Real Housewives of Atlanta Recap by NMD
It’s girl trip time on Real Housewives of Atlanta. NeNe has trouble packing because Gregg likes to wear her shiny shoes. She distracts him by giving him a bunch of rules, like making sure Brent goes to bed at a decent time, and setting a curfew of 8 pm for Gregg. She’s lucky he’s in a good mood because her shoes are so shiny and look good on him.
But before they go on the trip, we get to see a scene where Kandi pays a visit to Cynthia to tell her all about her mama drama. I’m a little distracted because Cynthia looks so different in her talking heads compared to on-screen, and her busom is front and center. Kandi starts to cry as she explains how hard this all is on her. She says that she’d like to have a very small wedding (the question is did she? – yes I know she denied it but I have my suspicions) and doesn’t want to have one of those weddings where people go all crazy (like Kim Zolciak’s wedding). Cynthia is sympathetic, but explains that unless Kandi checks her mom she’ll lose Todd. It really isn’t about the wedding.
The next scene is Phaedra in her office with little Aiden. He’s growing up and completely cute. But then in walks Mama Joyce (what a set up scene.) Mama Joyce is there to ask Phaedra about a prenup. She says Todd won’t sign the prenup (she’s caught in a lie as Bravo shows the clip with Todd saying he won’t answer her question.) Phaedra explains that Kandi should have a will, and that will protect Joyce. Joyce lays into Phaedra for introducing Kandi to Todd because he’s “one of the workers”. Phaedra defends him. This is when Mama Joyce says that both Kandi and Todd are short with big heads, and hello – that’s not a good match. She points out that Apollo doesn’t have a big head. This is the first time I’ve seen Phaedra speechless. Then Mama Joyce says that Todd is an opportunist. She goes on to say that she’s seeing a lot of smoke, and where there is smoke there’s fire. Hmmm- did someone feed her that line? Phaedra says a few quiet words in support of Todd. Mama Joyce says she feels like choking Phaedra. I’m exhausted by this woman. She is determined to play this out on national TV.
First NeNe packing, and now Kenya. Will no one else film with them? I can’t help compare Kenya’s closet to NeNe’s. Kenya’s looks almost bare in comparison, and really sloppy. Oh goodness, she and Brandon break out into another twerk musical. Now she shows him her underpants. They are just randomly moving stuff around to make it look like they are packing. He’s basically moving boxes. Oh – this isn’t set up at all, but she she says she needs to pack some heat and opens up a box with a gun in it. Brandon acts surprised – but this was essentially the same sort of box he was moving around moments earlier. They also wear me out but in a different way. Too contrived.
Porsha isn’t packing, she’s shopping for shoes for Savannah. She tries on $7,000 shoes. They are pretty awesome. That’s a little too much, so she tries on a pair of $3,500 shoes. Because she’s on a budget she decides to only buy one pair.
Now it’s a sitdown between Kandi and Mama Joyce. Kandi very calmly explains how she feels about Joyce’s negativity. Kandi says she feels lost. Mama Joyce says that Kandi took Carmen’s side. Kandi tries to explain how irrational MaMa Joyce was during the fight. Mama Joyce says that she was joking. And then she blames it on Carmen being there. Kandi points out that Mama Joyce always finds excuses. Now Mama Joyce deflects and tries to throw it back in Kandi’s face. Kandi finally snaps and raises her voice. You go, Kandi. She’s fierce when she’s defending Carmen. Now Mama Joyce says Kandi shouldn’t be near anyone who disrespects her. Kandi can’t win. Her Mama is a master manipulator, but I think Kandi sees right through it. Mama Joyce says she’s through with caring about it, and she’s through with Carmen and she’s through with Kandi. Kandi is taken aback. She explains that Mama Joyce made her own mistakes and was married three times by the time she was Kandi’s age. Mama Joyce calms down and says she’s through with interfering and if Todd makes Kandi happy, whatever happen, happens. Kandi just shakes her head because we all know Joyce isn’t going to stick with this for more than one hot minute.
Finally they are heading to Savannah. I’m not sure where they are – it looks like they are meeting at a golf course. NeNe has laid out a huge spread. She’s decided to bring a friend because she wants to stir up trouble. It’s Monique – so I guess her target is Phaedra. Gregg is there for some strange reason (what about his curfew) greeting everyone with a rose (is this the Bachelor) and escorting them to a golf cart. Kenya is the only one who’s bothered to show up so far. Gregg asks for a hug and she gives the golf cart driver a hug by accident instead. Time passes. No one else is there. Kenya talks smack trying to get push NeNe’s hot buttons (about them being sooooo late.) NeNe tries to control herself because she doesn’t want to go off on camera like she has in the past. Ohhh that Kenya – she thinks she’s smarter than NeNe, but she isn’t.
Time passes. It’s noon. Cynthia arrives. Everyone is so excited. Apparently they were supposed to be there by 11. (Later Kenya says 10:30) 12:45 Porsha shows up. NeNe tells her that being late isn’t proper. Porsha claims she’s not late because she’s not the last one there. But then she distracts everyone by telling about her faint. Porsha says she needs to get her head checked out and NeNe cracks a joke. Porsha is miffed.
But that only distracts NeNe so far and she threatens to leave without the last two. Kandi finally shows up with a lame excuse. She stopped to eat because she didn’t want to show up late and hungry. Kenya goes there in her voice over, saying that Kandi could stand to skip a meal. Finally – Phaedra shows up three hours late. By then NeNe has disappeared and is sulking. This is a repeat of their visit to LA. This time it’s Kenya that has to talk her off the cliff. Kenya rounds everyone up and herds them on the bus. It almost seems like she’s trying to be helpful. Can that be? NeNe has calmed herself down and gets on the bus. I’m on NeNe’s side on this one. Three hours late is completely unacceptable. I wonder if the producers set it up this way after last year’s fiasco. Am I too jaded?
Oh – Kenya has an ulterior motive. After everyone is on the bus, she gives them a tongue lashing. NeNe looks like she wants to throw up, and voices over that Kenya just wants attention. Kenya drones on and on lecturing everyone, and making up stupid rules like she gets the second best room because she was there second. Finally Kandi has had enough and gets up and starts yelling, telling her what we’re all thinking, that no one gives a f*** about what she’s saying and she should just sit down.
What did Jeff Lewis Call Brandi Glanville on WWHL by NMD
I posted this yesterday in the chat blog, but didn’t have time to do a full transcript. The date is mid-July, 2013. Transcript below:
Andy brings up the topic. “Before we go, I teased that we’d talk about this little story. I mean, you and I, we did our Bravo summer promo around the time of our upfronts, so everybody who is on Bravo is in town and we’re shooting our big summer promo campaign, and our wrap party was all at this place and everyone was there and I had to leave. I had a show that night and I came in here and I did the show. I think it was New Kids on the Block, and afterwards I said, Jeff I’ll meet you somewhere. Organize it and I’ll meet you at the Soho Grand – or somewhere, and it was a lot of housewives. You and I witnessed a wild – ummm.”
Jeff: “It was a knock down, slap down, shit show, like it was crazy. It was with Brandi – Glanville, and was she fighting with NeNe?”
Andy: “She was getting into it with NeNe and Kenya.”
Jeff: “Yes. Whoa. And I will say that I really watch Brandi and read her book. I really was happy to meet her. But she was so messy that night that it really, it kind a bummed me out, because I never really got to meet her, and because she was antagonistic. “
Andy: “Well it was funny …”
Jeff: “She’s a mean drunk. I’m sure she’s wonderful sober.”
Survivor Blood vs Water – Finale – by MelTheHound
Here we are Castaways, the finale.. Another one in the can and here I am again, with replaced keyboard, ready to present it to you. Pop, Check… Smokes, Check (sorry but yes, I still do)… Watched show, Check… Dog taken care of, Check…
Last week, Hayden was sent packing to RI. I think he waited too long to start making moves but thems the breaks. That leaves, Ciera, Monica, Tyson, and Gervace left in the game. Hayden is now at RI with the mom squad. The most important thing that happened back at camp that night was Tyson showing the other two in his alliance that he in fact, has the hidden idol. He doesn’t think he is going to need it so he offers it, after the game is over, to Monica as a souvenir. She doesn’t want it, he says it’s just something that will sit in a box until he throws it away. Monica knows that someone is going to come back from RI and she will, once again, be in play.
The final one. Do or die, no second place in this game. Once again, it is Haydon, Laura, and Tina. The object of this game is while they are standing on a platform, in 115 degree heat, to hold that balance beam with one foot, steady enough to keep that large vase on the other end. Nothing more than balance and endurance. Whoever offered the spoiler last week that Haydon would be the one coming back, had bad intel. I am not saying that person lied but spoilers have been typically wrong this season. He was the first one out after about 15 minutes. Laura struggled all through this, could barely keep her balance, even at one point asking Tina to quit. Tina barely moved the entire time. She of course would not quit either. In the end, Laura’s pot fell off of the plank and broke, ending her game as well. That actually ended my interest because she was my pick to win. Oh well, life goes on. After the usual post challenge Probsting, She and Haydon become the 5th and 6th members of the jury. Tina is the winner, will return to the game, is given a clue to the (non existant) hidden idol, and she keeps it for herself. What she doesn’t know is that dumbass Ciera already gave it away. I wonder how Laura felt about that when she watched it played back.
Pre- Immunity Challenge Chatter
Back at camp, Tina and Ciera are looking for the idol. After they decide that Tyson probably has it, they go back to camp and begin working on Monica. They are trying to convince her that it is in her best interest, to vote out one of the guys. They are hoping to convince her to go with the mom squad, Ciera is a mom too, and vote out Gervace. I’ll give it to Ciera, she’s been on this Monica the lap dog bit for quite awhile. She believes however that you catch more flies with honey. Tina on the other hand is trying to scare Monica into jumping by telling her how nasty the jury is going to be. How as each of them came to RI, there was a lot of crap talk about Monica. Kind of the same angle Ciera has been working but from the other side. Monica feels once again, that she’s in control of the game being the one everybody is fighting over.
This is one I don’t remember seeing before. That table is to be held level enough to keep those blocks from tipping over. While holding the table level with a rope, they have to collect blocks from three platforms behind them, 3 blocks each, each platform further away. If they are on their way back with a block, and the ones already place fall over, they have to put the one they were on the way back with, back on the platform, go re-stand the blocks they already have, and then go back and collect a block again to keep going. Seems pretty simple right? They each start with one block already on the table. Out of the gate, the women appear to have a decent handle on this but as the game moves along, it is Tyson who runs away with the challenge. All the others with as many as 8 blocks on their table, allowed them to fall over (even if one falls over), and had to reset before continuing. I don’t think Tina ever got past 4 (she should not have been there anyway and wouldn’t be if it had not been for Laura’s help on RI). Ciera and Monica both made it to 8, I think Gervace may have made it to 9 but again, in the end, Tyson won the immunity necklace. On day 37, he is safe at tribal council that evening.
At camp, the 3 alliance is debating which, Tina or Ciera, will be voted out. Gervace wants Ciera gone because he feels she made the biggest move when she voted out her mom. That was so yesterday but, whatever. Monica wants Tina gone. None of the people in the jury are there because of Tina’s voting hand. We later see Gervace and Monica debating the matter. Gawd I hate this fuckin word. Gervace is puffing out his chest trying to convince Monica to vote Ciera. She says (TH) that she has been ‘bullied’ in this game and she’s sick of it. She’s been bullied by Tina as well as Gervace. Tina and Ciera are discussing their options knowing that one of them is the likely target. Monica plays like she’s open to bouncing Gervace after he put his hands on her (on her shoulders). Let’s see if any of this really matters.
Let the probsting begin. I am not going to spend a lot of time here. This comes down to Ciera and Tina vs Tyson and Gervace. Monica is in the middle, and in the last 24 hours she has felt like a first round draft pick because everyone wants her. There is enough chatter to convince Tyson that Gervace is a target and the deciding vote may be Monica. They vote, Probst collects them, then polls for the idol. Tyson (who won the immunity challenge and MUST play the hidden idol at this tribal), hands the hidden idol to Gervace, who plays it. So, No votes cast for him will count. Tina and Ciera voted Gervace. He, Tyson, and Monica vote for (see the picture).. Ciera is out. 7th member of the jury. The final 4 are Tina, Monica, Tyson, and Gervace.
Immunity Challenge #2
We won’t waste a lot of time with trivial stuff that in the end doesn’t matter. Tina is alone in this game at this point, that much is clear. Fresh start as no one has immunity and to guarantee a spot in final 3 to plead to the jury, one must win this next challenge. Tina knows that she has to win to survive. Something else, on a bit of a personal note. By now, both Tina and Monica have begun talking in third person. This is a trait I hate more than most in people. Let’s have at this challenge. There is a stairway between those two water slides. This is an obstacle course through which players must collect 6 bags of puzzle pieces, two at a time and return them to these tables. They will then solve the puzzle which spells out clues for them to get the combination to a lock that they must unlock and raise a flag. First to do that, wins. Each trip requires a ride down the slide and then a climb back up the stairs. The obstacles are not easy going either. I can’t seem to catch screen captures so if you want to see them, you’ll just have to watch the show (Linked below). Monica and Gervace were the first on the way up the stairs with their first two bags of pieces. Gervace wanted to pass by Monica but, she wouldn’t let him. Tyson, Gervace, and Monica pretty much remained neck and neck throughout the whole thing, with Tina struggling up the rear, until it came time to put the puzzle together. Again, the puzzle spells out clues that will give them the numbers needed for the combination lock needed to win the challenge. I don’t know if the photo to the left shows the actual combo but, it is the number of steps, the number of letters in the puzzle, and the number of pieces in the puzzle. The winner, is Tyson. As the others are congratulating him, he shuns Tina’s hug, I don’t know why he did, but I did notice it.
Pre Tribal and Tribal
Tina is working on Monica again. At least she doesn’t give up but she knows she is low man on the totem pole. She tries to convince Monica, still, that she’s being played by the guys. Her plan is to try and force a fire challenge between one of them, preferably Monica, and Gervace. She’s convinced he can be beaten. That’s really all that matters here other than, Monica is now heavy into the third person talk. A.N.N.O.Y.I.N.G. I am not going to waste a lot of time here. At tribal, there is no fire challenge, which can only happen during final 4. They all vote, Tina votes Gervace, the other three send Tina as the 8th member of the jury.
One last time, here is the total voting history for the season.
Last day and Final Tribal Council
This is the day they’ve all been working towards. They get the fixin’s for their continental breakfast before the evening festivities begin. They seem to have dispensed with the fire walk where they collect the names of the departed, say nice things about them, then burn their names. Maybe they did it and just didn’t show it. I’m glad, I always found that part boring. Let’s get down to the business of what we are here for. Final Tribal.
The three of them arrive, the jury of 8 are brought in, the speeches begin.
Gervace first. He thinks he played a great game, he used the best of old school and new school survivor, after his 13 year layoff. He talked about a rookie coming back to the game after that long and in sports, rookies like that don’t make it to the finals (unless they are carried like you were, Gervace). He says he made the big moves, the first of which was getting rid of Aras. For his mix of old school and new school he should win the title of sole survivor and the million dollars that goes with it.
Monica: The elephant in the room is she knows they all feel she was like a puppy dog drug along on a leash (she was) but, She had chances to make moves in the last 3 tribals to go against her alliance. Basically here, she’s playing the loyalty card.
Tyson: He knows he was going to be the big target from the get go and after the mixup, that was confirmed for him. He decided at that point, he was just going to have ‘maximum amounts of fun’ and if he got voted out then so be it. That changed he said when he saw Rachel (His GF) at RI (as he turns on the waterworks) and decided, he had to win. Awe, ain’t that sweet. He says he didn’t do anything in the game out of malice.
Vytas: Reminds Tyson that if he made it to the end, he would not get his vote. That’s how it’s going to be. He tells Gervace that Old School, just means an unwillingness to adapt. Old school works in fashion and music but Survivor is all about being able to adapt and he feels that Gervace did not do that, just rode Tyson to the end (He did). To Monica, they were pals at the mix up but, she turned on him at some point and helped vote him out.
Katie: has one question. For Tyson. Any regrets? Including when she lost the rock vote, he snarked (which she feels was malicious) that her jury seat was over there. Katie doesn’t get what this game is about and I doubt she still gets it. He says that’s the one thing he regrets.. I wish I could make a suck up sound that you all could hear.
Caleb: to Gervace, what was your biggest move? He says that it was voting out Aras, everyone thinks he was lap dog number 2 for Tyson but most of the moves that came, came from him. Ahem… Bullshit… To Monica, she’s too perfect. He wants to know something vulnerable about herself. Not from the head but from the heart. Her whole life has been about her family. This is about her for the first time in 21 years.. I guess the vulnerable part was she turned on the waterworks. Groan.
Ciera: Only questions the guys. To Tyson, does he see himself as a villain. He says every move he made was strategic, it was never personal. Mkay… To Gervace, was he ever going to vote out Tyson… He says that he planned on doing it by final 4 but it made more sense for the final 3 to look as it appears right now (paraphrasing).
Laura: doesn’t know who Monica is.. She was basically asking the same question as Caleb, but runofthemouth Monica couldn’t let her finish asking the question and why she was asking. I just can’t with this woman. I think she’s as big of an ass as her husband is.
Tina: She wants from each, one word, and one word ONLY, that best describes the core of who they are. Monica, Generous. Gervace, Honorable (and the asshole goes into explain what that means. He doesn’t follow instructions very well). Tyson, Fun loving… Tina will accept that as one word.
Haydon: He wants to know if Tyson had the idol when they drew rocks. He did. He says he beat Haydon to the punch again. To Monica… no one knows who she is. On come the waterworks again as she doesn’t know what they all want from her (I’m going to puke) and she is flapping her lips so much Haydon can’t get a word in.
Aras: He wants each to prove they have game awareness by assuming only one of the other two can win. Gervace chooses Tyson saying he played a great game. He had people digging for an idol that wasn’t there (the one that dumbass John told the clue to Brad before the mashup). Monica also chose Tyson based completely on his physical game play. Tyson chose Monica because she always kept her distance enough from everyone allowing her to get information that no one else could get.
Okay, you get the idea, let’s vote… They do, Probst carries the votes into the live show which will not receive a full recap. The votes are read, 7 to 1, Tyson is the winner. By this point I no longer had a dog in this fight so it didn’t matter to me which of the three won. The only one voting against Tyson, was Vytas, as promised. He voted for Monica instead. I think it was a throw away vote for him. Hooray, good for Tyson.
From the live show, we visited some of the pairs. Haydon and Kat are still screwing with the charade they are a couple. Live in different states but she’s made a change up top. She didn’t stand up and show but I think she got a boob job. While they may have had relations at some point, I still call bullshit on these two being a legit couple. Caleb was there with his bigot boyfriend, who, likes to be pampered. When he isn’t he has a school girl hissy fit. They guy has quit the show twice, and if for some reason they bring this dickhead back again, they should just cancel the show. We also saw Cochran who, won last time. He is a Harvard Law grad, I assume he’s passed the bar, but he chucked it all to be a writer. CBS called him after his live show last time, offered him a spot to write for a show. It’s on Thursday nights, I don’t remember what it’s called. Finally, the elephant in the room, Tina and Katie. Tina’s son, Taylor, was killed in a car crash because, they said, he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. The driver of the car was wearing one, he walked away, or survived it or something. I guess they also gave a hint about the next season which begins airing in February.
That, my friends ends my show recap season. In spite of my complaining about it, I do enjoy sharing these shows with you. Whatever holidays you celebrate, have a great one. I’ll say Merry Christmas because that is the one I celebrate. See you all out here on the blogs.