Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Life’s a Witch (S4E3) by BB
Photos by Boston
Is this only the 3rd episode? With all the outside activity these ladies (and I use that term loosely for some of them, you’ll have to figure out who’s who) have been creating with their tweeting, photo ops, talk shows, and almost daily quotes to the gossip rags, it seems like this season has been going on for much longer than just three weeks. OK, I really didn’t like this episode and I don’t think I’m going to like this season. I’m not going into great detail about what happened. I’m just going to cover the high spots.
Brandi Glanville: Miss Brandi is walking around her house in a short slip and running a bath when her friend Jennifer walks in. They discuss the fact that Brandi has used J.R. her boyfriend/realtor, to get her house before she dumps him. Brandi says that’s really not true; it’s just that he’s getting on her last nerve. So while Brandi sheds her clothes and gets into the tub, she tells Jennifer that she and JR are like an old married couple who have amazing sex. Jennifer tells Brandi maybe they need to take a break, but Brandi wants to know who she’ll call if something breaks down in her rental. Jennifer tells her to get a handy man. How old is Brandi again? Later, Brandi meets with J.R. and breaks up with him using some fake trust issue thing surrounding a trip he took without her. Fake scene if you ask me.
Lisa Vanderpump: Lisa’s exhausted from being on Dancing with the Stars, but she actually looks great tooling around in her convertible. She and Gleb are eliminated that night. She seems relieved but tells an interviewer it’s bullshit that some people think she fake fainted, but it doesn’t really bother her what they think.
Carlton Gebbia: Carlton’s son has a nanny named Elizy whom she describes as Tinkerbell on crack. Carlton’s house is gothic with very heavy, dark furniture. It’s her dream house full of crystal balls, crystals, and crosses. It’s almost cathedral/gothic/church – it’s a castle. I’m expecting spooky organ music to start playing while looking at the décor. Carlton loves all God’s creatures, including the bees and the insects, except for ants. She doesn’t like ants. But she does love women and likes that her son has a hot nanny.
Joyce Giraud de OHoven: Joyce heads a pageant called Queen of the Universe. She’s taking the pageant winner, Ivette, to get some jewelry and talks to her about other charity functions she will be attending. As a former Miss Puerto Rico, Joyce wants to change the notion that pageants are just for dumb girls. She has two degrees, one in social work and one in special education. She came to LA 12 years ago with two bags and a dream. At the Beverly Wilshire hotel jewelry store, they talk about the movie Pretty Woman. Joyce has two gorgeous little boys, Leonardo, 4 and Valentino, 2. Joyce describes her husband as a true gentleman and the best lover in the world. Take note: They have a fence around their pool.
Yolanda Foster: Yolanda and Gigi are eating real food! Yay! Brian, a visiting nurse, is there to check on Yolanda, who will do anything to feel better, even eat bark if it would help. Yolanda tells Gigi she’s about 70% and it’s changed the dynamics in the family. Gigi will be leaving at the end of the summer for New York to go to college. Yolanda will miss Gigi. She’s really taken charge with her younger siblings since she’s been sick. Gigi will be studying and modeling at the same time. Yolanda is going to cry her eyes out when Gigi leaves. Don’t all moms do that when their children leave the nest?
Carlton Gebbia’s luncheon for all the women: All the women show up wearing black except for Lisa who, of course, is wearing pink. All the women come bearing gifts except Kim, of course. Kyle is trying to engage Carlton, but Carlton is having none of Kyle’s rude questions. On the way to the luncheon, Kyle, Kim, Brandi and Joyce (who didn’t watch DWTS) discuss Lisa’s perfect fainting spell. Brandi Does Not Have Lisa’s back because she doesn’t say she thinks Lisa’s faint was real. She just tells Joyce she’ll have to judge for herself when she watches. She agrees with Kyle and Kim that Lisa probably wanted to get out of it.
Carlton likes Brandi and Yolanda and doesn’t like Kyle or Joyce. I think the jury is out about whether she likes Kim or Lisa. Carlton doesn’t like to be asked personal questions and will not answer them. However, she will give her life history in her talking heads. I don’t get this. It’s like “Hey look at me, I’m so different, but don’t you dare ask me anything about it.” Carlton doesn’t seem to like much so far except hot women and gothic décor.
While Kim, Kyle and Joyce are off looking at Carlton’s creepy doll collection, Brandi tries to start some controversy with Lisa, telling her about their fake fainting discussion in the limo. When the others come back into the room, Lisa asks them about it, which is exactly what Brandi wanted to happen. Brandi admits she was acting bitchy.
According to Carlton and Yolanda, Brandi can say anything inappropriate she wants, including calling Carlton a Cee You Next Tuesday. But Joyce cannot talk dirty at the table or Carlton will gag. And Kyle is not allowed to ask Carlton any questions as they are rude. Even Lisa is a little tired of Brandi’s inappropriate potty mouth. Then Brandi lowers the boom on Kyle by bringing up the Mauricio cheating rumors. Kyle says there are lies out there about them all and she just ignores them. Brandi is trying to make like the expert because she’s been there, so Kyle had better watch out. Yolanda says there’s always some truth mixed in with the lies. Lisa is not exactly coming to Mauricio’s defense, but she’s not as bad as Brandi and Yolanda are being about it. In her talking head, Kyle is livid and tells them all FU.
Like I said, I did not enjoy this episode and I don’t even think it’s gone to the “dark side” yet. Can’t honestly say that I’m looking forward to it.