Maybe it will work… or maybe not…
Botox, Baby – On the show, Jacqueline really tried to be funny about the subject of Botox. I wasn’t sure why the subject came up on the episode until I read Jac and Teresa’s blogs. Jac is actually bringing up the subject because Teresa made fun of her “Botoxed face” at the reunion. Oholynightthestarsarebrightlyshining… are we STILL on that? Jacqueline says, “I do Botox and I am not ashamed of it. So what!? I love to poke fun at myself about it. It makes me laugh. If I remember correctly, the reason I mentioned Teresa doing Botox in my interview was because of what she had said to me during the reunion show about mine: “You and your Botoxed face!” LOL! I felt like Teresa saying that to me was odd, because I knew she did Botox as well, so I couldn’t figure out why she would say it in such a derogatory way to me, as if she would never do it herself. Don’t get me wrong, I respect that some people want to remain secretive about their beauty secrets and not everyone is as open about sharing them as I am. However, it bothers me when someone says derogatory things about others doing beauty treatments that I know they have done themselves. That was the point I was trying to make.”
Sadly, Teresa writes, “I’m not going to attack back, I’m not going to go on and on defending myself, but I will say, I don’t really hide anything, especially something as silly as Botox! Um, Jacqueline, do you not remember going with me to Danielle’s Botox party in Season 1? I don’t know why we’re even talking about it now though… We haven’t talked in months and months, and this is what Jacqueline is worried about?” Clearly, neither of them have had enough Botox injections to their mouths because unfortunately they are both still able to speak.
The Birthday Bash – Caroline says, “I felt bad having to tell Kathy that Teresa wasn’t interested in mending their relationship at that point in time. Kathy was ready to go and knock on Teresa’s door, and knowing Teresa’s feelings, I knew it could only end in disaster. I did tell Kathy that Teresa needed time and maybe everyone should step back and let the building of relationships begin with Teresa and her brother Joe and then branch out from there. If you remember, when I spoke to Teresa I suggested she start with Kathy. She was adamant about her feelings and I didn’t see the point of letting Kathy walk into a brick wall; she certainly doesn’t deserve that. The story doesn’t end there though, so again, keep watching.”
Teresa writes, “I was surprised to see Kathy and Rosie so heated up talking about me at the birthday party. Yes, Kathy had apologized for what she said about my dad at the Reunion (I didn’t know she was still going to keep talking about him though!), but we weren’t all good yet. If we were, I think she would’ve invited me to the party I supposedly ruined, right? When Caroline asked me about making up with Kathy, I didn’t say I didn’t want to work things out with Kathy, I did. I just wanted to work things out with my brother first.” Well, the truth of the matter is that you weren’t trying to mend fences with anyone at all. It’s completely understandable that repairing your relationship with your brother is your #1 priority – but there hadn’t been any movement on that subject in months. You just seemed so closed to repairing things with Kathy – and yet that’s the relationship that seemed so much easier to fix. The thing that would get under my skin, is that it seems like people continually have to come to you to fix things. Do you ever initiate reconciliations? If you think the entire world owes you an apology, you might just want to take a look in the mirror. Just sayin’…
The only thing that Kathy mentions about Rich and Victoria’s birthday bash was in her closing words…. Although, she should have said how proud she was of Victoria, because once again, one of their children had to intervene in the adult’s angry scenes to restore peace throughout the land. However, Kathy summarizes, “What I have taken away from this week’s events and the episode is: life isn’t always about who has the most, who wins, or who is right. As long as you can look at yourself in the mirror with no regrets, have a chance to share events with those you love — like celebrating the birthdays of Rich and Victoria — and can still laugh until you cry, life is good!” Laughter massages the liver, that’s the story I’ve been told and I’m sticking with it. Okay, I’ve procrastinated the inevitable… ugh…
Gymgate: The Sequel – Remember as we were watching the episode, Teresa is working out in “her” gym. There’s a whole camera crew there to film her workout. In walks Joe and he starts to lift some weights. Okay, are we really supposed to believe that Joe walked into the gym and just “happened” to start working out without knowing his sister was there? Of course not… You really can’t miss an entire camera crew in a gym – Especially when they’re standing like 50 feet away. So we know this is a set-up. Joe doesn’t take one look at what’s going on and leaves… nope… He goes over and starts working out on the weights and grunts his way into obviousness.
Teresa writes, “When I finally did see my brother for the first time, I went up to him right away and tried to be friendly and goof around with him like we did our whole lives. Caroline had just told me how much he wanted to work things out with me, so badly he supposedly sent Caroline to help him, so I thought it would be may be a little awkward but still nice. Baby steps. I definitely did not expect his attack. I didn’t understand any of it then, and I still don’t now. He’s my brother, and as mad as I might be at him, I would never hurt him in public like that. I don’t understand how he could even say half the things that came out of his mouth, directly to my face, in public in front of America. I get it that in the heat of the moment people who have deep feelings for each other know how to hurt each other the most, but still, there are lines you don’t cross. When Joey started talking about my husband’s parenting, that was it for me. He crossed the line and was out of line.” Honestly, I detest hearing anything that comes out of Joe’s mouth. However, it didn’t seem like he divulged anything that we hadn’t already seen or deduced from previous episodes.
Teresa further blogs, “I think you can see that I’m not used to being talked to like that. If my husband really did talk to me like that, I would flip more than a trash can, I would flip him right out of the house!” Actually, we ALL heard your husband talk to you like that, Teresa – even if it wasn’t another “woman” he was talking to on the phone in the vineyard last season (but we all know that it was, don’t we?), he was talking to SOMEONE. He called you really ugly names on camera. He disrespects you over and over again. He gives us all the heebie jeebies, why can’t you see it? I know you’re really desperate to keep your family together… but this guy… ughhhhh. But since love is blind, Teresa further says, “I truly do not understand how my brother can talk to me like that, and why he’s so angry with me… for what I still don’t know. I can’t imagine wanting to hurt anyone that much, especially my only brother. It’s like he’s not in his right mind or something.” Well, or he’s tired of you just passively taking all the disrespect from your husband. Then Teresa starts to go all Dr. Drew on us and tell us how one of her best friends’ dads is a psychiatrist and he says… bladdity blah blah blah… She talks about how Joe is displacing his anger to her since he knows Teresa won’t fight back. Really? There’s a lot I could say about Teresa and I would never characterize her as someone who doesn’t fight back.
Teresa then says of her brother, “I’m about to run out of prayers for him and me. I could use extra if you’ve got ’em.” Okay, see… here is where you just make me mad. This Season has already been filmed and a significant amount of time has elapsed. We know everyone has kissed and has made-up. Yet, you are currently asking for “prayers.” Seriously? While I understand most of us could use prayers to be said on our behalf most of the time… this just really hit me as being very disingenuous. Perhaps it’s just me… but come the heck on…
Melissa writes, “The gym scene. Well, it started out hilarious. Joe and I giggled about his grunts. I work out with him. He does get into it when lifting, but I didn’t think his sounds were that loud! Working out is how Joe releases stress. Some of it comes out through the throat.” Okay, I’d hate to know where else it comes out from… Melissa continues, “What I saw from my husband’s conversation with his sister is that Teresa can dish it out, but she can’t take it. Come on girl, toughen up! I take it all the time.” Melissa, you “take it” all the time from Joe. ‘Nuff said. Melissa continues, “During their conversation at the gym, Joe stayed calm and just threw a little shade back at Teresa. And she freaked out, threw water, flipped a trash can and stormed out. He gave her a taste of her own medicine, and she did not like it.” Starts to inexplicably sing, “Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down in a most delightful way.” Wait… does this mean Mary Poppins singlehandedly caused the obesity epidemic in the world? Lolol… Seriously, we need a huge gust of wind to blow Mary Poppins right into RHNJ so she can use her magical umbrella to make them all “Step In Time.” Well, that’s all for this week… I leave you with another Mary Poppin’s song, “Chim chim-in-ey, chim chim-in-ey… Chim chim cher-oo! Good luck will rub off when I shakes hands with you!” You’re now humming any number of songs and you won’t be able to get them out of your mind. You’re welcome! = )
Happy Birthday Cusi