Here we are again folks with another episode of Who Hurt MeGo this time… I have a headache… Let’s get through this. For those of you following her videos, here is ClosetFreak from last week.
This week’s show is broken down in to basically 4 themes and we’ll take each one on it’s own. I don’t feel like doing a line by line recap tonight. This show isn’t worth that effort and really never was. For the first time ever, I think, I didn’t mind seeing the sports chat on the blog last night. Who won the game ladies? Not that I care much about it but it’s more interesting than this show. Let’s get the filler out of the way first with the Manzoids and their folks.
In the apartment, I assume the one that Momz wants us to believe is a ‘downsizing test place’, there is a large empty space where the dining room table once stood. Where is it and why is it gone? I don’t know. It isn’t there and now we have to figure out what to do with the rug that now occupies the floor. The table, I would assume, got broken while Greggy and Albie were having a hot old time before he went out to San Francisco. I wonder if they invited Andy to join them. The Male Manzoids want to move the rug over by the couch so there is a comfortable place to rest the tootsies while they watch TV. They do and to me, it looks fine there. I’m not a decorator so what would I know? Maybe they should call Dina and get her input. Big Al, doesn’t like the arrangement of the room because he has to turn his head 10 degrees to the right in order to see the TV in an apartment he only sees when the camera is there. Whatever, Al.
In another scene, we are tortured with the female Manzoid and her intended, Vito. Seems that since she’s lost the weight, she no longer wants to get married and be a traditional wife. Let me translate that. As long as Mommy Manzo is around to buy businesses for her and provide her with a room in her apartment, she doesn’t need a husband. It could also be that since Greggy left, Momz has a third nipple available and Lauren is hoping to latch back on… Vito, Dude, You got off lucky and only wasted 3 years of your life with this one. Don’t worry if you still want her though. As soon as she finishes finding that 40 pounds she lost, and then some, she will come running back to you because you are the only one ever stupid enough to want her. Just one bit of advice though.. If you find the spot and get busy, put on a raincoat and flush it when you’re done so she can’t ‘baby trap’ you.
We find ourselves at a grocery store with Kathy and Fishy Richie. Why is he there? I thought he had businesses to run. Because the cameras are. Seems that Kathy is at the bakery counter and is trying to do a little market research. She asks questions, Richie answers them. Much to Kathy’s chagrin as she wants to hear what the people who work there have to say, not him. She even tells him so but, he’s the baked goods marketing expert so he knows all. Dude, it’s one thing to open a gas station that provides a product everyone needs. People come by, pay, fill their tanks and leave. You don’t even have to set the price, the suppliers (that you apparently haven’t paid) do that for you. It isn’t rocket science and doesn’t make you a marketing genius. Food, while people need it, much of it is discretionary and, people have to be enticed to buy it.
While they were at the grocery store, Rich gets a call from Joey… Whatever could he want? He wants a play date at the cigar bar with Chris and Richie… His new best buds. Joe likes cigars, why wasn’t he invited? I thought everyone was ‘good’ now.. What is a Cigar Bar, asks Richie? Why it’s code for strip joint. Brilliant. Can’t get anything past him, can we? Asshole. No one could be that stupid. Well, okay, maybe he could. While they are there, they ordered salads. No one thinks, salad, now I want a cigar… Everyone knows that a healthy smoke is best after a steak dinner with plenty of carbs. Not a fuckin head of lettuce. We’ll continue with this since it sets the scene for the next 48 episodes. MeGo’s birthday is coming up and Joey wants to do something special for her. Here’s an idea…. A Spa trip to Arizona where everybody attends, including Teresa and Joe and let’s not forget, the Jacalope. They have some of the best spas in the United States, don’cha know… I guess Lake George didn’t do it for them and besides, Lurkita wasn’t there to push his miracle murk so he needs that camera time back. Here’s a fun fact we learned from Joey… When he’s doing his wife, she surfs the internet and he has to remind her of what they are doing… I’ll let you rattle that one around for a bit while you remember his bragging about ‘tarzan’. I wonder if she’s watching porn so she can see how a real man does it. One other thing… If he were to get surgery for his wife, he’d want her to get bigger boobs. I think he should save her the trouble and get them for himself. Hers are big enough for her body. We will leave that there for now, or maybe forever… I haven’t decided yet.
Back at the Wakilie home, Kathy is in the kitchen experimenting. In walks the killjoy and complains that she isn’t using the test kitchen, that he signed a lease for, and she doesn’t want, never did, and he never discussed it with her before he leased it. I guess he pissed that money away, didn’t he? This is her business, she’s going to do it her way, so he’s out of it (yeah, right)… Continuing with the traditional wife theme, Momz and Kathy are taking a walk… Why? I have no idea but they are. Both are complaining it seems that they have ‘traditional marriages’ where they cater to their homes and now they don’t want that anymore but the hubbies expect to keep the girls they married. Got that? Correct me if I’m wrong… Both of these two were likely married in the mid 1980s to the early 1990s or somewhere in there. Momz’s first words ever on the show were to the affect of ‘I’m a true house wife’ (I saw it last week when they reran season one). My point is, this wasn’t 1955 where the traditional house wife was June Cleaver or Donna Reed. These women chose their lives and were damn lucky in that day and age to be able to. For most, being the housewife is another job, not the Only one.
Let’s move from the empty nesters to something else. I know, How about the Jacalope? Remember last week, we were to believe that there were no decent plastic surgeons in NJ or NY to do a tummy tuck for our fair F-Nut.. Only in Beverly Hills. We were further to believe that the night before her surgery, she got loaded and stuffed her face with food. Okay, we’ll go with that. Neither her daughter nor her parents thought this surgery was a good idea but good ole Jac needed a pick me up and me time from the strain of taking care of her kid and getting cut apart was just the ticket. I’m telling ya, if I hear another one of these heifers make that excuse for Jac not taking care of that kid on this show, I’m blocking Bravo all together and somebody else can do these reccaps (not that mine are actual recaps 😉 ). Well, she’s home. Can’t wait to see the kids and they can’t wait to see her. We of course have to get the BLK placement as it is plastered across CJ’s head on his hat that he’s clearly worn a hundred times before 🙄 because it fits him so well. Couldn’t even adjust it for him, Lukita? Really? CJ goes outside and gives his mother a hug but the one she really wants to see is her reason for being on the show. Nicolas. It’s a cute scene I guess. She can’t pick him up because the surgery is still fresh. The babysitter carries the kid up the stairs so Jac can go to bed and have him laying next to her. I still say, all I see when I look at Nicolas is a normal 3 year old kid.
The next final ‘theme’ has to do with the Milania Hair Care products line that Teresa is launching. She invites MeGo to the event but also tells her that Jan and Penny will also be there (because they have Salons), so there’s that flaw in the slaw. This particular episode of the crapfest opened with a plug for MeGo’s hot marraige book. Teresa wondered why if it was about her marriage, Joey wasn’t pictured on the cover. Two reasons, T… First on the same day, he was flexing for some tanning company billboard. Second, the book isn’t about them, it is about Her. We read the first chapter and she did a damn good job of convincing us that she’s the perpetual victim in everything and nothing is ever her fault. She’s an expert at it. Word of that must have gotten back to her and her publisher because the text is no longer available for screening.
Anyway, sidebar to this discussion, MeGo tells Joey that she is going to this thing, he also told her about the trip and that Teresa has been invited (in some restaurant or something where they all discuss this and isn’t worth recapping beyond this sentance). Baby Joey wishes he was a girl so he could give these bitches a smackdown. Pay attention here because with one possible exception, this entire series of scenes is entirely bullshit. Remember what Joey called KimD the night of Stripper-gate? I called someone that once, lost friends because of it, and the target of that comment is just now beginning to talk to me again. Keep that in mind.
Back to regular programming. The day of the event we are in Teresa’s house as she is being made up by her stylist. We see Milania sliding down the stair rail, with a rack. Hey, she went big. Seems she found either her mom’s or her sister’s brar, put it on, and filled it up. There is a knock at the door and Milania lets KimD come in. Careful Milania… A vampire cannot come in unless invited. Don’t you people watch Supernatural? I digress. Gia rolls her eyes as if to say, wtf is that bitch doing here? More trouble for my mom? Kim asks Teresa about the change in Milania…. Seems Milania knows this product line is named after her. She wants to go to the launch party but T says it’s for adults. That’s the reason for the change in body type. Milania says, according to Teresa, if she cannot go to the party, she has to change the name. Can’t use hers (Milania’s). That kid has been a pistol with a mind of her own since the first episode of this show.Teresa tells Kim of the guest list for the night and the scene is set.
So where are we? Teresa earlier during a phone call to MeGo told her that per Dr V, these rumor mongers should be confronted by both of them, head on. Make them say it to her face. Don’t forget people, we are dealing with other famewhores who also want to be part of this cast. Don’t let anyone tell you different because no one made any of them sign the release forms or made them be filmed (interviews aside 😉 ). These are people that MeGo should be quite familiar with because they are just like her.
Okay… We are at the event. Teresa is inside working the room when the others begin to arrive. The Gorgas arrive last. Oh, by the way, MeGo… I’m not always great with details but don’t think I missed that blatant move of yours as you were walking into the hall. Car in the way, Joey walks behind it out of camera sight which was the straight line path, you go out of your way and walked around it to get a full camera shot. You aren’t as slick as you think you are. Bravo editing has Really fucked up this season or they want to show her for the poser she really is. Take your pick since she no longer has a pal who is a producer.
Sidebar… When I was in college and belonged to a fraternity, I had met the girl of my dreams (or so I thought)… This was the girl I would later ask to be my wife. Didn’t work out that way but that’s another casino. She has an unusual name for here since she was from Iraq and was very sensitive to people making fun of it. Especially people she considered friends. One of my fraternity brothers, one day, did just that as she was approaching our table. I promised, my ‘brother’, that I would tear him a new asshole if he ever did that again, and I meant it. I never told her about it because I knew it would hurt her. There’s a point to me telling you that but, end sidebar.
Again, inside the room, Teresa is doing her bit and greeting her guests. Remember that inviting MeGo (and Joey tagged along so he could smack a bitch) was Teresa’s idea. She wanted to get the crap out in the open and end these cheating rumors that have now, hit the printed press. Someone got paid for saying it. Somehow, the perpetual victims, the Gorga’s, have pinned this on Teresa, again, as it is her army of haters that is responsible. Got that? All through the episode, MeGo is questioning Teresa’s body language, as if she didn’t have a legitimate point in asking about the absence of her brother from the book cover. A book that again, is about how to have a hot marriage. So, the first one we confront is Jan. MeGo’s BFFL. In case you forgot, that’s Best Friend For Life. Really, the only part of this convo I caught was Academy Award stated by Jan as she was walking away from this scene. I think she threw in a Thank You Jesus too. She of course was referring to MeGo’s performance and possibly Joey’s too. HE just stood their like an oaf with a shit eating grin on his face while these women, Jan and Penny, were saying that MeGo is a parking lot whore because on the night in question, that’s where she went with this bulldog character. She claims she doesn’t know what a parking lot girl is. Oh MeGo, I think you do. You just haven’t done it with anyone but your husband since you got married is all. I will say it again. You all know how I feel about MeGo. I think she’s a gold digger and a famewhore. I do not however believe she is a cheater and I will stand right next to her and deny it to anyone who says she is. If this bulldog character produces an unedited picture of her with his dick in her mouth, I might believe it then but, not before. He needs to sit down and stfu otherwise. So do these other heifers making the claims.
Given the edit, Teresa was only interested in clearing her own name… Getting these two to say that she had nothing to do with both, stripper-gate nor the cheating rumors. We get it Teresa, it isn’t your fault, but it is, as I’m sure we will soon learn. This is your army after all. Even MeGo’s BFFL… How much of a pig do you have to be for your best friend to turn on you that way? Or is Jan the pig? Probably Both of them are. Speaking of Pigs, whatever happened to Momz’s sister and her zoo? Did they run Big Al out of the house yet and that’s why he has his daughter’s sourpuss look all the time? Or is it because he can’t spend time with his side piece because he has to show up and do something to earn that Bravo paycheck?
Now, remember his exchange with Kim D at Stripper-gate, what he said he wanted to do with these bitches, and what I said I did when confronted with a similar but far less sensitive situation. WHY, is Joey standing there on the wall with a dumbass look on his face? Why not defend your wife and I might add, yourself, to these woman making these vile claims? He has talked shit to and about his sister for two straight years now and he lets this slide? B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. Bravo set up, Bravo production behind the cheating rumors, have to set the scene for Retreat 2.0 because it’s all Teresa’s fault and at the time, Next Season. Whoops… The Feds may have other ideas about Teresa being the common enemy next season. Oh No’s… Their trial starts Oct 8 and when does NJ filming usually start? What will Bravo do now? I know, reshoot half of this shitfest a la Russel Armstrong or re-edit what they already have. Keep your eyes peeled folks. These federal indictments were released late last month. They contain charges stemming from 2001 to 2009. I am waiting here for someone to tell me that they didn’t tap Bravo for footage of the Guidices while preparing their case. It doesn’t happen that way. They don’t accuse and then attempt to prove, they prove (in their minds) and then accuse and they have all the resources in the world, at our expense. That’s why their conviction rate is so high. The show originally aired in May of 2009 with Teresa’s infamous shopping trip. What am I saying here? Bravo had hints this was coming. Bravo is very well known for it’s trickery and again, I’m calling Bullshit.
Next week we are in the Phoenix state. Why, yes, Jacalope makes this trip too. I guess a week of getting sliced apart wasn’t enough Me Time away from Nicolas to satisfy her. I am sure we will see plenty of BLK water bottles as people pretend to choke down the miracle murk. What else will we see… I think I saw some crying… From the men. Do ANY of the men on these shows have any balls? I am now convinced that the quick way to a sex change is to sign up to be a part of a Bravo show.. The kickstand and balls will fall off and a vagina will grow in place of them before the ink dries. Then get the shots to lose the facial hair and grow boobs. Not big enough? Go under the knife to get bigger ones. Viola. Done. Fine’.
Blog comment of the night, Many but this one was good from Cusi77
“Hit her with your Birkin purse, Joey!”
See you next week… MTH.
PS… If it appears, that I’ve had my fill of Housewives from reading this, I will pat myself on the back for a job well done. If any of you think I actually care about any of these people, then I have failed and I will try harder next time.