Real Housewives of New Jersey
Blogs Blogged by Stars99
Jacqueline Laurita – I guess Jacqueline is tired of us calling her blog a “Manifesto” or worse yet, a “Crapfesto” because rather than writing a shorter, more concise blog she crankily gives us a 3 sentence summation. For many of us, even that might even be too lengthy. Her first sentence basically tells us she’s tired of our complaining about the length of her blogs because after all we keep coming back week after week to read them. She’s wrong. We don’t actually read them… We mostly just skim over them because our eyes glaze over at her redundant delusional rantings that most often make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Her second sentence tells us that she and Teresa “made up” and that she told Teresa that she would do her best not to get“involved” in her family drama from this point forward. She explains that this is why she kept her “mouth shut” during the heated exchange at dinner. Does that mean she’s not allowed to actually be the cause of the family drama? Cuz, that’s what has happened in the past, no? Oh, I get it… She can cause it – but she just can’t perpetuate it… Ohhh.. okay.
Her third sentence, which is the most articulate of all her 3 sentences, is the one in which I decided to quote in its entirety. Jacqueline’s third sentence succinctly and passive aggressively reads, “The end.” The crowd roars with applause and approval! Encore, encore!!
Caroline Manzo – Caroline starts her blog with, “Hey guys, long time no speak! I hope everyone enjoyed their last few days of summer; I spent mine down the shore with Al and the kids along with a constant flow of friends and family. Life is good.”
Do Caroline and Al have a place at the shore? Did I miss something? It’s kind of funny how all these guys feel the need to pretend that life is wonderful… but I suppose I’d do the same thing, I dunno… Caroline talks about how the last episodes were“pretty intense” and that we witnessed “a few very real and emotional moments” especially from people we wouldn’t ordinarily expect it from – like her husband. She was really thrown by Al’s reaction and she wishes we had seen more of how Wyatt interacted with each of them during the equine therapy session.
Caroline blogs, “The high wire challenge was awesome. Everyone cheered each other on as they climbed the ladder and at times we laughed so hard our bellies hurt. Kathy and Rich showed us all how it’s done by going the farthest. Rich following Kathy’s lead was something to see! I wanted to participate, but my fear of heights wasn’t having it. I literally had an inner battle with myself as I sat and watched everyone complete the task, but I knew that the possibility of me having a panic attack was real and that would not have been fun. I actually worked myself up so much that I sat there crying in frustration. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses, and for me fear of heights is up at the top. I resigned myself to accepting defeat and calling it a day. Everyone else gave 100% and had a blast. For me personally, it’s those moments when everyone has their guard down that mean the most. No one is looking to hurt, we’re just a group of people having a really great time together. Unfortunately those times are far and few between with this bunch.”
I kind of wonder how Caroline would have written this particular paragraph if Teresa hadn’t already revealed Caroline’s slow speed come-apart-meltdown in Teresa’s renegade blog last week. Would we have known that Caroline was reduced to tears at the thought of participating in this challenge? I think it’s odd that, “Camp Zen” doesn’t offer an alternate activity in which people can participate that wouldn’t result in those who are afraid of heights (or horses) to feel “defeated.” Heck, just climbing that telephone pole using those wire handholds would be enough to doom many people to defeat… Then, once you conquer climbing up the telephone pole – You have to arrange yourself on the wires without any type of platform… Holy crap on a cracker! It’s too bad people came away from the horse challenge and from this challenge feeling defeated or “less than.” That just seems a little counterintuitive to a Zen-like mindset, no?
Caroline turns her attention to Melissa’s birthday dinner wherein everything was going along fine, until Caroline decided she wanted to stir the pot. She tells us that she was frustrated because she knew that the real, deeper issues weren’t actually resolved – but that everyone was pretending they had been resolved. She didn’t want to go back home with any strained relationships. Holy Hypocrite, Batman! Since a birthday dinner is the perfect opportunity to bring mayhem to an otherwise peaceful group, Caroline just had to say something. Note to self: Never celebrate my birthday with any of these housewives.
Caroline writes, “I know I ruined the zen moment, but think about it, it wasn’t really zen, was it? Ultimately the truth came out and now Joe and Teresa can hopefully move forward together instead of divided. United we stand, divided we fall… Keep on watching.”
I thought the whole concept to “move forward together instead of divided” came from Dr. V’s interaction with Teresa, Melissa and Joe. Perhaps I’m a little confused… Perhaps I’m not. Perhaps it takes a while for truth to sink in. Perhaps these people will always be batcrapcrazy.
Melissa Gorga – She starts by announcing they have moved to Franklin Lakes. Franklin Lakes residents – Consider that fair warning! Gino had his first day of kindergarten this week. She then talks about how they’re in “the home stretch of the season.” I think we all are hoping she’s right… I know MeltheHound does… In fact, Arizona could have been the finale episode and we would all have been happy campers, right?
Melissa writes, “The high wire was not for the weak of heart or calf muscle. As Rosie said, “It’s not about the wire.” Having to lean on Teresa was an exercise in trust. The high wire did force us to support each other at least in a physical sense. Teresa and I got farther than anyone else, so props to us.”
That’s interesting, because Caroline (see above) blogged that Richie and Kathy went the furthest… I’m not saying that there should have been any type of competition because it really doesn’t demonstrate that you have a healthy relationship with the other person… but it’s mildly amusing that they noted who went the farthest in their blogs. Oh, and yes, of course, props to you, Melissa, you whiney little attention seeker.
Melissa continues, “I was grateful for the opportunity to thank our family and friends at my birthday dinner. I addressed individuals as part of a couple and I gave extra love to those who needed the positive attention and appreciation. Joe Guidice, Kathy, and Rosie really opened up in Arizona. They showed their hearts. I was proud of them for it, and said so. Somehow, my singling out some with special admiration got twisted into “snubbing” others. That was not the vibe in the room or my intention. Frankly, I was upset to hear that anyone interpreted it that way.”
Melissa, did you NOT attend elementary school where you learned you had to buy the entire class a Valentine and not just your closest friends? No one likes to be excluded and in this situation with these people with these strained relationships… You could have taken the opportunity to say something about each of them as the birthday girl. But that would have required some thinking… and maybe you met your thinking quota for the night. (Note: I’m completely dying laffing, because as I reread what Melissa wrote, I see that even she misspells Teresa’s last name… lol…)
Melissa blogs, “When Joe exploded in anger that night, I called him an idiot. He was acting like one.”
Well Melissa, you’re right he was acting like an idiot… and perhaps some would go so far as to say he usually is an idiot – but I don’t think you should call your husband an idiot on national TV. I’m sure I’ll get flack for it – but it was really uncomfortable for me to see you do that and it made me wonder what else you yell at him when no one else is around to hear you. It seemed like you were treating him like a child and sending him to his room. While I completely agree he was acting like a child – it was just so weird to me. Fortunately, you did this all on national TV so it will permanently serve as an awesome model to your kids on how to talk appropriately to your spouse. Cuz you know… even they won’t read your book.
Melissa continues, “Even though I knew how much pain and pressure he was under about the rumors, Joe shouldn’t have thrown his glass. I got him out of the room, and told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of his actions. Hey, if a wife can’t call her husband out when he acts badly, who can? We have a real marriage. We correct each other when we are wrong. We also trust each other completely. We can say pretty much anything and know it comes from a place of love and respect.”
Nope, he shouldn’t have thrown his glass. It was extremely dangerous and stupid. Period. However, it was surprising to me that people didn’t seem all that fazed by it. We didn’t see anyone (IRC) clean up the glass, either – Perhaps the glass fairies came? It almost seems to me that he has “roid rage” or something. What adult pulls crap like that past the age of 22? He needs some significant anger management interventions…
Melissa finishes her thoughts about the subject by referring us to a chapter in her new book that talks about how she and Joe fight. Who in this great big world of ours would actually read her book for pointers in how to fight with your spouse? By the way, did you know that her book is coming out this week? Yes, yes, I KNEW you did.
Teresa Giudice – Teresa starts, “Hello Baby Dolls!” Wait, what happened to the customary, “Hello Loveys?” Thurston Howell, III is gonna be pissed!
Teresa writes, “Last week’s episode got me all fired up, but I’m not going to beat a dead horse. It is really frustrating to watch the episodes sometimes — it’s hard to relive things and hard to see what other people say behind your back. But we move forward!”
Right, “Crackers” the horse is glad you’re not going to beat him to death, too. I gotta say that watching the episodes as they unfold must be really hard to take – because it’s the first time you’ve seen the talking head interviews. Most of these people don’t have the guts to say stuff to each other’s faces… they’d rather just say it behind their back. It kind of cracks me up because, well, you know… it’s all being filmed and stuff.
Teresa explains, “Zen tennis wasn’t very zen for me because I’m too competitive. I think we all are! And I’ve never played tennis before in my entire life. Swear! But it was fun and great exercise — a full body workout! I really like it. Maybe when Audriana goes to school, I’ll take lessons or something.”
That’s what you need to do, Teresa – Join a fancy country club and meet some young tennis pro. Yeah, I can just see jealous Joe now…lol… Or else you could meet some nice rich guy that will sweep you off your feet… Or a high powered lawyer… Just sayin’…
Teresa continues, “The high wire test…. O. M. G. I have never been so scared in my whole life. It is so much harder than it looks. You stand on the ground and watch someone and you’re thinking, “Just walk faster!” but when you get up there. First, it’s really high up, and even though you know you have a safety harness on, you can’t really feel it until you fall. So when you’re walking up there you don’t have that safety pressure holding you up. All you can see is the damn, hard ground! And the wires move like crazy. The muscles in your legs are burning so badly just to try and find your balance and then the other person with you moves and throws you off and you’re supposed to walk! The only way to really do it is to zone out, forget about the ground and the wire and just go. And if you have someone you can really connect with and look into their eyes, that’s what you do, you distract each other and encourage each other. It was a very cool experience and I’m very glad I did it.”
Awesome! Better you than me…
Teresa fills in some gaps, “It was great to watch everyone try it in different combinations. I think my favorite was Joe and Rosie! I didn’t want anyone to miss out on it so I was trying to get Caroline and Melissa up there. I’m glad Melissa finally did!”
Oh snap… This was your backhanded way to let everyone know that Caroline didn’t participate… lol… Teresa blogs more about how tiring the high wire day was on everyone and how they all just wanted to relax. She feels that because they had received some therapy in Lake George and had participated in some additional therapeutic exercises in Arizona that they were all in a good place. She really wanted some time to relax and enjoy her friends and family. She doesn’t understand why Caroline wanted to stir things up again. I think Caroline is a spoon and she loves to stir the pot.
Teresa says, “I didn’t want to. Not because I don’t want to get everything out, but we’d been doing that for months! Sometimes you have to move on to heal. If you keep opening old wounds, they will never heal. You have to stop picking.”
So, like does that mean you guys are all scabs? Yeah, sounds about right to me.
Teresa blogs, “When Caroline doesn’t want to talk about her family issues, I respect that. I wish she would respect my wishes. It’s not my place to butt into how she deals with her family issues, and I don’t think it’s her place to butt into mine, especially when we’re good!”
Caroline’s extended family is not on a TV show (anymore). She “butts” into your family issues because she thinks it’s her job to do so and because they ARE on a TV show. Teresa, you say she butted into your family issues even though, “We’re good!” Psssst, Teresa, your brother just threw a glass at a wall so you’re obviously NOT “good.” Delusional, Party of 1… She goes on to talk about how rumors fly about all of them and how tough it is to see them headlined on the covers of magazines when they go to the store. Teresa chooses to live her life by the concept that it’s better to ignore the rumors because, “if you don’t give fire air, it goes out.” Well, I suppose it could go out – OR – It could cause a massive forest fire and devastate thousands of acres. You know this whole “ignoring it and it will go away” strategy of life, which seems like what you’ve been doing about your own dire financial situation – it really doesn’t work. But hey, you’ll see that soon enough, I’m afraid…
Teresa actually writes, “I’m happy to say my life is very happy right now. The kids start school this week. Hallelujah! I hate to see summer end, but there’s good things about every new season. Thank you all so much for your hilarious and heartwarming messages. You make me smile every day.”
I don’t begrudge anyone happiness. I just think it’s an odd thing for Teresa to say she’s “happy” in her blog at this particular moment. I’m afraid she doesn’t understand that all of this stuff that she’s writing right now could potentially hurt her in a court of law since it has been written after the indictments have been handed down. I just don’t think it’s very wise to appear so lackadaisical about the severity of the indictments that she and her husband are facing. I think she could have said something like, “Even though we’re going through some really tough things right now, Joe and I are trying to provide as happy of an environment as we possibly can for our kids.” Even as I type this, my heart grieves for the kids – for the taunting they may receive at school about their parent’s life choices, etc. It just sends shivers down my spine and is the very reason why I’m not harder on Teresa right now.
Kathy Wakile – Kathy blogs, “As the Miraval Trip in the Arizona desert continued, it was great to see guards drop, connections and conversations happen, and new beginnings as a united front were declared!”
Do we have any bets going on how long this “united front” is going to last? I say that it probably lasted until they all piled into the airport shuttle. Kathy goes on to say that she thinks the healing exercises actually helped them learn lessons, face their fears, open their minds and souls, and “look within and think.” Wow. Miraval truly must be a miraculous place.
Kathy writes, “So when we were all together celebrating Melissa’s birthday on our last night, it was finally a safe setting to discuss and bring up some hard topics. Yes, it was upsetting to see Joe Gorga get heated, however we all know he is a passionate man with a huge heart, who cares deeply about his family and close friends.”
Wouldn’t you hate to be the barista at the Starbucks that provides Joe Gorga his morning coffee? Imagine getting his order wrong (shiver).
Kathy explains, “…the Gorgas, Guidices, Wakiles, Mazos, and Lauritas are a united front and no one can break that, no matter what!”
Perhaps, but be careful about putting that on a T-Shirt because you’ve incorrectly spelled 2 of the 5 last names. The only reason I noticed is because I continually battle with how to spell Teresa’s last name… I’m sure I’ve often misspelled it myself, but then again, I’m not related to her nor am I on a show with her.
Kathy declares, “People can talk, create rumors, take things out of context or whatever, but we will be a cohesive force to be reckoned with — because life is too short to have naysayers taking over any of our lives!”
It almost seems like Kathy secretly wants to be Wonder Woman or something… Quick, Kathy – Start spinning and activate your super powers! “Wonder wardrobe powers – ACTIVATE!” It would be kind of fun to come up with super hero names for all of them… no? But which one are we going to call, “Rat Man?” Cuz well, we just have so many choices! But do they really hafta wear spandex? That’s something I don’t want to even imagine…
That’s all they wrote this week… We can only hope Jac’s is just as short next week. Happy Trails!