Tamra gets Married – Again – by NMD
Part one of Tamra Barney’s wedding special aired last night. I wasn’t planning on watching it, but it turned out to be mesmerizing. I had somewhat come around to the idea that Eddie and Tamra were in a real relationship, but now I’m not that sure. At one point in the show Tamra voiced over, “He picks NOW to come out,” as Eddie is in short shorts doing a booty dance tied up in bondage gear. It was laughed off as a joke – but …
The show began with Tamra talking about her failed marriages. Off to a great start.
We meet the wedding planner, and learn that Tamra is getting the venue of her dreams. It’s a good thing she has a wedding planner, because aside from the venue, she has no idea what she wants for a wedding – but she seems to be leaning towards classy. I know I know – not her style. I think she feels that classy is expensive and she’s spending Bravo’s money so….
Heather is the first one invited to be a bridesmaid. She oohs and aahs with the wedding planner about having a bunch of harpists. That doesn’t seem like Tamra’s style, but what do I know.
Then Tamra goes cake tasting with Vicki. Vicki really needs to brush her hair, but I had to laugh at her reaction when Tamra told her she was going to have a man of honor rather than a maid of honor. Priceless. Tamra also asks Vicki to be a bridesmaid and the Vicster sheds a tear or two. She looks shocked when they learn that the cake is $2,500. It’s a pretty cake – but $2,500?? And Tamra says she doesn’t want any bows. I got a laugh out of that. Tamra voices over that she used to be happy with $200 cakes – and then shrugs. I’ve seen the clothes Tamra sells on ebay and many of them are cheap, cheap, cheap. Like from Forever 21. I think she’d be lucky to afford $200 cake.
Speaking of spending other people’s money, she shows Eddie the wedding invitations. He, understandably, thinks the piece of paper is the invitation and it takes him a moment to fully comprehend that the invitation comes in a big box and will be hand delivered with a glass of champagne and butterflies. Flashbacks to Pandora’s marriage on RH of Beverly Hills. Except that was Pandy’s first marriage and Lisa really is rich – so it’s less egregious.
Tamra then breaks the news that the dinner will cost $300 a plate. The next part is funny when Eddie quizzes Tamra on which of the other housewives she’ll be inviting. He’s good with Heather and Lydia, but flinches visibly at the mention of the Vickster. He tries to talk her out of inviting Gretchen and Alexis – pointing out that Tamra isn’t really friends with either of them and he doesn’t want the angst of hosting people he doesn’t much care for at his wedding – much less pay for them. That was a laugh out loud moment. He thinks it’s HIS wedding. Eddie then eggmits that he’s only been to one wedding in his life – and it was 25 years ago. His first marriage was in Vegas and a quickie.
Next up is the trip to Vegas for his bachelor party. Heather and Terry go along, but Vicki is thankfully absent (in Cabo with Brooks). I’m too lazy to look up old blogs, but I’m pretty sure Tamra’s bachelorette party aired before this party took place. That’s important, because during dinner Heather spills about Mexico, and Eddie acts all indignant, like he didn’t know Tamra had a strange man’s special place shoved in her ear.
Fast forward to Eddie and the guys at his bachelor party in a strip club. Eddie tells the boys no pictures as the cameras roll. He then gets a lap dance. I’m not familiar with Vegas strip clubs but I didn’t realize touching – or biting of boobies – was allowed. Eddie goes both. It was honestly pretty gross and as disgusting as Tamra’s Mexico thing was, at least she didn’t seem to be getting hot from it. Eddie was really really enjoying himself – which makes me wonder if he really is gay. Bravo sure sends mixed messages about this man.
Terri snaps a photo of Eddie’s mouth around the stripper’s breast, and texts it to Heather – who shows it to Tamra. The ladies get into the limo to HUNT EDDIE DOWN. By now Eddie and his buddies and the stripper are in a private part of the strip club so that he can get humped by the stripper. I kind of got the feeling that they were all going to pass her around if the ladies hadn’t barged in. Tamra screams at Eddie for having a boner, and Eddie looks completely confused. She storms out.
Later he confronts her about not telling him the full story about Mexico, and basically deflects her anger. He should thank her for interrupting before he picked up a STD. Ewwww is all I can say.
And with that I think the marriage is off to a great start. Lying, cheating, and sexual ambiguity all wrapped up in a pretty package – without a bow. I can’t wait for part two.
Real Housewives of New Jersey – the Aftermath by NMD
Sunday night was the first time in a long time I’ve watched the Real Housewives of New Jersey. Between all of my summer guests and being away – it’s been difficult to fit it in. I managed to catch up a little while folding laundry last night.
I thought that – for once – the episode was easy to watch and enjoyable. Color me confused about Heather Maclean’s (aka Teresa Giudice’s co-writer and presumably blog writer) reaction. She was livid about Teresa and Joe’s edit. I have no idea why. Sure it seems like Teresa eventually got around to lifting the horse’s leg – showing that she was authentic (or at least not terrified). But who really cares? I thought she and Juicy got a great edit. He was shown being open about his fears of going to jail – and even his profanity laden declaration of innocence in the hot tub was heartwarming (I’d like to believe nothing is staged with this man – although I don’t see how that could be true given Bravo). He even was shown talking in his daddy voice to his girls.
Teresa was also shown being a good sport, and trying her best with the horse. She came across as scared rather than inauthentic when it came to doing the exercise – in sharp contrast to her increasingly vain and superficial sister-in-law – who may have to patent her eye-roll.
Kathy Wakile’s plea to be listened to was probably directed at Melissa Gorga rather than the Giudice’s. Melissa was openingly dismissive of Kathy every time she spoke. Poor Kathy – she’s now labeled the Jan Brady of the group – always in the shadow of prettier and more popular Marcia (aka anyone else). We did learn a lot about Kathy and Rosie. Rosie was her daddy’s darling – which makes it all the more strange that she’s so down on herself. Kathy was seen as the one who held the family together. The dependable one. The one always taken for granted. We’re supposed to believe that all is well between Teresa and Kathy now – but according to Heather’s tweets – it’s a good guess to assume that Teresa hasn’t forgiven Kathy for going on the show.
Heather: “Kathy gets that pained look on her face like she can’t understand why her family is closed off to her……Um hello, you joined the show to bash Teresa. It’s hard to forget. It hurt a lot of people.”
I hope Teresa tells Heather to zip it – because she’s not doing her any favors with her twitter rants.
As for Teresa and Melissa –
Heather – “Wait, so Teresa did triumph with the horse, Melissa knows this, but tweets that she didn’t take it seriously? Why lie? WHY? Just to hurt T?”
This was tweeted to Heather: “seems to me her (Melissa’s) true colors are shinning thru this year.”
Heather: “I agree but they don’t need to falsely lump Teresa in with her with their poor, untrue editing. :(”
Heather claims that Teresa is going to set the record straight with her (ahem) blog – if Bravo lets her. Heather should know what Bravo lets them write in the blogs since she’s the number on suspect for Teresa’s blog writer.
But enough about Heather. To me the funniest part of the episode was at the end when Teresa and Jacqueline held a second “write it down on a piece of paper and burn it” ceremony. Jacqueline admitted that she was afraid Teresa would never forgive her. Damn skippy. Jacqueline is as unpredictable as a 2 year old after eating a bag of sugar. I’m shocked Teresa is even pretending to try with her. But what I found funny was Teresa saying she’s try to ask Jacqueline about personal stuff because she seems to like that.
At the end of the day Teresa seems to realize that Jacqueline was mad because Teresa wasn’t fitting her definition of a friend when she needed to talk through what was happening with Nicholas. Teresa truly was the Marcia of the group – and perhaps Jacqueline, more than Kathy, is the Jan Brady.