RHONJ – Drinking With The Enemy
Yes folks, we’re back.. Another week of Crapfest 2013. The women have all made their excuses for their then behavior in the last episode and I had to get my shovel out to to clear a path through it, even though, Stars99 did a fine job of helping us navigate their weekly excuses. For those of you who enjoy UClosetfreak and her video recaps, here is last week’s. The crux of last week’s show was these summits between Teresa and Rosie, to try and hash things out between them. There was some other pointless stuff that happened but this set the scene for upcoming episodes. This ‘retreat’ that Teresa is ‘planning’ so they can work out their differences. T wanted this to be her brother and her so they could just say what they had on their minds in a controlled environment and let the chips fall where they may. Rosie had the brilliant idea of inviting Everybody, including the fruitloop and Momz. That ought to go well. Let’s see.
This week, we start off at Kathy’s ‘test kitchen’… She tells us that she wasn’t real happy with this place at first because she wasn’t given a choice in the matter. However, when she and Rich have it out about the business or something like that, she has a place to escape to. For some odd reason, we see Momz and the f-nut walking up to the building outside, at night. They have to call Kathy so she can let them in the kitchen. Momz likes the place but it’s off the beaten path so it’s ‘scary’… What’s the matter Momz- Not a rich enough neighborhood for you? Too many scary poor people hanging around? Kathy’s biggest problem with the kitchen, she says, is learning how to use all the new gadgets. You know, like the oven, the mixers, stuff like that that a baker might use. Maybe I’m being too hard on her, I don’t know. She probably knows her own appliances and these are just different than what she has. In walks Rosie… She tells the gang about her meeting with Teresa… How they were getting in each other’s faces and she was pounding on the table and hurt her hand as a result. She tells the NJ crew about this retreat weekend that Teresa is suggesting and says they should all go along. Momz says she’s done her damage so she doesn’t want to go and the f-nut said something.. I think she said she doesn’t want to go either. In my opinion, it should be just the family and the truly affected parties but, what do I know? Enough of these people.
The next segments are back and fourth between Teresa’s house and the golf course driving range with Joey and Richie… (Why do I think of Richie Cunningham whenever I type that guy’s name?) At Teresa’s they are getting ready for a sausage making party with the grandparents. Papa Gorga is out of the hospital now. First though, we get to see Gia complain about wearing the apron that advertises her mother’s new book. Gia goes to take off the apron and Joe asks what her problem is. Everyone else is wearing the aprons. Teresa says ‘she’s 12 and going through puberty’… Probably the most factual statement we’ll hear on this episode. Milania asks, ‘does that mean she’s going to have a baby?’…. Joe tells her to ‘zip it’. Teresa tells Joe about this retreat weekend and when he asks what it’s all about, she says it’s about trust and to demonstrate, she wants him to fall back so she can catch him. He isn’t going to (and doesn’t) do it because he doesn’t believe she can catch him. There is a knock at the door.. It is mom and dad, Gorga, and Joe’s mom as well (Is his father still alive?). They are there to make 80 pounds of sausage… In the nutshell and so we can move on, Teresa I guess tells her dad that she wants to make things right with Joey. It’s disrespectful to him, everything that goes on and also disrespectful to yell at Papa Gorga.. Somewhere in here we are treated to scenes from the christening after the steroid boy called his sister garbage and then cry yelling at his father. In that particular scene, Papa Gorga told his son to go cry to his mother. There are scenes shown of them making the sausage… Vilzvet mentioned on the chat blog about all the long hair on the women while working with the raw meat. Hair nets ladies… No one wants ‘extra’ with their sausage. We will leave them there for now..
Meanwhile, at the driving range, Joey is going to teach Richie how to play golf. Richie takes a few practice swings (with no tee) and manages to get the ball to roll. Joey tells him to pretend the ball is someone he hates and use that to drive the ball. He takes a few swings, the ball is of course, his sister… Joey’s phone rings, it’s Teresa.. She tells him about this retreat, he says he’ll think about it, he has to ask his other half, and to send him the details. He also told her she owes him for the dry cleaning… Teresa says, ‘relax, it was water’ (it was also a sweatshirt, asshole.. Dry cleaning… Really?). He tells Richie about what he just discussed with his sister and he asks, what’s next? Going to Nepal and talking to some Buddhists (or something like that)… Eyes are rolling here…. So far, there is absolutely no point for this Wakelie to be on the show. Haven’t seen a worthwhile moment yet from him. Rich comes up with yet another pearl of his (non)wisdom, Teresa has a lot of catching to do. During the scene we see a couple steroid boy THs… Seems that when he fights with his sister, he goes to have sex with his wife (so that’s why he does it, so she will give him some…. Hmmmm).. I will let you people swish the idea, that he thinks of his sister while having sex with his wife, around in your brains. Barring that, he says, if you have a lot of balls, he says, go to the driving range to whack some balls around. Good to know. He also says that, if his sister thought holding hands and jumping off a bridge would help them, he would do it. Also good to know. I have a question. How come we NEVER see the elder Gorga’s at steroid boy and autotune’s house? I mean if he’s so good to his father, paying his rent and all that (bullshit) stuff, Why do we never see them together? Here is what I think. We don’t see them together because they are never together. I think they really hate that bitch wife of his. Remember last week, they look at her like she’s the devil?
Okay… I have already recapped the best part of the show.. The sausage making scene with the elders. The rest of this is likely out of order and won’t be scene by scene.. I can’t watch it again to get it exactly right. These people raise my blood pressure to likely dangerous levels and I really don’t know why. I mean to the point where my face begins to go numb. This is dangerous for me and I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I never thought I could actually hate someone I don’t know but with this crowd, that’s become increasingly so. Maybe it’s just this episode. We’ll see.
Let’s start with that moron, Jacqueline. I do not care about this woman or her situation with her son, her family, or with Teresa. For some unexplained reason though, she’s still on the show, interacting with Teresa’s family (even though she tries to pass off the bullshit lie she wants nothing to do with Teresa). She was in some shop with Kathy looking at clothes to cover her bleached asshole when Teresa calls Kathy (or the other way around, don’t know or care which). While T and K are talking about this retreat, stripper-gate comes up (who cares about this anymore?).. Demon possessed Fnut snatches the phone out of Kathy’s hand and starts going off on Teresa. First of all, bitch, if that had been MY phone, Jacqueline, I would have snatched that weave off of your head, blackened both of your eyes, and you would be on the ground picking up all your teeth. Or at least in my mind I would have (not really but you get the point of how rude I think that is).. Kathy can’t believe what she’s hearing and neither can anyone else in the store. Teresa’s the crazy one.. Yeah, okay, got it now…. 🙄 Enough of the jacalope for now.
In several other scenes, I’m just going to mash this all together, we meet and see again, Jan (MeGo’s friend who stood up in her wedding, we heard that multiple times), Kim D, Someone named Maria (another of MeGo’s pals), and the real estate agent, Jenn, who is Teresa’s friend. I think we also saw Penny, another of T’s friends.
First, I think, Mego tells her pals at a lunch that she’s writing a book. We are shown a tweet or a text from Teresa congratulating her about this book deal. The Martyr even has to throw shade at that (really, Bitch?). The subject of her book is how to have a hot marriage. You know, how to keep your man at home… They both look at her like she’s grown two new heads and wonder which one she is thinking with. These two know something… Apparently there is some rumor that MeGo has or is cheating on Joey with some old flame. We later see Jenn, Jan (MeGo’s friend) and a couple others at a lunch with Kim D (who won the biggest shit stirrer poll on WWHL) and Teresa. Kim starts the stirring by asking Jan to spill what she’s heard or knows about MeGo… She does. Apparently at one time, or now, I can’t figure out which, don’t really care, MeGo was still in contact and providing him oral sex. Teresa doesn’t want to hear this stuff and even says so. In TH she says (later) this is an old rumor and she spoke to MeGo a long time ago about it, who denies is, and T said she believed her. Remember that part of it.
Side note… I don’t know who this woman is but apparently, she is calling the production company, and Bravo out on their editing tricks… VV posted a tweet for us last night about this ‘meeting’… It says:
@HeatherMaclean: I’m so disgusted by Sirens’ editing. I cannot believe they spliced it together to look like Teresa sat there. She got up & walked away.
On another day, Jenn meets with MeGo and tells her what was said at this lunch/dinner/whatever. Of course in autotune’s mush filled head, this is Teresa’s fault that HER friend, spilled the beans about her. What Jenn’s participation in all this boils down to, is that she wants the listing for the Gorga home (I don’t think they are ever going to get their asking price for that dump no matter who lists it). Then, at some point, Teresa and Jenn are having lunch or drinks. Don’t know which, nor do I care. Jenn tells Teresa that she met with MeGo and told her what was said at the other lunch (I believe this was actually the last scene of the show). Teresa is seeing the shit stirrer in Jenn and just wishes this would all stop. That’s what I got from that scene. Jenn says that since she wants this ‘franklin lakes listing’ she wants no secrets or she doesn’t want to be seen as playing the two against each other. Well, Jenn, since you aren’t completely factual in what you are telling these two women happened, you ARE playing them against each other. Just sayin. This woman is competing with KimD to be the biggest NJ shit stirrer there. I thought KimG was bad. That heifer has nothing on these people. We’ll come back to this in a minute (oh, no, it isn’t over yet, never will be).
Somewhere in this craptacular crapfest, MeGo is sponsering a strip tease class with Kathy and their husbands. A few things.. First.. Richie, Put your collar down. That look hasn’t been cool since 1988 when it was cool for 29 seconds. On the 30th second, it wasn’t cool anymore. You look like a complete moron that can’t dress himself. Second, Joey reminds us that his wife was not the stripper, He was. Joey, you are a foot too short to have ever been a Chipendale. I believe you when you say you were a stripper but not the type in a big production review show like the Chipendales (as he suggested at the reunion). Instead, like those pigs on the OC show when they were in Mexico. Third, Kathy doesn’t think her man stripping is sexy… Taking out the trash and stuff like that is what turns her on. Someone said to me, last night, that The pathetic, Richie was moving like a disabled toad while he was trying to be ‘sexy’… Do we need more of this scene? We get some but I won’t bother with it.
In yet another scene, there is some luncheon at the Gorga home. Why? So they can talk about Teresa, of course. Even the jacalope and the Manzos are invited. Honestly, the only good thing to come from this scene (that MeGo told everyone what happened at these previous luncheons) was Rosie calling the Adirondacks, the Adirondykes when she was describing where this castle retreat was going to take place. I think Rosie may be hoping to break that 6 year dry spell on this ‘retreat’. The rest, was about how awful Teresa is to begin with, including some input from the f-nut fruitloop.
For some reason, we have to watch Momz and Big Al on their annual date night. I say it that way because she says the secret to a happy marriage is to never see each other. Absence makes the heart grow fonder or some other Momz nonsense like that. I didn’t quite catch it but someone said in the chat last night that when she said she didn’t eat fish, she told him and us, that she knows he cheats. The discussion of his next beloved comes up, you know, if she dies or something like that, she guesses the woman will be about 22. He says not 22 (What’s the matter, Al, Too old for you?). I probably missed a whole lot during this scene. One thing I did catch was this. He asked where they were spending the night… She said Hoboken in their little get away… He said, a get away is not a place 10 blocks from your kids with a room for Lauren… SNAP! He obviously wants to push them out of the nest while she just wants to Move the nest (I read a terrible rumor either here or on the FB group… Manzoids are getting their own show, with Greggy? or he made the announcement on twitter or something like that. REALLY? Is Bravo that desperate to keep these assholes on the air? I know some of you like them but I don’t think there is anything likable or entertaining about any of them. They are ALL losers. I also read something earlier that one of these asshats plans a political office run and that’s the real reason, they are all in Hoboken. Maybe Albie?.. Hell, he can’t do anything else, why not just become another phuck up politician? He ought to fit right in with that crowd. I feel sorry for that city).
In one of the last scenes of the show, the Gorgas, the Lurkitas, and Wakelies were in some club having drinks. In walks KimD with one of her pals. They summon her to their table to confront her about her participation in all this drama. Remember that Steroid boy thinks that KimD is Teresa’s puppet. While T may not actually Say anything he and his wife believe that Teresa puts Kim up to it. Well, MeGo, Who put your BFFL, Jan, up to what She said? Hmmmmmmmmmmm? Richie invites KimD to sit next to him because he likes her. I can’t decide which of these two is the bigger pig. Anyway, MeGo confronts Kim about everything that is going on and all the gossip. Tells KimD to butt out and keep quiet about that which is not hers (I actually agree with this sentiment and would tell, Jan, Jenn, and whatever other J, the same thing). Then we get to see what has to be one of the most gag worthy scenes in the show. The Gorgas and their make out session… Get a damn room. No one wants to see that. Of course, it was to convince Kim that the two of them are happily married. Also, while the Prince of Lurkita (who I think is another major asshole) is looking on, as are the rest, Jacalope goes into another one of her Teresa rants. Two things here. First, I am betting that Chris regrets the day he met this nut. Second, and with this, I swear before God… Everytime Teresa farts, Jacqueline’s hair blows back. I just hope for Jac’s sake, Teresa bleaches too. I have a whole lot of nasty things to say about that spit swapping scene of the Gorgas… They involve what Steroid boy must have been tasting if these rumors about MeGo are true (I don’t really believe they are. I think she is a lot of things but cheater isn’t one of them)… Too far?
I am going to cut this short now. Best scene of the night, Milania (again). Worse scene, the puke worthy spit swap scene. Biggest shit stirrer? Toss up between KimD, Jan, and Jenn. Everyone, is looking at Jacqueline like she’s lost her damn mind. I think she’s a teenage lush but what do I know? Next week kids, we are off to the Adirondykes for this retreat. Steroid boy calls his sister scum, she leaves, tells Joe, and Joe Finally stands up for his wife. I Can.Not.Wait to see that. I HOPE, this isn’t some Bravo piece together tease.
Photos provided once again, by Stars99… She seems to have a special talent for knowing which parts of the show I will talk about. I don’t have them in the recap quite in order but they are close enough for canal work. Thank you again, Stars99.
See you next week. Til then, Peace. MTH.