Real Housewives of New Jersey
Blogs Blogged by Stars99
Jacqueline Laurita – Jac starts her blog by telling us that she has been around Penny a couple of times but really didn’t “remember her AT ALL.” They’ve evidently never actually even been introduced – which is quite hysterical to me. Why tweet about someone like you have inside information when you don’t actually know them at all? Plus, I’ve got to give it to Jac for actually remembering she has never met her… Honestly, I don’t know how many people these guys “meet” on a regular basis – but I’m guessing it’s a lot of people and there’s no way on earth I’d be able to remember each one.
Jac said something a little interesting, “Kim D told me I had actually been in Penny’s presence a couple of times….” To me… Kim D. is the pivotal common thread throughout this whole debacle of a franchise. Plus, can someone, anyone, anyone at all puhleeze tell me why on earth we are once again providing free advertising to a business venture of Kim D’s? What’s up with that? I mean if I was a cynical person, I’d think that Kim D. is very ummm… “connected” (leave the gun; take the cannoli), she has an immense amount of dirt on someone at Bravo, or is actively sleeping with a producer. I don’t get it… Honestly. I know she wants to be a housewife and all… but come the heck on. Perhaps they all get free something, something… who knows?
Jac blogs, “I guess most rude people just talk behind my back or hide behind their computers like cowards.”
While I know Jac is talking about Penny and her husband at this point, it did make me stop and think for a moment. For me, I watch their shows and their behavior on said shows and I point and laugh – Sometimes it’s with them but most of the time it’s at them. I have found this forum to express my own 2 cents about them and I love to read other’s perspectives on them as well. If they were normal, my snarking would be minimal… but instead, they provide us with so much ammo… it would just be wrong not to take advantage of it, no?
Jac blogs, “Once we arrived at Moxie Salon, I was told it was rumored that Johnny may be coming, contrary to what I had heard previously. I really wanted to confront him about what he had been saying on social media, to the press, and around town about my family, me as a mother, and about my son. Maybe because his wife “taught Autism” he thought he was an expert on the topic and could tell whether or not my son “graduated” that class with a diagnosis. He is the one constantly talking about all of us on social media and everywhere else, but WE are the ones trying to get attention? Ok. (Eye roll.)”
Well, Jac, you ARE trying to get attention, but that’s a whole nuther Oprah. However, I agree… If you talk about my son, I’m telling you, those are fightin’ words. Seriously. I don’t know anything about Jac’s son’s diagnosis… I don’t profess to know if “Autism” is a correct diagnosis or if there’s something else going on… But there’s something going on developmentally and behaviorally with their son and I do believe Jac and Chris are trying desperately to provide their son with the interventions he needs. In the beginning of the season, I criticized Jac because it seemed like Jac was exploiting her son for a storyline… but like I’ve said, that has since pretty much since stopped, at least for the most part.
Jac says, “I was curious if Johnny had an aggressive mental disorder that could potentially be very dangerous. What sane person tweets horrible things about people he’s never met all day long? Are his hot dogs not selling these days, because I can think of something entertaining for him to do with those left overs to fill up his…spare time?!”
I know that Penny really wanted to be a “Real Housewife” and that’s probably a big reason for all the flurry of excitement from their end on Twitter, etc. But seriously, after seeing that contract that “volunteers” of the show have to sign – why on earth would someone want to sign their life away to be on this show in any capacity? It really made me feel like I wanted to dissect that contract because holy crap on a cracker was it ever outlandish! But I suppose the answer is actually contained within her question itself, “what sane person….” It’s been confirmed… no sane person would consent to be on the show these days… And please, don’t make us imagine what creative things he could do with his leftover hot dogs…
Jac then hypothesizes that perhaps a juvenile delinquent had hacked into his social media account etc. She was really looking forward to confronting both of them face to face to find out why they were attacking her and her family. In talking about Johnny, Jac said, “It was interesting how he announced on Twitter after that night that his attorney advised him to delete all his tweets over the past few years. That is why he had deleted them? I know why.”
You do, Jac? Please share with the class.
Jac continues, “I confronted Penny because there were things on my mind that I felt needed addressing, and I wasn’t about to let it go. Penny was finally in the same room as me, and the odds of us being in the same room again were slim to none. To my surprise, Penny was just as sweet as pie to me. I was confused. I actually kind of liked her when she was being so nice to my face and when she said that she loves kids with Autism, although she kind of lost me a little when she said she “taught Autism.” I’m still trying to figure that one out, but that is neither here nor there.”
Yeah, well, while it does seem that Penny could be outwitted by a jar of marshmallow fluff, at least she’s trying to play the “Real Housewives Game.” Unfortunately, it seems like someone switched the rules on her. See, I think she was promised to be featured more prominently on next year’s show if she could prove she could stir up the drama this year. Who knows how frantically all the producers are scurrying around trying to figure out a way to maintain a show of some kind if their “star” (Teresa) is suddenly not available for some reason.
Jac continues, “So… Penny denied everything to my face as I looked her straight in her eyes, and she, of course, defended her husband. All I was hearing from her was that they didn’t do it, someone made them do it, and they were following orders from someone who was feeding them ammunition. OK… contradicting… but she sounded somewhat convincing, but truth or lie, what more could I say to her if she wasn’t going to admit anything to me? I wasn’t about to get into a “Yes you did!”/”No I didn’t!” war with her. Either way, their actions were unacceptable. I had to move on from it. Ugh! I hate when people lie to my face and/or about me. Have some integrity.”
Who is more insane? The insane person or the person who thinks an insane person will be honest with them as they’re questioned on national TV while being constrained by producers? Jac says she asks Johnny the same things she asked Penny but that we’ll have to watch this week’s show. Ugh.
Jac then launches into a tirade against “haters on social media” and that she’s baffled by them. I am only including her basic questions for the “haters” and not the rest of her rant. I am going to respond to her questions in my usual snarky way… Fortunately, I don’t use my twitter account or else I’d be tempted to really do some damage… lol… Cuz that’s how we roll in the shire (Sorry, obscure BBT quote). Okay, so Jac questions the “haters” as follows:
“Why follow someone on social media that you don’t like?” Because we love to toy with you and it’s tough not to look at a train wreck.
“If we have never met, how could I have hurt or offended you personally, and so deeply, that you feel compelled to not only reach out to me, but to fixate, insult, obsess, and harass me?” Because “Dexter” and “Breaking Bad” ended and I was bored.
“How is me living MY life, and the choices I make, effecting YOUR life so negatively?” Because the improper use of the words “effect” and “affect” always negatively affects me.
“Did you know there is a difference between constructive criticism and insulting someone?” Why yes, yes I do. Thanks for asking.
“Did you know that repetitively spreading rumors consisting of accusations that are not proven to be true (FALSE accusations) and maliciously stating them as facts is slanderous, defamation of character, and harassment?” Yes, I was falsely accused of that just the other day.
“Do you understand the difference between having an opinion of someone and seeking out a complete stranger to fixate, insult, slander, defame, harass, and obsess over them?” Oh honey, you just aren’t that important to any of us.
“If your daily focus consists of finding ways to hate on me, aren’t you losing focus on yourself and on important positive things and people that you should be focusing on in your own life?” I believe in setting goals and then focusing on accomplishing them.
“Do you have a psychotic disorder that may or may not have been addressed? That would explain a lot, and I would handle you differently. Check on that.” Wow, isn’t that like a skunk calling a rose stinky?
Jac says, “Haters keep following me, while I follow my dreams.” She then issues this warning: “The reality is I’m really not your enemy; you are your own enemy. You are your own worst enemy. If you continue on this path, you will self-destruct, and I will not have done a thing to you. Get a hold of yourselves!”
Obediently holds myself. Okay, I’ve had enough of this one… she goes on to say nice things about her supporters but it isn’t nearly as fun… so if you want to see her thanks you can read her blog in its entirety. You’re welcome!
Melissa Gorga – She opens her blog by telling us she’s so busy on her book tour. I’m guessing that will all come to a screeching halt very soon as the news of what’s actually in her book gets out. Although those book signings could get very interesting if people show up to ummm… voice their concerns about the contents of her book, no?
Melissa blogs, “UGH! I don’t know about you, but I am so over the he said, she said. It’s getting very old if you ask me. The fact is I came onto the RHONJ scene talking about sprinkle cookies and re-done homes. How we got to gold-digging, stripping, and cheating is beyond me.”
Because you keep bringing it up, Melissa.
Melissa says, “Know this: if you were in my past, you remain in my past for a reason. Contrary to what some may say, I’m not spending my time talking about you, and I honestly wish everyone well.”
Well, and you wish women wouldn’t poop in their own bathrooms when their husbands are home. Don’t forget that! (Obscure reference from Melissa’s new book…)
Melissa goes on, “As I’ve said before, when I decided I was going to let go of the past issues with Teresa, I pretty much knew what I was moving on from, and at this point I don’t really care. I don’t think I’ll ever know exactly how everything came together, but I know in my heart whose hands are dirty.”
Way to let go of those issues, Melissa. It’s actually laughable to me at this moment… because a couple of week ago, your biggest issues were that you were called a gold digger, you were accused that you would leave Joe if a better guy came along, and that you allegedly cheated on him. However, after the release of your book, you’re soon going to WISH that’s all anyone said negatively about you… Melissa then talks about Johnny Wright’s compound and how she was awed, inspired and overwhelmed by it.
Melissa says, “The vocal coach was such a sweetheart. He had to cram weeks of training into a few hours. The pressure was on to impress him and Johnny. The coach asked me to sing every note on the regular scale and I did it perfectly. When he pushed me to sing as high as I possibly could I cracked and that is what you saw. Never Let Me Go is in a higher octave and pushed me more vocally than any of the other songs I recorded. Johnny knew I could do it and he was right. Sometimes you need people with more experience than you to push and show you how far you can go.”
I don’t know what “regular scale” you were talking about but there was nothing “regular” about what we heard. It absolutely cracks me up that she doesn’t even know the basics of singing. One sings “scales” (plural) and usually as a warm up exercise with each scale modulating higher and higher. You don’t sing just one scale, you gooberhead. Oh, and by the way, lest anyone think that what we saw on TV was actually how Melissa sounded when she sang for the morning radio show… let me just say the audio was really different. I suspect that when editing the final show, Bravo decided to use the actual recorded version rather than her live version. That scene was highly spliced and diced and there was never a close-up of her singing. She was actually singing to her sound track during the radio show anyway so it would have been easy to edit it in. Her live singing was horrible! Excuse me while I pause and glare at Princess Pindy for making me listen to it. (Glare) Okay, I’m back.
Melissa says, “The music business is probably one of the hardest industries to break into. If I can teach you anything, let it be to never give up.”
Yes, you’ve been trying for 2 whole years. Whew! And by the way, you are ill equipped to teach anyone anything about anything. Sit down.
Caroline Manzo – After discussing how quickly this season fly by, she blogs,“Melissa is giving her all hoping to make an impact in the music industry one day soon.”
Oh, Melissa has impacted the music industry but not in the way she hoped.
Caroline writes, “The Little Town Grand Opening was awesome. I am so proud of my boys. They’ve got the restaurant business in their blood, and I loved that they value Al’s opinion the way they do. Life is funny — they always said they never wanted to be in the food business and here they are, right smack in the middle of a food and beverage world. They work very hard, and as a parent, watching them make a name for themselves doing what they love to do is a wonderful, wonderful feeling.”
It actually surprised me at how reticent Al was in complimenting their food and their restaurant. This was all on national TV for goodness’ sake… If I had anything, I mean ANYTHING remotely negative to say, I would have said it when the cameras weren’t rolling. I mean Al was positive and all… but just not immediately enthusiastic… Unless someone in editing had too much fun again. After telling us to be sure to watch next week’s program and plugging her own stuff, Caroline didn’t have much more to say.
Teresa Giudice – “Hi Baby Dolls!” Teresa, please do not call me a baby doll, unless I can be Skipper, Barbie’s sister or maybe Francie, Barbie’s modern cousin. And yes, I had to Google that information, tyvm.
Teresa blogs, “First I want to say congrats to Melissa on her book and her music career. I am so happy for her! And congrats to the Manzo boys for their restaurant. The food is delicious! Love you all!”
So, what did you think about Melissa’s book or her new song, Teresa? I dare you to answer… No, never mind… don’t do it…lol. Teresa then starts to talk about her meeting with Victoria Gotti and how they bonded when they were on Celebrity Apprentice.
Teresa writes, “On last week’s episode, my brother said something about me to Chris Laurita that really bothered me. I decided to ignore it and not write about it, but I couldn’t sleep all night. But then he was at me again this episode, so I have to say something. Last week he said no one should “take advice” from me. That really hurt because I was good enough for Joey to take advice and help from when he was first starting his business. Then this week he tells some ridiculous story about how I acted when I was 5. Here’s what’s funny: he was 3 at the time. How long is he going to keep talking trash about his only sister? I wish he would stop, but it is taking a toll. You can only get hurt so much before you get numb. This week, when he was spewing garbage about me, I was numb. I don’t know what that means, but that’s how I feel now.”
I think your brother was saying that no one should take advice from you on public speaking. The thing is, both he and Chris were proven wrong because Jac listened to your advice and her speech was more focused and relevant than it otherwise would have been. You had the last laugh. While it would irk me too if my brother constantly said mean things about me to others on national TV, you had already won that fight without having to say a word. Teresa goes on to talk about their confrontation with Penny and about how shocked Teresa was that Melissa’s first question concerned Teresa’s father and the whole hospitalgate thing.
“Why would that be Melissa’s sudden concern? My father was in the hospital a couple of times months earlier. Penny and her husband have tweeted lots and lots of horrible things about Melissa’s past for years and THAT’S the only thing Melissa is upset about? My father? Why my father? To deflect from the rumors about her? To distract Penny from saying things she knows about her? To make me mad so I would get more involved?”
Or perhaps to demonstrate that she cares about what your father thinks… or… or… or… Melissa was damned if she did… damned if she didn’t. Clearly, Melissa and your brother are so screwed up it would be wise if none of us tried to figure out why they do what they do.
Teresa blogs, “Whatever Melissa’s calculated reason was, it worked. The entire thing turned around on me. For two years Penny has been tweeting exclusively about Melissa, and in two seconds, it gets turned around on me.”
Wait… Jac just went all batcrapcrazy in her blog because Penny and her husband had been tweeting about her and her family all season long. It’s grueling for us to try to keep all the contradictory statements straight that are made by members from this franchise. Please stop, I’m just too danged tired.
Teresa continues, “As you all know, I never talk about my parents to anyone. I get upset when my own family like Kathy talks about my parents. Why would I ever say a word about them to a stranger?”
Oh Teresa, it was clear to me, that you hadn’t told Penny anything about the hospital thing… I think it was Kim D! The whole original confrontation scene happened with Kim D. smack dab in the middle and it seems obvious that she’s the one who told the story to Penny, no? Teresa goes on to say she wouldn’t go near someone who has been publically attacking her sister-in-law for years and that she doesn’t follow her on Twitter.
Teresa blogs, “Right then, when Penny brought up my dad in the hospital, I knew what was going on. I knew that she and Melissa were playing some kind of game, and I wasn’t going to play along. I can’t figure out Penny and why she says what she says except that she wanted to be a Housewife. Her stories don’t make sense, she does talk out of both sides of her mouth.”
Of course, she wants to be a housewife, duh! Teresa ends her blog and we anxiously await the finale… ummm… aren’t we?
That’s it for the blogs this week because Kathy was just way too busy super gluing a GPS chip onto her son to bother to write a blog for us this week. See you next time! Happy Trails!