Welcome back fans… Yeah, I know there are no ‘fans’ here but you know what I mean. SOMETHING keeps us coming back and I doubt it’s the Manzo pearls of wisdom. As usual, here is ClosetFreaks recap of last weeks show.
Last week, I made good on my promise to fast forward past she who does not matter to me. I felt I had cheated you ladies a bit but hey, I was having a bad weekend too with some crap in my own life and really didn’t care about hers. I still am and still don’t but that’s no reason to completely punish my friends here. So… I rewatched last week’s as well as the first look and the entire episode this week. I still don’t have my answer from this summit between Teresa and the F Nut. What is it, that Teresa did that was such a bad thing to Jac? Maybe I’m just some phucking thick headed ape who just doesn’t get it but, I still don’t get it. All I can gather from watching this show is the F Nut told Teresa she wanted distance for her sanity. Am I remembering that right or did I make it up in my head? Because from what I can see, that’s exactly what Teresa gave her… Distance. I also remember the F Nut telling Joey that his sister had set his wife up to look like an ass as a stripper. Outing her past. Did I remember that right or did I make that up in my head? Because reading some of the comments around here sometimes, I’m convinced we are watching different shows. I don’t believe for one second that this will ever really be resolved but, I’m a man. We just beat the shit out of each other and get the phuck over it. One way or another. Put whatever label you like on that but it works. Intellectuals and advanced thinkers have summits and meetings to hash out their differences and from what I’ve seen on this show, it’s all horse shit. They keep going around in the same circle of I know I did this but you did that. At the end of this ‘summit’ they had agreed to disagree and that is all I got from that entire waste of a scene. I guess Joe can resume his play dates with Chris now though so it’s all good.
Last week also we had this dinner at Teresa’s where baby Joey saw his niece/goddaughter for the first time in over a year. My my… How she has grown. This is a theme throughout this show and it’s disgusting. What the hell did these morons expect to happen? Today, Joey is coming to pick up Gia for a play date and she and her friends are in the powder room applying their make up and gossiping. Meanwhile, Teresa and the other girls are out in the rest of the mausoleum playing commando raider ninja turtles. Gia is telling her friends of the impending date with her uncle and she laments that the last time they had one on one time together was when she was something like 5. Bravo shows us a series of photos that might confirm this timeline. Teresa is on the outside listening in and decides that the future cover girls are the next target for her and the rest of her commando squad. Gia thinks her mom acts like she’s 5 sometimes and wishes she would stop. Time is going to come, Gia, when you’ll miss that playful part of your mom (I’m not talking about the legal stuff either). I know though you have to go through those cranky teen years where everything around you is embarrassing. Everything that goes on around you with everyone around you will have the sole purpose of embarrassing you so, get use to it princess. There isn’t a person here who hasn’t gone though it and you won’t be the last.
Joey arrives to pick up Gia and we begin the scene I have been waiting a week to see. Gia is happy to see her uncle but she’s being a bit fresh about this whole date thing. They are going to the go-cart track slash arcade. They get there and he’s the man, an idea he repeats several times, so he wants the fastest cart and wants her to have the slowest one. I know about being an uncle and teasing the little ones but somehow, I think he’s serious. Out on the track, Gia is doing a good job of handling herself as steroid boy is circling the track proclaiming his manhood. Yeah, I’m being rough on him but he deserves it. She’s about to pass him when she spins out and he wins the race… Bragging about how he, the man, beat the 12 year old girl. Nice job there, Joey. Now they get something to eat and sit down. He’s (in TH) talking about how pre-teen fresh she’s being with the eye roll and all that. Asshole, be glad this girl will speak to you at all. They begin a discussion of the feuding between the adults and the way it has affected the kids. Well, Joey says, there are two sides to every story. In other words, Teresa has poisoned her daughters against the angel from God. Gia, brings up the christening.. Yeah, Joey, in spite of what you think you know, She was there and saw and heard everything. To prove that point, Bravo edit gives us a taste of that scene with Gia trying to separate her mother from the Joey table tirade. Gia tells him what a raging dick her classmates think her uncle is. I’ll say that again in a different way… Gia’s classmates have been giving her shit about her uncle. In THs, Joey says he knows he’s supposed to let the girls win the games but, not when it comes to the carts. Yes, Joey, the carts too. At least try not to be such a dick about it. He also says that regardless of what’s going on with his sister, they are always going to argue, he needs to keep things right with the girls. No shit Sherlock. You just now figured that out? Were you born a dumbass piece of shit or did you have to work at it? He’s had multiple chances to see these girls and has pissed on every one of them because he didn’t want to see his sister.
Next scene, St. Chris is sitting in the official BLK office. I guess they aren’t using Granny’s house anymore as the HQ. In walk the male manzoids and they begin to teast St Chris about patching things up with his little buddy, the midget mason, Joe Guidice. Chris goes into how things are good now and it’s a good thing he wasn’t at the retreat when things got out of control. He might have had to jump in. Chris, Cut the phucking shit. You wouldn’t have done a damn thing and you know it. He of course has to run his mouth and be the big man for his nephews. His concern now though is, BLK and the level of participation of the Manzoids. He tells them that even with this restaurant, that they are spending all their time with, their first priority is BLK. BLK is the wife, and the restaurant is the mistress. He doesn’t want to walk into the restaurant that is in the same building they live in, and see them sitting there at 2am. I refuse to count Guidice money and I’m not going to count Lurkita or Manzoid money either. However, One of the Manzoids stated last week that BLK isn’t making enough money for them to draw income from it so that’s why they have to get the restaurant up and running. So they can eat and pay their rent. Whatever… we’ll get back to this in a minute.
Somewhere in all this, we are tortured with another Jac and Kathy shopping scene. Hmmm… Jac is going out to Beverly Hills to get a tummy tuck. Double Hmmmm… I said I wasn’t going to count money but, I do wonder. If BLK isn’t making any money for it’s officers to get paid, his other business is in bankruptcy, and from what I understand, Richie is under fire for not paying his supplier, Exxon, where does all this shopping and surgery money come from? I will assume they have found a pot of gold at the end of some rainbow or have pooled their bravo checks for these necessary ‘expenses’.
What brings up this tummy tuck is Teresa is having a charity event for her pet charity, Nephcare. I forget what it’s all about but it is the same charity she was pushing when she was on Celebrity Apprentice. I’ve heard about Dina’s Ladybugs charity a few times but this, I think, is the only other one I’ve heard of consistently from Any Housewife. The event is a Zuhmba class and all are expected to attend, including Jac. Those who don’t know, it’s basically an aerobics dance class. This Tummy Tuck, bothers me. Not because of the money but, Jac is not an old woman. She has 3 kids with something like a 10 year break between the first two, and 4 or 5 years between the second two. I know there were failed attempts before Nicolas but still, we aren’t talking about 3 kids right in a row. Teresa had her 4 almost one right after the other, 4 in something like 6 years (?) and MeGo had her 3 about the same way. Both of them are in great shape even for women who haven’t had Any kids. There is no denying that. How did they do it? Exercise. Yet, somehow Jac needs to get away from it all and take shortcuts, expensive ones, to cure her body image problems. Put down the fork, leash up that dog, and go out for a walk while the kids are at school, Jac.
Anyway, just like there are no shrinks in NJ or NY, there are no plastic surgeons either so she has to jump on her broom and fly to California for this transformation. Oh, she’s getting that michelin man neck taken care of too. Before she goes though, we get to see the Manzoids, with their mum, and Momz’s real daughter, Greggy. Seems he hasn’t actually left yet but is about to and this is his sendoff. Everyone is there except the Guidices. Let me stab an ice pic into my ear as Momz laugh dry cries about her baby going off to San Francisco to pursue his passion, whatever that is. I can guess but I’ll leave it alone as this is hopefully the last we’ll ever see of him. Maybe not, the Manzoids are getting their own show. Bravo, PuhLeeez. Stop with the phucking spinoffs and especially, with these people. They aren’t star material. We did get a shot of the female Manzoid looking as disgusted as ever with her mother crying over what she really wanted in a daughter.
The Lurkitas are the last to walk into this sendoff dinner that Greggy is throwing for himself. The announcement is made that Jac is going to Cali also to get her tummy worked on so she can compete in a bathing suit with Teresa and MeGo. She doesn’t say that but, come on… Every time the two of them flash their goods, she runs for the hills. The entire room, in the edit, looks at her like most of you probably did. We’ll leave that there for now…
It’s the day of the charity event and everyone is meeting up at Teresa’s house. Milania doesn’t remember cousin Kathy whose swimming pool she’s been in once. Gia remembers the last time she saw Jac – IT WAS TORTURE!!! They all arrive, first time in a long time they’ve been together in Teresa’s house. The two most excited to see each other are Milania and Antonia. Sorry but I think keeping these two apart over any feud has been the most disgusting part of all of it. I think both have been using the kids against each other and I think it speaks pretty low of all involved. Even Teresa and Kathy note that this same kind of shit, fight between the parents, is what separated Them as teens. I don’t think they’ve ever gotten over it either.
The Party bus arrives to take the gang to the Zumba charity event. We finally get to see this much teased Milania imitating MeGo on the pole bit. In the previews, MeGo has the hurt martyr look on her face but in the scene, she says, she misses the pole (joking about it). Maybe she was hurt, maybe not. I don’t know. The names they have all called each other are laughed about. Teresa asks Jac what a Sociopath is, since that’s what she called her sometime earlier (probably in a tweet). Jac tells her to google it, she does, she doesn’t look happy as she reads the description out loud. I forget all of them, Joe Guidice raises the wine glass to all of the freaks and calls them out by name. Overall, it was a scene of people busting each other’s chops and nothing that we were led to believe it was in the Bravo preview edits. OR, maybe the re-edited it. Who knows?
At the event, the wine is flowing. I know the last time I went to the gym for any kind of aerobic exercise (Treadmill on a steep incline and recline bike), I wanted a few glasses of wine to thin my blood and make me sweat more. However, even Kathy took part with her two left feet. The only one I didn’t see taking part in the exercise was Jac. Maybe I missed it. Honest, I didn’t use the fast forward at all tonight. At the end of the class, Teresa and her are talking, I forget about what, maybe this tummy tuck.. I don’t know, it really isn’t that important to me.
Jac is on her way to California because there are no plastic surgeons in the local. area. Her friend has suggested somebody and besides, Ashley is in California. The last time we saw Ashley on the show, she was being shoved on to a plane to California or Texas to go stay with her dad. I don’t remember which but it was a very unceremonious exit for her from the show. The Lurkitas treated Ashley like shit on this show and I have to say that most of the others did as well. I have to say that Ashley looks pretty damn good and put together. Getting away from her mother has been good to her. Hey, I’ll give the credit when it’s due. I guess she’s writing a blog for some outfit out there. Didn’t catch who, don’t care. She’s 22 now and I guess as such, doesn’t feel the need to party so much. They are at the docs office for the consultation and we see it… Jac’s stomach. Ummmm, okay, needs some help but I’m not convinced the knife is the only way to go for her. Doesn’t matter what I think though, does it? She’s given instruction for the night before (I think) and the next thing we see is Jac and Ashley at the restaurant with Jac’s parents the night before the surgery. I’ve had surgery once and I was told that food and such 12 or less hours before the time, was a huge no no when anesthetic was involved. I know it can kill people and still remember the first time I heard of it happening. Our medical experts can fill us in on what happens in that situation if they would be so kind. There are calls back and fourth to NJ and the attempted drama of will she or won’t she wake up is played out. I hoped not (not really, I don’t like her but don’t wish her dead) jokingly… In the end, she wakes up looking like a used q-tip (ear bud for some of you) and falls asleep while talking to St Chris.. The End.
I don’t remember what the previews showed aside from MeGo confronting someone about the cheating rumors. Was that her pal, Jan? I said it before, I will say it again. I think she is a lot of things but cheater isn’t one of them. I would believe Joey would before I would think she would. That’s really the nicest thing I have to say about her at this point. Maybe she’ll give me something else. We’ll see in future episodes of Crapfest 2013.
Blog comments of the night? Who has dibs on Milania 😀 Luv me some Milania but I don’t know if I would want that little wild one around me for too long. I can barely handle the two I have now on a daily basis.
See ya next week… Til then, Peace.