Real Housewives of Bravo New Year’s Resolutions

Real Housewives of Bravo

New Year’s Resolutions

by Stars99


Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Joyce – Promises to share her “Miss Universe Puerto Rico” tiara with Princess Pindy… For 1 day… And 1 day only…

Carlton – Says she will try hard to not try so hard… Plus she will refrain from finding an excuse to wear a bikini in each and every dang episode.

Kyle – Resolves to pick a team and stick with it.

Kim – Promises that she will find a storyline that includes more than just Kingsley or her love for turtles – Hopefully, it will finally include a live, breathing person.  (Or at least a real boy – like Pinocchio.)

Brandi – Says she will always use the word, “Please” before she tells anyone to “Fu** Off,” “STFU,” or “Go Fu** Yourself.”

Yolanda – Resolves she won’t use her illness anymore as an excuse for her rudeness.

Lisa – Promises to wear other colors than just 50 shades of pink… And, as a bonus, she will fire most of her staff at SUR because they’re all annoying idiots.

Real Housewives of Atlanta

Kenya – Says she will refrain from purposefully jiggling her dupa in our face for no apparent reason.

NeNe – Promises she will finally stop drinking her own Kool-Aid.

Porsha – Resolves to take a history class so we can all stop being uncomfortably embarrassed for her.  (She probably needs to take more than just a history class… but… baby steps.)

Kandi – Says she will start making others around her carry their own baggage so it will not affect her life anymore and she will finally be able to “Fly Above.”

Cynthia – Promises to protect herself and her daughter from her greedy weasel of a husband.

Phaedra – Resolves she won’t actually kill her husband on national TV.  I mean, she may now be licensed to embalm and bury him – but she has no license to kill him unless of course she hires 007.

Kim Z – Promises not to have another baby this year.  (I think that would be a first for her…)

Real Housewives of New York City

Ramona – Says she will set aside more on camera time for, “Turtle Time.”

LuAnn – Promises she won’t release a new single this year… (And the world rejoices and starts to resoundingly sing the “Hallelujah Chorus” in unison!)

Sonya – Resolves she will find and marry a really rich guy so we can stop hearing about how poor she is.

Heather – Says she will try to be less annoying this year,,. (A lofty goal, indeed…)

Carole – Promises she will stop pretending she’s a hippy while wearing designer clothes.

Aviva – Resolves that she will pick her top 50 phobias and stick only to them for an entire year.

Real Housewives of Orange County

Vicki – Says she will stop believing everything that slimy, greasy used car salesmen-like guys say to her.  (No offence to nice used car salesmen.)

Tamra – Promises she will sincerely attempt to be a true friend to someone at least for a minute.  (Again, baby steps…)

Gretchen – Resolves to stop Botoxing long enough so her face can actually move again.

Lydia – Promises not to gloat too much over the rest of the girls because she was smart enough to stop being a “Real Housewife of Orange County” with her integrity still intact.

Heather – Her “Royal Heatherness” says she will try to refrain from sitting on her royal throne with a scepter up her ass at least during filming.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey

Caroline – Says she will take her own advice before she tries to give anyone else advice.

Jacqueline – Promises to stop tweeting while she’s acting crazy… (This means she won’t be tweeting at all this year!  Woo hoo!)

Kathy – Resolves to always leave the gun; take the cannoli.

Melissa – Says she will try to have an original thought.  But then again, it would probably die of loneliness or boredom.

Teresa – Promises to redesign the jumpsuits in prison so they’ll sparkle and be, “Fabellicious!”

Real Housewives of Miami

Adriana – Resolves to pick a lie and stick with it.

Alexia – Promises to surround herself and her sons with a better caliber of people.

Joanna – Says she will only emasculate Roman in to having sex with her 7 times a week.

Lea – Resolves to purchase a Birkin bag for each RHOM viewer.  I believe that means she’ll have to come up with 3 of them.  (Only 2 – if you don’t count Andy.)

Lisa – Promises to stop being so whiney to her husband – Especially after he’s worked 12 hours that day.

Marysol – Says she will rent a backbone so she will finally be able to stick up for herself.

Happy New Year Everyone!  May your lives be blessed with love, joy, peace, and health in 2014.  And, as always, may you have way too much fun for words!



Survey Results Coming Soon …


About Veena (NMD)

Just a housewife ... who loves this place .... and loves to write ... You can reach me through this email: Lynn's Place is in tribute to Housewives blogger Lynn Hudson, who passed away in August of 2012.
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186 Responses to Real Housewives of Bravo New Year’s Resolutions

  1. Powell says:

    Good morning and Happy New Year everyone.

    • LaineyLainey says:

      Good Morning Powellypooh! Happy New Year! I loved Stars’ resolutions for the Hw’s and so excited to learn that I’m getting a Birkin Bag!!! (According to Starzy)

  2. If they all followed these resolutions, it would be a peaceful 2014. Of course, you would not have as many interesting things to blog about. I think Jill Zarin should resolved to accept that it’s over, she will not be asked back as a Housewife and Andy should resolve to start shutting down the Housewives series that don’t bring in the ratings, starting with the RHOM.

  3. Powell says:

    Well, well, well. Another year everyone. Thank you NMD and our bloggers for carrying the torch in 2013. And thank you LynnFam for all the stomach aching laughs. I appreciate you all. And thank you Lynn Hudson for starting it all. I know you’ve looked down on us and just shook your head and smiled with pride. I can’t imagine what we’ll get into in 2014.

  4. BB says:

    My favorite is Lea’s from Miami. Priceless, Starzy!

  5. chismosa™ says:

    Stars these were amazing– thank you !

    Andy should have resolutions. But that would be 20 pages long. I agree with NYM- he’s despicably lowbrow and always will be!

    NMD thanks for the blog and happy new year to you.

    Tarts thanks for the tweets – fantastic !

    Happy 2014 to everyone- may it bring health, wealth, and tons of happiness to all.

  6. Happy New Year everyone.
    I’m a little shocked by (some of) the survey results. They are coming soon ….

  7. Ladebra says:

    Another year! 2014. May it be wonderful, prosperous, healthy and filled with love. I’m making black eyed peas!

    Great job Starzy. Can’t wait for the survey, NMD.

    • BB says:

      My black eye peas are on the stove acookin’ right now! Cant wait!

    • Powell says:

      Mmmm mmmm mmmmm. LOL my mom is cooking hers. This pass summer we went to the farmers market and bought a bushel of peas, shelled them and put them in the freezer. My mom had quite a few bags and gave her sisters some. And what are my aunts doing? Looking for peas at the grocery store. My mom said she told them she didn’t tell them to eat all of theirs up. 🙂

  8. Powell says:

    I’m back. My directv in the basement had a little meltdown. I had to call customer service. It’s all reset and back to normal. Whew. 🙂
    I love the predictions Stars. I would like to add that Aviva resolve to placing perve George in a quiet place where he can’t look at or talk to any women. 🙂

  9. Boobah says:

    Happy New Year to one and all!! May 2014 be your best yet!

    Been missing you guys! Took damn near a week to power read in order to catch up! Hoping that those that haven’t been feeling well are on the mend! And Happy belated Birthday to those I missed!

    Thank you NMD, SuperStars, Melth, BB, and whomever I missed for such great blogs! I enjoy them all and appreciate the hard work to get them out to us!


    • Powell says:

      Hey Boobah. We’ve missed you too. Happy New Year.

    • chismosa™ says:

      Boobah happy new year to you …..xo

      • Boobah says:

        Thanks guys!! ((Powell)) ((Chismosa))

        Are you getting ready for the snowstorm that’s coming our way??

        • chismosa™ says:

          I wonder how big it really will be ! (That’s what she said 😆)

          They seem so far to be correct that we’re getting lots of snow this winter, so far.

          • Boobah says:

            Haha – that made me laugh out loud – “that’s what she said” – you’re a sharp one, chis!

            Yeah, so far they’ve been correct about the snowy weather. Like you said though – SO FAR. But I really enjoy the snow a lot as long as we don’t lose power. There’s just something so peaceful about falling snow. Well, not blizzards – that’s not peaceful at all! 🙂

            Did you hear about the sharpshooters out here? Are you guys getting the sharpshooters also??

        • Powell says:

          Yes. I’m getting my hair done tomorrow instead of Saturday. Does that count? 😉

    • LaineyLainey says:

      Boob-ahhhhh! I was beyond jelly beans when you weren’t posting comments lately. You’re baaaaaack! Yay.

      • Boobah says:

        LAINEYx2!!!!!!!!! LoL – we’re making it happen – you are so sweet! I know what you mean though – I hate that I fall behind on the blog – HATE IT, I tell ya! So, I guess that made me beyond jellybeans also. Thank gosh we are now both in front of the jellybeans….cuz ya know what happens when one crosses that line….Not.Good.

  10. iceNfire says:

    ★˛˚˛*˛°.˛*.˛°˛.*★* 。*˛.
    ˛°_██_*.。*./ \ .˛* .˛。.˛.*.★**★ 。*
    ˛. (´• ̮•)*.。*/♫.♫\*˛.* ˛_Π_____.♥Happy New Year♥ ˛*
    .°( . • . ) ˛°./• ‘♫ ‘ •\.˛*./______/~\*. ˛*.2014。˛* ˛. *。
    *(…’•’.. ) *˛╬╬╬╬╬˛°.|田田 |門|╬╬╬╬╬*˚ .˛ *.*

  11. lulu says:

    Good morning!!!! Happy New Year everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • chismosa™ says:

      VV ✋ your face is confusing me. 👵

    • rabblerouser2010R says:

      It’s a bit ostentatious for me, but she looks like she can pull it off nicely.

      I do find it refreshing how Yolanda and the children really do seem to have love and affection for Shiva and likewise. That’s really something I have to give Yolanda a lot of credit for,

      • Catseye says:

        I agree about Yolanda’s ability to move on. To me, that’s really the way to drive a dagger thru Muhammed’s heart for cheating on her and breaking up their family. He looks like an old fool, any more. Brandi needs to learn to shut up and observe…

  12. VV™ says:

    Beautiful ring
    mohamedhadid’s photo

  13. Pghemtchick says:

    The Laurita’s welcomed their lil tax deduction yesterday & Christopher Manzo is apparently a godfather. Candice Laurita welcomed lil Gabriel Christopher.

  14. Pghemtchick says:

    Happy New Year everyone! Wishing everyone the best in the upcoming months! Thank you for the blog and for all the wonderful people here.

  15. VV™ says:

    So, Mohamed did know Joyce prior to RHOBH.

    mohamedhadid’s photo

  16. Boobah says:

    Watching a WWHL marathon…how does Andy get these big names?? Whoopi, Will Ferrell, Steve Carell….

  17. Cartwheels says:

    Thanks for the survey NMD.
    A year ago hands down I would have chosen Nene as the one who you could be real friends with but even though I still like her , I changed my mind and I chose Cynthia instead. Cynthia is the only one from the bunch that I could ever be friends in real life, but hey, that doesn’t mean that Nene can’t join us every once in a while and we all can kick it in and have a great time.

    • LaineyLainey says:

      I don’t remember a friends question? Was it the one about who would be more fun to hang out with? Sometimes I have a bad memory.

    • As long as Peter was no way involved!

      • California35 says:


      • Cartwheels says:

        OF COURSE!!! Peter is not included in the package at all. He can go and kick rocks somewhere. Now, Leon on the other hand ……. 😉
        Yes, LL. I think that was the one , I took the survey last week so I am not remembering all the questions off hand but it was along those lines.

  18. California35 says:

    Good morning and HAPPY NEW YEAR!! 🙂 🙂 sorry if this is too loud 😛

    I wish you all a great year, may we all achieve all we want to achieve and may we all have lots of peace and happiness 🙂

    NMD, BB, Stars, Mell and everyone else who blog – thank you so much. This continues to be a great place to visit. Thank you thank you!

  19. California35 says:

    I am curiou about the survey also. I wonder if there was ONLY one series we could pick to do the survey on. I wonder also if the answers would be difrent if a difrent series was on when we take the survey. BH and Atlanta is more fresh in our heads.

    • Katie (aka kats2) says:

      Good point. There are so many HW’s to choose from you could pick one from each franchise per category.

    • chismosa™ says:

      I always have that problem. We haven’t seen NY since Bush was president
      Current running shows will always skew more votes. IMO.

      I wonder if you could take the survey multiple times or not ?

      Wanted to make sure Melissa got in. (JK!) lol

    • California35 says:

      I didn’t mean to suggest we should do individual surveys or that we should do the survey on a different time of year where other series are on.
      I just wondered how the results would be different. You know, in a “i cant help but wonder” (Carrie’s voice).

      Poor NMD spends so much time on making things happen for us, I would jot suggest she do more. THANKS NMD 🙂

  20. Here’s an interesting article on Mohamed. He was married before Yolanda to a blonde woman named Mary and they had 2 little girls (written in 1988)

    He and Yo divorced in 2003 after 7 years of marriage.

    • chismosa™ says:

      He seems to really like blondes. Hence shiva dyeing her hair- Kim k style.

      That’s why when they asked if Mo dated Joyce I was like – NOT his type !

    • Katie (aka kats2) says:

      He gives me the creeps sometimes but pretty ring, good luck to them, hope this one works.

    • Powell says:

      Ok those are the older kids I think we got a peak at at Pandi’s wedding dinner at Mohamed’s or sometime on the show.

  21. I’m sorry – I keep getting distracted – it’s that kind of day.

    I have a question – does anyone want to help out behind the blog – posting things, etc. Like MTH does? I will be away from the internet for extended periods next year and need to get serious about what will happen to the blog. Please email if you are interested. I will only consider offers of help from people that comment regularly.

    It’s all good – I’m heading off on a huge adventure …. more on that later ….

  22. rabblerouser2010R says:

    Happy New Year everyone.
    Thank You for all the awesome blogs.

  23. Orson says:

    Here’s a hypothetical question for you:

    Imagine, through some odd quirk of circumstances, both Aviva’s and Brandi’s lives were in danger and you only had the time to save one of their lives.

    What kind of sandwich would you make?

  24. SoutheastVA says:

    Happy New Year everyone!

  25. Ladebra says:

    Only animal tweet I’ll do, promise. Just thought this one took some staging!

  26. Nancy says:

    HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. Great blog Stars99.

    • LaineyLainey says:

      Is that your sweet Emily????? That is the cutest thing I’ve seen…the head movements and that sweet look on her face……adorable!

      • Nancy says:

        No it’s not thank God as I would have to explain the lime green velvet chair
        and the grandma curtains! lol

        Did you have fun at your party?

  27. Rebecca is sick of the FatKyle victim storyline says:

    Tudors marathon!!!! BBCAmerica peeps!

  28. Great job Stars!!!!
    I was thinking that NeNe could resolve to not throw stones from the porch of her glass house!!!

    And when I told my daughter that Porsha needed to read a book, maybe start with “Underground Railroad for Dummies”… She suggested “She should read The American Girl book ‘Addy’ it’s only 5 chapters Mom.” It was her favorite and could teach Pors so much that maybe her poor Grandpa could stop turning over in his grave!!

  29. Amalfi says:

    Happy New Year everyone!

  30. Pghemtchick says:

    Just read this article and figured it was so different I had to share.

    These twin gals figured out how to be twins and be different all at the same time. Twin 1 was born in the last minutes of December 31, 2013 while Twin 2 arrived 38 seconds into January 1, 2014! Double the parties and a great story when they are older!

  31. AZGirl says:

    Happy New Years!! I went to bed early after dinner with Second Born. He was able to come home for the New Years.
    Thanks Starzy for the great blog.
    NMD you are the best in doing the survey. Can’t wait for the results.

  32. lulu says:

    I finally caught up on “Call the midwives.” It just puts into perspective how devastating and frightening Polio is. How fortunate we are today to (only) witness it onscreen (my generation) that is.

    On a sad note the actor that played uncle Phil on fresh prince of bellair passed away.

    • lulu says:

      Forgot to add great episode!

    • Nancy says:

      Hi lulu…Happy New Year!!!!!
      Re: Call the Midwife…what were those pills that Timmy took out of his fathers
      medical bag? Did they have anything to do with his poor health? Did it give
      him symptoms of Polio? (My Aunt had polio and spent most of her youth in a

  33. Nancy says:

    The Toronto Maple Leafs just won the Winter Classic against Detroit. Sorry Mel.

  34. California35 says:

    Great! No internet for me today 😦
    Luckily, cable is working and i have an iphone for the internet 🙂 feeeeuu 😛

  35. LaineyLainey says:

    My dvr caught the re run of omarosa on the Bethenny show. Wow….she threw shade at Bethenny. Big tine. i had never seen that one. I know many people hate Om, but she is smart and strong and made a lot of sense. Beth didnt take it lying down, but Om won that battle IMO. By a coupla hairs.

    • California35 says:

      You think so? I thought she won $10k, thats about it. I also thinks she still made herself look pretty bad.

      • LaineyLainey says:

        Yeah, I do think so. She made herself look “bad”? She was herself, and I suppose that is considered bad by many. She did not suck up to Bethenny and she called her out, plus it was weird to have Bethenny tell Om “you have no brand”…people might not like Om’s brand, but Lordy, Lordy she’s got a brand!

        • California35 says:

          Hehehe that is true 😛
          No, i meant just the way she talks. It is still the same as when she first came out. So condescending and as if she is bigger and smarter and pretty much better. Kept talking none stop. I do have to give it to her on sticking to her guns. She is true to herself and good for her for having such high self esteem.

          • LaineyLainey says:

            Yes, to all of your adjectives about her…haha! She does stay true to who she is and sticks to her guns.

            • That is her shtick , I watched a Wendy Williams clip a while back and she did the same thing…I’m thinking…Beth and Wendy have their own shows, what does Om have,,,,,,she is a good villian..

    • lulu says:

      Not that I’m defending Om but she’s no fool. She knew the only reason Bs had her on the show was to attack her. That explains her condensing tone. I’ve seen interviews of her being nice and polite it just depends on the interview(er).

  36. Powell says:

    Hey peeps. I’m watching Downton Abbey the wedding epi. Who are the little flower girls?

  37. LaineyLainey says:

    So I’m instant messaging with my daughter who is in Istanbul, Turkiye. She is alone today because her boyfriend is in Spain playing a game (thus the messaging with mom). So she tells me…”i have two choices for English language Shows on TV here, E! And Al Jazeera News”. She hates E! So she chose Aljazeera. (Sp). She says they are reporting news from all over the globe e.g. “Latvia becomes the 18th country to start using the euro as their national currency, the Sudan is still in an ugly war, the citizens from Syria are suffering everyday and are being displaced and or fleeing the country in droves, in the aftermath of the suicide bombings in Russia bomber is known as the Black Widow….and in news from the United States”. After hearing all this horrible stuff going on all over the world she held her breath and the reporter continued…”and in news from the United States, Colorado legalizes weed!!!!” I doubt the reporter said weed with exclamation points, but my daughter said it was such a sharp contrast to what she’d been hearing that she actually guffawed and then remembered that she’s by herself – no one to laugh with. Awkward.

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