Note: Take your pick, Teresa is either the root of all evil or her SIL is.. I contend, the latter but that’s just my opinion and you can take that for whatever you think it’s worth. Those of you non regular posters/readers who think Teresa is writing these recaps, I can assure you, as a 49 year old man, I look nothing like Teresa Giudice and I can type with both hands and haven’t been in New Jersey since I was about a year and a half year old. It has never been any secret that I am a Teresa fan (or whatever you want to call it) so yes, she may get a favorable edit here in these recaps. I invite or rather challenge anyone who can do better and can do an unbiased recap, to do so if you don’t like reading what I write. I do call them as I see them. I know we don’t all watch the same show or rather, see the same things. That said, here is the recap for this week – MelTheHound.
Hello again folks. It continues. There is no need to describe what ‘It’ is, we all know by now. Last week, we finally got to this fight scene at this retreat that Teresa (and Rosie) had planned. The WWHL show last week sometime when Kathy and Rosie were there, they were continuing the idea that this was all Teresa’s idea. We were told that the future episodes would be amazing.. We’ll see. Some accuse this woman of being a moron but without her, let’s be honest here, there would be no show because none of them would have anything to talk about. Honestly, I don’t think we would either. Not with this current cast anyway. As usual, so far, here is ClosetFreaks video recap of last weeks show. She points out an interesting fact.. One that has nothing really to do with this show but another. That is the Bridge that Momz and Big Al were crossing or standing on. The observant viewer and fans of The Sopranos, may have noticed that bridge is the same one that Junior Soprano’s enforcers threw a drug dealer off of after the grandson of a friend took a drug induced leap off of that bridge (season 1 episode 6). In fact, the bridge makes an appearance in the first episode of the series. This particular screen grab is just after Junior’s thugs threw the drug dealer off of the bridge, to see if he could fly (something I think should happen to ALL pushers). That’s just a fun fact. It’s also been noted that the two of them, Momz and Al, may have been having their daddy was never around chat in front of this castle where the retreat was held, but editing would have us believe, they were somewhere else (thank you Cusi77).
In other related NJ mob type news, this was posted on FB yesterday. Tick As Tieves, is apparently more than a tagline for Momz Manzo. Nothing new, I know that. By the way, in case any of you have ever wondered why I call her Momz, one of the first images that came to my mind watching her on this show was Ma Barker. If you prefer someone a little less sinister, the character ‘Mom’ from the movie, Doctor Detroit. Anyway, in the FB article, look who is featured as one of the ‘biggest’ enforcers in the New Jersey mob. Albert ‘Tiny’ Manzo, Momz’s FIL. Found stuffed in the trunk of his Lincoln after he upset the wrong people. Momz has her name in print in the press but I doubt that’s the notoriety she was hoping for. Yes, I know the Manzoids aren’t criminals.
At the end of last weeks episode, again, we finally get to this fight that we’ve all been waiting to see. Personally, I don’t like to watch people fight. I don’t watch fights on TV sports channels and I don’t like to witness it in person. I like wrestling because I know it isn’t ‘real’. People beating the hell out of each other though, It just isn’t my thing. If it’s yours, God Bless. You will all remember that after Joey called Teresa, Scum, she went outside and told Joe, who had just told Rosie he promised Papa Gorga that he wouldn’t kick baby Joey’s ass. Joey had other ideas as Joe went in and demanded that Joey apologize for calling Teresa, Scum. I suspect there was a lot more than what we are seeing but the show, picks up with that fight scene (that was partially blacked out last week, nice try Bravo, especially since you put the ‘extended’ scene on your website). He called his sister scum after she told him to stick with blood. Many have made the (IMO) mistake of thinking she was suggesting that he abandon his wife, for his sister. Not the case… The non-blood she was talking about, was the F-Nut, Jacqueline. We saw MeGo, antagonizing the situation at every chance she had. Somehow, I think, this was Joey trying to prove he’s a man. Teresa left the scene to go get help. Don’t operate under the impression you saw the whole thing because at some point here, there were two large security guard types trying to separate the two Joes. I have said before that I don’t believe anything on these shows happens as we see it nor in the order we see it. However, I pretend it does for the sake of these recaps.
Anyway, after Joey proved his manhood, by putting his head down and charging Joe and during the fight, grabbing or hitting or biting (pick the one that helps you sleep at night) Joe in the balls, and MeGo getting her scratches in, everyone went their separate ways some with black stuff all over them. Black Tar they called it. So now we have another ‘gate’ and that is Tar-Gate. I guess that what little hair he has left, Joey uses some sort of product to make it look thicker. We’ve joked all week long about it, the spray can hair, the shoe polish, whatever it is he used, rubbed off on everyone that he came into contact with. Even one of the security guards that helped break up the fight had black stuff smeared all over the back of his bald head. That might explain why a few weeks ago, he showed up on WWHL with a shaved head. Given that, it was kind of a waste for MeGo to make sure that their non fake persona ( 🙄 ) stayed in tact by putting his stained hat back on his head, after the fight. You all can place blame wherever you want for this fight, I put it solidly in the Gorga camp. They went there looking for conflict, and that’s exactly what they got. Don’t get me wrong here, Anyone who believes I think the Giudice’s are innocent in all of this, think again. It takes at least two to fight and when neither will let anything go, right or wrong, there are no victims or blameless people involved. What I am saying here is Teresa should just let her brother and cousin be ‘friends’ with Jacqueline and let them find out for themselves what a whack job she really is. Nothing Teresa says about being ‘set up’ for stripper-gate is going to help that along. That said, let’s see what the rest of Crapfest 5 part 8 has to offer us.
This is all more commentary than actual recap. Apologies in advance if you’re hoping for something different. Okay.. Before I get on with this, I’m going to put this out there, in case any of you didn’t know. I put ALL of these TV time shrinks in the same garbage heap, especially those who appear on Bravo. That includes Drew’s pal, Dr NoSocks, whoever that was Bethenny had on her show (he worked out real well, didn’t he? She is as screwed up as ever and now she and Jason are in the midst of a nasty divorce), these team building specialists, and this DrV (who, btw could do with a visit to that Manhattan threading salon we saw a few weeks ago).
After the fight, I’ll try and get some of this in without stating what I really think of that woman who is married to the munchkin. Kathy was concerned that her new nose would get broken which is why she didn’t want to step in. According to Folletto Steriod Boy, Joe Giudice is the reason for all of his problems with his family. It couldn’t possibly be that he is a roid raging cry baby asshole. Rosie tells of Teresa coming outside and telling Joe what had just happened and that’s how the fight started. We have to suffer through several scenes with the dickhead (Richie) trying to say that the entire fight was Joe’s fault and somehow Teresa’s is also at fault. I’m sure there are some here who will agree but what we were shown, was the baby roid boy charging at him. Richie, shut your mouth and sit the phuck down in a corner with your booze which is the only way you can function. You are not funny, nor helpful. I don’t get what your wife sees in you, maybe you have a 10 inch tallywacker or maybe it’s just the size of your wallet. I don’t know. What I do know is that Kathy is always making excuses for Richie. This is a group of armchair therapists who, if they knew anything, could have ‘fixed things’ long ago. Clearly, they don’t know anything but the side they have chosen, MeGo’s. At the end of it all, again, according to all of them, this is all Teresa’s fault. We get to see the Gorga’s with their NJ Dry Cry talking about how evil Teresa is. How, she is only on this show for endorsements and how all of her products suck. Well said autotune. How is that book of yours coming along? How about Follettos book? Let’s face it, if Teresa wasn’t part of this show, and a huge part at that, neither you or your baby shrunk-nut husband would be on the show either so, get over yourselves (I think he bit or grabbed Joe’s nuts so he could get some idea of what a real pair was like). I will note he is no longer wearing the whitish baseball cap but a black stocking cap. At some point in the show, in TH (filmed much later), he admitted to using the spray products for his ‘hair’. He wouldn’t admit it to the group in any way but at some point, he did. MeGo couldn’t even muster that much honesty in her THs which tells me, he didn’t get the memo that he is supposed to keep denying it. She maintained that she didn’t know where all the black shit came from. I think the stuff has sent him into early dementia. We also get to see the two of them closet talking again about how terrible Joe is… Whispering, as they did on the bus, as if we aren’t supposed hear what it is these two mic’d up assholes are saying. Oh, almost forgot.. How could I? MeGo thinks Teresa is a pig for not separating the two Joes during the fight. How silly of me. Going to get someone capable of doing so makes Teresa the pig. Got it now.
Somewhere in all this, before dinner, the Wakilies decide it would be a good idea for Teresa to talk to her brother. Rosie agrees and they try and set it up. Teresa wants to talk to him alone but MeGo will have nothing to do with that. She has to make sure that whatever he says, comes straight from her mouth. So that conversation doesn’t happen.
I don’t know if it was before or after dinner, it doesn’t matter, but we witness one of those cringe worthy WTF moments with Teresa and Joe (her husband) in the tub. I didn’t see the OC Tamra version of this but I did see it on Flavor Flav’s show that he did with Bridget Neilson. The sight of one of them sucking the other’s toe is forever burned into my brain as one of the most disgusting moments on reality TV. Oddly enough, it wasn’t Bravo that brought this to us but VH1. These RH bathtub scenes rank right up there with that one for me. We’ll go with the flow though, she wants to reward Joe for (finally) standing up for her and ‘defending her honor’. Luv ya, Teresa but this isn’t something I needed to see. I doubt the waiter that brought the champagne to your tub scene was real thrilled with it but somehow I am guessing, he’s seen worse. The two of them are pouring the champagne on each other, she’s licking it off of his chest and just uggggh… Where’s the bleach? I thought I heard him say that’s a way you catch Pneumonia. Really Joe? Just enjoy your wife, keep it off of TV, and STFU.
At the community dinner table, sans the Giudice’s, once again, the talk centers on Teresa because none of these people have anything more interesting to talk about. Forget that this retreat was her idea, it doesn’t matter, nothing ever changes with these people regardless of where they are. We get to see that fake ass innocent look on the the she devil’s face, for the millionth time. Bravo, you’ve really screwed up trying to keep these two sympathetic in your story lines. Even most who couldn’t see it before are seeing what a fake she really is. I hope Andy’s gorgasm is over. Then he can dress Joey in his dress and wig and sweep her off of his feet and they can live happily ever after. I am sure MeGo won’t mind as long as she gets her alimony checks on time.
The following day, it’s breakfast time… We see Rosie’s bed-head, Richie is ready to go with the booze in his hand already. So is Rosie. I don’t know what Kathy is doing but who really cares? I think they are all drinking those drinks made of champagne and orange juice. Richie is a drunken boozer and he’s hell bent on turning everyone else into one. Over in the Giudice room, Teresa and Joe are just ‘waking up’ after their hot night. She wants coffee and he wants to jerk off a couple times (good to know).
Teresa gets out of bed and goes in to the bathroom to make a phone call. Who does she call? Momz. AAAAAAAAAAAAhgggggggh… We almost escaped her for a full episode. She tells Momz about the fight and asks her to ‘come up’… Now, editing at it’s finest again. We’ve determined, that Momz and Big Al were likely there during part of their pop the nipples out of their mouths and maybe I can quit working so much conversation. We will pretend this is all real though and has nothing to do with Momz and her advice book. She is in her apartment that has a room for Lauren. Lauren happens to be there with her re-expanding ass on the kitchen counter. I think she popped that lap-band and found those 40 pounds she claims to have lost (BS). You see, Teresa is still under the (bravo) delusion that somehow Joey asked Momz to step in and help fix things. She’s written a book don’t ya know… We all know, from the show, that it was the other way around. Watch the show, Teresa, get a clue. After some snide remarks from the Lauren sourpuss manzoid, Momz decides she’s going to go help. This ought to go well.
I don’t remember who arrived first, It doesn’t matter.. Momz or DrV. I think it was the doctor. I find it odd (not really) that they have to fly in a TV shrink from L.A. to fix a relationship problem in New Jersey. Teresa welcomes the doctor to the retreat castle and the exchange begins as Teresa is explaining what is going on. Something gets said that I am sick to death of hearing from Teresa. She asks DrV if she is Italian to which the reply is, by injection. WTF does being Italian have to do with anything? Want to see some people who can really go at each other? Try Romanians. I have great uncles and cousins I’ve never met and half the parties involved in these feuds are dead, 20+ years ago. It has nothing to do with nationality, it has to do with the fact that you’re all assholes. Anyway, as T is on the couch explaining to V what is going on, as she sees it, we hear another pearl of brotherly love wisdom from the angel from God… “Fuck that bitch”. What’s the matter, Joey? Can’t you even get it up anymore when fighting with your sister? Are you Really THAT frustrated? At some point, they are all at the breakfast table and MeGo brings up this cheating accusation and how, once again it is Teresa’s fault that HER bridesmaid, Jan, is the one that made the accusation. Oh, at some point here, MeGo called T, Mother Teresa.. To which, Teresa responds, “I’m not Mother Teresa – Thank You Jesus”… I didn’t think T had it in her to have such a snappy come back for the other angel from God. (heheheeee)
Somewhere in all this, Momz arrives. She wasn’t driving but was driven. I suspect by the hotel car service where she was staying down the street waiting for her cue from production. Rosie greets her at the door and the gossip is spilled. We don’t get to Momz’s part in all this mess (who claims she wants to be out of it but keeps getting sucked back in), in this episode. Maybe the next. Unless her part was to show what a true sourpuss her daughter is.
Let’s get to the therapy part of this episode. All others have failed, let’s see what DrV can do. She takes Joey in to another room and has a chat with him. We can see MeGo crapping a brick because she isn’t there to speak for him (Anyone who thinks this woman wants her husband and his sister to mend fences or even get along, isn’t watching the show). He tells DrV that he hates his sister and wants nothing to do with her. This is MeGo talking, trust me on that one. He says that Teresa is the reason people talk shit about his wife. This relationship therapist, completely missed the cue on that one. Failing to ask, instead of ‘how do you feel about that’, have you ever questioned the people doing the talking (Jan)? As I said earlier, garbage heap TV time shrinks. Bought and paid for by Bravo. She brings Teresa into this conversation which, I’m sure further infuriates MeGo, so that Baby Joey can tell her what he has to say about his desire to make up with Teresa. She explains to DrV what they use to be like. Inseparable. She knows it can’t be that way again but she still doesn’t want to lose her brother. Elder Gorgas aren’t getting any younger, neither are the kids. Teresa turns on the waterworks and then something odd happens. Baby Joey must have borrowed his Raisinettes from his wife because he hugged and kissed his sister. I bet she hit the ceiling when she saw that on the show (because I don’t believe for one minute these two women have settled anything). I doubt MeGo’s singing career has progressed beyond closing flea markets and gay nightclubs. Since Greggy has left, I doubt she’s even getting that venue.. Maybe Fanny Andy is helping her out with that. I also doubt anyone wants a book on how to be a jealous NJHW wannabe. Is anyone else waiting for Danielle to crawl out of the woodwork and say “Told you so”?
That’s about it folks. I know it isn’t a word for word write up. You know me, I never do those anyway. This episode was too much of a back and fourth mess to even attempt that and keep from blowing a gasket. So, what if anything did we learn tonight? That Teresa is likely correct about MeGo screeching in Baby Joey’s ear and perpetuating this feud between them. Wouldn’t be the first time that’s ever happened, even in real life. We learned who the jealous people really are, the Gorgas. Jealous that Teresa has been given or has created all these opportunities for cash outside of the show (take your pick, given or created). We’ve also learned that when the Gorgas don’t have a producer on their side, they get the shit edit they deserve. If Bravo is planning on making these two shine, it’s too late. They’ve failed miserably. Just strap the baby back in his car seat and send him on his way. Don’t forget the spray can so he can ticken his hair (thank you LaineyLainey) and let’s hope this time he doesn’t forget the fixer to keep it from rubbing off during his next tantrum. I hear Krylon makes a pretty decent fixer. Maybe our resident artists can tell us of a few others.
Does anyone care what the absent character, the F Nut, had to say about this episode during her appearance on WWHL? Honestly, since she skipped the S3 reunion, everything she says is Charlie Brown teacher, wah wah wah.. We’ll pretend though that she had something useful or intelligent to say. Let’s see……………………………………………….. Nope.. Nothing yet………………………… Still nothing…. Wait!….. No, nothing…. Oooohhh…… Nope… Still nothing. Just about as much as she adds to the show itself. Not a damn thing.
See you next week folks.