Real Housewives Of New Jersey – Crapfest 2013 part 5
Welcome back folks. For those of you who are actually watching this, you are definitely hard core HW watchers. Those of you who are able to resist the temptation of looking at this train wreck, I salute you. You are much stronger people than I am. Last week, I said I would include the previous week video recap by UClosetFreak in my blog when she does them so, here it is. I’m going to go at this recap as if it’s all ‘real’, or at least, try to.
When we left off last week, Teresa and Joey had a blowout at the gym. Supposedly they hadn’t seen each other since the reunion (I assume). Remember that the show started off with hurricane aftermath, in November and it is now January in the timeline (Gia’s party was mid-January) and at the time of the hurricane, Teresa had not seen or spoken to her brother. So now they are at the gym at the same
Bravo set up time. I have failed already at writing as if this was all real. Oh well.. I tried… One of the things that was said during that fight was about Melissa trash talking Teresa on Twitter (which we have all seen her and her pig sisters do). That’s one of the things that prompted him to tell her she is obsessed with his wife and then go into what a bad husband and father JoeGui is. I probably have the sequence wrong (because I’m still not watching it again) but those things were said. The important part here is the twitter bit because he pretends to not believe it or know anything about what his wife and his two Marco sisters do out there in social media land. What I remember seeing is that she approached him in a let’s be civil for a moment type of way and his intent, in that exchange, was to hurt his sister.
So, we pick up at this week’s episode with scenes of all the parties involved and those who aren’t involved and those who chose to involve themselves. Inside the Gorga home, Melissa is working on her ‘book’ with Antonia in the room. Telling Antonia what it’s about (answering her questions). Cute scene I guess. There is also some laundry folding going on, I guess it’s laundry day as well. We see Joey pulling up in his driveway in his closed up car hollering ‘Bitch, bitch, wife…’ multiple times referring of course to his sister. Mighty convenient that the camera happened to be in the driveway as Joey was driving in.In walks Joey still fuming about the fight and tells her that he’s had a rough afternoon, she asks, what’s wrong. He says he doesn’t want to talk about it while nodding at the kid so they send Antonia out of the room to put her clothes away and do her homework. Which she does leave the room but stands on the other side of the open door listening as Joey starts in telling Melissa about his fight. I don’t know if Antonia stayed there the whole time, editing would like us to believe she did not. My point of mentioning this is that kids have a way of hearing what they aren’t supposed to hear. He says he saw Teresa at the gym. She asks him if he’s ever seen Teresa at the gym, he says never. She starts in with ‘that’s how they are… Trash one minutes, happy how’s it going the next’… He then tells her about ‘some pocketbook thing…’ and what nonsense he thought it all was. Apparently, someone had said to Melissa something about her red Chanel bag. Someone, Not Teresa.. She answered back with something about a cast member having a public bankruptcy but can’t Rent a Chanel. Classy move there MeGo… Editing showed us the tweet which on her timeline had happened 15 hours prior. You Twitter hounds can find what day this really happened if you choose to. Anyway, Joey seems a bit shocked to learn that what Teresa told him was real. It happened. In her TH she says what else is she supposed to do. (Here’s a suggestion MeGo, respond or not to those trashing you and leave your SIL out of it. We all know you can’t do that though). Feed me nails and call me rusty because, Joey acts like this is the first he’s known of his wife’s behavior on twitter. She says she decided to give Teresa a taste of her own medicine. He says that kind of crap is why his parents look at her like she’s the devil. He says that’s his wife and when he sees stuff like that, he’s going to have to correct her. In other words, as I’m hearing it, slap a muzzle on her. He’s taking her to task about the nonsense and she fires back with ‘they mind F*** you’ after he told her that Teresa thinks he’s pussywhipped (he is). He says they don’t do that, this is his sister… TH Joey says that’s his sister and no matter how messed up she is, that will always be his sister and no one is to trash talk her, including his wife (except him). Did Joey just take his balls back from his wife? We will leave that there for now.
In another scene, we are at some sports complex with Teresa, Joe, Milania, and I believe, Gabriella. It’s soccer practice for the kids and we get to see Milania kick the ball around a bit. Teresa and Joe are on a spectator bench as Teresa is telling him about the fight. She thinks he bipolar, Joe thinks he has a Napoleon Syndrome. He has to explain to Teresa what that means. Perhaps they are both correct about Joey… I just think he’s an ass. Joe makes some comment about Melissa strapping it on and giving it to Joey. I’ll let you mull that one over in your minds a bit. Teresa doesn’t care for him saying things like that and we are to believe those sitting nearby heard it as well.. There is some interaction with the kids and then the scene ends. Milania was the only part of this segment worth watching.
Now we find ourselves at some salon. I don’t know where it was, don’t particularly care. They do things there like Threading… That’s where a thread is used to pull unwanted facial hair like cleaning up the eyebrows (I saw this the first time on The Amazing Race a couple seasons ago). In attendance are Momz, Jacqueline, and Kathy. Rosie is there as well. This is another of those Bravo set ups, I’m certain of that. Momz gets a phone call and it just happens, to be Teresa. She tells Momz about the fight, Momz says she’s backing out of her involvement in it. See, Teresa went to her brother believing what she had been told that Joey was open to talking to her. Momz suggests that professional help may be in order because she’s done all she can. Teresa notes that they went to a therapist before at Joey’s insistence and we all saw how well that went. Neither one of them is willing to budge. Said therapist even said that them taking that Napa vacation together was a bad idea. Teresa suggests that there may be some holistic therapy available, something like meditation. I don’t know a lot about that but I do know that those who do it, it helps them so, maybe Teresa is on to something, if she follows through with it. Momz wishes her luck with it and ends the phone call.
Momz took the call privately, the room was pretty crowded and since we have to hear all phone convos on this show, she couldn’t just put the phone to her ear so she could hear what Teresa is saying. While Momz is on the phone, the others are getting their free treatments and Jac can’t help but follow Momz with her eyes (at least I think that’s what she was looking at) wondering who she was talking to and what about. That’s the way I read that anyway. I will save the Blorox comments for later. Now, the call has ended and Momz comes back to the others and she tells them (after saying she was out of it), about the call and the fight. Jacqueline pipes in with ‘Buzzkill’ and lets us know that she’s lost her boner. You know, I’ve always wondered about Jac and now she’s confirmed it. Jac, if you don’t want to hear about Teresa then stop hanging out with her family. It isn’t that difficult for most people but for idiots like you, no words. I will say that most of the time absent Teresa’s name has been brought up, it wasn’t her family doing it. It was Jac’s family, or rather sister in law, Momz. Teresa’s family is willing to run with it though. Rosie says that she doesn’t want to fly into a rage every time Teresa’s name is mentioned and this stuff between Teresa and Joey has to stop. I think, she is going to try to step up and help the brother and sister find a middle ground. That ought to go well. We’ll see.
I wrote the above after watching the First Look sometime Friday and I actually think it was the best part of the show (that isn’t saying much).. To spare myself watching the rest again, I’m going to try and wing it. I’ll get most of it, just not likely in order (but we all know with Bravo, the order doesn’t matter).. 3 aspirin, Check. Diet Pepsi, Check. Pizza, where the hell is it? Oh, I ate it already.. Check. Let’s get back to this.
I’m taking this fambly by fambly, as I wish Bravo would. Just get it all out of the way at once. We start off in the Wakile kitchen. Rich is showing Kathy a box for her Canoli kit. She doesn’t like the white shipping box because she wanted a pretty blue box with a ribbon on it. She wants the presentation, the whole package.
I’m going to stop here for a moment. I get that this is Kathy’s idea and he doesn’t seem very supportive of it. In fact, he said he married a housewife, not an entrepreneur. They got married 21 years ago she says and they’ve been together for 23.. That would put them around 1990. So we aren’t talking about 1954 post war Leave It To Beaver TV show housewife here.. Or Are we? Seems she’s made the last 20+ years of her life about being, just that. I know the role of a true housewife. Not this stuff we see on the TV on these shows.. She wears many hats and often times multiple at the same time. It’s a job that she does 24/7/365 and most are lucky if the kiddies actually remember to say thank you. There is no time clock for the job either. No punch out time. I just don’t want any of you thinking I don’t understand that. I suspect that in his crass way, Rich does too.
Hate me for saying it if you want to, I get where he’s coming from with the boxes. We are talking about pastry that are going to be delivered through the mail or worse yet, UPS and Fedex and the like. Have you ever seen the way these boxes are handled and stacked for shipping? At the post office, they just throw the box in a cart and that’s the last time you see it. The man has a point about the shipping of these kits in the fancy boxes. The packaging isn’t going to last. That’s what he meant when she protested the white box idea and he told her she better be ready to get in her car and hand deliver the boxes. I agree though he could have been a little more supportive in presenting his idea to her though. I understand Kathy’s point to.. She has a vision and she wants her ideas to be heard, and to work. That particular scene end with her words ‘I’m pulling my hair out’ or something like that. The next time we see them, he is taking her into a building where he tells her she will be able to work out. Seems he’s leased a commercial kitchen for her to do her kits in. She again, is disappointed that he has taken the reigns without consulting her. She even says, he’s the expert with this kind of stuff but she wasn’t asked. Something has been pointed out. If she is going to sell prepared food to the public, it has to be prepared in a commercial kitchen that is likely inspected by a health department. Didn’t they (he) try to open a restaurant last season? In THs she says that she gets how it has always been, that’s Richie and he isn’t going to change. She doesn’t know how much more she can stand. Take from that what you will, I say it means nothing. I think even if you didn’t see it, you get the drift of their part of crapfest part 5. Moving on.
Except to add, From Bluesky1forever on the chat blog “Kathy never made any of those desserts, she contracted with a company that makes them. They stick her name on them and sell them….remember when she met with the company’s ceo last season or the one before? It’s all just to create a storyline for her & Rich. Disgusting…”
We had WAY too much of the manzoids tonight. Over in Hoboken, Momz is in her apartment with her three offspring (I know I’m not the only one who thinks they are all putting on weight, including ms lap-band). I swear this scene started out with them talking about blowjobs. Seems Christopher thinks that’s all that fat girls were good for. Maybe I got that wrong but that’s what I thought I heard. I’m sure he was somehow referring to his sister in some way. I guess Momz wants to know when they are going to get married and start popping grandkids. She needs a hobby.. Albie says he doesn’t know what kind of girl he wants (one with a kickstand?)… Lauren doesn’t know if she’s ready to get married and start having kiddies (thanks god for small favors, who really wants that one to have offspring to be just like her?).. Chris doesn’t want kids and especially daughters. Something about 0 – 10 years old, a pain in the butt, and from then on, worrying about them being a whore. I am not trying to win any favor here, but that entire scene was offensive to this dirty old man. Momz says that it’s disappointing that her kids put career in front of family, which is they way they grew up with their father, Big Al. That part of the Manzoid torture ended with how fat or chubby Lauren once was. Momz said chubby. A little later we are at Cafface… Why? We all know Lauren isn’t ready to get married or she would be by now. Nice ad placement there, Bravo/NJ cast. Finally, on another day, we are back at the ‘test’ apartment with Big Al and Momz. I still think they are separating and this is Her place but we’ll play along. Al is trying to cook something and bitching about the stove. Not enough flame. Use a different burner then, Al, rather than the simmer burner. Momz is telling him the kids don’t want to get married and settle down. She thinks Big Al has missed out on a lot of life working as hard as he does. I think he’s missed out on nothing, she just hasn’t been a part of all of it. He says he thinks they turned out perfect. While he’s cooking whatever he’s cooking, the smoke alarm goes off and he says there’s no way they are selling the house (remember this apartment was to be for them to downsize). Somebody better tell Momz’s sister and Porky Pig, they will have to find a new home because I don’t believe anyone lives there (at the time of filming) besides them, and Lauren. Enough of the Manzos…
I am going to break my word here a little bit.. The Lauritas and Nicolas. The queen of the New Jersey Dry Cry… Maybe her face is so pumped full of filler that she can’t produce the water but it’s really worn my last nerve. To me, the kid looks like a normal 3 year old but I don’t live in that house. She’s crying that she’s given all these interviews and advice to these magazines and what the therapists suggest she does with the kid, isn’t working. Here is a bit of advice Jac… Before you start telling people how to be with their autistic kids, learn something about yours. Speak from the perspective of your own child if you want to talk about it to the world. What works, what doesn’t. Maybe then, someone can get something from it. I’ve said before I believe each one to be unique and that is not a one size fits all condition. I think at that point, she’s still looking for a ‘cure’ and may still be.
Well, what do we have next… The entire Marco clan going into the Gorga house. I saw 4 women enter.. Both of her sisters, her mother, and her aunt. We only saw one of the sisters, Lysa, in the edited scene though. It seems they are there with family photos, looking for one of the perfect (cheating) dad, and for Martyr Marco to tell them all about this book she’s writing (Stars let us know in the blog recaps that the title of this book is Love, Italian Style). She stands there in front of her family, in front of a camera, with a microphone and tells them (and far more people than will ever look at that book), that her father would go out and party for days at a time. She feels the need to mention it but isn’t sure she wants to (again, Cameras).. Her mother says she never caught the guy with another woman but suspected that’s what was going on. (Are these people for real? Really?). She says she has to include that to explain why she’s writing the type of book she’s writing. She says she wants to be the kind of wife that no man would ever cheat on. Got that? So not only has she thrown her dead father under the bus, but now, her mother too. I don’t think her sister, mother, or aunt, are on board with this book of hers. Could be wrong. She says she is ANIMATE that her life will not be like her mothers. Let’s end that there.
Real quick, Rosie meets with Joey at some bar. They are a lot alike it seems and Rosie wants him to at least be able to get along with his sister. They talk a moment about girls.. Seems she hasn’t gotten any in 6 years. Maybe that’s her problem. Anyway, she asks him about making things right with his sister. He’s obviously not up for it because he still expects her to admit she’s wrong about everything (even though, above, he found out that Teresa wasn’t lying about the crap his wife pulls)… We’ll leave that there for a moment.
Let’s get to the real part of the show here. This is after all, The Teresa show. In Teresa’s house, what do we see Teresa doing? Typing on a computer of all things. Talk about scene placement. No secret anywhere that people don’t believe she writes her own blogs and she even said that in her TH. She also noted that people, especially her brother, say she doesn’t even cook. I’m calling that a 50/50.. I believe she can cook, we saw it on the Napa trip. Does she? that may be debatable but she Can do it. Does she write her own blogs? I believe she pens them but after what we just saw, I don’t know if she types them. Theory is, she’s working on a new cookbook… Feeding the kids the healthy way… Hey, the cookbook thing is working for her so far. Teresa gets a phone call. It’s Rosie. First time they’ve spoken, I suppose.. Rosie wants to meet up and hash things out with Teresa. Teresa says there are hurt feelings so she’s unsure about it. Rosie ‘convinces’ her that it will be fine and they should meet. Teresa agrees and tells Rosie to text her the time and place, which I guess, she does. Teresa’s voice closes the scene with “here we go again”. Lots of voice over in this episode. I’m calling BS Bravo set up on this entire scene because what happens next, sets the pace for the next several weeks, I’m sure.
We see Teresa arrive at a bar, where Rosie is waiting for her, with a drink in her hand. I don’t think this is the same place where she and Joey met. They exchange pleasantries and Rosie gets T a drink from the bar… I don’t think it’s what she asked for by likely one of these liquids one of the HWs is pushing. I didn’t hear a name for it. T asked for wine and I’ve never seen wine served like that. Beside the point. The feud between Rosie’s family and Teresa’s family has nothing to do with Joey. That’s a separate fight but there may be some cross breeding of the feuds. Rosie starts with the fact that every time she hears Teresa’s name, she flies into a rage. She doesn’t want it to be that way. She says it kills her that she and her sister can’t go see T’s father (I don’t know why Rosie didn’t address this with Joey, it’s his father too). Also the fact that her mother can’t see her brother. Teresa brings up the coward comment. Rosie says her sister apologized for that. There’s a little back and fourth and each time, Rosie gets more aggravated, raising her voice, pounding on the table. Several times, this came back to Rosie’s Sister. I didn’t hear Teresa say Kathy’s name, once. It was always, ‘your sister’. People in the bar are getting uncomfortable with the scene. What Rosie doesn’t want to have happen is one of them dies (papa Gorga and Rosie’s mother) before they can see each other. Then the subject of Joey comes up. Teresa tells Rosie about the fight at the gym. About reminding Teresa that her husband calls her a C. She want to him believing he was willing to work with her and it blew up in her face. Rosie points out that the two of THEM are able to talk, Teresa and her brother should be able to now. Here comes the set up… Teresa brings up this holistic therapy thing again. About doing stress exercises with the other feuding party over an intense weekend of getting along. They will either get along or kill each other. Rosie says it’s a good idea and suggests that the Manzos and Lauritas go along. I wish she hadn’t said that. This fighting isn’t about them at all. They don’t matter in the grand scheme of this fambly. Anyway, the two of them agree that will be something to do and there we have the set up for the next few weeks. They exit the bar and go their separate ways after giving each other a hug and saying ‘love you’. That’s where the episode ends.
A few notes.. We didn’t get the drunken raging Rosie we’ve seen in the past few weeks although that is what the Bravo preview edit promised us. She got heated but not completely fly off the handle angry. I would swear I saw someone that looked just like Joe Giudice in the bar. Editing kept showing him but it was while Rosie was yelling and pounding on the table. Perhaps it was his brother, Pete.
A few one liners from the chat blog that I thought were funny…
- Rosie is scaring the guys there! They wish to be half the man she is – Cusi77
- I want the Kraft Zesty Italian Guy NOW – Windycitywondering
- Joey should take the rubber band off around his head. It might make him smarter. – Nancy
That’s about it kids. Next week the Real Estate agent, Jennifer, is back meeting with MeGo for some reason talking about hearing that MeGo cheats on Joey… RuhRoh (or, Bravo edit shenanigans). See you then. Photo credits, Stars99 grabbed them for me so you would have pictures to look at here too. Thank you, Stars.