Note: I am going to do something here that I don’t normally do. In the recap that is. Yesterday some discussion was around about who pens Teresa’s show blogs. Chismosa likes to suggest that Heather, Teresa’s ghost writer, does that and a lot of other things. Honestly, I don’t care who writes these blogs so I called Chismosa on constantly bringing it up. Fact is, she isn’t the only one who does but I still went into attack mode on her for it. My who cares question hasn’t changed but the behavior was uncalled for and, for it, and to her, I apologize. It isn’t my intent to start fights here at the blog either with my recaps nor in the comments or make anyone miserable while being here. I went where, in these recaps, I’ve asked others not to go. So has NMD and I also apologize to her for forgetting myself. I will shred and thrash these HWs all day long but it was wrong of me to go after one of our commenters for doing the same thing I do. It isn’t the first time I’ve done that and I can’t promise it won’t happen again, but for this one, please accept the apologies.
Now, On with the show…
Here we are again folks. Episode 328 (15) of Crapfest 2013 and episode 313 of this dumbass therapy trip. For those of you interested, here is ClosetFreak’s recap of last week’s snooze fest, MeGo meets her long lost brother, Cracker the horse. Honestly, Bravo could have done this entire Arizona trip in one episode and just kept things moving along. I’m really bored with these people beating the same dead horse (no plot pun intended) that everything bad in their lives is Teresa’s fault. Get a new phuckin line already. For people that say they want to move on these are the grudge holdingest people I have ever seen. Once again, we’ll pretend everything here is real.
This week’s show opens at the end of whatever drama has just occurred. Baby Joey is having another of his little girl tantrums trying to prove to his wife and everyone else, that he’s a man. (I guess he failed to do that when he bit Joe’s balls and rubbed black kiwi shoe polish all over everybody.) I still question that notion however. Then we get to see what led up to his meltdown. We are taken 12 hours back to when Joey woke up his wife by sticking Tarzan in her face. It’s her birthday don’tcha know so it seems appropriate for these two to be shown, again, in bed. I guess her throat must be feeling better by now. It’s been a whole two days on morphine and antibiotics. That must have been some virus and those must have been some drugs to kill it so fast (yes, I know you can’t kill a virus with antibiotics and in fact, I believe, you cannot kill one at all.. Just treat the symptoms). Do you get the impression I don’t believe for one second this woman was sick? Very perceptive of you. Now, I don’t give a damn what anyone does in private behind closed doors, any time of the day. However, if you’re going to show me (Bravo), I’m going to say something about it. So, as Joey is wagging Tarzan in MeGo’s face, Teresa knocks on the door, or opens it, I don’t remember which nor do I care. She joins them on the bed and gives MeGo her birthday gift. A pair of see through black cover nothing drawers with a peace symbol in them. Yes, Teresa, we get the message, you are trying to make peace with your brother and his wife. Somehow I don’t think a pair of draw’rs with a sparkly gold 60s hippie symbol on the crotch is going to do it. Teresa says she’s not going to give MeGo a birthday kiss though. Please tell me that, Teresa did not see her brother’s pecker in MeGo’s face…. My question is, who were these really for? MeGo or Joey? I’ve heard he’s quite comfortable in women’s clothing when he is wearing a wig and heels. What’s on tap for the day? Get ready to roll your eyes MeGo, More Therapy…
The next scene we see is Rosie and The Whackilies taking a walk… Why? Is anyone really entertained by these people? If you are, I’m not passing judgement, God Bless and enjoy them on the show. Kathy is once again, complaining that she gets no respect from her two familial counterparts on the show. Rosie is upset that her sister doesn’t get any respect from them as well. In fact, she’s so pissed about it that she throws a couple water bottles (and misses) at what looks like a fire hydrant in the middle of the desert. I’m sure it was something else but the glimpse I got of it, that’s what it looked like. Maybe it was a gas well plug. Doesn’t matter. Good citizen Kathy goes and picks them up (Actually, I appreciate that she did that) because it’s wrong to litter. This scene ends with the two women deciding to get a drink and Richie going to join the other fellas to piss on everyone else’s relaxing stay at this place. You know, the ones who paid their own money so they could be there and didn’t have these asshats at Bravo paying for their stay. See NMD’s writeup last night for a good synopsis on Kathy’s time on this show. For an added bonus, check this out. Take it for whatever you think it’s worth. To protect our hostess though please don’t copy any of the text to this blog’s comments.
So next we see the two Joes, St Chris, and Dickie Richie at the pool. They note that there are others there who appreciate the quiet serenity of the place, a couple of whom, are also relaxing at the pool. One bit of truth that Dickie spoke, “These people probably come to this place to get away from people like us”… About then, Joe decides to check the water and Joey decides to push him in. I can’t complain too much about this as I believe pools are for fun and it’s probably something I would have done… Not pain in the ass people who would rather lay there like sardines on a beach to tan and scowl when they get a couple drops of water splashed on them. Oh holy hell… At a public type pool, somebody splashes water and is loud. Puh-Leeze. However, this drives one of the other guests back into the hotel. They then run their mouths some and that drives another guest back to her room. St Chris is just laying there too good to participate in any of the shenanigans while the cameras are rolling (planning his next scam- Seems that Bravo has re-edited the end of this season due to HIS legal problems. Seems this fight with ‘Johnny the Greek’ at KimD’s place will not be shown because the Lurkitas, including the phuck-nut, have their own bankruptcy legal issues they are struggling with….). Somewhere in all this, Joey makes up with Joe with a toast of sorts telling him he’s gained some new respect for him… Yeah, okay… I’ll buy that for a nickel. What I want to know is what was that green shit they were drinking?
Next we have to suffer the Manzos about to get a Massage or a face rub or some dumb shit like that. All I can think is I don’t want to watch anyone touch these people. We don’t see that though. What do we get instead? The two of them talking about Cracker The Horse. Let’s not forget now, Momz has written an advice book and that, as far as I can see, is her only reason for being on the show.. I still want to know what happened to Fran, Frito, and the Pig. The last time I saw Frito, he was giving his well thought out opinion of this show and being on it, as he pissed on the floor of the Manzo Mansion. They talk about Big Al being abused, and why he works so hard. I mentioned this a couple weeks ago. Momz won’t pop the nipples so Big Al has to keep at it to support those 3 leaches. Momz tried to pass the lie that Christopher has to make the choice between something (dumb) and eating a sammich… Does anyone believe that ever expanding fat oaf has ever gone hungry? Neither do I. Enough of these two jackasses and their bullshit nothing story line (what is it again?).
Okay.. Let’s move on. Where are we moving to? The ‘Zennis Court’ with the women. The Men have already mended things and are having their kumbaya party at the pool making sure that every guest who crosses their path, walks away completely disgusted… Bet you ritzy NJ ladies don’t have one of those zennis courts in your back yard… The ‘therapist’ wants them to check their egos at the door. TH Jac says, these are Jersey girls. Not going to happen. There is about a 45 second tennis match between Teresa and Rosie, and MeGo and Kathy… The Point of this? Who knows? I sure don’t.
Let’s go walk a tight wire. In fact, let’s do it in pairs and walk two wires. That’s what these morons are doing next. This particular therapy session, in pairs, each person stands on a wire high above the ground, they are facing each other, helping one another to balance. They are on a harness secured by a rope in case they fall so don’t worry friends, no one gets hurt. Damn! That might have made it interesting. Maybe they can train Cracker the horse to do this bit and everyone can just stand on the ground beneath him hoping he doesn’t pee on them. Remember, that was MeGo’s fear was getting peed on by the horse. Maybe Teresa’s too. I don’t remember. Speaking of Teresa.. Have her lips been that big looking all season or had she recently had something done? At the tennis court, they looked huge. Anyway, Joey climbs up and Teresa follows, screaming all the way. The ever astute Rosie in TH says it’s a god damn wire. Worse that can happen is they fall. Yep. That’s our Rosie… Why is she on this show again? While T and J are up there, Dickie asks for a paint ball gun… (chuckle chuckle)… Still with the jokes, Rich… They get about 3 steps out before they fall off. As they are being lowered, Teresa had fun and wants to do it again. Don’t worry Tre, you’ll get your chance. While Pebbles and BamBam were up there, TH Joey said something that I hope he remembers tonight. He said that Teresa is fake and cannot admit when she is wrong and always pretends everything is fine (or to that affect) because that’s how she was raised. Remember that, Angel From God, the next time you look at your wife. Moving on.. Next pairs to try this exercise, Joe and Rosie (I like these two together actually), Kathy and Dickie, Chris and Big Al. Momz is afraid of heights and was crapping her pants at the idea of trying this. I don’t know what world F-Nut was lost in. BTW, I wouldn’t have done it either.
Now we get to the star attraction. Teresa wants to go again and she wants MeGo up there with her or MeGo decides to try and Joey wants Teresa up there with her. With a little coaxing, MeGo straps up and climbs the pole (I hear she has experience with that…. sorrry). This is where it gets good and that 4th wall really begins to tumble. While the two of them are up there, Joey gets a tweet… Something about how he met his wife or where.. That tweet, was sent by Penny (I think), 6 months prior. At least that’s what she said on Twitter as this scene was playing out. (if I am wrong about who sent it, please correct me). So now, the scene is set for the next 50 episodes. These outsiders wont leave Joey alone about his wife cheating on him. I have said this at least twice prior in my recaps… I think MeGo is a lot of things but cheater isn’t one of them. This usually comes at the end of my recaps but it fits best here. The comment of the night, goes to Sasha when she said “It should be obvious to Joe and Melissa that all the gossipers are trying to get a face shot on the show. All these accusations and no one has brought the proof yet.” It is not a particularly funny comment but there is no arguing with it. Let’s not forget, that everything the Gorgas have done since season one, is work for the same result. Face time on the show.
Let’s go to dinner and have some birthday cake. That’s why we’re all here, right? The highlight of this dinner was MeGo toasting and thanking everyone for being there. Everyone except Teresa. Snub or honest mistake? I say the former (stay with me here, this is getting good), there isn’t anything this famewhore does on this show that isn’t well planned out and scripted in her mind. BET THAT. After dinner they’ve chased everyone else out of the lounge area with their stench so they can continue their party. Momz has been running her mouth all episode but she’s right about one thing. If anyone leaves there with any hidden issues, they will be right back where they started and she ain’t doing this again. Yeah, we’ve heard that one before. Feed your kids, sip your wine, and STFU Momz. This brings us to the beginning of the episode. Joey, had previously told MeGo that he was getting these tweets saying that she’s a cheater. He still believes that Teresa is behind them. I still don’t get how but that’s the fact in his mind. MeGo just wants it to stop and everyone just drop it. As everyone is saying their piece, Joey, brings this up to Teresa, again. How SHE needs to fess up to her part in all the bullshit. I say that this guy should grow some balls and confront these people himself. In fact, he had his chance at the Milania party and stood there with a stupid shit eating grin on his face (as the Gorga plan was falling into place). Follow me here. Joey and MeGo are pleased as pigs in shit, that she is being talked about at all, good or bad. After about 47 times of denying any involvement, baby Joey has his school girl fit and throws his shot glass. Everyone gets in on the act. I’m not going to rehash what anyone said except to say that Joey was convinced, with Teresa, to go confront these people about their rumors and lies. At the end of the show, TH Teresa says she doesn’t know why she has to, none of this is of her doing. I almost forgot. During his tirade, MeGo kept telling Joey to sit down and STFU calling him a phucking idiot (according to the bravo edit).. You see, he was blowing her script. Acting too much trying to cover up what we learn next. I’m going to leave the show there until next week.
Apparently, confirmed by our hostess, NMD, this meeting between the Gorgas, Penny and her husband, happened two weeks BEFORE this Arizona trip. We see in the previews that this meeting does in fact happen(ed). Penny offers to show them something. What? I have no idea. Also on the preview, next week, Kathy has a product event, I guess to push her canoli kits, and no one shows up. Snubbed again… That ought to sit real well with Rosie. Jac is at a BLK marketing event (because the Lurkitas and the Manzoids are all wearing their team T-Shirts) talking about Autism. Truthfully friends, I could get behind her using this as a show platform if I learned anything about it. TheStoryOfLuvingWithAutism and Missusmc, I appreciate you both (and everyone else) sharing your experience and knowledge with us but I suspect that if I wanted the info, all I would have to do is ask and people would speak right up. I’m already aware that autism exists so I don’t need a drunken twitterholic on a shitty reality show to expand that awareness for me. So far, from the show, I’ve learned she likes to bleach her asshole and wax her hooha. As for these boyfriends of MeGo’s, see NMDs great blog about these criminals and join her in saying, Put up or Shut up.
I normally don’t watch this show because I cannot stand Andy Cohen. However, with a former NJ HW as the guest, who might have some good stuff to share, I gave it a shot. Highlight of my viewing evening because the above shitfest wasn’t it. Danielle Staub was the only guest. She was also the first ever guest on the show (back when it was one night a week). Andy admitted to being shady to her back then. I didn’t see that show so I don’t know what they are talking about. We got an update on Danielle’s two daughters, one 15 and the other, 19 who is an international model (working). I have heard of the company before but I forget the one she was working for. Her house was sold, I think. Her thug pal Danny was actually a friend’s husband who was given face time on the show. She is no longer bi curious but isn’t completely closed to the idea either. She wouldn’t discuss divorce money issues because the ex is father to both of her girls and is still in their lives. I think I got all the small stuff out of the way here.
Andy’s mom is the bartender for the night and the drinking word is actually a recording of KimG saying hello. We review Danielle’s WWHL performance of her song with her lesbian lover, wazzername (no I don’t need to know what it was). The poll question is, which WWHL HW song performance was the best… Danielle, Kenya, LuAnne, KimZB (Kim won at 44%, Danielle had 24% or something like that, the other two split the rest). Danielle took Mrs Cohen’s son to task for stating that she was fired rather than left the show. She says it cost her opportunities. He denied ever saying that word and that it was a mutual decision that RHONJ wasn’t a good fit for her. She reminds him that it’s on the internet, which lasts forever. He sort of apologized to her for it..
We saw some of Danielle’s top moments on the show including the one with Grannytel calling her Square Tits. I always wanted to know where that comment came from and I always thought these two were pals. Danielle was shown a few past NJ HW guest spots on the show… Momz, Jac, and Teresa. She thinks Jac needs to put down the wine bottle because she is the most vile one of them all. Momz was shown saying she was sorry she went to the dark place with Danielle. Danielle said she can go jump into lake gofuckyourself with her half baked apology and I think she called Momz, a clown. Not sure about that though.. Teresa is the only one shown, NOT trashing Danielle, something she appreciated and felt was genuine. Take that all for whatever you think it’s worth. She says she has not had any contact with any of them since she left the show, Jac’s twitter rants aside.
THE Bomb that Danielle dropped however is something I thought I would never hear. That is, for S1 and S2, MeGo was hounding Danielle to help her get on the show. It was confirmed the two never actually met other than online on FB and email. Emails were forwarded by Danielle to production from Mego, promising to thrash Teresa in exchange for a spot on the show, for 2 full seasons, 1 and 2. BOOOM… Remember what I told Joey to remember about his wife when he was up on that wire with Teresa. Remember how we met the Gorgas… Go cry to your mama, Joey. Check-Mate, MeGo. Now, I tend to believe Danielle as I don’t think she gains anything by lying. I will leave you with this… It is still she said she said as to how MeGo and her Angel from God wound up on this show so of course, make up your own minds. This is the first time that’s ever been said out loud, by anyone connected to this show, other than Teresa. Note also, Andy didn’t deny it. Also note that the Marco klan, has been unusually quiet on Twitter as of late, including last night. My remaining question is, was this really live? If not, did it happen before the taping of the reunion? I would love for this cast of phucknuts to be hit with that little piece of information about how Teresa’s SIL and Cousin wound up on the show.
I’ll see you next week when more shit happens… Til then, Peace, MTH.