Hiya Castaways… Last week, Cierra and Heydon tried to make a big move. That resulted in a rock vote that sent Katie to RI. No big loss, she thought she was on a camping trip rather than in a contest for a bunch of money. She arrives at RI and the moms don’t seem to be very surprised to see her. She tells them of the rock vote and how it all went down. Back at camp, they are doing the nervous congrats about how tribal was played. The next day, Monica and Gervace pledge their ever dying love for one another in their alliance.
The players, Laura, Tina, and Katie get there and probsting begins. He wants to know if either Tina or Katie will throw the game so their loved one can remain. Let’s cut the crap, Probst, we all know that isn’t going to happen. Tina who already won once is here again and I think Katie is there just so her mom can play again. Katie is barely playing in any way shape or form. She demonstrated that at the last tribal when she said she didn’t get the political part of the game and Probst had to remind her, that’s what Survivor is all about.
The game. Each has to build a pole with sticks and rope. Watchers of this show have seen this before. Then they have to use that pole to reach through the fence to retrieve 3 keys. Once they have all 3, they can unlock their gate, walk through, done. First 2 to do that, live. Last one, to the jury. Shall I save the suspense? Laura wins again. Before taking second, Tina asks her daughter if it’s okay. I’m going to puke. Just unlock the door and walk through it already. She does. Katie gets to have something to eat, take a hot shower, and is now part of the jury. Laura gets to give another clue to her daughter. Yes, the same dumbass who shared it last time so Tyson could find the thing.
Back at camp, Ciera is sharing the clue again, with Heydon. They find the tree where the idol was but of course, it’s gone. They decide that one of the others must have it. Tyson and Monica are talking, or rather she is, and just to shut her up, he tells her he has the idol again. Somehow this makes her feel safe. I don’t know why but it does.
Players have to run a buoy along a rope, maneuver it through the rope tied around an obstacle, get it back to shore, untie a bag of puzzle pieces, and spell out an 8 word phrase with them. First to do so, wins immunity. Also wins reward. The reward is a dinner brought to camp with the entree of their choice. Gervace can barely swim, Ciera sucks at puzzles so, let’s see how this plays out. As expected, the stronger ones are first to shore and working on their puzzles. Gervace is bringing up the rear and Ciera is dead last. I believe Gervace thinks he’s secure so he doesn’t try very hard at these challenges. Maybe I am wrong and he just sucks at them. One thing is certain though. Heydon and Ciera are definitely bottom of this heap. Whoever doesn’t win immunity is likely going to jury, since Ciera’s hidden idol is gone. That is if one of them does win it. That is just what happens. Somehow, she never quit in spite of being dead last, and Ciera won the game. She gets to choose another to share her reward, she chose Heydon. Their dinner will be delivered, and they cannot share it with the others.
While the two of them are enjoying their meal, in front of the others, they discuss who they have to get to in order to break that 3 person alliance. They decide that Monica is the easiest target for their next move. Ciera approaches Monica and feeds her all kinds of stuff about how she is Tyson’s lap dog and he and Gervace have said as much. I don’t think she’s buying it but Ciera would like her to vote Gervace out. This leaves Monica believing she is the swing vote, a position of great power. Does any of this really matter? Let’s see..
They all come in with their torches, the jury is brought in, the Probsting begins. Ciera and Heydon know they are on the wrong side of the 3/2 split. They made a move last time and their side lost (Katie). Katie was never on their side. She was the true lapdog doing everyone else’s bidding. Then they start in on Monica, about how she is only there to do the bidding of Gervace and Tyson. This sort of offends Monica and pisses Gervace off. You can tell he knows that is correct because he tries to bark them down. That’s all this guy has going for him it seems. When someone gets a little too close to the truth with him, about his game, he goes into hissyfit mode. Tyson is just a major ass kisser when he’s talking to someone face to face, but, it’s working for him. Ciera goes back to work on Monica and she pulls the family card… How are they going to see her when they watch the show. We will pretend this matters, and Vote. You can see the result above. Monica did not flip. Heydon is going to redemption island by an alliance 3/2 split.
This ends this Sunday. A regular episode, then the finale when the winner is revealed. My hope is still on Laura. See you then.
Million Matchmaker “Softy Swayze and Bubble Boy”
by Princess Pindy
I love The Millionaire Matchmaker!!! JUST KIDDING!!! Dar~ling, I was joooo-king! I watched for all of youse! I am taking the bullet. I know no one admits to watching it but SOMEONE is watching because it hasn’t been cancelled….yet. Man, I want to know who and what are in those pictures she has, allegedly!!!!
Disclaimer: I only watched the show once. At no time did I rewind or pause, lol! I am not a “fan” just thought it would be fun to write about it. So have fun in the comments and don’t worry about little old me!!! If you find any mistakes, grammar or otherwise, to quote Babs Streisand, “Don’t bring around a cloud to rain on my parade!”
The story of Patti Stanger is one of a middle aged woman who helps others find love…..seriously, this bitch can’t even find love for herself….oh wait, she found someone, and she has the Promise Ring to prove it.
For those of you who have never seen the show: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, save yourselves!!! For those of you who/m have seen the show, you know the basic formula. Patti gets to see a couple of videos of (usually guy, occasionally women) Millionaires and “decides” if she is going to “let them into the club”…. The show has a disclaimer that says something like no one pays to be in the club… so there is that.
Patti looks at the videos and there is a casting call put out for people she can match up with her Millionaires. Basically it is a call to Screen Actors Guild for wannabes for Patti to tear apart and ridicule. Patti reviews each WBs and tells them ‘yes you are great’, or ‘you need to change this and that’ or ‘hell no, you won’t go…..out with my Millionaire’. This part of the show is some of the reason, IPPHO™®©, a lot of people don’t like Patti, besides the fact that she is rude, tacky and has no manners. I think if she were better-looking, people wouldn’t be as offended by her critiques of the WBs. That and the fact that she hasn’t had much luck in the love department, but wait, did I mention she has a Promise Ring, I did, well, it’s still funny!! She looks better this season than she ever has, whatever work she allegedly had done was successful, IPPHO™®©.
After she is done raking the WBs over the coals, there is a “Mixer” so the Millionaires can peruse the group and decide with whom they want to have a speed date. Patti always starts the party off by yelling “MEET MY MILLIONAIRES!” The feeding frenzy begins as the WBs crowd the Millionaires like feeding fish around a whale shark. It is awkward and embarrassing and I LOVE IT!!! The millionaires get to pick two for a speed date. Then out of the two, they pick one to go on their “Master Date”.
The Master Date is shown and there is a report back to Patti from both victims of the date to see if a LOVE CONNECTION has been made. Do you remember LOVE CONNECTION?? Loved it and Chuck Woolery was so cute, “Back in 2 and 2”!!! Hey wait a minute, I wonder if that’s where they got the idea for MM??? LC was so much better than MM, IPPHO™®©!!!
So the premiere episode of the season~~ OMG, I just went to Google to see what season it is and it is the SEVENTH, 7th, SEVENTH SEASON, SERIOUSLY???? This first episode of the (still SMH) 7th Season is called “ Softy Swayze and the Boyin the Bubble.” The Millionaires are actor Don Swayze, brother of the late Patrick Swayze and online dater Randy from West Hills (formerly known as Canoga Park, <—– A Valley Joke!! I know Kyle would get it, lol.)
Fun Fact!!! I lived for 18 years right down the street from Patrick Swayze’s mom. My kids went to school with the youngest brother’s kids, same class. I went to many parties at their house. I never met Patrick, which is for the best because I don’t think I could have handled it and would have giggled like a 12 year old girl….. I will tell you this about that, when I walked into Mrs. Swayze’s house to the left was the Living Room and over the fireplace was the largest “on black velvet” painting I have ever seen!!!! It was a shirtless Patrick Swayze standing next to a horse….. The first time I saw it I was speechless, IKR?? Me, speechless!! Who knew, that’s what it takes to shut me up, a black velvet painting of a shirtless Patrick Swayze, standing next to a horse. I will say that the Swayze family was always generous, gracious and nice, nice, nice!!!
I have always referred to Don Swayze as “the scary Swayze” turns out I am not the only one! I personally have been scared almost to death by the man in real life. One Halloween my friend and I took her kids out and as we were going up the walk, Don was coming down and scared the crap out of us! At the time we didn’t know who he was, years later we figured it out! Age has been kind to him and has given his face character…. He plays a Werewolf on True Blood and is on The Bridge, isn’t that the show Lainey’s girl did the promotional photo or two???
So now on with the actual show….
Patti has a new office and a new staff. Gee, wonder what happened to the Hipster couple, guess they weren’t Bravo enough for the show anymore. A “staff” of 3 young, good looking matchmakers has been added. I don’t care who they are and neither do you. They are just there to add that “young” factor that Bravo is trying to portray in the their shows, a la Vanderpump Rules….IPPHO™®©!
Patti meets the Millionaires. She loves Don Swayze and so do I. He is sweet, polite and seems like a really, really nice guy. To his credit he only mentions his brother about 3 times during the whole show. I think he really misses him, it made me sad. His hobbies are Mountain Biking(Xtreme) and reading, how can you not love a reader!! When asked what he was looking for in a woman he said, he didn’t want to sound selfish but someone “fit”, and Patti tells him to flex, and we are given tickets to a free gun show!!! She says she won’t get him a “Sloppy Sally.” Oh, Patti… He also would like “Someone with a big heart” awwwwww!!!! His celebrity crush is Kristin Wiig from SNL. I am pulling for Don!!!
Randy the other Millionaire, IPPHO™®©, is annoying and is never going to find love, lol! Randy is all about Randy, he owns an entertainment company…he does parties and bar mitzvahs, etc. and he is always “on.” Ugh! Randy is an online dater, hence the name “Bubble Boy.” He can do 400 impersonations, oh boy!!! I don’t know Randy so I have no personal story involving him, and after watching him on this show I am so thankful for that. In a word, jerk. In two words, short jerk. Three words, short, offensive jerk….and those are his good qualities (rim shot). Patti says he needs to bring his Alpha Male cuz during his video he was bringing his Alpha Dwarf…he is 40 and 5’7″. Bubble Boy thinks women over 30 don’t get his “blue” humor and , well the things he says, he is lucky to still be alive….total jerk!! I have the quotes but I’m not going to type them, they are that offensive, I don’t think I can stress how offensive this little twerp is, trust me on this one. (allegedly and IPPHO™®©) There is also a conversation between Patti and Randy that I am not even going into….trust me on that too! Patti really gives him a piece of her mind throughout the show and he really deserves it!!! IPPHO™®©
The Cattle Call of Wannabes is not as bad as I have seen in the past. Patti is almost nice and the only really bad thing she said was “worst hair day in the history of MM” and that she needed to make these girls “Millionaire datable”, whatever Patti! There is an offensive part by one of the young matchmakers (oh so funny, NOT!) but I refuse to type that also! This is the part of the show where she is usually really mean and I was a little disappointed….I think someone said something to her, or now that she is “IN LOVE” she is a calmer, more gentler Patti.
On to the Mixer. Patti decides since Don is an introvert that they will have a Masquerade Mixer. Everyone will wear masks….. she doesn’t want the girls scared of him because he plays such scary guys. Also, it will help him with his self-proclaimed shyness. A mask will also benefit Randy because it will hide his face. Patti makes the women recite “the rules”…. They all yell together ” 2 drink maximum and No sex before monogamy,” so that leaves Brandi out! And then the obligatory battle cry “MEET MY MILLIONAIRES!!!”
Don is doing ok, he is very nervous but asks the women questions and seems nice and interested. Randy is over on his side of the mixer being Randy and asks “What is the weirdest thing you ever did when you were drunk?” Patti comes running over yelling “Ding, Ding ,Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding , you have one minute use it wisely.” Patti was pissed, Princess Pindy was pleased!!!! I mean, what does she expect of this guy? LOL!!
Speed dates happen, each guy picks “The One” and we are off to the Master Dates. Don picked Anne and they are going to a restaurant for private cooking lessons. The chef is really into Don, lol. Anne isn’t too happy about that! AWKWARD!! Don is very complimentary to Anne, who seems like a nice lady. IPPHO™®©, Don really misses his brother and it is really sad, I know I already said that but it really is sad. He hasn’t dated in 4 years since his brother died. He seems like such a nice guy!! He is very polite and asked her out again and walks her out to her car!!!! Anne calls Patti the next day , complains a little about the chef but liked Don. Don comes in and says he likes Anne and wants to go out again, YAY!!!
Randy picked Jessica and they go to a go-cart place, I guess it would be fun (with anyone other man.) They had a good time!! They go out to dinner and AWKWARD, crickets, no compliments and as Randy tends to do, Randy talks all about Randy and Jess is not having it. Bubble Boy has met his match and she goes into the office the next day to complain to Patti. Of course Randy “just happens to be at the office” (Both Randy and Jess live in West Hills and Patti’s new office is in Marina Del Rey, at LEAST a hour long drive, lol). Patti loses her temper, it was bound to happen, and yells at him. She has Jess tell him why the date sucked and makes him ask Jessica out properly……Bubble Boy obeys and that is the end of the episode.
The follow up at the end of the episode states that Randy has called but Jessica hasn’t returned his call, LOL!! Don’t hold your breath Bubble Boy. And Don is going to be calling Anne for a second date. In other words NOTHING, no LOVE CONNECTION, no 2nd dates, nada….so I think Patti’s success rate is holding steady.
Sons Of Anarchy season finale
Happy Birthday Putchka and SCGirl