Real Housewives of Atlanta ‘It’s Not a Real Train” by NMD
It’s a three and a half hour bus trip from Atlanta to Savannah, and thankfully Kenya sits down after a brief fight with Kandi. After we get the scene of Phaedra pumping breast milk out of the way, the talk turns to the bedroom. Kandi says she’s not having as much sex as she’d like because she’s so busy. Mynique (NeNe’s friend) has been married 13 years and they have sex every other day – whether she wants to or not. Porsha talks about how if you don’t give a man what he wants he will cheat. Kenya tries to explain to her that if a man cheats it’s on him.
This leads to a full on discussion of whether or not a wife should be submissive (or as NeNe says spread her legs). Kenya points out that if you think that way, you consider your worth by what is between your legs. Porsha tries to explain why she thinks a wife should be submissive and gets very flustered. NeNe steps in to say that everyone has the right to their own opinion She says that she gets what Porsha is saying, explaining that they are both housewives, and one of the things they brought to their marriages (to rich husbands) included being available for their husbands. NeNe interviews that now that she is bringing in her own money she’s put the bedroom activities lower on her must do list, but it’s still on her list. Kenya is just shaking her head. Porsha starts to cry because she feels like people don’t get her marriage, but they are giving Mynique a lot of respect. I feel a little sorry for Porsha because she was married to a man that just didn’t want her in the bedroom (allegedly) and that has to mess someone up. While she can’t really expect people to understand her faux marriage, they should respect her beliefs.
Kandi breaks into a sprint when they reach the “Wedding Cake Mansion” in Savannah and claims the master suite. I’m a little shocked. I’ve always thought of Kandi as – well not an jerk. But she’s being a jerk. Of course Kenya and Cynthia point out that NeNe should have the best room. NeNe knows that Kandi is out of control, but she’s trying to control her temper. It does, however, make her sad.
Meanwhile, there are two bedrooms in the basement. Phaedra takes one without a fuss. Porsha is too scared of ghosts to take the other, and has to double up with Mynique. Phaedra loves this house – it smells like ghosts and dead people. When Kenya is messing around slamming doors and hiding under covers, Phaedra does a quick (fake) blessing to get rid of the devil.
Meanwhile NeNe, Cynthia, Kenya, and Monique trash talk Kandi for taking the best room, while Phaedra discovers that Kandi’s room has a HUGE ensuite bathroom. They close the door so no one else sees it. Kandi didn’t leave the room since she claimed it. I think she’s afraid they’ll move her stuff if she budges.
NeNe takes all of this in stride and tries to get some alone time to calm her nerves. She voices over that she’s trying to keep NayNay locked up in the suitcase. Kenya takes the opportunity to try and rile her up. NeNe shares her frustration about how ungrateful the rest of the ladies are. Meanwhile the ladies swap ghost stories in the kitchen. Then they talk about how early they had to get up – like 5 am. No wonder some of them were late. Kandi says that she’s been doing better about being on time lately.
After a quick pep talk, NeNe and Kenya head down to the kitchen to set some ground rules. Everyone is there except Phaedra, who is in her room pumping. Rule number one is don’t be late. NeNe then tells Kandi that she shouldn’t have taken the master, but she was going to let that go. Phaedra comes up and joins the party, and Mynique takes it upon herself to tell her that she needs to hear the rules – especially the one that is about not being late. Phaedra doesn’t take kindly to a stranger giving her a lecture, and reads her. She tells her – I have a newborn, I have a busy life, and I have jobs. Don’t get it twisted.
That’s enough of that, and Kandi and Phaedra escape from the house to gripe about the other ladies. They talk about how everyone is always late to their events.
The other five head up to one of the bedrooms to gripe about Kandi and Phaedra. Kenya is absolutely delighted to have people actually listen to her as she makes fun of Kandi. They make fun of Mynique and talk about how Phaedra read her. Mynique says she doesn’t feel like she was read, and they all crack up. Kenya is so happy that she’s in with the cool girls. She can not control her excitement.
Meanwhile, Kandi and Phaedra are talking about how they know Charles, Mynique’s husband, when they spot a hearse and flag it down. It’s a Hearse Ghost Tour given by Peg Leg Ron. I thought they were going to jump into the hearse and join the tour, but they just ask a bunch of questions, crack a few jokes, and head back to the house. He tells them how pretty they are. That’s a successful night.
The next morning, Cynthia decides to take Mynique under her wing and teach her how to survive the group. She does Mynique’s makeup, because she thinks that if you can’t hold your own with the group, you should at least look good. You never know when you may need to twirl. Cynthia explains to Mynique that she used to be like her – nice and normal – and she had to learn to exist in this tough group. Then she explains the lingo to Mynique. Get read, throw some shade, tea. You know – we’ve all learned these terms over the last few years. NeNe explains that Mynique is bi-racial and that’s why she doesn’t know the words they use. Seems to me she hasn’t watched the show.
Kandi does a check in with Todd so that she can talk about how Kenya was off the chain in the bus. Instead of riling her up, Todd tells her to have a good time. And he used to be part of the production team? He seems so normal.
Mynique is actually pretty funny. She’s last to arrive in the kitchen, and immediately tells Phaedra that she’s surprised she’s later than her. The look on Phaedra’s face – priceless. Then they joke about tea and shade and everyone cracks up. Cynthia has done her eyes and she’s happier than a clam because she fits in. As they leave Phaedra forgets her pump, and Mynique grabs it for her. All of the tension seems to have evaporated because she’s so goofy.
As an aside – the ladies are going on a walking / bus tour for the day. Half are wearing flats, someone is in wedges, and someone is carrying their high heels. In other cities they’d all be wearing heels and killing themselves for fashion. I really like the color of NeNe’s Birkin.
Up first is a historic walk/tour. First stop is the First African Baptist Church – the oldest in the country. I get goosebumps as they get their tour. The place is astonishing. Everything was built by hand and is very well restored. The guide points out the panels on the ceiling that signal that it was a safe haven. Then he points out holes in the floor that were used for ventilation for underground tunnels that were part of the underground railway. He says that they don’t know how people got in because they haven’t found the opening.
Porsha interviews that she feels connected to her grandfather’s legacy and how hard he fought for civil rights. Porsha is talking about history and the importance of education. That’s when she says that there had to be an opening because someone had to be driving the train, and that it probably wasn’t an electric train like we have today.
Kenya voices over that it almost hurts her to understand that someone could be so dumb. Everyone starts trying to explain it to Porsha, but she doesn’t understand. She really thinks there is a train involved. Phaedra asks if she took history in school. It’s one of those dumbfounding moments that makes me worry about this country’s educational system. And Porsha. Shaking my head. Although I will say that part of her confusion was how people got into the hiding spot if there was no opening – which is fair enough. It is pretty interesting that the way in was so well hidden that they can’t find it.
This was on the Church’s website:
“Beneath the lower auditorium floor is another finished subfloor which is known as the “Underground Railroad”. There is 4ft of height between both floors. The entrance to the Underground Railroad remains unknown. After leaving our tunnel, slaves would try to make their way as far north as possible. There are no records as to who went through the tunnel or how many.”
Now they are on the Savannah Tour with a whole bunch of other tourists. How cool would that be if you got to be on a tour with them? That doesn’t last long because Phaedra is about to explode again and needs a pump break. Everyone else grabs a drink, and Mynique takes the opportunity to “clear the air” with Kandi. Mynique tells Kandi she heard they dated two weeks. Kandi explains that they dated twice, once when she was 19 and once when she was 21, and she broke up with him. Mynique keeps mentioning that it was only two weeks. It’s just awkward. I think Mynique has been read again, and she brought it upon herself.
Kandi then points out that she wasn’t the only one that dated Charles, and everyone perks up a little. Kenya looks like the cat that swallowed the canary. In her voice overs she says it’s so juicy. Kenya takes it upon herself to stir the pot by asking Mynique how she feels about learning all this and knowing that Kandi knows all sorts of things about her husband’s naughty bits. (Didn’t Kandi also date Walter?) It’s downright awkward but Mynique is sitting there with a strange smile on her face – like the type you slap on when you really would rather run to the rest room and cry. Kandi gently explains that he knew her mom and she knew his family, including his daughter. She talks about how well he got along with her mom, and bought her some Louboutin stuff and would buy things for them all the time. NeNe is amazed because she thinks he’s cheap.
Now it is Phaedra’s turn. She explains that they dated when they were children – in their teens. They didn’t have sex. Then they dated again during college, when he played for the Falcons and before she went to law school. Mynique looks like she’s going to be sick.
Kenya is not my favorite – but her talking heads are HILARIOUS during this scene. As Phaedra explains their on and off again relationship she says in her voice over – “Hit it, quit it, hit it, quit it” I know I shouldn’t be laughing -but it was 20 years ago and ….
The girls start in on Phaedra with their questions, and Porsha tries to intervene and says that the wife should ask the question. Mynique just loses it and starts yelling at Porsha. Displaced frustration. And of course Porsha reacts and all of a sudden it’s a huge fight. NeNe jumps in and calms Porsha down and gets her to apologize. I feel sorry for Mynique. If she was brought into the group to embarrass either Phaedra or Kandi it was a massive fail. This is her husband – the man she has children with. I hope the marriage survives Bravo.
Next week NeNe is mean to Cynthia. Why would anyone be mean to Cynthia?