The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills “The Curse of Carlton” by BB
This is Episode 13. Last season, there were 19 episodes before the three-part reunion. Bravo should take note. When people start counting episodes, that’s usually not a good sign.
It’s time for Carlton “Hugh Heafner” Gebbia’s Playboy Mansion style pool party, which consists of a bunch of nekkid ladies grinding on poles and naughty gift bags. Ooooooh, how edgy! At least she doesn’t let her daughters attend the party. They have to go to grandma’s house so they won’t be scarred for life by what they might see or hear. I see Carlton hired the Fatburger guys. They seem to show up at all the shindigs on this show. They must have some kind of connection. Didn’t I read somewhere that one of Kyle’s daughters is dating or engaged to one of the Fatburger guys?
When Ken and Lisa show up, Lisa has to drag Ken past the nekkid ladies at the door before he reaches out and grabs one. Yolanda arrives and gives Carlton a peek of her wonder-woman swim suit. Lisa asks Brandi about her hand and Brandi makes a big ass deal about not going to the doctor. Yolanda thinks Lisa overdoes it sometimes and Brandi is revolting like a child against her mommy. Brandi questions Lisa’s motives and says Lisa wants to make her feel like shit. Not sure how acting concerned about someone can make them feel like shit, but whatever. Brandi and Yolanda have an agenda this season in case you haven’t noticed. Why else would Yolanda say something like Gigi is leaving at the end of the summer and it’s making her (Yolanda) want to take inventory of who her real friends are in life? This ganging up on Lisa is just so frigging funny to me.
Lisa, Kyle and Carlton are standing around talking about what disgusting (Lisa’s word) things are in the Hustler goody bags. Kyle offends Carlton by asking her if that’s a Jewish star tattoo on the back of her neck. Carlton offends Kyle by asking her if she’s effing kidding her. I think ALL of these chicks get offended way too easily. Later, Kyle gives Carlton a gift as she’s leaving the party and Carlton is actually touched and wonders if they could possibly become friends. Nah!
Kim shows up at a Hollywood collectors show to meet with her fans. She says there is a long line of people to meet her and take pictures. Some are Nanny and the Professor fans, some are Hello Larry fans and some are Witch Mountain fans. Kim’s long time crush Jimmy McNichol shows up and tells her she hasn’t changed a bit. The stars at this show seem to be ones you no longer see on TV or in the movies of today, but are from the past. Kim seems to be genuinely appreciative of some fans who show up to give her their grandmother’s turtle pin because they know she loves turtles. Good times.
It’s LEMON time! Yolanda is making lemonade. She gets Bella to sample it and Bella says it tastes perfect. Yolanda needed an excuse to get the girls together. She looked at her little memory wall of paintings her kids and friends have done over the years and comes up with the idea that Gigi needs one of these walls in her new apartment in New York when she goes away to school. So, she has invited the girls to come over to make some pictures for Gigi’s wall, because these women are so close to Gigi you know. Yolanda and Bella carry all the painting supplies up the hill to get everything set up. Two minutes before arrival time, Yolanda receives a text from Lisa that she can’t make it because she has meetings to go to. Yolanda canceled her important meetings (Yolanda has important meetings?) so she could have this get together. Yolanda thought Lisa was a better friend than that. Can you see where this is going folks? Joyce and Carlton are the only ones who show up for this little painting party on time. Carlton is a little frazzled after her pool party the day before. Carlton accuses Joyce of labeling Brandi an alcoholic when she refuses the wine offered by Yolanda but says maybe Brandi will want some when she gets there. The three ladies huff and puff it up the hillside. Well Yolanda seems used to it, but Joyce says if she had to make that climb every day, she’d finally have the butt she wants.
Kyle has a part on the soap “Days of our Lives.” She is trying to learn her lines and talks about having to memorize lines before she could read. Kyle says acting is part of her life. Kyle admits that her mom put her acting dreams onto her kids. Kyle says she doesn’t regret it, but she’s glad her kids never got the acting bug. Later Kyle shows up at Burbank studios where she gets her hair and makeup done. She’ll be in the 12,211th episode of Days of Our Lives. She drops George Clooney’s name when she talks to the hair stylist about being on the show ER. She doesn’t regret having kids at a young age and giving up her acting “career.” Kyle plays a talent agent in the scene. She does her scene and says “Susan Lucci watch out.” I don’t think Susan Lucci has anything to worry about.
Getting back to Lemon Land, Brandi finally shows up in ratty jeans shorts with a broken hand (so she says). She made the ultimate sacrifice by showing up for Yolanda with a broken hand (so she says) when she should be in the emergency room (so she says). She is such a loyal friend and Lisa is not. This is the subtle running theme of this season. The dream team is cracking. If you haven’t picked up on this by now, then you just haven’t been listening and watching closely enough. Hey, King David took time out of his busy schedule of making music magic to join the ladies’ painting party. What a treat! He tells them the hottest four women showed up before he leaves what he calls the hen party. Carlton asks the others if anyone has been talking shit about her behind her back, specifically Kyle. She dreamt that Kyle was talking negatively about her faith. Yolanda and Joyce try to put the kibosh on this conversation because Kyle is not there. Joyce is right when she says Carlton needs to talk to Kyle about it and just because she dreamt about it doesn’t mean it’s true. Even Brandi thinks Carlton is a little too intense and defensive about her faith.
Carlton brings up Kyle again later (unless this conversation was edited and chopped, which I think it was). The subject of spells comes up. Joyce tells Carlton she doesn’t believes in spells. Carlton tells her watch out when she gets home that night. Carlton thinks Joyce is very naïve. Later that night Michael gets very sick. Did Carlton put a spell on Michael? Kim believes it when Joyce tells her about it. Seems Joyce may be starting to believe it too. I don’t believe in spells and I cannot believe this topic is going to be pursued next week. I am not taking this show seriously, at all. It has become one big joke to me.
Vanderpump Rules: S2 – Ep12 & 13
“Til Death Do Us Part” & “Bitch Slap” by HydrangeaHussy
I apologize for missing last week’s blog. I started a new job & was presented as a Duchess of my Mardi Gras krewe, so it was a super busy week.
At the end of the last episode, Kristen refused to work with Ariana because she allegedly slept with Tom, Stassi & Scheana were friends again & Jax was still stirring the pot. In Episode 12 Stassi helped Lisa with Scheana & Shay’s engagement. It was beautiful! Kristen finally decides to take a break from Tom. Tom finally lets Jax have it for spilling the beans, though he admits that he made out with Ariana. Kristen takes it out on the girls, rather than on Tom. I know that ratings are up, but these kids are wearing me out with the lying and the constantly changing alliances.
This week, we begin with Stassi & Katie relaying the whole Sur to Kristina. Jax revealed to Lisa that he slept with Kristen twice. Stassi immediately begins plotting revenge. Tom still doesn’t know that his best friend was sleeping with his girlfriend. I don’t blame Stassi for being angry with Kristen, she did ruin the Cabo trip & has played the victim card repeatedly.
Stassi catches Lisa leaving Sur. Lisa says that she never thought Jax would admit to sleeping with Kristen. She tries to comfort Stassi, encouraging her to be the bigger person. Of course we know Stassi will never do that. Lisa is concerned that Kristen appears to be spiraling downward, but says that she can’t fire people because of who they sleep with. They both know that Kristen will deny it when confronted. Lisa tells Stassi not to create a scene at Sur.
The guys meet up for Jax’s birthday. He’s turning 34. Tom is conspicuously absent. Stassi then appears & Jax looks stunned. After the stunts he pulled on her birthdays, why is he surprised? She announces to the table that Jax was chasing her for a year while sleeping with Kristen. Peter flips out! When asked how he could do that to Tom, Jax says that Tom was cheating on Kristen. Being cheated on isn’t an excuse to cheat – Kristen should have left the relationship. Stassi asks for Jax’s help in confronting Kristen. Other Tom tells them that they should resolve this away from the group. Jax tries to excuse his behavior by saying he was in a bad place, that all guys do that, & that Stassi isn’t an angel. Jax agrees to help with the confrontation.
There’s a few couples scene of Tom & Kristen. He’s supporting her in her dreams of acting & helping her with her reel. Kristen apologized to Stassi & Katie, who agreed to meet her. Kristen is worried how they will treat her. She is keeping up the charade that she hasn’t done anything wrong.
Everyone is at the confrontation – Scheana, Shay, Peter, etc. Stassi doesn’t do anything half-way, she wants as many witnesses to Kristen’s downfall as possible. She isn’t going as hard on Jax because he was honest & has agreed to back her. Kristen & Tom arrive. Tom is all smiles, while Kristen looks nervous. Kristen immediately apologizes to Stassi for the fight at Sur. Kristen says that she hasn’t been a bad friend, but admits that she shouldn’t have lashed out at Stassi because of her own relationship issues.
Stassi just comes out with it – Kristen slept with Stassi’s boyfriend. Kristen denies it & Stassi calls Jax over. She then calls Tom over so he can hear. Put on the spot, Jax says that he slept with Kristen twice. Stassi tells Tom that the first time was while Tom was in the house. Tom doesn’t believe it. I’m not sure I can blame Tom, because Jax has lied about so many things. Stassi says that she believes Jax because he doesn’t get anything out of this. But he’s getting attention & back in Stassi’s good graces. Jax keeps asserting that it happened & Kristen keeps denying it. Tom wants to know why Stassi is doing this in front of everyone. Stassi turns on Kristen. She calls Kristen all kinds of names, then slaps her & pours a drink on her. Kristen attacks Stassi, but Other Tom pulls her off. As Tom is trying to leave, Jax is trying to show him text messages from Kristen. Kristen leaves, saying that she will sue Stassi. Stassi continues to rally her troops, asking everyone to ignore her so that she will quit.
Stassi tells Lisa that she slapped Kristen. She can’t let it go because she knows that Kristen is guilty. Lisa tells her to just move on. Stassi says that she wants to get Kristen to quit, but Lisa tells her to cut it out. In her TH, Lisa admits that she wouldn’t be able to work with someone like that. I know that I wouldn’t either. Kristen is at home, icing her cheek. Tom believes that Jax is lying – which is possible since Jax has consistently lied about everything. Tom is disgusted by the thought of Kristen hooking up with Jax. Kristen is mad that Stassi believes Jax. Jax arrives at Sur & Lisa confronts him. She tells him that she doesn’t care who he sleeps with, as long as it doesn’t affect her business. Lisa points out that Jax thinks everything is ok if he just admits what he does, there are no repercussions for his actions.
It’s beach day. During the girls spray tan session we learn that Tom was invited, but told not to bring Kristen. Stassi is called out for being ok with Jax, but not from Kristen. Stassi tells everyone that she expects this from Jax, but that Kristen was playing the cheating victim all year. When asked if he feels bad about it, Jax avoids the question. He says that he doesn’t care about Tom, and admits that he doesn’t feel guilty. Stassi reminds him that he is lucky that she isn’t turning everyone against him. She’s pretty confident in her queen bee status. I don’t understand how Jax could sleep with his best friend’s girlfriend & not feel any remorse.
Other Tom arrives & asks to look at Jax’s phone. He believes Kristen, but wants to investigate anyway. There are texts on Jax’s phone from Kristen in which she asks who Jax told so that she can cover her bases. Tom asks point-blank if they had sex. Jax says ‘yes.’ Tom asks a serious of specific questions, which Jax simply answers. Tom is hurt that his friend would do this to him. He has been such a good & close friend, but Jax betrayed him. Tom doesn’t understand how Jax could do this & act to calm about it. Jax says that Tom cheated on her, so what’s the difference. Tom points out that he didn’t cheat with a friend. Both Tom & Jax leave, going different ways.
Watch What Happens Live by NMD
Watch What Happens Live had Stassi and Yolanda on last night. Stassi says the season finale will answer all our questions about the text messages on Jax’s phone, and it is unbelievable. I’m actually a little curious, but I can’t tell if the whole cast is playing roles in a cheezy soap opera or if they are really this disgusting.
Yolanda looked really healthy and happy. Yay! Asked about Brandi and their friendship, she backed off considerably. After much hemming and hawing she said they were close during filming. BURN. Brandi (of course) couldn’t let that go and tweeted Andy:
— Brandi Glanville (@BrandiGlanville) January 28, 2014
Yolanda took it in stride, smiling, and saying yes she did cancel her plans with Brandi. Something tells me she wasn’t smiling inside at being called out. But afterwards reprimanded Brandi on twitter. The reunion should be interesting.
— YOLANDA (@YolandaHFoster) January 28, 2014
Yolanda’s daughter (Gigi) was in the clubhouse. She tweeted that she starts school tomorrow – I hope she got some sleep.
— Gigi Hadid (@GiGiHadid) January 28, 2014
Gigi sent a tweet to Brandi that she later deleted. Brandi responded that she loved her too.
(VV captured that deleted tweet string)
Gigi deleted this tweet.
@GiGiHadid: I love @BrandiGlanville and that’s that.
@BrandiGlanville: @GiGiHadid awwww thank u love. Love u also.
@bellahadid: @BrandiGlanville @GiGiHadid I’m feeling left out
When asked if Yo told her to delete her tweet, the response:
@phxhousewife haha no she didn’t.Just didn’t like Brandi’s dramatic tweet,as she knew the reason my mom had to cancel was bc I got very sick
— Gigi Hadid (@GiGiHadid) January 28, 2014
@phxhousewife I think you misunderstood & maybe B did too. Both very busy so my mom said closER while filming bc they see eachother everyday
— Gigi Hadid (@GiGiHadid) January 28, 2014
Nope GiGi – your mom distanced herself from Brandi big time on National TV and got the Brandi payback. #getwise