Here we are again folks. Week 14 of Crapfest 2013. I am just going to get right to this. Last week we ended with Jacalope thinking Teresa had taken some dig at her and her son with a Karma comment. Personally, I think only a fool would read it that way but we are talking about Jac here. Also, MeGo was playing sick and yes, I believe it was an act on her part. It’s strange that this season, 2 times when her participation was required, she had a sore throat. I gave her a pass last week because it was her birthday week and maybe she just didn’t want to spend it with everyone else. It looks like next week, that gets verified but let’s get to this week first. Again, we’ll pretend it’s all real for the sake of discussion, including whatever they said in TH interviews.
Let me get a correction out of the way here. Last week I thought it was Richie who asked if they were in the desert during one of their hikes. It was not. It was Joe Guidice. That’s one of the risks of recapping from memory, on a once through viewing. Please people, don’t be afraid to correct me if you know me to be wrong on the details that were shown on the show. I’m not that much of an asshole that I cannot be corrected on the details 😉 .
We open the show with the Gorgas in bed and MeGo whining that she doesn’t want to do anymore therapy… She wants to be in the pool being served drinks. Thank your hubby, MeGo, I believe you are in the wrong place for that. We are still beating the dead horse of Teresa being behind everything including the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor with these two.
Next we see the Lukitas going to breakfast. The Karma comment comes up and St Chris wants to know what that was supposed to mean. Jac has it in her head that perhaps, Teresa was talking about Nicolas. At first we are to believe this is just the two of them having breakfast but as we soon see, it’s just them waiting for the others to show up for the day’s activity. As the Lurkitas are talking, we see Teresa walking up behind them as if we are watching Jaws, and the shark is about to attack, we just don’t know the exact moment. She reaches them and jumps up on the ledge behind them and scares them. Funny moment. Then the rest show up and they are off on their next hike.
So off down the trail wander the 11 dopes from New Jersey and we next see them getting off of a bus. A short bus. Actually, I think it was the resort transportation service. Anyway, as they are stepping off, there are horses in pens. Richie thinks the smell is great, Joe says it smells like shit. Which do you think was being truthful? Anyway, they all think they may get to ride the horses but that is not to be according to Wyatt Webb, the Equine Therapist. Wyatt says they are there for a different reason. More Therapy. Now, All through all this stuff, you can see MeGo’s eyes, rolling. She has so much black shit on her eyes it’s impossible to miss (why all the makeup MeGo? The snakes, bats, and scorpions aren’t impressed by your raccoon eye makeup and neither are we). Even Joey thought they might be riding. Ummm, Joey, Didn’t YOU set this all up? You don’t know wtf you’re paying for? Oh, wait… I forgot. You didn’t, and you’re not.
Okay… Wyatt explains that the point of this exercise is to be honest. If the horse doesn’t feel it, they will fail. What they have to do is get him to lift his hoof so they can scrape the dirt out of the horses hoof. St Chris goes first. I forget exactly what Wyatt talked to him about but Chris did get the horse to lift his hoof and Chris brushed off the dirt. About then, ole Richie makes the comment that Wyatt is a genius. People pay to clean up after the horses. Wyatt had his number though saying that he makes jokes when he knows nothing about what’s happening, or something along those lines. Judging from the reaction of the peanut gallery, I would say that they all agreed and I am guessing, are sick of his dumb jokes. Next up is Rosie… Her issue is she never feels accepted. TH Rosie says she is from an Italian family and is expected to marry and have kids but that just isn’t her. Sometimes, I think SHE hasn’t accepted it and is still struggling with it herself. She puts a lot of these ‘issues’ on herself. I won’t judge beyond that because I have no idea about her situation but that’s what I see. The bottom line though, is she’s being truthful and, Trigger lets her lift his hoof to clean it off.
I am not going to try and quote all of the rest because it really all became kind of a blur to me. I’ll give it a shot though. Kathy was one of the next ones. She’s tired of doing for everyone else and no one ever does for her. Not even her husband. TH Teresa – “Marcia Marcia Marcia” .. In other words, Kathy is the Jan Brady to the rest of the group. While Kathy is talking with Wyatt, Joe gets another of those phone calls and excuses himself from the group. Teresa soon follows. We are to believe, I’m certain, that this is another vineyard moment with Joe supposedly talking to a girlfriend. Turns out, he was. Milania. Why the phone call at this moment, I have no idea but Wyatt wasn’t too pleased with them taking phone calls during his Bravo moment. TH Teresa says that when her daughter calls, therapy be damned. Continuing with Kathy.. Richie is also called up after she brings up his typical anger. He’s called out on his dumb jokes and Kathy says that she just gives in to him but doesn’t feel supported (paraphrasing)… Richie can’t believe his ears. Can’t believe how he didn’t know how his darling wife feels though she’s told him a hundred times this season alone. He’s going to work on that… We’ll see.
At the beginning of this, the Gorga’s and the Guidice’s thought it was BS or rather HS. MeGo is called up or volunteers, I don’t remember which. This has to be the least authentic one of the group and Wyatt has her number. She’s afraid the horse is going to pee on her. I wish he had. Before she approaches the horse the first time, she curtsies. Wyatt wants to know wtf that was… She tries to lift the hoof and can’t. She tries again and this time approaches him with her ‘Rosie’ strut. The horse is unimpressed, as am I. I think Wyatt said something like “whore on a stroll”. Wyatt, who I think has seen the show, talked to her about how she interacts with people. How when she does something for some one or says something nice about or to them, she expects reward. She kind of fumbled around in agreement because she knows that’s exactly how she is. He used two words to describe her. I forget the first one but the second one was Manipulative. BLOOP! BAM! Hammer, meet nail head. Both times she tried, she failed to lift the hoof. While she is still there, Joey is called up. He too, fails. Then Teresa is called up. Now, in the edit, we are to believe that she also failed but due to fear of the horse. According to her tweets posted by VV last night though, she did in fact manage to do it and that part was cut out. I’m sure that somehow her book author Heather will be blamed for bringing this piss poor Bravo edit to light so I’ll just go ahead and say it myself. It’s all Heather’s fault er, Teresa’s fault.. Oh hell, I’m lost as to whose fault it is anymore. Someone help me out.
Moving on. Joe Guidice. Come On Down! You are the next contestant on the … whoops, I thought I was the announcer for the price is right for a second (thanks to Vilzvet for reminding me about that show). As soon as Joe approaches the horse, the horse jumps. Joe is carrying a lot of baggage in spite of his claim that nothing worries or bothers him. We all know it’s bullshit or rather, horseshit, including Trigger. Wyatt asks what’s on his mind and Joe finally admits that he’s worried about some legal issues he’s having stemming back to the false ID for the DMV thing. We’ve all read about it, debated it, and comparatively, that’s small change compared to what he faces now but I don’t think that particular one is going away. Joey and his girlfriend Richie are impressed that Joe would admit to being afraid of all that. No shit Sherlock…. After Joe gets that all out, Trigger lets him lift the hoof. We’ll get back to this in a minute.
Finally, we have the Manzos… Big Al and Momz, Al first. Wyatt asks Al what he’s proud of. Al answers that he’s always taken care of things but, there is something in Al’s eye that Wyatt recognizes. He asks Big Al if he was ever abused. Al says yes… Side note here… I don’t think he meant sexually or anything like that but, Big Al’s father was Tiny Manzo, and Al was raised in a very strict household as it was put. I’m sure that Al, as many of us his age did, took a few beatings when he got out of line. I don’t know about you ladies but for some of us on the other side of the gender line, time outs weren’t the punishment of the day. Most of us survived it and some may be better for it. End Sidenote. Al is able to lift Trigger’s leg. Momz is next and she’s asked about what Al just revealed. She says he’s her heart. Awwe. How sweet. Wyatt believes these two to be the most genuine of the group and apparently, Trigger agrees as she too, is able to lift the hoof. I am wondering more if Al is concerned about the way his father went out… Fat, Naked, and Dead in the trunk of his car. I remember reading it took them two days to get him out of there.
We’ll leave that there with one exception. You know those little scenelets during the commercial breaks. Apparently, when horses relax, their peckers come out and Trigger’s did. I am surprised Wyatt had to explain to them what that was the way these people brag on their own physical stature. MeGo looked impressed, Joey looked jealous. In fact, we heard about an experience they had when he and Joe went horseback riding years ago. One’s horse decided it was time to get some and jumped on the back of the other horse. I’ll let you rattle that around in your brains for awhile…
I guess I missed Jacqueline but I’m not rewriting to include her so I’ll do it here. She was crying about something, no certain idea what with her, ever. Perhaps she was pissed about the Karma comment. Here’s something I have heard about Karma. When you wish bad on someone else, it comes back on you (which is what I think Teresa was talking about last week but Jac is too stupid to get it). For the last 2 years, she’s done little more than trash talk Teresa. Maybe not to her face but anyone watching her on Twitter has shown us, the true Jacalope. She does manage to lift the horse’s leg though. Hooray for her…
Now we’re back at the villa. Joe is in the outdoor hot tub and out walks Teresa in her bedazzled bikini. I thought Gia threw it away… Maybe she had two. Joe wonders if she’s wearing a g-string because, you know, he’s an ass man (don’t take that in a way I didn’t mean it 😉 ). They have some wine and I’m afraid we are about to see another hot tub moment with the Guidice’s. Not so though. They are talking about the horse thing and Joe’s admission that he is afraid of what may be coming. He’s going to miss his girls if he goes away but, it’s in God’s hands now. I didn’t know God was sitting on a NJ judge’s bench. Joe has some music to face, he knows it, and he’s rightfully concerned about it. Although, he doesn’t see himself as a criminal, and neither does Teresa. Right or wrong, she has always stood by him and right or wrong, she always paints a smile on her face as if nothing is happening and moves forward (and I know that irritates the shit out of some people).
We have yet one more therapy session in this episode. We have a Navajo (I think) drum beater. He comes out in full dress and introduces himself while beginning to beat on his drum. He explains that when the tribe does it, it’s a single heartbeat and is thumping his drum in the rhythm of a heartbeat and asks the rest to take part. We can see MeGo’s eyes rolling across the desert even though it’s dark outside. They all take part, have their fun, and Navajo Joe thanks them for their participation.
Finally, Teresa and Jac are talking (other stuff happened but it doesn’t matter) and T wants another burning ceremony with just the two of them. She invites Jac to get it all out and tell what’s on her mind. Guess what’s on her mind? Karma. Teresa explains, best as she can, what she meant. I don’t know if Jac bought it or not. I think at the time, Jac was sweating her Bravo paycheck and was looking for something new to feud with the villain about. For the record, I think the Gorgas were sweating theirs as well. Teresa and Jac hug and kiss each promising to be there for each other. We’ll see how long that lasts.
Next week kids, Part 3 of this Arizona crapfest. How much more can Bravo milk out of this? We see in the previews that Joey is getting tweets about his cheating wife… Somehow, this, I am sure, is still Teresa’s fault. They will be beating that dead horse until the proverbial cows come home.
Note: I know this episode hit close to home for a few of you. I respect you sharing your own stories and thank you for it. It may not seem like it but I did try to stay away from completely trashing these people because of that. If I call BS on anything this week, really, it’s the Bravo production story line edit.
Note part two: Personal from me… Thank you all that I didn’t thank individually for your generously kind comments about my grandniece. I may tell her next time I see her as she knows you all exist. That is, the blog. She may get a swelled head though 😉 ..
See you next week with part 15 of Crapfest 2013. — MTH
Note number 3… As some of you know, a couple weeks ago, Lynn’s sister Cathy put a get together, together. There were several attendees and by all accounts everyone there enjoyed the outing. I told her that I would post the group shot but haven’t had the opportunity yet so here it is.. If you are in the pic and wish to ID yourself, feel free. I don’t know who anyone is in this picture.. I would like to have joined you but the round trip drive was just too much. Maybe next time 🙂 .