Real Housewives of Beverly Hills “Escape to Bitch Mountain” by BB
Let’s hurry and get this latest dinner from hell over with, shall we? Last week, Brandi said and did a number of horrible things including calling Joyce black when Joyce said she couldn’t swim and didn’t want to get into the pool; repeatedly calling Joyce “Jacqueline” and saying “Joyce is a big fat pig;” wearing a bikini with the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe on it and making fun of it; calling Kyle a crazy asshole; and overall just being a mean, ugly, sloppy drunk. Not what I consider entertaining television.
Where to begin, where to begin. Kyle has had enough of Brandi and Yolanda talking about how if they wanted to hurt Kyle, they could go there and how Kyle has big enough problems in her own life that this little disagreement between her and Yolanda is small potatoes. She leaves the table and goes off to cry by herself. Yolanda goes to her and they hug is out. After Lisa tells Brandi to cut it out, she goes to Kyle and they hug it out. Lisa and Kyle are trying to have a serious conversation, while Kim is acting like Kim, so Lisa essentially tells Kim to go away. Kim is having none of that and tells Lisa she’s tired of being dismissed by Lisa. Lisa decides to end the conversation while Kyle is begging her not to go and asking Kim why she had to do that there. Kim and Lisa later make up. Kim also shakes hands with Yolanda. Seems everyone wants to start with a clean slate, at least on the surface. We’ll see how long that lasts.
When they all leave the dinner table, Joyce and Kyle go to the pool, where Kyle takes her bikini top off and they are later joined by Kim in her pjs. They seem to actually be enjoying themselves. Lisa, Yolanda, Carlton and Brandi head off in another direction. Lisa tries to take the booze bottle away from Brandi and Brandi says something to her about not strategizing an longer or something like that. Lisa and Yolanda go to their rooms and Brandi and Carlton go off to their rooms where they flirt with each other and chase each other around and talk about how sexy the other one is. Ugh! Later Carlton tells Brandi that she has a big mouth and she’s not ashamed of them “making out,” but that’s not Brandi’s story to tell. She tells Brandi she won’t be able to tell her any of her secrets (that’s an understatement). Brandi apologizes. Carlton and Brandi try to go scare Lisa and Yolanda, but Yolanda and Lisa beat them to it by jumping out of the bushes and scaring them. At breakfast the next day, Lisa tells Brandi she is going to act like her mother sometimes so she’ll have to get used to it.
After breakfast, they all take a tram up to the top of a mountain so they can enjoy a catered lunch Joyce has arranged. It’s beautiful scenery and Carlton thinks she’s one with nature because a bunch of squirrels come for her nuts. I guess Kim is one with nature too, because they approach her. Oh wait, they are all one with nature because the squirrels approach them all for food. I guess Carlton is not so special after all. They have a nice lunch and everyone is getting along famously. Since they are all starting with a new slate, Yolanda invites them all to a dinner party at her house. I hope they all get the memo that there is a special protocol at Yolanda and David’s that must be followed. There will be no humming or singing unless David gives permission to do so.
Lisa and Yolanda leave early, so Brandi is on her own with only Carlton there to back her up. Carlton will be leaving after dinner and then Brandi will be on her own with Kyle, Kim and Joyce. They all prepare dinner together and seem to be having a nice time. Could it be because Lisa and Yolanda aren’t there to instigate things and get Brandi going? Hmmmmmmm. Anyway, after dinner Brandi calls to check on her kids sees a text from her assistant to call her immediately. Her assistant gives her this cockamamie story about her house getting broken into and one of her dogs, Chica is missing. Brandi has a complete meltdown. The others are trying to reassure her that Chica will be found and Joyce tells Brandi the same thing happened to her before. Brandi takes that as a competition thing from Joyce and runs to her room and doesn’t want to talk to anyone. Brandi leaves with Carlton to go back home to try to find her dog. This is the second time the dogs have gotten loose under Brandi’s assistant’s watch. Brandi never found Chica and has since let her assistant go. She has gotten another dog named Buddy from the same shelter she rescued Chica from. She has not given up hope Chica has somehow found another home somewhere or maybe she will see her again someday.
By the way, Brandi says she doesn’t have a drinking problem, she has a drinking solution.
Oh, and if you want to be Yolanda’s friend, that’s a privilege you will have to earn over time. Yolanda keeps saying that repeatedly. I’m not sure if being friends with Yolanda is worth all that effort.
Lastly, if Carlton loved Escape from Witch Mountain as much as she says, you would think she would know Kim was in it. It’s not like Kim’s changed that much.
Housewife Impressions by NMD
Brandi Glanville’s tagline for this season is “The higher you rise, the harder you fall.” I’m not sure if she was talking about Lisa or herself, but it could apply to either. Brandi was a best selling author last year and it seemed that no matter how provocative or outrageous she was, people were on her side. This year her behavior has worn thin on viewers. But Brandi is not the only housewife to “rise” and/or “fall” in my eyes. Here’s my impressions of the housewives after the few episodes, and I’m sure very few of you will agree with me. But that’s the fun of the blog. We all get to share our opinions.
Top to Bottom.
1) Kim. Yes – this pick surprises even me. I am loving her goofy talking head interviews. She continues to try and have fun, and stood up to herself after Lisa Vanderpump was condescending once again. But then she got over it quickly. She may not be the richest or the most interesting housewife, but now that she’s sober she’s not toxic and pretty funny.
2) Carlton. Another pick that surprises me. Until this last episode I was very put off by Carlton’s permanent scowl. But I’m beginning to see her point. Who wants to put up with the nonsense? But there were two things I enjoyed about Carlton in this episode. One was her enjoyment of their outdoor adventure (but please stop feeding wild squirrels – that just encourages them to steal human food). And two, when she directly addressed Brandi’s “outing” of their kiss on national TV, instead of griping behind Brandi’s back. Now I will add that she is naive to think that she can kiss a castmate and not expect it to be on the show. But she was right to quickly understand that Brandi could not be trusted with any secrets – not for a hot minute. She really didn’t watch the show before she joined the cast – otherwise she would have known this, and also known that Kim was in Escape from Witch Mountain. That explains why she’s on the show. Anyone who knows about the show wouldn’t agree to be on it at this point.
3) Kyle. Kyle gets props for sticking up for Joyce. I can’t figure out why she was crying. Something must have been left on the editing floor. I find the cheating / storyline tired and boring and want it to be over, but other than that she was harmless in this episode.
4) Joyce. I’m meh on Joyce, but she was pretty harmless in this episode.
5) Brandi. Brandi was a sloppy drunk this episode. When Yolanda and Lisa left, she was pleasant. It looks like her nasty remarks will return for Yolanda’s dinner party, but for this episode, I’m putting her slightly above a few others.
6) Yolanda. Yolanda is just so darn full of herself. It feels like she thinks she’s doing viewers a favor just by being on the show with so many women that are beneath her. She’s sucking the air out of the room.
7) Lisa. What was with all the snarky comments from Lisa during this episode? All that whispering under her breath to Yolanda about the other ladies. It was so off-putting and clique like. The show was so much more pleasant when Yolanda and Lisa were gone.
Now let’s keep in mind that impressions are all a product of editing. Each episode tells a story, and over the course of the season are many story arcs. I reserve the right to change my opinion next episode, and it looks like it’ll be another mean spirited dinner party, with Yolanda showing how to be a true hostess with place mats that announce whether or not you are on her team. Didn’t someone do that with wine glasses last year? How petty.
Happy Birthday KTinCT