Annual Housewife Survey – Closing Tomorrow
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Blogs Blogged by Stars99
Brandi blogs, “As of today I have a new outlook. No more feeling sorry for myself because I had a rough year or some pathetic, phony famewh— can’t stop talking about me and throwing bulls— labels my way. I know exactly who I am — and that is a good person who says stupid s– sometimes and lives without prejudice in my life.”
Pobrecito Brandi… Poor, poor Brandi… That big bad evil mean Joyce came along and rained on your parade. Fortunately, I love a parade… Don’t you? Labels? Why yes, Brandi, let’s talk about labels… Heck, let’s just use your 2nd sentence alone… Let’s see how many “labels” we can spy… “Pathetic” – That’s 1; “Phony” – hey that’s 2; and “Famewh***”… 3. Mmmkay, Brandi, dontcha think that if you’re whining about someone else throwing labels your way that perhaps you should refrain from slamming down your own labels for at least a sentence or two? But I guess that would be too much to ask… like expecting that you would refrain from tweeting for a minute or something. BTW, the viewers also have a better idea and “know exactly who” you are… This is why you are now receiving such negative backlash from everything that you do and say.
Brandi writes, “I was a hot-mess for part of this season, and I fully f—ing admit that.”
Only part of the season? Wow, and here I thought you’ve been a jerk pretty much from the first day of the season… Could I be wrong? Brandi then thanks the people who love her no matter what including her friends on “Twitter-verse” that have supported her throughout all of this. The thing is Brandi, it is possible for REAL friends to love you as a person and hate what you do. Real friends tell you when they think you’re out of line, when you’re doing self-destructive things, and when you’ve lost your perspective and your mind. I don’t understand why you don’t have people like that in your life – or else you’re just choosing not to trust their words at this point. You need to change your evil ways, baby… Before we START lovin’ you… This can’t go on… Lord knows you got to change, baby (Sorry, gratuitous Santana lyric here plus I had to use the word “baby” because Brandi just loves it so very much).
Brandi’s next paragraph… Well, suffice it to say, she basically told everyone who has written or said hateful things to her or about her to, “Please, please, please F— OFF, F— YOU, GO F— YOURSELF, AND FINALLY SHUT THE F— UP!” Golly, gosh, and gee whiz… Brandi said “please” 3 times… I’m inclined to comply since she was just so danged nice about it, wasn’t she? Plus she used all capital letters so she must really be cranky. Goodness, gracious that “Word of the Day App” is really working wonders for you, Brandi. Brandi concludes her blog by saying that 2014 is going to be a good year and that she can’t wait for this year’s reunion. She also wants some female dogs to “bring it”… Not sure what she could mean by that… lol.
Carlton blogs, “Burlesque room… I am sooo excited to do this surprise room for my husband. Our home is so open plan with very few doors, so not much room for privacy with our kiddies. With this room at least we are home, but safely locked away downstairs. I want it to have a burlesque feel with a platform, as David loves to watch me dance so this would be perfect. Years ago I used to dance (ballet and modern mainly). I love to make our relationship fun and sexy, and, 18 years later, I think we’ve done a pretty good job.”
Okay, raise your hands if you thought Carlton already had a fully equipped dungeon tucked away somewhere downstairs in the bowels of her castle… I know I did! I envisioned that you probably had to go through a couple of secret doors, a series of corridors and perhaps over a moat to access it! However, the empty echo-filled room with a couple of Nordstrom racks of clothes and a box of adult toys just doesn’t even start to register on the weird scale with me when I think about Carlton. Oh Carlton, that ball-gag is just so 70s. The weird thing to me from Carlton’s blog description, is that she seemingly implies that their bedroom doesn’t even have a door on it… Could that even be possible? That can’t be right, can it? I honestly don’t remember from watching that episode. Does anyone remember? Even if it does have doors… I suppose would be fun to have a separate adult playroom that’s soundproof and stuff.
Carlton tells us that the toys are mostly from her bachelorette party and that she hasn’t used half of them. Dang, she’s losing street cred points with me. Carlton then blogs, “I’m not into hardcore toys. No S&M or fetish for me! Not that there is anything wrong with that. No pneumatic drills or anything that will to chip my teeth, only pain free naughtiness.” Here, and I thought you were such a badass, Carlton.
Carlton then talks a little bit about seeing Lisa at the construction site of her new restaurant (I thought it was a bar?)… And then she goes on ad nauseum about Yo’s party and about why she waited to tell Yo she wasn’t going to be able to attend the party.
Carlton writes, “Yes, in retrospect, I should have called earlier. But I really did want to go to!” She later blogs, “Also with respect to Yolanda’s fragile immune system, going there sick wouldn’t be fair or right. So yes… I delayed the bloody inevitable and cancelled last minute! At that point it wasn’t about etiquette and being somewhere I said I would go. I was sick. It was about Yolanda and I didn’t want to be ill around David’s wife no matter how much I wanted to be there. Now there’s a conundrum, not so black and white after all. But I really appreciated that Lisa understood.”
Honestly, I’ve got to go with Carlton on this one – I think she really wanted to go to Yo’s house. I mean if nothing more, just to see her fridge in person. Now, if the dinner had been at Kyle’s or something, this would be a whole nuther Oprah. After all, Yo is not the only person in the world who can be sick. I think Carlton was honestly hoping she would feel good enough to go the dinner – Even if it meant the decision was made at the last minute. Who cares if there are 2 less people at the dinner table? That food looked yummy and could easily be transferred into a doggie bag. However, Carlton’s last minute decision was a little short-sighted because even if you FEEL better – You still might be a carrier and you really should exercise extra care when being around people who are especially susceptible to germs and stuff.
Since Carlton can’t resist the opportunity to poke at Joyce, she hurls a series of insults that are quite frankly, tiring. It’s like Carlton thinks that next season they’re only going to keep 1 of the 2 new girls and so it’s like this huge competition between the two of them. She mentions the “Dream Team” comprised of those who got hearts on their name cards for the dinner (BTW… who freakin’ needs name cards for a dinner when you know everyone there? Must we have assigned seating?). Joyce had renamed them, “The Nightmare Team” and Carlton refers to her group as “Just four women who are a force to be reckoned with.” She understands why Joyce would see the 4 of them as being her nightmare. Right. Still insisting there aren’t any teams or anything, there Carlton? Yeah, that’s what I thought…
Carlton really ate up all of Brandi’s “Babytalk”… and she thought it was quite funny. Carlton blogs, “OMFG and Joyce’s talking head with no breaths to be heard “He is my baby and if you’re upset you don’t have a baby then go find a baby and maybe if you acted different you’d have a baby of your own!” Baby, baby, baby. Good God give it a rest! Brandi actually has two real babies, not a man baby. Joyce calling him a baby and then he’s calling her his “little girl”! I am sensing a theme here. Sorry it’s a little creepy. Just an observation.”
Does anyone else find it hysterical that Carlton is calling someone else “creepy?”
Joyce Giraud de Ohoven
Joyce starts out her blog with her usual, “Hola Mis Amores!” or something like that… Sigh… And then dares to tread where no one treads… lol… when she blogs, “At the very beginning of the episode we see Yolanda saying “I’m almost 50 years old. We don’t do teams. She then adds: “We are not in high school.” Wouldn’t it be great if she could keep her word…” Oh no, she di-in’t… Snap! She had the unmitigated gall to go after Yolanda? Rut roh… She talks about how beautiful Yolanda’s dinner was with great food, a wonderful setting and amazing performers…
Joyce blogs, “You finally see a bit of my “baby” aka my husband. I’ve always called him baby, and as it is not the most unique nickname I am sure many of you out there call your significant others baby. But my husband and my two boys are MY only babies.”
Okay, here’s the thing… While I personally don’t use the term “baby” as a term of endearment for Mr. Stars99… There are a bazillion other nicknames that I do use. I think it’s between the two involved and if they don’t have an issue with it – then I don’t either… However, if too much sugary sweetness is shown onscreen, I reserve the right to puke at any time. Joyce then talks about how much she loves her husband and how they have date nights all the time. She said “baby” was speechless when she told him about what happened in Palm Springs. I was, too. It seemed to me that he might have thought she must have been exaggerating at how bad things were… that is until he met drunk Brandi™.
Joyce blogs, “As I was filling him in I got so upset and said I should’ve probably said Brandi is a whore… I’m glad I didn’t. Even though she refers to herself as a one all the time and chooses to call me one. It’s such an ugly word towards any woman that I’m happy I didn’t call her that. Although I must admit my patience with Brandi is really reaching its limit. I can’t deny anymore that she is truly starting to anger me.”
Yeah, way to NOT call Brandi a “whore” by writing about how you didn’t call her one but when in actuality you ARE calling her one because you’re writing about it. Did you think we weren’t going to see through that one? But it’s okay, Joyce… Many of us are angry at Brandi. Joyce expresses that no matter what she feels about Brandi that it “hurt” her to see the pain Brandi was in when she lost her dog, “Chica.”
Joyce blogs, “Then we see Carlton with her beautiful nanny preparing a “playroom.” Even if perhaps it’s a bit intimate and awkward to prepare this for the world to see, I think its fine to have a playroom — if that floats their boat. The fact though that it is coming from the person who managed to act upset when my husband joked about the movie Failure to Launch and its reference to a naked room, seems more than double standard? You are really upset that other people joke about a naked room while you are making an entire sex room?”
Yeah, I gotta say that Carlton seems like a hypocrite on that one…
Joyce blogs, “When Yolanda at the dinner table flat out proclaims that she has the “The Dream Team” was disheartening. Seriously? Weren’t you the same person who is preaching and spreading your wisdom that we are too old for teams and that you are not in high school? This is the behavior of a mean sorority girl. Let me teach you something about being a good host: no matter how beautiful your house and your table is set, if you invite your guest with the clear intention to make them feel second tier, this is classless and it is tasteless. Dream team? They are a NIGHTMARE TEAM! Thank God my husband tried to fix the situation and painted all of us non-dream-teamers a heart himself.”
Yeah, I don’t get the heart thing at all… I don’t know if she meant to draw hearts on all of them and then just forgot… or maybe she wrote the cards at two different times… ? I dunno… perhaps Yo’s blog will explain it… I guess I just don’t see it being consistent with what I know about Yo that she purposefully meant to hurt guests in her home by doing something so silly like that. She knows it would reflect negatively on her… Plus, the “Dutch Martha Stewart” would never do something so gauche. And I still stand by my convictions that no one needs name cards at a dinner of less than 20 unless thematically appropriate. Seriously.
Joyce continues, “David was very sweet and tried to bring the groups and conversations at the table back together. He asked me to make a toast in Spanish and I certainly accepted the request of our gracious host. As I was making the toast Brandi interrupted me on multiple occasions. She even said “Shut the f— up we’re not in Miami” I don’t understand why Brandi always feels the need to attack me. I have tried so hard to understand and even justify her behavior at certain times but I’m fed up with her being so condescending. Watching the show I am realizing even more what a big hypocrite she is.”
Okay, I confess – I didn’t understand anything about the toast – and I don’t mean that it’s because it was in Spanish. Who wants a toast to be in Spanish without an English translation so people will actually know what they’re toasting? Perhaps David was trying to be nice to Joyce… but Brandi really was acting like a gooberhead – and she disrespected both David and Joyce by her antics during the toast. And what’s up with the Miami reference? That doesn’t even make sense especially in this part of the country – We’re a honkin’ melting pot! When you’re at any restaurant here – You would likely hear no less than 4 or 5 different languages spoken within minutes of your arrival. But nooooo…. According to Brandi’s blog, Brandi’s racially prejudice-free – Dontcha see? No Brandi, no! You have two choices Brandi… You’re racist or you’re ignorant. Either way… Get a clue!
Joyce writes, “Watching Brandi ask my husband if he’s a baby or a man? At this point Brandi has met my husband once before for about two minutes at Kyle’s party. And she talks to him like this? Brandi… he is MY baby and MY man. And he is strong enough and successful enough that he loves my nickname and knows it comes from a place of great love. Stop being so jealous! Stop being so negative and maybe then you could find your own baby or whatever you prefer to call him. Focus on being happy. After all; Who wants to be around someone who is constantly judgmental, mean and drunk?”
I think Brandi was bating Joyce and her husband… I think she was hoping to get Joyce so angry that she would commit some sort of unforgivable sin of etiquette in Queen Yo’s home and would suffer severe and swift repercussions of her actions. Little did Brandi know that our pageant girl Joyce knows when to be verbal and when to just sit there and wear her tiara… at least she has thus far. Joyce picks her times to be verbal… Like when she’s on WWHL or when she’s interviewed by the press. While I do believe she is a center of attention girl… I’m really surprised that people think Joyce is somehow “stupid”… She’s highly educated (she earned two bachelor’s degrees at an early age) and very experienced with handling “mean girls” – Beauty pageant contestants can be ruthless.
Joyce blogs, “Lisa and I are in a much better place but just FYI… the attacks from Brandi were not funny.”
Yeah, Lisa was laughing while Brandi was conducting her reindeer games that’s for sure. However, I also don’t’ think it’s fair of me to expect Lisa to reign in Brandi – it’s quite frankly not her job. Lisa has really disappointed me in that she seems to be reveling in the personal attacks against Joyce. I do take a cue from Joyce though – It seems like she and Lisa have made up. I have seen a real apologetic tone in Lisa’s blogs and words – I can’t comment on the motivation for them – but she seems to at least be saying she’s sorry at how she treated Joyce.
Sorry guys, Kim is just too busy typing “VA VOOM SHA BANG” in each and every tweet to be bothered to write a blog for us this week.
Sorry guys, Kyle is just too busy irritating Carlton to be bothered to write a blog for us this week.
Lisa starts out by telling us she’s had a crazy day, then she blogs, “The scene with Carlton made me feel uncomfortable. I am not judging anybody, but that mask reminded me of Silence of the Lambs… I would rather float around in pink marabou than that!”
Inexplicably thinks of the quote, “Well, Clarice – have the lambs stopped screaming?” Shivers a little…. Then starts rocking back and forth saying, “Rainbows and unicorns… Satchels of gold”… Perhaps this show has finally driven me over the edge! Lol… Granted, it didn’t have far to go… lol. Anyhoo… I’m surprised that Lisa was uncomfortable with that scene. I honestly thought it could have been way worse. But again, nothing that Carlton does surprises me anymore.
Lisa then tells us that she was over at Brandi’s house looking for Chica with Ken and Lisa’s gardener a day before the scene with Kim and Kyle was filmed. They looked through the bushes and were afraid at what they would find. They did find a hole in the fence – but they didn’t find Chica. She understands how devastating this whole thing was to Brandi.
Lisa blogs, “You see me at our new site “Pump.” I always feel a certain amount of trepidation when starting a new project, but you have to speculate to accumulate and the restaurant and bar business has been extremely challenging these last few years, with many closing down all around us. I love the creative aspect of a new project, but it is all consuming. We are still not finished, but I see light at the end of the tunnel…”
It kind of cracks me up that Lisa continues to open up establishments that seemingly would be competing for customers in the same general geographic area. I know she’s marketing to a specific demographic with each one… so perhaps it will all work. I agree with Lisa in loving the creative aspect of a project… I love the plotting and planning for projects and events… It’s almost a letdown once they commence.
Lisa then turns her attention to Yo’s dinner party as she blogs, “Brandi [was] having a field day at Joyce’s expense that’s for sure. I had learnt from my previous experience that to chastise her was a fruitless task. I have to be honest, at that moment I really didn’t care for Joyce. I felt she had tried to instigate a problem right at the beginning, insinuating Yolanda and Brandi were speaking negatively about me. I chose to ignore it, believing that she was a troublemaker and a drama queen. Since then I have come to know her and Michael and see a very different side of her…”
To be fair, Joyce made a mountain out of a mole hill when she brought up Hair Flip Gate 2013™®©. The thing was that Joyce buried the lead – That both Brandi and Yo had conversations with Joyce specifically about Lisa. I think Lisa was just so taken aback with the trivialness of the hair flip conversation juxtaposed against the serious real life “Is Mauricio cheating” drama about which they had been talking. Lisa curtly dismissed Joyce as effortlessly as an elephant bats away a fly. However, the real elephant in the room is that people are talking about Lisa behind her back but she just doesn’t want to believe it. After all – these are her friends, right?
Lisa ends the blog with, “Ken was in a car collision today and it made me realize how fragile life is. He is fine but shaken up, but the outcome could’ve been so different. Time is precious. Sending you all my love for a happy Christmas.”
You’re absolutely right… Life is fragile… Handle with prayer.
Yolanda H. Foster
After sharing her Christmas greetings and well wishings with us, Yo blogs, “Because of my health situation and not being able to run around, we’ve decided on no gifts this year. This took a lot pressure off of me and I am beyond happy with this free pass.”
What an awesome idea for those who don’t have young kids… I myself did a lot of gift cards this year – although I went kicking and screaming all the way… I rebel against gift cards because I love picking gifts out for people that I think they would like, that go along with a theme, or that are mentascental or something. It just kind of took some of the joy out of Christmas for me… I dunno, I know I’m weird… and I understand why people love to receive gift cards so that they can get exactly what they want or need – especially when they’re limited financially… but with few exceptions it feels like I’m just giving people something very impersonal. Oh well, I’ll get over it… lol… I know… “Build a bridge, Stars…” lol. Wow… talk about being “Captain Tangent.”
Yo continues her blog as she tells us that she got the diagnosis that there was inactivity in the left frontal lobe of her brain. She considers it to be a great Christmas present because she feels validated that she hasn’t lost her mind. It also explains why she’s been isolated at home for the last year and a half since she’s had a paralyzed brain. She’s currently in a “clinical trial” and she hopes to soon be a success story.
Yo blogs, “Please know that I am not sharing this information with you for any sympathy vote or pity but rather to take pride and make sense of the cards life dealt me. It takes great courage and strength to share and open our lives to you, the viewers, especially when the chips are down. I have chosen to do so because I feel it’s my duty to use this platform to bring awareness to the silent killer called Lyme; a disease that so many know so little about. I would also like you to be aware of the fact that no matter how fancy and perfect someone else’s life looks to you on the outside, most of us have a story you know nothing about. Unfortunately but absolutely fair to all, the one thing money can’t buy is HEALTH and happiness.”
May you and all who are suffering ailments in our LynnFam community be quickly and fully restored to health.
Yo blogs, “Usually David and I love to have dinner parties at our home but, due to my health, this was the only dinner party we’ve had in the past year — so I look a little rusty and overwhelmed if I might say so myself. Especially when I realized the big blunder of my handwritten seating cards. I tried to make light of a truly unconscious act but nevertheless it was a terribly rude mistake.”
Yep, it was rude. I’m surprised no one caught it before your guests arrived.
Yo continues, “This was definitely not the way I wanted to start my clean slate with Kyle and Kim. Even though I dislike it when Kyle always talks about teams, my dream team comment was uncalled for as well. Even though I am joking about being enemies, the truth is that I absolutely adore Mauricio and when I hugged Kyle in the bathroom last week I truly meant it. It was time for us to move on and support one another in our real-life struggles rather than holding a grudge over two different perceptions of a conversation that happened a year-and-a-half ago.”
I hope you’ve apologized for the comment and for the seating card blunder… Because merely calling the comment “uncalled for” is kind of not enough, in my opinion. Yo continues by talking about Carlton’s cancellation and that she appreciates that Carlton was aware that showing up sick could impact her because she already has a compromised immune system. She wanted to have a nice evening with great friends and great music.
Yo blogs, “Along with a couple of glitches and Brandi’s unnecessary interruption of Joyce’s sweet speech in Spanish, I think we accomplished just that as we ended up dancing the night away with Fraser, Clifton, Victor, and Remigio, the gorgeous tenors, which unfortunately you did not get to see.”
I’m glad “The Tenors” got to join in the party. I know some people were commenting that it seemed wonky that “The Tenors” were not invited to sit down and dine with the guests. My guess that part of the reason why is because most vocalists don’t like to eat before a performance – or at the very least they are very picky about what they eat before they sing. Certain foods affect your throat and voice. But watch out after the performance – because singers tend to be ravenous and will eat you out of house and home… not that I have experience with that or anything… lol.
Yo blogs, “I laughed and really enjoyed watching Lisa in action at the construction site. That is the funny side to her we all love. I was surprised to hear Brandi complain to Kyle about Lisa and I lecturing her about drinking because she knows I really dislike being around drunk women. My support and empathy for her as a friend won’t change because of it but I also won’t change my view on that topic either and I will continue to bug her about it.”
I hope you “bug” Brandi about being such a cockroach on society. Just sayin’… Yo talks a little bit about how devastating it was for Brandi to lose “Chica.” She’s also very proud of Kim’s recovery success story.
Yo blogs, “I was also happy to see Brandi acknowledge the fact that her black remark was extremely inappropriate and apologized to those offended and hurt by it. If I felt in my heart that the intent behind her words were a racial slur, I would have jumped in but it did not feel like that to me especially knowing that her inner circle of real life friends are multi-cultural.”
Well, Yo… So what DO you think was the intent of her words? Yo tells us that Carlton intrigues her and then she says, “Anyway, to each their own. I support everyone’s sexual preference and fantasies because without that freedom, life would be extremely boring.”
Yep… Carlton is certainly doing her best to convince us she’s not boring.
And next week doesn’t look boring either… If we are to believe the Bravo previews… lol… But really, since we know there’s nothing real about reality shows – We need to view them for pure entertainment value. Or in my case, for their pure snark worthiness. Because without them, then what would we have to snark about? Happy trails!