Real Housewives of Atlanta “Bye Bye With the Wind” by NMD
We are on Season Six of the Atlanta Housewives. This franchise brings in the highest ratings of the series, and I think it’s because they have cast interesting women who know how to bring drama without cutting to the bone. They fight, they make up. They lead complex lives. The men in their lives are supporting characters – and none are particularly abrasive.
We’re down to one original member – NeNe Leakes. NeNe is the first housewife to really make it outside of the housewife world. Kandi Burruss has been on since Season Two and is another fan favorite, and the first housewife with bonafide street credentials in the music industry. Cynthia and Phaedra joined Season Three, and Kenya and Porsha joined last season – and each brought their own brand of crazy.
Now that Kim has left the franchise, NeNe Leakes is our resident blonde. She doesn’t even have dark roots, and I have to wonder how much damage that does to her hair. Maybe it’s a wig? Wouldn’t that be ironic since she’s given Kim so much grief for her wigs. NeNe threw herself a multi-million dollar wedding, and now is reaping the fruits of her labor by opening gifts in fancy boxes. I’m mesmerized by the huge painting of NeNe in their living room. Oh look – Teresa and Joe Giudice gave NeNe what is my opinion an ugly Hermes plate. Gregg asks if you can eat off it – and NeNe assures him you can. Hell no! Trade that in and take the cash. NeNe also opens a Tiffany box with a HUGE crystal vase. I’m pretty sure Kim and Kroy gave that to her. Gregg reminds NeNe that they are their gifts, as she rummages through the boxes with a huge smile on her face. They also open Porsha’s gift, and discuss her failed marriage. I wonder if the collective amount of the gifts is more than NeNe paid for her three dresses. Doubtful.
That’s the segway into Porsha’s scene, where she tells us that she has lots of secrets about Kordell that she’s willing to spill if they can’t work things out. Ummm – like he prefers the gentlemen Porsha? Everyone but you seems to know that. She’s so pretty as she cries about wanting to work things out – AKA get a huge alimony check. She got $5,000 a month. Not too shabby.
Speaking of pretty, Cynthia has a huge photo of herself in her modeling agency. Cynthia’s breasts mesmerize me in her interview – and tell us that it’s time to move and fill up the warehouse space Peter bought without asking her. Her breasts aren’t too happy. As they were dismantling things to get ready to move, Kenya just happens to drop by. Which was strange because they hadn’t seen each other for months and Cynthia thought she was in Africa. Kenya must have smelled the cameras.
Kenya explains that her eviction (reported in the tabloids) was all blown out of proportion, and then complains that no one reached out to her. Cynthia says – hello – people were busy. Phaedra had a baby and Porsha was a little occupied with her divorce. Kenya whines a little about NeNe inviting Walter to her wedding. Cynthia (in a talking head with a completely different hairstyle) rolls her eyes and says “good lord.” Editing much?
Phaedra was a great sport and allowed cameras to capture her emergency C-section. In typical Phaedra style, she makes a lot of dry jokes – quipping that her first recollection of the baby “Mr. President” was that he was quiet (as they show him crying). She makes sure he has his dingaling and feet, and comments that he’s as white as Michael Jackson. Fast forward to two months later, and she and Apollo have bought a new house and he’s renovating it. Phaedra is also trying to show her breasts – but being natural, they are no match for Cynthia’s. Apollo is wearing a wife-beater and looks hot.
Finally it’s my girl Kandi’s turn. Kandi has red curly hair, and a huge smile on her face because Todd put a ring on it. They talk about Kandi working with Jennifer Hudson. They have a conversation about Todd’s work, to make sure we understand she isn’t a sugar mama. Speaking of mamas – mama Joyce doesn’t like Todd much. Holy crap – her hair is bright red, and long and straight in her talking head. Wig or extensions?? Now we see a talking head with the curly hair. The producers aren’t even trying any more. Todd and Kandi talk about Porsha and Kordell, and Todd points out that their marriage worked until the girls messed it up. Yeah – I don’t think so Todd, and neither does Kandi.
NeNe takes Porsha out to lunch, because she’s taken her under her wing. Porsha seems in a good place, and refuses to talk about her problems – but instead congratulates NeNe on her amazing wedding. I am liking Porsah this year. NeNe explains that Kenya didn’t RSVP or anything, and NeNe is done with her. Porsha (like Jason Hoppy) is still wearing her wedding ring out of respect for her vows.
Unfortunately, Porsha’s good mood disappears after their marriage deposition. Apparently Kordell told the truth – such as how he locked her out of their home, and it was brutal. It seems as though this was the moment she realized that the marriage was over. Really over. Porsha’s mom is furious. She says the first time she realized Kordell wasn’t normal was after Porsha had the miscarriage and was in the hospital for a week and he only visited once. Her mom thinks he just wanted someone on his arm. Porsha then goes on to explain that she did ask him if he was gay because of the rumors, and was comfortable with his explanation – enough to marry him. But now she’s questioning things. The good news is she’s realized that it is over and can get on with her life.
The episode ends with Cynthia hosting the first group party of the season – a black and white party to open her new location. NeNe arrives and asks if her name is on the list. Ha. Kenya is the last to arrive and is looking for trouble. NeNe ignores her. Phaedra is rescued by Derek J. Kandi has to leave. Kenya tries to get a rise out of Porsha, but she doesn’t bite. Finally Kenya hunts NeNe and Phaedra down and forces them to acknowledge her. She then gripes about how she was going through things and no one reached out. NeNe pushes right back. NeNe tries to storm away, but can barely walk in her high heels. Kenya follows her and confronts her about inviting Walter to the wedding. Phaedra is ignoring the whole mess, but says in her talking head that she’ll stay friends with Walter.
Kenya is really aiming for a fight and is in NeNe’s face. She grabs NeNe’s ear and tells her to listen. NeNe controls herself pretty well considering. She keeps trying to walk away, and Kenya keeps grabbing at her. I guess she wants to start the season off with a fight. Obviously no one is falling for her lame attempts at making something out of nothing – and she looks the fool. And this is why this franchise is my favorite.
Previews show that the season is going to be really really good. Kordell will be back (didn’t see that coming). Kenya offers Apollo a blow job, Todd might be cheating, and Peter’s bar is going in to foreclosure. There is going to be a big fight involving Kenya, and even Kandi is yelling about something. Wowza.
Real Housewives of Miami – S3Ep13
“Blame It on the Alochol” by HydrangeaHussy
This week the ladies head to Vegas for Joanna’s bachelorette party & then to California for her wedding. It’s got to be killing Adriana that Bravo chose Joanna’s wedding for the season finale. I’m not sure how the ratings will be, but there are good lead-ins this week with RHoA premiering Sunday night & RHoBH on Monday.
We begin with Lisa packing for Joanna’s bachelorette & true to form, she’s way over packing. She says that all of the ladies are going & pats herself on the back for being the “connector.” Not sure why she needs to be congratulated because I didn’t see her do much to bring the women together. Lenny is not going to the bachelorette or wedding. Joanna’s wedding is on a Thursday & Lenny cannot take off work. I understand that Lisa is upset, but who has a wedding on a Thursday & expects everyone to be able to come? Oh yeah, the center of the universe, Joanna. The couple is still having issues because Lisa has not yet had a baby. Lisa feels that she isn’t holding up her end of their marriage. Adriana notes that the couple seems to be arguing a lot lately & that their infertility issues are taking a toll.
Adriana is surprised that she was invited, but says that she’ll take the olive branch. I wonder if this really was an olive branch or whether Bravo forced it in order to have all of the women on the finale. Both Adriana & Lea hope that this is the beginning of a renewed friendship. Of course, Joanna feels like she’s entitled to this time in Vegas because she’s been so stressed by the wedding planning. Again, why doesn’t she have a planner to handle things? Lea, having to be the center of attention, announces to the whole plane that this is Joanna’s bachelorette. Lisa hopes that this time alone will help her to relax & plans to get drunk. We learn that Vegas will be a quick trip, as the ladies leave for San Diego on the following morning. I’m not sure that having your wild bachelorette on the day before your rehearsal dinner in another city is a good idea. As stressed as Joanna is, you would think that she would want a little time to settle in & make sure everything is ready.
The ladies arrive at the Palms & their suite is beautiful! It’s one of the upper level suites with an outdoor pool. They immediately open a bottle of champagne & enjoy the fruit laid out on the bar. Lea says that she is going try to keep the peace with Adriana but not setting her off. Lisa takes off to claim the second best room, being a slightly spoiled princess. She will share with Lea. Adriana is hot on her tail to get a good room. They all agree that Joanna, as the bride, needs the best room. Adriana & Alexia will take another room. Somehow I doubt that any of the rooms in this suite are “bad.”
Everyone gets ready to go the pool – heels, bikinis & tons of jewelry. Not what I wear to the pool, but whatever. Lea says that she misses the old Adriana. It doesn’t seem like Lea has truly moved on. The pool is packed & the ladies claim a seating area. Alexia feels a little too old for the young crowd at the pool. Lea also felt like “an adult at a spring break party.” You’re at the Palms – that’s exactly what the atmosphere is supposed to be! Lisa sets out to force the women to let loose with shots of vodka. Two of Joanna’s friends arrive & the party kicks up. Lea is surprised when she is asked to dance, but she rolls with it. Lisa & Adriana agree that Lea is a closet freak. Adriana notes that Lisa needs to pace herself a little more & Joanna seems annoyed by her drunken antics. Joanna cuts Lisa off, which Adriana finds surprising given Joanna’s past alcohol problems. I have to agree with Joanna though; Lisa was getting out of control.
Adriana is on her best behavior, but notes the little jabs the Lea throws out. I’m not sure what else she expected from Lea. That is Lea’s MO & she obviously hasn’t forgiven Adriana & moved on. Lea suggests taking the party back to the pool in their suite so that she can have some shade. It looks really hot outside & I don’t really enjoy the sun either, so I completely understand. Joanna’s top comes off as soon she gets in the pool. She then takes off Adriana’s & Alexia’s. It’s hard to imagine that last season was the brawl & this season they are bumping naked breasts. Lea stays out of the fray & inside. She thinks that Adriana is sucking up to Joanna because she needs an ally. I’m not sure what prompted their friendship, but I hope they’re both sincere.
Joanna is getting ready for the night & says that she doesn’t want to drink too much. She has no idea what the plans are. She’s trying to be responsible because she has her rehearsal dinner. Joanna points out that Lea isn’t really over the fight with Adriana. What is going on here? I’m suddenly agreeing with Joanna! Joanna thinks that Lea is jealous by her new relationship with Adriana. Adriana feels that Lea can’t stop making digs & hasn’t truly moved on. As Joanna says, if you say that you’re moving on then you need to actually move on! Lisa notes that Lea doesn’t seem to have moved on.
Dinner is served in the suite, complete with penis straws in the drinks. I’ve just never understood that bachelorette tradition, it just makes everyone uncomfortable. Joanna notices that something is going with Lisa, causing her to party so much. The ladies head down to the casino. Lisa bets on her love’s bday & Lea points out that the two aren’t speaking. Leave it to Lea to point out their troubles & try to bring Lisa down. It’s the same thing she did with Marysol. Lisa quickly becomes a hot mess, chewing out another patron for smoking near her. Alexia says that she was really enjoying the girls’ trip. Out of all of the ladies, she probably needs a vacation more than anyone. Lea starts to loosen up a little at the poker table.
Back to the suite for a penis piñata. Lisa is “super drunk,” in her own words. At least she recognizes it. She is really getting on my nerves in this episode. I typically love her, but she needs to chill! Lisa’s big surprise is a party bus to take them around town, complete with poles & male strippers. The guys immediately focus on Joanna & Lea. Lea doesn’t seem too excited to have a man grinding hit butt in her face. I’ve never seen the appeal of strippers, but at least these are better than the ones at Tamra’s party. The guys sit down & Lisa takes the pole. Lea says that she looks way too comfortable there, another little dig from Lea. Adriana & Lisa have a pole dance-off, which ends with Adriana grinding on Lisa. This is a stereotypical Vegas bachelorette party. Lisa is out of control! Her dancing is just trashy. She’s going to regret all of those drinks in the morning!
The girls hit a club for more drinks & some dancing. Joanna says that her bachelorette is turning out to be amazing. Back on the bus, Lisa drunk dials Lenny. Joanna, in her TH, says that she thinks Lisa is scared because she doesn’t have anything without Lenny. That was a little harsh to say about your BFF Joanna! I know that Lisa, unlike the other women, doesn’t really have a career of her own right now, but she did at one point. Joanna talks to the driver & then announces that Lisa could have a career pole dancing on the bus. I don’t know why she has to be so mean to her friend, who’s obviously going through a rough patch & is very drunk. Joanna continues insulting Lisa by asking what she does with her day – sit at home & shop? Just because it’s her bachelorette doesn’t give her the right to be a b*tch. Joanna then wonders why Lisa strikes back by calling Joanna a whore. Joanna continues with her argument that Lisa married for money. This is what Joanna does, she throws out insults & then gets mad when someone retaliates. Alexia tries to settle Lisa down, but Lisa only gets more angry. Most of us have had that experience, trying to calm down a very inebriated person who is out of control. I think that Lisa is going to watch this later & be embarrassed by her behavior.
Walking Dead Recap – Real Housewife of Aiken
Question – Was Rick right to send Carol Away?