Welcome back friends, to Crapfest 2013.. This week, I found it particularly brown if you get my gross meaning. Once again, I had a better time reading the comments than watching the show. We had a particular story line emerging. Cusi77 wants MeGo’s blouse. So does Thestoryoflivingwithautism. Both would welcome Windycitywondering buying it for them and Nancy wants to borrow it from one of them. Cusi agrees to the loan but wants to make sure she will get the blouse back. WCW doesn’t seem to care about the blouse, says with the right info, she will buy them for the other ladies but, she wants Teresa’s sweater. Dilema dilema… Somehow, even if things went awry, I think these 4 women could work out their differences far better than anything I’ve seen on this show. I just wanted to make that point, I wasn’t busting anyone’s chops for wardrobe wishes. For those of you interested but haven’t seen it yet, here is Closetfreaks recap of last week’s show.
When we left off last week, Dr V had finished, sort of, with Joey and Teresa and had summoned MeGo. This was a lot more of Teresa is in the middle of everything, especially the cheating rumors. I think even Joey groaned at this one. I still fail to understand how it is Teresa’s fault that MeGo’s friends talk shit about her and her marriage. Maybe I’m just stupid that way. The two of them half heartedly hug it out though and all is supposed to be right with the world. Next they summon Joe to get a read on what his malfunction is. What I got from this was V was under the impression that Joe had started this fight and asked him what happened. She said that Joe charged Joey. Remember what I said last week about paid for by Bravo TV shrinks? Naturally neither of the Gorgas bothered to correct her. Neither did Teresa. We all know what kind of hell she would have caught for doing so. Joe did but, whatever. MeGo wants us to believe that she tried to stop the fight. What I saw was, MeGo slapping and scratching at Joe’s face and then after the fight Did end, she went after Teresa. I forget who stopped her though. I think if she had reached Teresa, then T would have handed her her ass and taken great pleasure in doing so. Anyway, She convinces Joe to make nice, he does, there are tears from Teresa and Dr V is on her way out. He even made nice with the female Gorga stating somewhere that if that’s what it took to end the BS, then fine, Sorry. You see, Dr V wasn’t there for everybody, just the two Gs. Giudice and Gorga. I guess Bravo couldn’t spring for a full house therapy session. Kathy is disappointed that she doesn’t get any face time with the famous LA shrink, Dr V. Consider yourself lucky, Kathy… Richie just wanted to sit next to Dr V and make rude comments and gestures. I think she couldn’t have gotten away from that bunch of nuts fast enough. What else did we get from this? Another Teresa-ism. Nip it in the butt. Laugh all you want about that but given the crew we are talking about, I think that is an appropriate line. Notice I didn’t give this therapy session very much time. In fact, I gave it more than it deserves. At least one of the people there has no intention of having anything change so just like the last therapy we saw on this show, it was rather pointless. These things don’t get solved in minutes or even hours especially when someone doesn’t want them to be solved. No feud with Teresa, no point of being on the show, MeGo.
The men, decide to grab a guide, and go ice fishing, along with Rosie. I think this was just another excuse to drink but hey, at least they aren’t swinging at each other or biting balls. Yet. The women, Teresa and Kathy, commandeer the kitchen to cook dinner and get drunk. Don’t worry friends, there is plenty of booze to go around here. I guess Rosie can’t cook so she went with the men. Well, Joe and the two boys, Richie and Joey. While at the fishin hole, Richie the shit stirrer decides to ask who won the fight. Please. Someone open one of those holes in the ice a little more and stuff Richie into the lake. We get to hear about the size of Joe’s tallywhacker from the Gorga Folletto as he brags about grabbing Joe.. I’m surprised he didn’t describe the taste (don’t worry my friends, this isn’t the last pecker talk we will hear on this show). All he’s done is confirm that he fights like a bitch. Rosie is nervous that the fight will start again. Joe promises to kick his ass again, if need be.
Back at the castle ranch, the women folk are doing the cooking. Well, two of them are, Teresa and Kathy. MeGo is more focused on getting crocked and bitch about the kitchen heat messing up her make up. Somehow, I think it is her that doesn’t or can’t cook. I don’t get where Joey or anyone else for that matter, ever got the idea that Teresa doesn’t cook. Momz said she wasn’t cooking, she was invited or asked to come, she expects to be served. The men decide that this ice fishing trip is pointless and realize how stupid they must look sitting in the middle of a frozen lake on plastic buckets with short sticks in their hands. So they pack it in and head back. They arrive just about as the food is ready and themselves begin to partake in the spirits. They sit down, together, for dinner, along with Momz (you didn’t forget about her did you?) and the party is on. This scene was basically played out last season during the cook off during the Napa trip. As long as there is food and booze, these people can find it in themselves to get along with each other and even have fun. Teresa raises her glass to thank Momz for coming (to promote her book) to help. T wants us to believe that Momz, that morning, drove 4 hours to be there. Sorry, Teresa, we all saw Momz get out of the back passenger side of the SUV that brought her to the castle, on cue from production. She may have Ridden there but she damn sure didn’t drive. Besides, we are also to believe that the Sourpuss Manzoid, at 6am or something like that, was wide awake and aware. Yet, supposedly, she tweeted last week that the reason she looked like shit is she was hung over from the night before. Maybe I am being too harsh on the Manzoid. Who knows?
Anyway, getting on with this dinner… Teresa and Kathy apologize to each other, in front of everyone, for comments made about each other’s parents during the S4 reunion. So now, no one can say that neither ever apologized to the other, ever again. If that was the only point of contention between them, then that feud should be squashed. Somewhere in this we get one of those nice little scenes where they are talking about their daughters and boys. Antonia is trained to look away from the TV when the kissing scenes are shown. Gabriella doesn’t like to watch them either. Milania half looks but probably knows she isn’t supposed to. Meanwhile, the booze continues to flow. Speaking of which, Joe said that he thought the Lauritas may come to this thing so he brought them a bottle of his wine. Since they aren’t there, he asks Momz to deliver it for him. Richie spouts off with the notion that Joe should just take it over there himself. Part of me says he’s right. Momz is far too involved in this mess as it is.
I think, during dinner, Momz thinks it would be a good idea to call the F-Nut Jacalope. She happens to be home, with St Chris, making pancakes for Nicolas. However, she can’t seem to bust the 20 year old sugar apart that is the essential ingredient for pancakes for a 3yo kid. Is she going to Bake the pancakes? This woman is really an idiot and as we’ll see (more of), a vile one at that. Momz tells her where she is and I’m certain we are about to hear of another body part that needs some sort of maintenance. Poor Nicolas. Fortunately, we didn’t see him this episode. Bravo, why can’t we have an episode without that woman’s face on it? It would be infinitely better than anything she might add to the show, which isn’t a damn thing.
After dinner, they decide to do this fall back exercise where someone is supposed to catch another person from hitting the floor. Joe is to be caught by MeGo… He doesn’t want to do it because he believes he’s too heavy for her to catch him. He’s right. They all hit the floor. Richie wants to get in on the act and catch Rosie… Dude, get your hands off of your SIL’s boobs. Apparently he is also interested in the afro between her legs. Did I hear that right? I wonder what excuses Kathy will make for him this week in her crapfesto. Teresa wants to catch Momz. Momz will only agree to it if Teresa agrees to make nice with her arch enemy, the Jacalope (think about it my friends, there is ALWAYS a condition with Momz. Last season or the one before, she couldn’t or wouldn’t accept any apology from Teresa unless it was the Right one – whatever the phuck that meant). This is something Teresa doesn’t want to do. She still believes that the F-Nut is behind 90 percent of her current family problems. I’ve watched the show and I agree. However, she agrees to make the effort. I think she should have told Momz to go F herself on that one but what do I know? Jac has shit on their relationship every chance she’s had and I don’t think for one second it should be up to Teresa to make that first approach. Teresa says she will do it for Nicolas. Momz says not to but for themselves. Ummm, Momz, Teresa can do it for whatever reason she sees fit. How about having that litter of yours apologize to Teresa for all of their foul mouthed shit?
Now, this is just creepy and the F Nut shows her true character in this one. She doesn’t want anything to do with Teresa, she’s made that clear (although her nose has been so far up Teresa’s ass, she can count T’s fillings from the inside). There was no reason to put her in this episode other than the idea she feels the need to write her crapfesto novellas about something. So she has to be on the screen to justify having something to say at the Bravo blog site. We learn that CJ is entering puberty and when St Chris was that age, he had a special sock that could stand up in the corner. I’ll let you all mull that one around for awhile. Jac doesn’t want to think about her son in that way but she has no problem thinking about others. You see, her little tidbit this week is, in addition to bleaching her asshole and waxing her hooha, She also drops the bomb that she thinks Joey, at age 9, lost his virginity to his sister (yes, I know that she was probably joking but still a vile thing to say). Yeah. Tell me again that I am the disgusting one and have crossed some grey line when I take these bitches to task about what they say and describing what I think of them. I am done with this one and her cackle. Her future appearances on the show will get the fast forward treatment. From what I’m seeing in the previews, that may make for some pretty short recaps.
In the final scene, Teresa and Joe are discussing this Jac thing that Teresa agreed to (I still say she shouldn’t have).. T believes that making up with family is one thing because you are stuck with them (no you aren’t).. But friends are chosen and when they hurt you, sometimes it is not repairable and the hurt is much more intense. Joe tells her to suck it up if she wants to mend things with Jac and be the bigger person (in so many words). Maybe then, he’ll get to have play dates with Chris again. Ooooh Fun!!
Some other tidbits from the show… When Dr V left, Kathy finally eggmits, she doesn’t count in the grand scheme of things. MeGo eggmits she’s a drunken whore. Don’t shoot the messenger, she said it and she was drunk at the time. Sorry Fanny Andy, I am not amazed, choked up, or brought to tears. I have seen this all from these people before and it didn’t end well then. I know that you have other shit on the horizon for us to dash the illusion that these people are ever going to be good with each other. There is always a finale to set the scene for the next season and it’s always something awful that one has done to the other. Then of course we have the reunion where everyone gets to address the TH interviews and cast blogs, that are filmed and written much later. Oh yes… MeGo knows which finger to flip at the cameras when talking about Teresa. Almost forgot about that one. Classy lady, eh? On Display On Display… Still missing Fran, the pig, and Frito giving his own opinion by pissing on the floors of the Manzo mansion..
What else did we learn… Apparently, from reading the comments, the F Nut’s daughter is trashing 12 and under girls on twitter or something like that. Smooth move Jac. Not only are you a pig but so is your daughter. I guess I can’t blame Ashley though, when your own mother throws you in front of the world to trash you every week for the sake of a Bravo paycheck, can’t really expect much else from Ashley. In that same vein, we have a new name for the F Nut… Bloroxina (thank you LaineyLainey). Noelle gives us, CrackJac. I’ve never liked her but it seems that Jac use to be liked around here. What happened? TMI about her body parts? 😉
Get ready kids… If you’ve been going through Manzoid withdrawal, next week is your show when Momz has the mommy and daddy weren’t normal parents talk with their young ones. That’s what the preview looks like anyway.
See you then.
Happy Birthday RealHousewifeVA