Real Housewives of Orange County Reunion Part One
There’s only one thing worse than Andy’s individual stilted greetings for each housewife – and that’s when he does it twice (something to look forward to further into the show)… Ugh… Each Stepford wife responded to his greeting with a dutiful, “Hi Andy”… Ack… Gag… Boy, this is going to be a long night… Fortunately, we find out that Heather has some “Champs on Ice” waiting in the wings. I’ve got to say that I think that everyone really looks great this evening. On TV, Vicki’s dress looked salmon colored – but her make-up was done so well and complimented it perfectly. Alexis wore the exact shade of lipstick as her flattering red dress, and I loved it since I love matchy, matchy things (Project Runway’s Judge Nina Garcia would hate me for that). Tamra wore a flattering pink dress and Heather wore a not always so flattering pretty cornflower blue dress. Lydia breezed in with a flowing crinkled backless dress that looked stunning with her coloring. However, Gretchen evidently misunderstood and thought she was auditioning for a new “Housewives on Ice” show so she’s wearing a frothy seafoam green outfit she borrowed from Michelle Kwan. Awww, look, Lydia’s wearing a headband! Andy makes Lydia do her wiggly, “Yeayah”… You can see some of their shoes in this pic, just in case you’re interested:
Andy asks Vicki if her divorce is final? He’s surprised that it’s not. Tamra thinks they’re actually going to get back together but Vicki just says they’re at a standstill. The REAL truth comes out – they’re at a standstill because Vicki most likely will have to pay spousal support when and if it ever becomes final. It will become final but I think it’s because Vicki’s waiting for Donn to marry Jeana or anyone else so she won’t have to pay. Vicki will do just about anything to not to have to pay. When asked if they would ever get back together again, Donn reportedly said, “When monkeys fly up my ass”… Although from how Vicki said it – it was unclear whether monkeys needed to fly up Donn’s ass or up Vicki’s ass. As if that wasn’t unclear enough, then Vicki said that she didn’t think monkeys were ever going to fly out of Donn’s ass. I’m confused… Are monkeys flying in or flying out? This is a VERY important question I need to have answered since monkey flying trajectory is crucial. Everyone concludes that stranger things have happened in Orange County than the concept of Vicki and Donn getting back together. I smell a wedding spin-off show!
Tamra was asked if she is going to throw Gretchen a bachelorette party since Gretchen “threw” her that infamous one in Mexico… Tamra threateningly responds, “Absolutely… but worse.”… Gretchen was longingly looking at Tamra as if she is still under the delusion that it would be cool to be Tamra’s best friend forever.
OOooOOOo … We see footage of the Mexico trip when Vicki hijacked Tamra and Lydia, who are completely innocent and pure as the driven snow, and spirited them away to “Andales.” In Vicki’s talking head, she cattily says, “Good-bye, Gretchen.” The footage also showed Vicki asking Tamra if she had said she was sorry to Heather or Gretchen. Vicki then laughed hysterically and may or may not have left a silver dollar sized remnant on the nice comforter.
Andy asks Tamra if she trusts Gretchen as a friend. Tamra said, “No, no I don’t.” Alexis looks very uncomfortable… I’m not sure why. Andy asks Tamra why and Tamra is not sure that she should, “Go deep, so quick.” Tamra said, “Just some inconsistencies and some lies.” Tamra does miss having the friendship with Gretchen Kerrigan Hamill Witt, the famous ice skater, but she’s just tired of her double axels err… double speak. Gretchen Kerrigan Hamill Witt says that she feels the same. I take that to mean that Gretchen knows she’s inconsistent and that she lies through her teeth although she tries to explain otherwise. By the way, I watched a great episode on ESPN, called “Nine for IX” on the double Olympic Gold winner and famous ice skater, Katrina Witt – It was kind of a biography, but it really got more into other aspects of her life as an East German athlete. They’ll probably air it again – or you might be able to find it online somewhere, but here’s the official link: http://espn.go.com/espnw/w-in-action/nine-for-ix/article/8948863/nine-ix-film-summary-director-diplomat. There are several segments that showcase other female athletes and coaches.
Andy brought up the fact that Gretchen said in her blog she thought it was obvious that Vicki was purposefully trying to put a wedge in Gretchen’s relationship with Tamra. Gretchen said that it was in Mexico when Vicki said, “My plan worked” – because Gretchen said that it showed Vicki had intent, “To hurt me or try to put a wedge between us or try to create some sort of, ‘anim… amun…’”… And while Gretchen stares off into space searching for the word, everyone on both couches in unison supplies the word, “animosity.” Whew… it really does take a village to raise a village idiot.
Heather kind of stuck up for Vicki and said that the “My plan worked” statement sounded more like an off handed comment. Vicki confirms the “irony” of it is that she, Tamra and Lydia were having so much fun while Heather and Gretchen weren’t. Vicki says she had no plan but I think Vicki took great delight in wooing Tamra to the dark side just because she knew she could… lol.. Vicki thinks it was funny because she had been talking about going to “Andales” all week. Heather chimes in that they were in Mexico (duh?), it was late, they had no idea how far away “Andales” was from where they were (isn’t that why we have paid limo chauffeurs – to figure that crap out?), and that they didn’t know if they were just going to go on a wild goose chase because they weren’t certain they were there anyway… Lydia took accountability and said, “It’s totally wrong what we did” but went on to explain that Vicki’s comment and what they did was just so spur of the moment that she doesn’t think it was planned. I think Vicki’s plan was to go to Andales and she didn’t care who or if anyone went along with her for that matter.
Someone named “Summer” from Dover, Delaware says, “Tamra is two faced, she tells Vicki one thing and tells Gretchen a totally different thing – is she afraid of both of them?” Tamra insists that Gretchen started that rumor recently with her blogs and stuff… Gretchen clarifies that Tamra was saying one thing to her but then doing another… and Tamra’s only response was, “Well, you do the same thing” and then brings up something about how Gretchen said that Heather walked funny. I dunno, but if I was Heather, I’d be wondering how I got pulled into this argument. Gretchen says that she may say things to Tamra about the others – but that she always also says it to their face. Tamra doesn’t think that’s entirely true and I really don’t either… but it’s Gretchen’s story and she’s sticking to it – and she wants us to know that it’s not just her story, but it’s how she lives her life… Rut roh, “Danger, Will Robinson, danger!” Vicki immediately disagrees and Gretchen asks for a specific… Vicki instantly brings up that Gretchen said that Vicki had, “Banged 12 guys.” Gretchen was reminded that she only told Vicki when she was specifically confronted about it at Whistler.
Then, as if this particular subject wasn’t already dead and buried… they bring up something from the 100th Episode show about Tamra matter-of-factly stating that Gretchen had cheated on her dying boyfriend (Jeff)… and Gretchen seemed surprised that Tamra would say that because she thought they had hashed through this subject and that Tamra had already apologized for judging her. Isn’t it hysterical that Tamra’s new last name is, “Judge”… I dunno… I just thought it was “ironic.” Lolol… Tamra knows what she saw… and she is still saying that she saw Gretchen sitting on a guy’s lap while Jeff was in the hospital. Tamra also said that Gretchen kissed him and Gretchen immediately denied kissing him. She absolutely, unequivocally did NOT kiss him… at least not at that particular party. However, it does come out that she had in fact kissed him… but that it was on New Year’s Eve… so I guess that doesn’t count? She had to come clean on that because evidently there’s a picture of it… A cynic would deduce that perhaps that’s why she came clean – because there’s actual evidence! lol… So, please, someone, anyone PLEASE tell me why you wouldn’t want to be with your fiancé on New Year’s Eve – ESPECIALLY when he’s in the hospital? Why on earth would you kiss a guy with whom you had been previously romantically involved when your fiancé wasn’t around to show he was okay with it? I would think they would just agree to not talk about this subject… I hate to think of Jeff’s kids having to continue to deal with this crap. Tamra just says that she still doesn’t know all the facts about the situation…
Lydia brings Alexis into the conversation and asks her about a specific situation when she saw Gretchen sitting on the same guy’s lap and holding hands when they were at a party on a boat. Alexis explained that she didn’t actually see her kiss him – but their behavior could be interpreted that they were a “couple”… or not. Alexis was not happy about being brought into this conversation at this point – because she’s sensitive to ganging up on people. Her Royal Heatherness snottily tells her that just because more than one person has opinions about you that it doesn’t mean they’re ganging up on you or bullying you.
Gretchen excuses her behavior by saying she acts this way with many of her guy friends. She turns to Heather and says that she has seen her kiss one of her guy friends thousands of times. Heather agrees but also hastily adds that his wife is present and her husband is also present when it happens. Tamra takes out some pictures of Gretchen kissing a guy while she had her engagement ring on her finger… and presumably while she was sitting on his lap, etc. Tamra is pissed off because she has taken a lot of heat for her accusations. Andy just wants to know if in Heather’s mind this was all resolved while Tamra and Gretchen were besties… or if it was just swept under the rug. Tamra evidently uses the same broom she flies around on to also sweep stuff like this under the carpet.
There’s some discussion about whether or not Vicki hates Gretchen. Vicki says that she hates the word “hate” and she wants the best for Gretchen and that she’s not jealous. Gretchen balks at that and says to Vicki, “You don’t hate me but you send a text to Tamra and call me a “****.” (I suspect that it was “C U Next Tuesday) Her Royal Heatherness’ mouth dropped open. Vicki says she hates the word, “****” and has never used it in her life. Gretchen tells Tamra that she knows she did… Tamra tells Vicki that she did, in fact, use it. Obviously, Tamra had showed Gretchen the actual text back when they were besties and when Vicki was on her pooh pooh list. After Tamra confirms to Vicki that she had actually used the, “****” word… Vicki promptly says to Tamra, “Well, you probably made me say it.” Everyone laughs. I would laugh too if it wasn’t so sad.
There’s a question for Lydia, “You have a joyous, fun personality – but because of it do you think people don’t take you seriously?” Lydia responds, “I think I’m a little brighter than people think I am. I actually do think I’m a genius.” She likes to be underestimated and then surprise people. Andy says, “Genius?” Lydia responds quirkily, “A genius, yeah!” Lydia gets another question about how she calls herself, “The friendship whisperer” but with all the pot stirring Lydia does that she really should be called, “The spoon.” Lydia explains that she doesn’t like all of the BS and that she kind of just thinks out loud. For instance, when she asked if a formerly feuding couple (Vicki and Tamra) were okay now… she was just being authentic.
Alexis calls out Lydia on the fact that when the season first started that she downplayed Alexis’ and Lydia’s relationship with the others because she didn’t want to be lumped in with her Alexis since at that time no one really liked Alexis. Alexis insists that they were good friends at the time… but then says they saw each other “a couple of times with their husbands or the kids” and had “several one hour conversations.” Heather, who obviously has an issue with Lydia at the Reunion, turns to Lydia and asks if that was true. Lydia kind of stammers out well, yeah, we saw each other a couple of times – Yeah, we were friends. Her Royal Heatherness says, “That’s not what you told me.” Lydia responds, “I definitely told you I hung out with Alexis a couple of times” – which is exactly what Alexis is saying. Lydia feels that she was just getting to know Alexis and learning about her – but that they weren’t super close. But now that she knows her more – she would respond differently to her since they are now much better friends – but they weren’t at the beginning. (For inquiring minds and just because I was interested, I looked back to the recap containing the first meeting of Lydia and Heather and Tamra at a restaurant and Lydia told them she had only known Alexis for 3 or 4 months.)
Lydia was asked about why Heather wasn’t “A-List” enough to be on the cover of her magazine. Lydia explains that there are a lot of people who decide who goes on the cover – but that they had approached her to be IN the magazine, not on the cover. They chose to go with Marilyn Monroe and not Heather Dubrow for the cover and Lydia whips out a copy of said magazine. Her Royal Heatherness’ nose got further out of joint when Lydia and Doug laughed that the notion that Heather had even asked to be on the cover. Really, it was more like a snicker… It was so unlike my hearty guffaw when I saw that particular episode. Then Lydia gets called on the carpet for having a 10 page spread in the magazine but she quickly points out that she wasn’t on the cover. Then, as if anyone should really have any say in who or what they put in their non-Bravo related magazine, Andy asks her why it was okay to put Lisa Vanderpump on the cover but not Heather Dubrow. Lydia explained that it was because Lisa had been a contributor to the magazine for five years and had been going to all of their events, etc. She was also going to be on “Dancing with the Stars.” And I’m sure that owning a couple of businesses helped, too… According to Lydia, Lisa also had a higher rating on IMDb than Heather (IMDb = Internet Movie Database – And according to their website, their “STARmeter rankings” provide a snapshot of who’s popular based on the searches of millions of IMDb users. Updated weekly, these rankings also graph the popularity of people over time and determine which events affect public awareness.). Heather thinks it was rude of Lydia to say that and she said that Lydia always throws in “those little digs.” Well, honey, you’re the one who is picking at this scab – you should be ready for it when it’s torn off the nose from whence you’re looking down at the rest of the world.
Wow… This is the “grill the new girl” portion of our program I guess because a viewer asked the inane question of why Lydia had no problem dancing on top of a bar and a taxi but she had a problem with strippers. Lydia aptly explained that going out to a club and dancing with your girlfriends is totally different than seeing men get naked and dancing and putting their “parts” all over you. Vicki totally agrees and backs up Lydia. Lydia turns to Heather and says, “Heather, I know you have a different opinion, though.” Heather evidently didn’t have a problem with Lydia’s decision to not stick around for the creepy strippers but she had a problem that Lydia made a comment the next day over breakfast, like “Well, I guess you guys are kind of classy.” Her Royal Heatherness does NOT want to be judged for what Lydia thinks is okay for Her Royal Heatherness to do or not do… And Her Royal Heatherness is not going to judge Lydia. Really? Lydia says that Heather DOES judge her and that in Heather’s blog she blasted Lydia. Heather tries to explain away her Royal Hypocriticalness by saying that what she wrote in her blog was… but Lydia interrupted her train of thought by saying that what she wrote was vicious, mean and mean spirited… Heather says she wouldn’t use the word, “vicious” but Lydia would use that word. Tamra asks what Heather said in the blog and according to Heather she had lumped Lydia together with Vicki and Tamra in some of the things that they had done that evening – and Heather felt terrible and apologized to Lydia – which of course makes it all better, no? This is the Reunion… All apologies go out the window, people!
More back and forth continues about how Lydia is clearly not over “it.” Lydia attempts to explain the situation. Lydia was joking at the breakfast table the day after the strippers were there and she had made one comment. Months later, Heather writes a horrible 4-page blog about her. Heather doesn’t want her to get all carried away because the blog wasn’t all about Lydia. Lydia says, “Okay, Heather – If I said in passing, as a joke, one day to your face… something – and you can bring it up and you can write a 4-page blog…” Heather continues to say it wasn’t a 4-page blog… Lydia says, “Okay, so I laughed and I said a joke… Note to self: I shouldn’t hang out with Heather because those are things I do all the time.” Heather invokes the, “Just because you keep saying it – it doesn’t make it true” rule and insists that it wasn’t a joke but that instead it was a rude comment. Lydia is confused about which comment Heather is talking about and snidely says, “Which one? Which one are you referring to, Princess?” I completely die and I have to pause the show to give Lydia a standing ovation! That was just so hysterical! Heather screeches, “That one!” Lydia explains that she thinks Heather has an air about her and that Lydia’s not allowed to say anything but that Heather can say whatever she wants. Lydia thinks it’s such a double standard and that it’s ridiculous. Heather just doesn’t see it and thinks she apologizes whenever she does something wrong. Lydia slingshots back to Heather, “Just because you keep saying it Heather, it doesn’t make it the truth.” Evidently, Heather called Lydia to apologize for her blog comments – but her apology consisted of, “I’m sorry I wrote it.” Heather thinks she’s very clear about that. I think it’s clear Heather doesn’t know the first thing about apologies. Andy asks Lydia if she accepts Heather’s apology. Lydia asks Heather if she’s sorry. Heather dramatically says, “I said I’m sorry – Do you want me to pop a vain?” Heather shoots Lydia a nasty look and Lydia says that she and Heather are obviously best friends now.
Andy makes another mock entrance into the studio and comes up behind each housewife and greets them again… I HATE it when he does it once… I DETEST it when he does it twice…KMN! (Kill me now!)
Lauri shows up and says that it’s good to be back… Everything and everyone is doing “just great” in Lauri’s life. They show a picture of her grandbaby. She makes a correlation of her son’s drug addiction and relates it to having cancer and says that he’s in remission. I’m not going to comment further I’m so pissed off at that… Andy’s remembrance of Lauri is that she used to be so soft spoken but that she came roaring back onto the show. Lauri thinks it’s because after her 2nd marriage ended that she lost all confidence but since she’s been with George that she has regained it.
Vicki says the last time she had seen Lauri was just after Lauri’s wedding and everything was fine. Vicki has no idea where all this stuff that transpired on the show this season came from. Vicki brought up the 7 year old letter… You know the one written by George’s ex-mother-in-law saying that Vicki may or may not want to share the letter with Lauri but expressed that she was worried about Lauri’s relationship with George. Lauri says that Vicki knew all about the court case, the divorce proceedings and the ugliness that ensued. Vicki just didn’t know what to do about the letter so she asked Jeana what her opinion of it was… and that it was Jeana who allegedly shared it with others. Vicki says the only person she showed the letter to at that time of time was Jeana. Vicki says that she’s sorry about the frickin’ letter… and that she managed it wrong and that she should have gone to Lauri about it – but she thought she was through with this whole subject 7 years ago.
Tamra asks Lauri how the letter affected her life. Lauri said people got a lot of misinformation – and that it was slanderous and hurtful. It was super humiliating and embarrassing. She insists that George is a “Pillar of the community” and that it was horrible to have his name trashed like that – It was just wrong. Vicki asks her, “What do you think you’ve done to me?” Tamra says that what Lauri did to Vicki was on a whole different, HUGE level. Tamra said that Vicki lost some major accounts because of what Lauri has been saying about Vicki. Vicki insists that Lauri doesn’t understand what she did to Vicki’s life. Lauri is sorry that she can’t change Vicki’s life.
Andy wants to get to the bottom of Lauri’s anger towards Vicki. Vicki thinks Lauri’s mad at her because she thought Vicki had betrayed her. However, Vicki never meant to hurt her. Lauri said that Vicki was trying to sabotage their marriage. Vicki insists that she never maliciously set out to hurt her but that Lauri went on public TV to maliciously hurt Vicki.
Gretchen reminds Vicki that Vicki had said some really hurtful things about Gretchen and about Slade before she even knew Gretchen. Vicki reminds Gretchen that 3 years ago the two of them had a meeting of the minds on this subject and that Vicki had told her that she was sincerely sorry for hurting Gretchen. Gretchen doesn’t understand why it was okay for Vicki to say stuff about her but not okay for Lauri to say stuff about Vicki. Vicki called Lauri out because she thinks Lauri is jealous of everyone’s fame and that she couldn’t handle not being a part of it. Lauri says, “I’m not demeaning you, Vicki – I’ve only mentioned anything I first hand witnessed…” Vicki questions the “first hand witness” So, like does that mean that Lauri witnessed Vicki having sex with multiple partners? Lauri said, “Yeah, I saw you in bed.” Vicki says that they were fully dressed and that the TV was on. Even Alexis says that Vicki can be a wackadoodle but that she doesn’t think she’s a threesome kind of girl. Lauri still maintains that she never said that Vicki actually had sex. See, Lauri is the worst kind of snake… slithering through on verbal technicalities. She absolutely implied but not stated in the most Captain Obvious kind of way that Vicki had sex.
One viewer tells Lauri shame on her for what she did to Vicki because Vicki helped her out when she needed it the most. Lauri said that she was never actually employed by Vicki. Lauri tried to explain that Vicki was kind enough to allow her to “hang her license” with Vicki since there is a mandatory 2 year waiting period before a new insurance agent can receive a direct commission payment from an insurance company. So Vicki signed her paychecks… It may be that Vicki didn’t actually pay Lauri out of her own pocket… it’s still a little unclear to me. Vicki tells Lauri that she used her office, used her phones and used everything. Lauri thinks that Vicki was compensated for that – I think it’s because Vicki makes a percentage of commission off of what Lauri makes. Vicki reminds her that she’s the one who paid Lauri a paycheck. But Vicki, if Lauri was 100% commission… what you were paying Lauri was the commission that the insurance company was paying for the selling of the policy. You were just the middleman. You allowed her to use your office and I’m sure you trained her… but I’m really not so sure about the “employer” mantel you’ve bestowed on yourself. In fact, you probably made some money off of Lauri’s commissions, in the spirit of full disclosure. Dagnabit – you made me defend Lauri… now I’m cranky.
The discussion shifts to relationships. Vicki insists she isn’t jealous of people in a relationship – she just wants one herself. Lauri says that Vicki didn’t want to include George in their after work activities. They talk about Vicki and her indiscretions and that she always liked to create girls’ trips without including the boys. It was concluded that it was probably because when you’re not in a good relationship yourself, you certainly don’t want to be around other relationships. As they talked about the indiscretions, they brought up that Vicki was guilty of the same thing that she’s accusing Gretchen of doing. Vicki thinks the big difference is that she has admitted her indiscretions – but Gretchen has not. Gretchen screeches, “Why would I admit to “sunthin” I’ve never done!” I would like to remind Vicki that she’s only very recently, owned up to her own indiscretions. She should sit down and zip it, IPPHO.
Then they start talking about the whole Brooks vs the teenaged porn star saga. Heather astutely points out that the story kept changing from moment to moment. First, the story was that the girl was an underaged porn star… but then the story progressed and morphed into, “Well, maybe she’s over 21.” Then Heather said there was some mention about a video… Vicki says she is done defending Brooks (Yippie!) but then Vicki, in a complete act of stupidity, turns to Lauri and says, “I have also been told by some of your neighbors that you were cheating.” Lauri flatly denies it. Vicki says of herself that she’s a monogamous girl… but that when one person cheats – then the monogamy is over. I’m not sure why Vicki tried to turn the tables on Lauri with the cheating allegation… Shall we remind Vicki that two wrongs don’t make a right… Not even with new math. Then Vicki wants to know if Lauri is miserable in her own life and that’s why she needs to destroy other people’s lives. Lauri assures her no… Lauri wants Vicki to leave her alone. Vicki said that she has left Lauri alone for the last 7 years.
Woo hoo… Part 1 is done and we’re pretty unscathed! Only two more parts to go!
In looking at the archives yesterday I noticed a few birthdays have been missed. Happy Birthday (belated) Zanne and NYCer