Yes folks, here we are again. Apparently the halfway point which means there are 12 or 13 episodes of Crapfest 2013 remaining. I think Bravo could take a lesson from our UK or Canadian friends and keep these shows to 8-12 weeks and without the reunions. Willy Wonky is really wearing on my last nerve with some of this shit. There was no name calling (much) or fighting tonight so those of you who are tired of seeing that, got what you may have hoped for. The rest of us however, were left flat, searching for something to latch on to. Once again, the show was divided in to 4 separate parts and we’ll take each on it’s own.
First, we are in a cooking class at some place with Teresa. I guess she is doing a demo class recipe from one of her cookbooks. They wrestled 15 or 20 people off of the street to watch this thing so there would be something to film this week. Among the class members is one man. While Teresa is throwing the ingrediences in the pan, in walks Kathy. Why? I don’t know. I guess she’s there for support. I don’t know what it was Teresa was cooking but she finishes it and serves it up, serving the man first (since he’s the only one in the room).. As the folks are dining and picking off what they don’t want to eat from the food, Teresa and Kathy talk about the launch party. She tells Kathy that Jan and Penny were there. Jan has a lot of nerve showing her face. Hold the phone there Kathy… The Gorgas got a taste of their own medicine from MeGo’s BFFL and they don’t like it. Boohoo. As for Penny, she deserves a smackdown for talking shit about a married woman with kids. Again, they got a taste of their own medicine, regardless of who put Jan and Penny up to it. Suck it up buttercup. If we are to believe the edit, that entire scene was about Teresa convincing her brother that she’s had nothing to do with these rumors. It doesn’t matter at all, but I happen to believe her.
Next set of scenes, we get to watch these people pack for this Arizona retreat trip that lil’ Joey has planned for his wife’s birthday. A trip, by the way, that she would rather take alone without any of the others. This is great TV right here. People packing their suitcases. Just what I tune in every Sunday night to watch. A bunch of morons being filmed in their closets and I Mean All Of Them. Teresa is displaying her bathing suits, Jac can’t wear anything because she’s just been sliced apart but she wants to make sure she takes the right heels in case she goes hiking in the desert, MeGo is all sourpussed about having to share her birthday with the others, Big Al is trying to convince us that he loves his wife, and Richie is just being himself (Unfortunately). Somehow they all figure out what Jersey Coture to bring and they are off to the airport, minus, Teresa’s bedazzled swimsuit that Gia wouldn’t let her bring because it will be up her butt if she wears it and her chuckolina will be all sparkly. I’ll let you rattle that one around in your heads for a moment.
We get to the airport and we see the Gorgas, Wakilies, and Guidices on their airplane (getting loaded) but the Manzo/Lurkita plane is broken so they have to wait for another one and will be several hours behind the others. Why Joey couldn’t have booked them all on the same flight is beyond me… Oh, Wait, this isn’t really a Joey trip, it’s a Bravo trip. For all the good they add to these trips, they should have just chartered a party bus to Atlantic City and skipped Arizona. We hear a kid or a baby screaming in the airport and Jac slithering on the ground (the edit is making Jac to be a huge crybaby)… Eventually though, everyone ends up in the same place but I think there is some luggage missing. Captioned, Rich, while on the plane, wanted to know if Arizona was the state where you can have 6 wives. Someone answered that was Utah. You’re both idiots. Polygamy is illegal in All states and even the Mormon church doesn’t prescribe to it anymore (ridiculous reality shows aside).
In due time everyone ends up at the resort. I wish someone had shoved Richie into a giant cactus and left him there since no one threw him off of the plane. Dammit. He is complaining about the accommodations that he didn’t pay for and Jersey has hit the desert, much to the dismay of everyone else there. I think Gov Christy (sp) and Bravo owe these people a comp trip as an apology. The governor for letting these asshats out of the state, and Bravo for bringing them to Arizona. I say just spray them all with Raid and do the entire country a favor. These people make Honey Boo Boo look like quality television. MeGo, has taken ill. Her throat hurts. She’s never been in so much pain, even though, she’s had 3 kids. I get that some pain may be worse than that but since I’ve never experienced either, I just have to laugh at it. Apparently, there has been a trip to the clinic or the hospital because she is sporting a hospital ID bracelet and 4 or 5 bottles of horse pills. She has trouble swallowing them. Don’t worry MeGo, I’m sure you can manage, even though they are bigger than Tarzan. Something that she was also offered by Joey. See, He doesn’t care if she’s sick, he’ll gladly take whatever disease she has while she surfs the internet (see last week’s recap if you don’t get that). Big Al is doing something on his phone while Momz is unpacking. She says that he’s always working and never lets himself relax. Well Momz, maybe if you popped those nipples from the manzoid mouths, he could relax a little bit and take some time. As it is, having all these businesses to support along with whatever he keeps at the Brownstone, he can’t afford to slow down. I’m surprised the queen of advice can’t see that.
There are two ‘therapy’ sessions we have to endure in this episode. The first one is a visit to the group by a medium. That’s a person that brings messages from the dead but not gone. Got that? This is actually something I happen to believe in because I’ve known the real thing. I don’t know if this woman was it though. Most of what she brought up is either public knowledge or can be gleaned from watching the show. The rumors of MeGo cheating and the connection to Teresa for instance. Grocery store checkout aisle and the entire last season of the show. It’s on the cover of the magazines. She also mentions someone with the letter J… You know, Joe. There are two sitting right in front of her so what are the odds that one of them may be named after an older, possibly deceased, family member.?. In a Catholic Italian family? Except for one thing.. While they may go by Joe, their names are Guisepe (sp), beginning with a G. These fortune tellers work the same way. They just start spitting out questions and see what hits with their mark (sucker). Do I have to say, Electric Cigarette? We will play along though.
The medium told Rich his dad wants him to watch the wedding video he hasn’t been able to watch (I assume) since his dad died 12 years prior because dad was in the video. Quit your sobbing, I would kill to have footage of my father. It doesn’t exist though because he was always the one behind the camera, never in front of it. Kathy hears that her dad heard her. We’ll find out later what that all means. He also thinks that all this feuding is crap and they just need to get the fuck over it. This group is half full of skeptics. MeGo is forever convinced that everything bad that has happened to her is Teresa’s fault. Her hand is so far up Joey’s ass that he believes it too. Funny thing is, MeGo doesn’t mind some rumors being perpetuated. Like the one she perpetuates that she can sing and will some day be a pop star closing a flea market near you. Any new shitty iTunes songs, MeGo? While reading the chat blog, I really didn’t want to watch the show because I didn’t want to see her martyr’d poor me innocent face. I really cannot stand that woman. I will say this though. She is exactly what the angel from God, deserves. Her, and her two sisters, the Marco clan, the three little pigs.
Now, afterward, Teresa, Kathy, and Rosie are talking about their dad. Seems that Kathy was the perfect do everything right daughter and Rosie was the rebel. Yet, Rosie got all the love from the dad while Kathy was always having to prove herself. Remember last season, Teresa told Rosie that Kathy never accepted the way Rosie was. I tend to think that is true whether Teresa was right in saying it or not. I think that scene with the Wakilie kids learning their aunt was a lesbian was at the top of the bullshit pile. I bring that up because I believe that somehow in Kathy’s mind, Rosie was flawed, and she was not, and she’s disappointed that her father didn’t see it the same way. In her own twisted mind that is.
MeGo is too sick to participate in any activity that involves being physical… Like walking. That’s exactly what this next therapy session involves. A hike to the next site. Not to worry though, she’s not feeling so bad she can’t ham it up for the cameras slathering sun tan oil all over herself and lying on a rock trying to look sexy. I won’t thrash her too much though. It Was her birthday and she should be able to spend it how she wants. I do have to take my digs though 😉 . The rest of the group goes on this hike and the Arab (Richie) wants to know if this is the desert. It is. I guess there isn’t too much parched earth there in New Jersey so I guess we can give him a pass. I was correct last week when I said the Lurkita had to get his plug in for Miracle Murk. In fact, they all got their plugs in for their products. I for one, am sick of these Bravo infomercials, I don’t know about you though. They happen upon this woman who is setting up for her therapy session. This phase has to do with writing down whatever it is that’s on your mind and then setting fire to the paper to let go of it. We saw this in NY with Alex and Jill (I think).. How well did it work out for them? Let’s skip past all the others aside from noting that Big Al didn’t want to take part in it and get to the one that matters. Teresa. It’s her show after all. She invites everyone she’s wronged to join her and says she wants to begin anew with them. All is right with the world.
Hold that thought. You just knew that this couldn’t end completely well. First of all, I’m surprised that MeGo pulled her hand out of her puppet Joey’s ass long enough to let him go on this hike with his sister since she ‘couldn’t’ be there herself to make sure he got the script right. Second, and more importantly, Teresa and the Jacalope were talking about where they are now. Teresa made some comment about Karma affecting her though her daughters. That is, what bad Teresa puts out there will come back to affect her OWN kids and she doesn’t want that. Naturally, in Jac’s phucked up mind, Teresa is talking about her and Nicolas. We see in the preview of next week, this has become an issue for the Jacalope and I’m sure it will carry into the 12 part reunion. I offered to let BB recap the reunion as a prize for discovering my change in the NJ banner picture but she told me that was no prize and declined. Any other takers to recap the reunion?
I hope she doesn’t mind but I copied this from a FB comment which about sums up this episode:
“Oh NJ is good tonight. Richie cries. Melissa is sick and Joey doesn’t seem to care. They don’t like the desert. Melissa says she’s never felt such pain and Joey points out she’s had three kids. This is great.”
Next week friends, The Jac perpetuates her feud with Teresa over this Karma comment. Joe is scared he’s going away. I’m sure he’s correct but I wonder if he somehow had wind of these indictments when the show was filming or if this is over that driver’s license nonsense. I said last week that I think Bravo knew and Joe isn’t as dumb as you people think he is. Neither is Teresa.
Comments of the night… There were many again as usual. You were all on top of your snark game last night. However, I have to give it up to NMD and AZGirl for finally introducing us to Pepper.
Happy Birthday grandmadebers