Two more episodes to go. To warm us up for this evening, we’ve got Stars99 recap of the blogs. Remember – look for the obvious edits. If Caroline yells at someone – it’s rumored to actually be Penny but will be shown as Kim D. I’m not sure if the fight will be shown, but Johnny has said that the moment he entered the venue Joey G charged at him. Sound familiar – just like that scene where Joey G charged Joe Giudice at the retreat.
New Housewives of New Jersey
Blogs Blogged by Stars99
Teresa Giudice – Teresa greets us, “Hello Baby Dolls!” I know that I have given Teresa a lot of grief throughout this season about starting her blogs by saying “Hello Loveys”… because you know in my mind “lovey” will always be the term of endearment that Thurston Howell III used to call his darling wife on Gilligan’s Island (Yes, I used to watch that show, dagnabit… )… But I almost wish she’d go back to the “Loveys” greeting – because it’s at least more gender friendly and nostalgic than “Baby Dolls.” She just can never win, can she? I must say that I was pleasantly surprised at Teresa’s blog this week…
Teresa blogs, “Another roller coaster episode, right? I loved seeing everyone together again. I wish it could stay that way forever! Unfortunately when you’re on TV, people want what you have. They want to be on TV too and they’ll do anything to make it happen or they just want to take you down because they’re sick of watching you. I get it. I’ve seen it happen now on every season of every Housewives show in every city. It’s not fun to be the target, but it comes with the territory. The problem is when newer cast members join and get attacked, they can freak out like Melissa and Joey were. You have to stay united and refuse to let any strangers break you down. But I get that it’s hard. It shouldn’t be hard for family to believe family over strangers, but…’
Stop the presses… I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING IN THIS PARAGRAPH! Whoa… I know…It even surprises me! The only problem with the statement, “It shouldn’t be hard for family to believe family over strangers, but…” – is that for that to hold true – the family member has to be someone that doesn’t lie. And that’s the crux of the issue, isn’t it? Is Teresa lying? Has she thrown her brother or his wife under the bus when she’s talked about them with others? To be honest, I don’t know who to believe or what to believe anymore. I would like to think Teresa has only talked about her brother or Melissa in a negative light with only her closest of friends, if at all necessary, like normal people. The rest of us may be able to get away with an off handed negative comment here or there when we’re in a disagreement with a member of our own family, but these reality TV personalities really cannot afford to do the same or else it comes back to bite them on their dupa.
Teresa blogs, “I’m definitely not happy to see where this season is going based on how Melissa and Joey are reacting to the rumors. It’s all my fault again. I get it. It’s easier to blame their own sister/sister-in-law than it is to blame a stranger. It sounds strange, but here’s why.”
Rut roh…Okay, now I’m bracing myself for some classic “real housewife” circular reasoning…
Teresa reasons, “First of all, blaming me takes all of the emphasis off the actual rumors. Instead of anyone looking into those, they’re all busy looking at me. Fine, deflect away. I’m here for you.”
The literalist in me compelled me to look up the actual definition of “rumor” and the definition that came up on Google was, “a currently circulating story or report of uncertain or doubtful truth.” You see, the rumor can be true or untrue… it’s just unverified at the moment one way or another. I kinda love how Teresa says, “Fine, deflect away. I’m here for you.”… I think there’s a lot of stuff that rightly or wrongly has been flung at Teresa and she’s like Teflon… or perhaps, she’s more like Teflon’s technology savvy relative, Calphalon… Because nothing…. And I mean, absolutely NOTHING sticks to her. Plus, you can put her in the dishwasher for easy cleanup! Or maybe not… her silicon “bubbies” may melt.
Teresa continues, “Second, going after family is safe. They know I will never do anything to them. With a stranger, you can’t be so sure. They don’t want to go after Penny because she might take it to a whole new level. Easier to befriend her, right? I wouldn’t be looking to make BFFs with someone who was talking to my ex-boyfriend and threatening to expose rumors about me, but that’s just me.”
Lol… She is cracking me up… There are certain people who I would prefer not getting on their bad side… It’s the whole, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” philosophy. I get it… they live in New Jersey area where you “Leave the gun; take the cannoli”… Well, unless it’s one of Kathy’s cannoli kits because let’s just all be honest – If you wanted to bake fresh cannoli yourself, wouldn’t you want to make it from scratch? Otherwise, there are a thousand bakeries around to buy it, no?
Teresa writes, “And third, family will always forgive you, and they know it. Family will always be there. To save themselves, they feel like they have to throw me under the bus. I don’t like it but I can’t do anything about it. They are going to believe what they want to believe. Their beliefs make no sense to me — they don’t believe Penny one minute and the next they do. Pick one! They already confronted Penny at the Youthful 8 Milania Collection launch party and she told them I had nothing to do with it. But it wasn’t enough for them. They had to keep going after her. Why? And when they did, suddenly Penny changed her mind that I had something to do with it. Why would she suddenly do that? Why didn’t she say that when I was right in front of her?”
It’s hard to believe that Penny is afraid of Teresa, isn’t it? We’ve seen reports and tweets about how Penny is saying that Bravo creatively edited her. Quite frankly, it’s VERY easy to believe Bravo has used its grubby little hands to manipulate information. It’s one of the laws of the universe… if Bravo, or one of its subcontractors are involved… chances are that what you see is NOT what actually happened but a mind bending version of chronologically-challenged events.
Teresa continues, “But it’s how they’ve chosen to deal with this and I can’t seem to stop them. I’ve done everything I could possibly do, and now I’m done. Done.”
As my friend Scott always says, “Turkeys are done; people are finished. You’re done!”… I suspect Scott’s calling me a turkey, no? Tis okay, Teresa, most of the rest of us are done with all of you, too! Gobble, gobble!
The rest of Teresa’s blog talks about various things. She was glad to go to Kathy’s event at Dylan’s Candy bar… I wish we all had been invited… I think I would have passed out just walking through the door – I would have NEVER made it the event area alive…lol. Plus, I don’t know that I would go to a candy store for cannoli… Again, we have bakeries for that, no?
Teresa then talks about how she helped Jacqueline with her speech. It turns out that Teresa had given her own “first big speech” earlier in the year. I understand why some people may have laughed at the thought of Teresa helping anyone with a speech, because really, she isn’t the most articulate person in the world – at least the part we see on the show. However, the laughing seemed to be a little mean to me. But Teresa has the last laugh because her advice to Jacqueline was GREAT advice, IPPHO. Most of Teresa’s remaining blog comments serve as infomercials for her various books and product lines. But you gotta give it to her… She’s making the most of being on this franchise while she still can. Teresa is laughing all the way to the bank… And, you can bet if she does end up going to prison, she will come out with a new cookbook, “Fabulicious Spam!”
Jacqueline Laurita – Well, you’ll all be pleased to know that evidently our punishment is over and Jac is back to writing her “Manifestos.” Last week, you’ll remember she gave us all a 3 sentence blog because she was sick and tired of people complaining about the length of her blogs. I don’t know about you, but I was ecstatic. This week, not so much.
Jacqueline writes, “Autism awareness is something that I am extremely passionate about. I have been asked by countless organizations, event planners, high schools, and colleges to come and speak for them and to share my family’s journey with Autism. I wanted to do it all, but my fear of public speaking was holding me back and I was feeling horrible about it. Instead, I was spreading as much awareness as I could through social media, countless blog interviews and magazine articles as well as supporting many Autism fundraisers as a special guest. I even started to put together all of my own resources and information I have gathered throughout my Autism journey to share with everyone on my websitewww.JacquelineLaurita.com. I even answered many emails from families needing advice. I do what I can do.”
Jac starts talking about Autism awareness and I’m all for raising awareness. It seems like she works hard at it and does her best with it. She’s just very, very new to the world of Autism and is therefore, no expert on the subject whatsoever. I’ve got to admit, that unlike in the first few episodes wherein Jac’s entire storyline was about Nicholas, we’ve recently seen Nicholas about as much as we’ve seen most of the other kids on the show which seems pretty fair to me. However, it’s too bad that bundled into this paragraph Jac contradicts what she blogged about in week 1 of this season. In her Episode 1 blog, she said, “I have also been using social media, blogging, writing articles for magazines, and speaking at various events and conferences to share my resources and journey with others, just to spread awareness.” So, which is it, Jac? You seem to indicate you’ve been speaking at various events before this season even started… And yet at this event you say you were “terrified.” So was this your first public speaking event or not? Jac goes on to talk about her experience with “Generation Rescue.”
Jac blogs, “Since my husband and I were so grateful for all of their help, Chris decided to give a portion of the BLK beverages proceeds back to Generation Rescue for rest of 2013. Generation Rescue is a national non-profit organization providing immediate treatment assistance, information, and hope to families affected by autism spectrum disorders.”
I’m sorry, but I really think you screwed up on this one, Jac. Very early on, there were some very misleading and completely false statements made about the curative or healing properties of BLK beverages as they relate to Autism. You guys got a lot of backlash about that… so it’s wonky to me to use the promotion of BLK beverages for anything relating to Autism. I applaud you wanting to fundraise for a charity in which you believe… but this just crosses a line with me and make me feel all yicky. By the way, who in this world wants to drink black colored water? Again, yicky.
Jac writes, “My son works so hard every day for all his accomplishments. If he can work as hard as he does to get out of his comfort zone, then so could I. I had to do this for myself, for my son, for other families going through this and for autism awareness for people who may not understand it.”
I love how inspiration comes from very unexpected places. She then goes on to talk about how“since then, I have spoken at several Autism events.” So maybe this was indeed, her first event? Maybe in her first blog she was speaking in real time or something, who knows? It’s got to be tricky to talk about things that have already happened in a blog that is supposed to be unfolding as the season progresses. Jac then talks about her various speaking engagements and that she views them as “HUGE accomplishments.” She’s right – to face a fear and get over it is a very big deal.
Jac writes, “I was grateful to have Teresa helping me with ideas for my speech. She was trying really hard to be more attentive to the struggles I was dealing with, and I was trying really hard to just be there for her if she needed me without asking too many questions. If she ever reached out and needed me, of course I would be there.”
I think Teresa really helped you focus your speech on major areas in which people would be interested. It’s pretty remarkable you guys are where you are at right now in your friendship.
Jac forewarns, “Just when all is seemingly calm in New Jersey, another storm is brewing. Tune in next week to see what happens. The drama is never ending!”
KMN (Kill me now… obscure Big Bang Theory reference…)…
Melissa Gorga – Melissa blogs her congratulations to Kathy and her “delicious cannoli kits.”She talks about the candy store, and says, “My kids would be happy to live there from now on. Joe can’t get enough of the Slippery Nipples, of course, LOL! We had a blast at Kathy’s event and are always here to support her.”
Yeah, well, you were kind of late… but perhaps the producers kept you guys from coming in just to perpetuate Kathy’s victim storyline…
Melissa blogs, “And congratulations to Teresa for the launch her of Skinny Italian Foods line. I’ve tried the pastas and they are so delish!”
Her comments seem genuine to me. I was kind of waiting for the shoe to drop… but no… at least not yet…
Melissa continues, “Jacqueline’s speech at the autism fundraiser had us all crying. Not a dry eye on the entire basketball court. It took a lot of courage for her to stand up and tell Nicholas’ story. She was brave and delivered her speech beautifully.”
Again, nice comments. Wow… perhaps Arizona does have magical water there…
About her own endeavors, Melissa writes, “When Johnny suggested my going to Orlando for vocal coaching, I was all for it. I’d never had any formal training and have just used what I’ve got. I’ll take any expert advice I can get! My attitude is, I’m grateful for every minute of Johnny’s guidance. I’m happy to learn and ready to go! Thanks, Johnny and Justin, for your faith in me.”
Melissa, evidently you didn’t see Johnny physically bite his lip to keep from laughing when you said, “I’ve been at this for 2 years…” as if that somehow demonstrated your undying commitment to the music business for a whole 2 years! It was funny to see him almost laugh at you… and THAT was before he heard your amazing talent. Cough, cough…
Melissa then talks about how she unexpectedly ran into Penny when she and Joe went out for dinner. Right. She thinks we’re all idiots. It seemed to me that Penny already had a microphone on when Melissa went over to talk to her. Melissa said that she didn’t approach Penny with her guns blazing or anything and that Penny is, “hardly a reliable source.”
Melissa also said, “As you can see I was very skeptical about her. I asked my questions and she gave me her answers. Whether those answers were just another flat out lie, we didn’t know. There was Penny’s side and Teresa’s side. The truth was probably somewhere in the middle.”
When speaking about normal people in normal circumstances, I think the truth may sometimes actually be somewhere in the middle of two differing perspectives. However, when dealing with lying liars who lie… whomever they are… the truth could be somewhere out in space for all we know… I’m afraid we’ll just never discover it. We just don’t have that kind of technology yet. She also said that Penny’s news wasn’t all that earth-shattering but that she’s moving beyond her issues with Teresa. Right, that’s what it looked like to me. You were eating up every word Penny said. Melissa also dutifully tells us that it all plays out in the upcoming episodes. O joy, O rapture. Melissa then hawks her new song and her new book. Oh, now I get why she was so supportive of everyone else in this blog… she wants them to plug her new stuff, too… lol… Or am I just being especially cynical?
Kathy Wakile – Kathy starts her brief blog with a little infomercial about her cannoli kits and then moves on to talk about this week’s episode.
Kathy writes, “I was so excited about the Dylan’s Candy Bar event with my cannoli kits. Yes, a little nervous because it was such a big deal for me; only a few years ago I was (and still am) a proud housewife, and now my delicious cannoli are being sampled and enjoyed at a nationally respected sweets store. Suffice to say, I needn’t have worried — my incredible, edible, cannoli were a hit! It was so nice to have a crowd full of mothers, fathers, children — people who I never met before telling me how delicious the cannoli were as well as asking tons of questions about my life and love of cooking. But where were my family and friends?! Fashionably late, that’s how they roll. I was so happy they eventually all showed up to taste and congratulate — that meant a lot and I appreciated the support.”
It may just be me, but isn’t it a little unnerving that when referring to her own cannoli kits, Kathy uses the terminology, “incredible, edible cannoli”… I mean when one of the two adjectives used when referring to a baked pastry is “edible” isn’t that setting the bar quite low? I get that “incredible” rhymes with “edible” – but I’ve watched way too many “Next Food Network Star” shows and I’ve gleaned that you need to use specifically descriptive phrases when describing food to a television audience. Heck, her description isn’t even original because she swiped it from “the incredible, edible egg” commercials from a few years back, no? Kathy goes on to talk about how Jacqueline’s speech touched her and that she’s proud of her for overcoming her fear of public speaking.
(Note from NMD – I assume the “Edible” was a dig at Teresa for saying that word in her talking head when interviewed about those incredible cannolis. Kathy is just not that creative on her own.)
Kathy ends with, “Definitely keep watching…some unexpected twists and turns are still coming.”
We’re positively on the edge of our seats, Kathy. Honest. You’re sounding more and more like a dutiful Bravo employee feeding us the company line who is scared to death she’s going to lose her job because her storyline is just so beige.
Caroline Manzo – Caroline briefly blogs, “We’re finally back from Arizona, and everyone is getting back to work. Teresa has a new food line, Melissa took her singing career to another level, Kathy’s cannoli make their way into New York City, and Jacqueline conquers her fear of public speaking while raising Autism awareness. As for me, all you got to see was me suffering from another migraine. One of these days I hope to finally be rid of them! I’ve had them since I was eight years old. I think I deserve to be migraine free at this point in my life, keeping my fingers crossed.”
While I don’t wish migraines on anyone… I think it would be prudent for Caroline to try NOT to be such a headache to the rest of us. She and the rest of the cast have given us so many headaches over these last several seasons they should be required to reimburse us for our purchases of Motrin IB. Caroline talks about how great it was to watch all of the husbands support their wives during this episode. Really? Because what I saw was further evidence that Joe Gorga is obviously tone deaf and delusional because he called his wife “a star” to someone who is actually in the music industry. We witnessed Chris Laurita force his wife to make a big public speech which is something in which she’s deathly afraid while not being tangibly helpful to her at all. And then there’s Richie… What I saw was him being way less than supportive in ensuring Kathy had what she needed for her big event at the candy store. However, I do agree with Caroline that Joe Giudice did proudly show his two moms Teresa’s new product showroom. That was kewl to see.
In referring to their husbands, Caroline writes, “They drive us crazy, but when we need them, they’re right by our sides, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Well, unless they’re stuck at the Brownstone “working late” again. Wink… wink…
Caroline continues, “The conversation between Rosie and Joe was unbelievable. Is it just me or are those two hilarious together? I’m thrilled to know that Rosie took her lessons from Mirival home with her and applied them to her everyday life. Arizona was a life changing experience for her and listening to Rosie tell Joe that she is finally comfortable in her own skin was awesome. Now if someone would just tell them that Joe does not have eggs, all will be right with the world.”
I fell on the floor laughing at Joe and his “eggs” theory… And this is from a guy who has had some experience in fathering children. You could tell Rosie knew better but either didn’t want to embarrass him or was just a lil unsure about the specificities herself… Doesn’t matter… that scene was hy.lar.ious!
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