First, thank all of you for your kind wishes to my friend yesterday. Here we are again folks. The craptacular Crapfest 2013 continues With part 7. This is likely to be more of an editorial than a recap and it may be a bit short. So, if any of you are offended by my typical rant, you may want to skip this part of the blog. Fair warning. Last week, I was at my end with these people and this show, this week didn’t improve that outlook. Once again though, we’ll pretend that this is all real. I watched the show last night with more of an I couldn’t care any less attitude and my health is much better for it. I even enjoyed some ice cream while watching. Ben and Jerry’s Carmel Nut Cluster. They didn’t have Peanut Butter which is my all time favorite but, it was still good. That’s okay.. I’m not supposed to eat it anyway. Here is ClosetFreaks episode 6 recap.
This show was really just about 3 scenes. One of them is barely worth mentioning. Combined in a scene was Jacqueline the F Nut and Chis of Lurkita (Thank you VV) during his lunch break from his job. What job? We got another golden nugget from Jac regarding this retreat of Teresas. That is, she would rather wax her lips, All 4 of them, than waste any more time with Teresa. So, not only does she bleach her asshole but she waxes the sensitive parts of her hooha. Good to know Jac. Maybe she’s talking about the outer.. I don’t know. Never seen it nor do I care to. Wouldn’t that be 6 lips though 👿 ? I guess Cynthia Barshop found work after all. Oh, by the way, F-Nut thinks her dog is crapping on the deck because he is jealous of Nicolas. No, Jac, he’s crapping on the deck because you ignore him all together in your drunken stupors. If he was jealous of the kid, he would be pissing on the kid’s bed. The other, in a sad attempt to convince us that they are really still together (maybe they are), Momz and Big Al taking a walk across a bridge. She keeps reminding him of all he’s missed working so hard. I still say he’s missed nothing. Where is Fran with the Pig? That’s what I really want to know. At least we didn’t see the Manzoids.. Main point of these scenes I guess is that Momz and the F Nut have decided not to go on this retreat. Bravo however still feels the need to get work for their money so they put these two on the screen anyway during this episode.
Before that, in the opening of the show where we see the Gorga’s Wakilies, and the Giudice’s getting ready for this trip and leaving to go to the retreat. Once again, the Giudice’s are going solo in their own car while the others have a party bus. Clearly there are some people who are on board with this and others who are not. Rosie has been a big proponent for this trip since it was brought up. Who brought it up? We are to believe Teresa did but somehow, I think Rosie had a big hand in it. That is, if we are to believe that any of these people set anything up on these shows. Remember, this is Bravo. Anyway, baby Steroid boy is whining about going and so is the pig, his wife. She says somewhere in here that last time she wanted him to work things out with his sister but this time, she’s following his lead. Trouble, right there. We all know that she carries his balls in her fake Chanel and only gives them back when she wants to pop out another kid or make him feel like he’s a man. She’s still on this kick that it’s somehow Teresa’s fault that Her maid of honor, Jan, was talking shit about her at some dinner (which has been confirmed to us, that Teresa didn’t stick around and listen to). She has the angel from god (Satan) believing it too. These two, are not among those who want all the fighting to stop. Let’s face it. If they weren’t fighting with Teresa, what would be the point of them being on the show? Listening to him grunt about Tarzan and Poison while she spits out another shitty iTunes song? Please. This is Bravo, not public access channel 5043 cable. They aren’t going to work anything out but to confront Teresa.
Meanwhile, over at the dickhead fly’s house, Rosie, as I said, is looking forward to seeing what can come of this retreat. He already has an attitude about it and is cracking jokes about it, and Teresa. Someone said last night that he gets off on all this fighting. I agree because, again, without it, no paycheck for the dickhead. His goal is to be drunk the entire time, evidenced by the idea that he brought along a case of wine or other libation.
On the road now, the Gorgas and Wakilies and Rosie are on the party bus, all talking crap about what a waste of time this is. Tarzan makes some comment about how fake he thinks his sister is, and all I could think is he should look to his right when he’s talking about fake, to his wife. If you are all getting the feeling that I think this is all a load of Bravo bull, you are very perceptive. Someone asked about these therapists, and someone said one of them was Dr V (LA Shrinks- Fanny Andy has confirmed on WWHL, that this is the same one)… MeGo with a scowl on her face, “The Vagina Doctor?”. Over in the Giudice vehicle, the only thing really to come out of that scene is Joe telling Teresa that the F Nut has texted Him, that if his wife wasn’t such a bitch, he could play more often with Chris of Lurkita. I think Jac is mixing booze with her anxiety meds. Dangerous combo. He says that he called back and asked who was texting him and she said Jacqueline. He didn’t recognize the number, that’s why he called, he says. Like she’s a good friend of his or something like that. I am still going back to last week to Chris rolling his eyes wishing he’d never met that fruitloop while she was
on the pole working at that convention center.
Okay, we finally get to this castle where the retreat is to take place. There are no therapists employed here (at least I don’t think so).. As the bus is pulling into the place, dickhead makes some comment about how everyone will be dressed while Teresa will be in an evening gown. I think they should have stopped the bus, let him off to take a leak, as we’ve had to witness every other season with these asshats and their trips, and driven off while he was standing at the side of the road with his dick in his hand. Teresa and Joe are already inside and they greet the others as they come in. Right away, poison and the pig have comments about that. They can’t exchange pleasantries without venom. Teresa seems surprised that the F Nut and Momz chose not to attend. Some time back, there was some tweet from the F Nut about somebody being a moron, of course directed to Teresa. You know, that one that would rather bleach her asshole and wax her lips than have anything to do with Teresa. This turns into a near argument about Jac’s twitter habits and who gets and reads them. Who cares? Just like I call out Jac on her behavior if she doesn’t want anything to do with Teresa, I will call out Teresa as well (who Dared, Jac to come and answer for her part in Stripper-gate). I am not going into a whole he said she said thing here, it’s pointless. Go back and watch any previous episode since the pig and her cousin in law joined the show, you’ll see and hear the same old shit.
They all settle in their rooms and as in the groups they rode up there, they are talking about what is about to happen. The booze is flowing too. Notable, Joe had something to say about the whole feuding situation and Jaqueline.. He said something about Autism and that it isn’t as bad as it may seem. Some grow up to be great scientists (or something like that). Teresa asked him to stop, he did but not before confirming, that he doesn’t know much about it and that he’s no doctor. No shit Sherlock. The rest of them all still think Teresa owes them some sort of apology. I think there is enough blame to go around here. However, just as they are all wanting Teresa to accept her part in it all, none of them are. We are reminded several times that the poison elf, is a man, and as such he’s always right. I find myself wondering why he feels the need to remind us of his being a man. There is an awkward lunch where they all sit down to eat. Probably (for timeline sake) the first time they’ve done this in over a year. No one is saying anything but the booze is flowing thanks to the dickhead. There is a team building therapist on the way so that will be the first part of this ‘retreat’ (a word that the dickhead doesn’t think Teresa can spell – who cares?).
The Therapists arrive. They don’t look like therapists and Mego has to get her digs in in her TH (really, Pig?). As the people are getting set up in the ballroom, the booze continues to flow, and the therapists are also offered some. Fake Red Flag…. What ‘Therapist, allows people to continue to get wasted before and during a session? Maybe I missed something or we weren’t shown where they objected to the drinking. With this crowd, who knows? In the ballroom, these therapists or team building specialists have no idea what’s in store for them (eyes rolling here). From this point, I will call the three families, the players. The specialists lay a rope on the ground in a circle. Inside the circle, they lay 7 pieces of paper. One for each of the players to step on without touching the floor. Pretty simple. Then they remove a piece of paper so there are 6 and the players have to figure out how to fit 7 on to 6 spaces, and so on. Think Drunken Twister here because that’s what it was. The players manage to get through that without killing each other. We are treated to a closeup of the poison elf grabbing the pig’s ass. Nice, Bravo. Yes, in all that, that is what caught My attention. The next exercise is thumb wrestling. This one pointed out that none of these people listen and they really are all in competition with each other. I thought it made a pretty good point. Each person that pins the other’s thumb, would get a hundred dollars, each time they did it. No one got the money because they were all so wrapped up in their own minds, none could let the other win to get the money. They weren’t cooperating with each other.
These Team Building people were Rosie’s brainchild. DrV, was Teresa’s (just so we know who the players are here). Let’s get to the meat of this episode. Teresa brings up the fact that one of the major reasons they are there, trying to fix their relationship, is due to someone who is not there. The F Nut. The team building people are quickly losing control of this herd and the lead guy tries to regain it by asking Teresa to stick to the people who are there. You see, we’re still talking about stripper-gate and the F Nut’s part in it. Those of you who don’t think she did, didn’t watch the show. That whole debacle was going to end the same way it did, regardless of what Teresa did or didn’t do. It was Jac who told poison that Teresa had set the whole thing up. The Pig, is still pissed at Teresa because she didn’t put a stop to it or call her when baldy was at the salon. We get to hear again how it was all Kim D’s fault (which I believe). What this all comes down to is is the Gorgas believing the whack job F Nut Laurita, over Teresa, Follettos (thank you Disgrazia4) own blood. We even get to see another of the pig’s acadamy award performances as she gets down on her knees (I hear she’s had a lot of practice at that) and begging Teresa to stop hurting her family. At some point, she gets up and goes to a neutral corner saying her name is Gorga, Gorga, Gorga.. (Is it just me or is the pig staring staight at the camera while standing there like a bitch with her arms crossed?) Then it happens. I see something I never thought I would see. A pig sitting on a window ledge. Yes, folks, swine can do some pretty neat tricks when they are trained properly. Anyway, Teresa tells folletto, to stick with blood and stop siding with strangers. Somewhere in all this, Kathy, the new know it all, says that the F-Nut is just trying to help them. Ummm, No, Kathy, she isn’t. She has turned her daughter in the a laughing stock on the show and is sweating her job at Bravo as a housewife now that Ashlee is no longer there to be used as a storyline. Instead, now she is pimping her son and trying to create drama where there doesn’t need to be any. Did I mention last week how much I hate that woman? Both Joe and Teresa are telling the Wakilies and Gorgas they don’t know that whacked out F Nut as well as they think they do. This whole thing culminates in The Angel From God, telling his sister that she is scum and he will never side with his scum sister. Remember his introduction to the show? Garbage? Meanwhile, Joe and Rosie have decided they had enough and went outside to get drunk some more. While he’s out there telling Rosie what an ass he thinks his BIL is, and that he would like to pound him, but promised Papa Gorga that wouldn’t happen, Teresa comes outside, tells them what was said and that she wants to leave. She’s Done. Well, I have mixed feelings about this. For seasons, I’ve watched Joe berate his wife but always figured, their marriage, not my business. Joe storms back into the place, and demands that folletto apologize to Teresa for calling her scum. Well, poison elf boy decides he’s still a man and charges Joe to try and tackle him. Joe grabs hold of him and tosses him to the ground. In true Bravo fashion, this is where the show ends. To be continued.
Bravo has shown us this fight scene as a teaser on their website. I only watched it once and it didn’t look to me like the poison elf proved his manhood in this scene. The Pig is hollering at Teresa to protect her brother. Really Bitch? After what the two of them pulled, Teresa should go to Their defense. They didn’t go there to resolve anything. They went there for a show made conflict and that’s exactly what they got. I HOPE, Juicy, landed some good punches while he had the elf on the ground. I also hope a stray elbow caught the pig in the jaw. Can you tell I hate these people? If it wasn’t obvious last season, I hope it is now. Anyone who believes these people are ‘good’ with each other now, there is some ocean front property in Kansas with your name on it.
I know some of you don’t watch the show and count on my recaps. That would require watching the show more than once or twice to really do a justified recap. I can’t do that anymore so you get what is in my memory from watching it once or at the most, twice. If it’s wrong, apologies. I know that some of you will fill the blanks for me. This is a group effort 😉 . According to Andy on WWHL, there are at least two more episodes of this and the outcome is ‘amazing’.. We’ll see.
Honestly, I have a better time reading your comments on chat night than watching these crapfests. Some good stuff from last night:
Chris Laurita: “I don’t like drama.” You married the biggest drama queen on the planet!
Melissa: “I’m never on twitter.” You have 8,000 outgoing tweets!
Kathy: “I don’t want to talk about Jacqueline with Teresa.” You talk about Teresa to Jacqueline everything you are with Jacqueline! It’s her ONLY topic of conversation!
Melissa: “Don’t hang out with my friends.” SERIOUSLY??????????????
Melissa: “I don’t want to talk about Jacqueline with Teresa.” REALLY????????????
Melissa: “I don’t want to talk about someone who isn’t here.” ARGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just put Milania back in front of the camera. Geez.
Also from Rebecca:
Politically incorrect quip of the night:
I can’t wait for the dwarf tossing scene!
Many others from other posters of course but that last one made me laugh out loud …
NMD said at the end of her chat intro: “This season hasn’t bugged me half as much as I thought it would. I truly don’t care about any of these people. They all deserve each other.”
Same here… I was more dreading the fighting among the ‘fambly’ here that I thought would likely take place during this season. I’m happy to see that even though there are some disagreements, that hasn’t happened. I would like to think that it’s because the people here care more about each other than what’s happening on a shitty Bravo show.
I’ll see you next week and maybe I’ll give an actual recap.. Then again, maybe not. Photos provided once again by Stars99. Thank you, Stars.
Til then, Peace. MTH.
Happy Birthday BB
You are the glue that held this blog together when Lynn passed. I’ve grown to know you as a strong, dependable, friend. I hope your day brings you joy and happiness. NMD