Let’s Go SeaHawks
Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
Blogs Blogged by Stars99
Note: This week we get the supreme privilege of blasting through random insane thoughts of “Real Housewife” wackadoos via their blogs. We’ll read accusations of systematic disrespect, gasps that someone insulted a religion while that person simultaneously insulted someone else’s religion, and such obvious delusions of grandeur that one can’t help but just sit, throw their head back, and laugh hysterically at the hypocritical craziness of it all. I know many of you are tired of all of this – but I must confess, the epic proportion of the insane hilarity has me glued to my TV watching with disdain while rubbing my hands together in greedy blogger delight.
It has always interested me to read the housewives’ perspectives months after filming has ended and relationships have invariably gone through significant changes. When they finally get to view the producers’ arbitrary condensed version from hours of filming plus the private talking head interviews – the housewife blogs are where their reactions run rampant. New to this mix, is an obvious strategic timing of some people blogging after first seeing what others have blogged about the same episode. It seems to me they are absolutely comparing notes in many cases when they target others in their blogs which is just so transparently juvenile. So let’s just try not to go bat crap crazy ourselves, and instead just point and snark!
In a vain attempt to explain “Handgate 2014™®©” Brandi Blogs, “I broke my hand on a Thursday. I had my friend who is a MMA fighter and boxer wrap it for me and was happy to go to Carlton’s party on Sunday. I did not go to the doctor for a few reasons. First, I barely had any time to — and second I didn’t have medical insurance at the time. I had been trying for the last year to get medical coverage, but had been turned down because of a pre-existing condition. I have two little boys to take care of and I didn’t want to waste my money on myself and have yet another reason to be turned down for insurance.”
Oh Brandi, accidents are unexpected (Hence the use of the word, “accident”) and are rarely convenient. The excuse of not having time to deal with your arm is laughable – You had time to go out drinking with Lisa and Kyle AND go to Carlton’s party, no? I bet Bravo would have loved to follow you to the hospital and get some great footage of you in pain. Medical insurance is a huge issue – and can absolutely be tough to get if you have a pre-existing condition(s).
Although I may be in the minority, I absolutely believe you broke your hand. It just doesn’t make sense otherwise: 1) You were minimizing it and it was everyone else who wanted to make a big deal about it; 2) Your castmates attest that they immediately knew you had broken it; and, 3) There was a lot of swelling – so much so that Lisa almost kidnapped you and took you to the hospital. Breaking your dominant hand must be really painful and trying to live life without using must be a pain in the dupa.
That being said, it’s really hard to muster the kind of sympathy for you that we would have it for someone in your same situation but doesn’t have the financial resources that you have. You’re judged harshly on this because while we only know portions of what you earn – Even that is way more than most of your viewers ($175,000 for this season for a few months of work plus whatever you made on your 1st book, any potential advance on your 2nd book, your various guest appearances, and perhaps your podcasts, etc.). Earlier this very season, you had a talk with your mom about how well you were doing financially and that you wanted to share your wealth with her – Which was awesome! You just can’t now play the “I’m too poor card” without appearing to be disingenuous. It’s just really hard to feel sorry for you about this other than for the pain that comes from a broken hand… How much does Botox cost again?
Brandi blogs, “I now have medical insurance, and, yes, my hand did heal a little deformed. My best friend drove up from San Diego, thank goodness, because with my right hand broken I couldn’t really do my hair or makeup, and so I got a helping hand from my girls.”
I can’t even imagine how much anxiety a “deformed” hand is causing you since you had a complete meltdown over a mere wrinkle in your knuckle during a previous season’s photo shoot.
Brandi writes, “We all went over to Carlton’s for her very sexy party. I’ve never been to a party like that in town of Beverly Hills, but it was interesting and fun — and all about the company for me. Yolanda looked stunning and exuded elegance, without being stuffy like some of the other gals that refused to get in the pool. But to each their own!”
There wasn’t anything remotely “sexy” about that pool party. Riddle me this, why weren’t you and Yolanda relentlessly berating Carlton, obnoxiously ganging up on her while calling her names, and incessantly putting her down about not getting into the pool? Carlton was after all, the hostess of the party – and it was her supreme duty to get into the pool herself so she could lead the way so others would also be comfortable in getting into the pool, no? Oh, I get it – those rules only apply if you’re named “Joyce” or “Jacqueline”…
Brandi talks about how she thought it was a nice gesture that Kyle gave Carlton the necklace… And honestly, there was absolutely no hint of snark! Brandi blogged that she got a better picture of Kim from watching how she relates to her fans during her segment. She then talks about how she went to Yo’s house to paint even though her hand was “worse than ever.” She said she actually debated on if she needed to take a cab to the ER… Gee, ya think? But instead, since she tells us she is, “generally on time and not one to flake” but unfortunately she confides she was a little late on this occasion. Poor, poor Brandi. She tells us that her hand throbbed while she was painting… Well duh, yeah, painting is a brilliant thing to do with a broken hand, no? She reconfirms to us that Kyle has never said anything about Carlton to her. Yeah, Kyle is much smarter than to do that, I’d say.
In a shocking turn, Brandi actually gives Lisa a break as she blogs, “As far as Lisa canceling at the last minute, it isn’t cool but things do happen.” This nice statement would have played better if you hadn’t just spent the last paragraph playing a martyr by telling us how wonderful you were for showing up with a broken hand.
Brandi blogs, “Our parents always tell us never to talk about politics or religion because those conversations never end well — and guess what they are very very right. I was joking about Carlton putting a spell on Kyle and then Joyce chimes in with an insult about Carlton’s religion and the whole “My beliefs are better then yours, and my God can kick Wiccans ass” fight starts. I personally believe that we are all entitled to our own beliefs and no ones God is better then any one else’s beliefs.”
After the hex talk, in your talking head you glibly said, “I think Carlton may have just put a spell or a hex on Joyce, fingers crossed!” How is THAT not an affront to Carlton’s religion by your trivialization of it? But since Carlton’s got the hots for you, I’m sure she will just laugh it off.
Carlton starts her blog by talking about her party and how she and her husband were really happy with how it turned out. She was disappointed that we didn’t see the band play or one of her friends sing, but she mentions them by name in her blog.
Carlton blogs, “As far as the uncomfortable hug with Joyce, seconds before that she was waiving both of her jazz hands 12″ from my face for me to notice her, because I wasn’t looking as she made her grand entrance. Sorry you didn’t get to see that either. Oh, Joyce wasn’t getting the attention she so desperately craves. And yes that’s exactly my reaction when some one manically waves their hands in my face and then has the desperate need to hug. It’s odd and uncomfortable.”
How dare Joyce? She used “jazz hands!” Run for your lives! Joyce didn’t make a grand entrance at all… Actually, she was very complimentary of you from what we saw on her way in… The fact that she sought out the host of the party when she got there to say “hello” was not only appropriate but if she hadn’t have done that, you would have found a way to criticize her for that, too. In addition, you must not have gotten the memo about hugging… because as a “Real Housewife” there must be something in the contract that says you are required to hug each other each and every single time you see each other – even if you just saw each other earlier that afternoon. It’s exhausting to watch. You made a lemon face when you hugged Joyce and her husband. It was very petty and immature of you.
Then Carlton actually has the nerve to blog, “The systematic disrespect from Kyle is extremely calculated, and if it isn’t obvious to some of you, why not take a look at her behavior. She’s always accused me of having preconceived ideas about her when I entered this lair, but this is a classic example of transference. Seems she was the one with the preconceived notions before I ever met her, then lying in her pathetic way asking “innocent” questions about my beliefs in Palm Desert in the pool, at my house for lunch, at my pool party to name a few. She may play the dumb, innocent victim with people, but I saw her for who she really is from day one. She exists in a make believe world and believes her own hype.”
Are you freakin’ kidding me? You’re the one who had watched the previous seasons before coming on the show and knew way more about Kyle than she ever could have known about you. How is this “a classic example of transference?” I think you might have meant “projection” but that’s a whole nuther Oprah.
I almost choked to death when I read your words about Kyle’s, “Systematic Disrespect” of you. Then you cite various events where this “systematic disrespect” took place… While it pains me to defend Kyle at this point, let’s just take a quick little looksee at them one by one, shall we?
The first situation you cite was, “In Palm Desert in the pool.” While at the pool in Palm Desert, Kyle asked you about the tattoo of a pentagram on your foot and in your own blog for that week, you wrote, “Fan-f—ing-Tastic! Nothing like being put on the spot. I was surprised that Kyle seemed to notice the little one on my foot, which is of a pentagram. I am incredibly hesitant to talk to a couple of these girls about what I believe in. I’m certainly not seeking their approval, as they don’t need mine for their religious choices either — which is the obvious reason why one shouldn’t discuss religion or politics.”
You didn’t mention anything about feeling like Kyle was disrespecting you at all – You only said that you didn’t want to explain your faith to that group of people at that particular time – But you said all of this in your talking head interview and not to anyone who was actually asking the questions (which included Kyle, Yolanda, Lisa and Kim). You say you want people to talk to you directly about things and not talk about you behind your back – and yet when they do talk to you directly – you crucify them. And while we’re talking about crucifixion, aren’t you the one who has the tattoo of a cross with “F*** You” on it? Who is being disrespectful – And it’s especially heinous because it involves a revered symbol of faith… Oooo Ooo Oooo… And it was in Palm Desert that Brandi wore that horrible bathing suit (The top had a replica of the image of “Our Lady of Guadalupe” on it) and you had a vulgar exchange with Brandi about it to which I wrote in my blog of the situation, “In my opinion, the only thing worse than wearing the actual bathing suit top itself, was the back and forth conversation between Brandi and Carlton about the positioning of the image when Brandi wears the bathing suit. Carlton cavalierly made the comment, “Is she suckling?” when referring to said bathing suit top on Brandi’s breast. I have no words…” To me, this was yet another concrete example of your complete disrespect of someone else’s faith.
The next situation wherein you imply that Kyle somehow strategically disrespects you occurred was, “At my house for lunch.” If you remember the situation, after seeing crosses all over your house and a Catholic confessional in your bar area, Kyle innocently asks if you were raised Catholic. Your reaction in your talking head to her question was, “It has taken a lot of me to control myself – I don’t ever meet people for the first time and ask them what their religion is – I think it’s rude and inappropriate.” You were the one who disrespected a first-time guest in your home by your melodramatic reaction to her getting-to-know you kind of questions. You looked at Kyle like she was an alien and was pulling information from out of thin air.
There was also a scene at that same lunch when you guys were standing outside and you were describing how all of the witch’s balls scattered around your backyard were there to trap negative energy. Kyle asks, “Well, have you ever explored with witchcraft?” Your dry response after a long, uncomfortable silence was, “Really?” In your talking head you said, “Kyle with her bloody dumb question… it’s bloody rude.” Kyle quickly explains, “No, I mean like fun witchcraft.” Then in your talking head again, you say, “If you want to find out about me, get to know me… But don’t try to shock value me in front of people I don’t know. I know how that s*** works, I’ve known girls like you.” While I’m sure it’s true that Kyle and the entire cast were told before filming began that one of the new girls was Wiccan, or maybe they even used the term “witch”… It was obvious that this was going to be part of your storyline this season and perhaps Kyle was just being a good soldier in bringing up the subject. I don’t know… but honestly and truly, I did not sense disrespect from her at all on this subject. No one else disrespected you either – at least not from the footage that we saw, at least not in my opinion. There were some comments made about your creepy dolls… but ummm… They only have a creepy vibe because they’re housed in your Goth castle. I think they might all be scared of you, to be honest.
And the last event you talk about was, “At my pool party.” Kyle asked to see your new tattoo on the back of your neck – You know the one we were forced to watch you get in a previous episode. Kyle asked if it was a Jewish star, and your response was, “Really, are you f***ng kidding me?” In your talking head you say you know what the “Star of David”looks like and that you can’t mistake the two. Well, Kyle, for whatever reason, wanted that clarification – It doesn’t seem probable that Kyle was disrespecting your faith because you know, she’s Jewish and all. I ask the question, whose response demonstrated more disrespect than your own reaction? It is just crazily hypocritical of you, Carlton, to jump to the conclusion that people are automatically disrespecting you whenever people ask questions about your faith – You’re the one with several tattoos emblazoned all over your body, religious symbols of various kinds in every corner of your house, and a son you actually named, “Cross.” You kind of have to expect questions about your faith to come up, no?
Carlton blogs, “Let’s be very clear here: I reacted so sharply because for one moment I thought she had a genuine interest in my tattoo that I’d told NO ONE about or shown, but she just happened to know about it. And then she starts and lays her pathetic groundwork for a very clear and dangerous setup.”
So let me get this straight, you’re mad at Kyle for knowing that you had a new tattoo? It’s somehow her fault she knew about it? You’re the one who filmed getting it done with an entire production crew standing around watching you get it. At the time Kyle asked to see your tattoo, you didn’t ask her how she knew you had a new one, did you? No, of course not… It’s much more adult of you to whine about it in your blog all these months later.
Carlton inexplicably continues to whine, “First off converting as she did to a beautiful faith, she truly does Judaism an incredible disservice if she can’t tell the difference between our two symbols. My bikini strap was not covering up my large tattoo. The point is she’s known from day one what my religion is and consistently goads me. I may believe in love and light, but I will not be quiet when I’m being insulted either. Nothing that comes out of her mouth is honest or authentic.”
Why can’t you ever give someone the benefit of the doubt? Instead you hastily judge Kyle as a being a “disservice” to Judaism, Captain Judgy McJudgerson! Kyle explains herself later in her blogs, but it’s really hard to take you seriously, Carlton, when you are the quintessential example of the kind of behavior you’re hypocritically blasting others of doing.
Carlton blogs, “In my moment of possibilities I briefly thought the necklace was a memento of starting fresh. God knows I had been honest with her in the gym shop, but that didn’t pan out. Clearly she doesn’t like honesty. So yes, I graciously accepted this beautiful piece of jewelry hoping we could move forward. Cut to after she left early and I can’t explain the loo scene with Kyle, but I had more than two people come up to me saying that she and the other one were talking negatively about my home and my guests, plus I did have a dream, which I pay heed to. This is the way I live my life, and I make no apologies. I’m so done giving one more chance. Some people are just destined to dislike one another, and this one I can do without.”
What I saw on the screen was a peace offering being graciously and generously given to you from someone WHO HAD DONE NOTHING WRONG! Only you could twist that kind gesture into being something that it wasn’t… Kyle’s most grievous sin at your pool party was that she and Mauricio wore matching red colored outfits. I know they didn’t wear the exact same outfit – but the effect was just too cutesy for me. Even though you had your “dream” days before the pool party (You said so at Yolanda’s the next day) you still accepted Kyle’s gift then bashed her for it the next day. You say you’re done with giving people “one more chance.” So are we, Carlton… So are we…
Carlton ends her blog by briefly discussing the day at Yo’s house, and she blogs, “As far as Jacqueline consistently challenging my religion, of course I’m going to react, but I must say I giggled when I watched her scene with Kim. It was so entertaining, and for someone who doesn’t believe, she sure gives me a lot of credit.”
Awww… How so very adult of you to call Joyce, “Jacqueline.” Oh, I now get it – you were trying to be funny! One of the central themes (Rede) of Wicca is to “harm none” – Which explains why you go out of your way not to harm anything – even a bee. Carlton, it just seems odd to me that while you were so adamant about not causing harm to a bee… You have absolutely no problem whatsoever with hexing someone… What is up with that? You might want to refresh yourself with the Wiccan’s “Threefold Law” wherein anything you send out into the universe (good or bad) comes back to you three times over… Just sayin’…
Joyce Giraud de Ohoven
After her initial greeting, Joyce moves directly to Carlton’s pool party. She tells us that she never knew Carlton had a problem with her until she saw her talking head interviews. Joyce and her husband brought a nice bottle of champagne and greeted Carlton. Joyce reacted to Carlton’s lemonface hug when she writes, “Carlton, on the other hand, wasn’t so welcoming and seeing the face she made when she said hello to me, I wish I would’ve politely declined her invitation.”
Ehhh… Carlton would have criticized you for declining her invitation – Heck, she dissed Kyle for leaving early. I’m glad you attended because your presence just makes Carlton look pathetic. Joyce then generously talks about the best part of the day was when Carlton’s friend sang. But, in today’s example of, “I kid you not” Joyce also tells us the worst part of the day was when, “one of the strippers got stuck to the pole because it was so hot in the sun.” So glad we didn’t see that… lol…(sorry…)… As an aside… can you imagine how hot that danged pole was in the blazing sun? That must have been horrible for those pole dancers – that certainly wasn’t very well thought out! Two words: Hazard pay. Joyce says nice things about Kim’s and Kyle’s segments before talking about the painting party at Yo’s house.
Joyce blogs, “When I arrived, Yolanda and I had a very nice chat for about 30 minutes. Then Carlton arrived a bit stressed out and decided to attack from the beginning. First she says I’m “labeling” Brandi because I asked if we should leave the wine in the house. I didn’t exactly want to hike Yolanda’s steps carrying the heavy bucket of ice if no one was drinking it.”
Yeah, if you drink it, you bring it…lol… Well, except that Brandi had a broken hand and all…
Joyce writes, “When we walked outside Carlton told me this confusing sentence: “I like you, but I didn’t want to like you, but I really like you!” WTF?!? I think Carlton needs to define herself and try to be true to herself. She claims I need attention, but I’m not the one desperately licking poles or trying so hard to showcase the very same things I criticize about others.”
No, you just flip your hair a lot. You should be ashamed of yourself!
Joyce talks about Carlton’s paranoia that Kyle was talking about her behind her back, “As I clearly said to her: if she has a problem with Kyle she should talk to her about it. Unfortunately Carlton would not let go of the subject. The entire painting party became about her talking about Kyle. Then Brandi says that Kyle is scared that Carlton will put a spell on her. That’s when I said: “Spells only get to you if you believe in them.” I respect every religion and have friends that practice a lot of different religions, including witches. But I still haven’t met anyone as judgmental as Carlton. I think she literally uses her Wicca for shock value and wants everyone to believe and be intimidated by her witchcraft. Guess what? I am not scared of YOU! And YES!!! My GOD is so powerful that protects me against any negativity you throw my way.”
Giggles just a little…
Joyce blogs, “She basically threatens to “put a spell” saying: “Go home tonight and watch what happens.” I believe in life we create our own happiness; and the only bad energies that enter your world are the things you allow to come in. As I don’t believe in any of Carlton’s negativity, it doesn’t affect me.”
Well, to be fair… You also kind of challenged her to do it a little… Not sure that was the smartest thing you’ve ever done…
Joyce continues, “What was shocking was to see Brandi crossing fingers hoping the hex would work. Brandi. . .watch it! What you wish for others comes back to you double.”
Okay, so is that like a “Twofold Law” or something? We can argue until the cows come home about how many times over something will come back on you…most major religions have a reciprocity law of some sort. However, isn’t the “Golden Rule” to treat others like you want to be treated enough to suffice for this situation? Joyce then describes how she told her husband what Carlton said to her. Her husband believes in energy and in surrounding himself with positive people. He told her he hated the fact that Carlton threatened to put a spell on her… and then he promptly got really sick. Joyce thinks he probably was going to get sick anyway and she knows the power of suggestion is pretty strong.
Joyce blogs, “We have a wonderful friend who is a Rabbi. I just love him and his wife. The next day they came right away and blessed our home against any negativity.”
So does that mean that Carlton is gone? Well, a girl can dream, right?
After her greeting, Kim blogs, “The Hollywood Collectors Show was such a great day. I had so much fun. It is such a privilege for me to be able to connect with all of the people who have been supporters of my acting career since the beginning. They have watched me grow from a little girl to the person I am today. From Nanny and The Professor, Hello Larry, Escape to Witch Mountain, Tuff Turf, and now to RHOBH! Some of them feel as if they know me and being on a show like this has really given my fans a glimpse into what my life is really like.”
Who would have ever thought that the best part about an entire episode of RHOBH would be the segment that contained no other housewife but Kim? Go figure…
Kim blogs, “It’s a really special feeling to know that after all these years people still respect me for what I am first and foremost — an actress. I feel so loved and I honestly can say I feel a love for them as well.”
It was really heartwarming to see Kim with her fans. It’s easy to see how that type of fan adoration would be addictive for so many people. Kim’s words probably made a whole lot of people feel really good about themselves that day. Kim then tells us once again about the whole story about how Jimmy McNicol grabbed her dupa and that she’s been ribbed about it for the last 35 years.
Kim blogs, “Over the years I’ve had the most amazing gifts from my fans that come not only from their hearts but hold so much sentimental value. Like my turtle pin! This was her grandmother’s! Did you see how her mother cried when her daughter gave me the pin? It was so touching. Also, when the lady wanted me to hold Elias, the baby puppy. She’s been very sick with cancer and Elias has been with her the whole time and means the world to her. The fact that she wanted ME to hold him and to take a picture was really touching. It is moments like this that make me so grateful for my job. From real babies to puppies to turtle pins, and so many others. You have no idea some of the very strange requests I’ve gotten. But I have to say I absolutely love being a part of these experiences! As I have shared before when people say to me, “You don’t know what you’ve done for my life,” I say back “You don’t know what you’ve done for mine!” It’s such a special feeling that I am so grateful for. I have the best fans in the world.”
It must be really hard to navigate through the waters of fan adoration. When do you accept gifts and when don’t you? Where are the lines? I really think it meant a lot to that fan to give Kim that heirloom turtle pin – and while at first thought I screamed, “Don’t take it!”… Perhaps that would have done more damage? The fan might have taken the rejection of her gift really hard no matter how graciously Kim did it. I hope Kim treasures that pin… Kim seemed to be genuinely overwhelmed with gratefulness – and I don’t know about you, but I can’t get enough of seeing that kind of attitude!
Kim then talks about her sister’s segment on “Days of Our Lives” and that she thinks Kyle did a great job. She and Kyle have been actresses all their lives and it made Kim want to get back to that type of work. She briefly talks about the segment at Yo’s house and mentioned that Carlton doesn’t seem to click with her sister and Joyce. She tells us that she met Joyce the very next day at Pilates Plus, and it’s there that Joyce told her about Carlton’s “spell.”
Kim blogs about what Joyce told her, “She said she told Carlton she doesn’t believe in spells and Carlton said just wait to go home tonight and see what happens. When she got home her husband was really sick! To me it sounds like maybe Carlton did put a spell on Joyce and her husband. I don’t know much about Wicca but I do know if someone said something like that to me and then my husband got sick I would be spooked! I don’t have a problem with Carlton, nor do I want one. We have gotten along from the beginning and I would like to keep it that way. In fact, I was shocked to hear that she had said that because I had never seen that side of her. It did not seem like the Carlton I have known. In any case I try and stay in a very spiritual world over here. . .where we don’t case spells!”
Yes, it’s probably wise to stay on the witch’s good side. And learn how to pole dance.
Kyle blogs, “When Carlton greeted Joyce and made that face behind her back, I really thought “OK, enough already!” It made me feel bad for Joyce. She comes to a party she’s invited to, with a smile on her face and the hostess acts disgusted to see her. Carlton’s rude comments and unprovoked attacks have grown old. She is a walking, talking contradiction. She preaches loving all Gods’ creatures, not liking drama, not being judgmental, always giving people the benefit of the doubt (clearly not with me), and not putting labels on someone… Then her actions are the exact opposite of what she is always preaching about.”
I’ve thought long and hard about this and I’ve concluded that Carlton doesn’t like you because you obviously must put too much garlic in your food. I know garlic wards off vampires – but I’ve heard it will work on other evil spirits, too. Hmmm…. I think the next trip ya’ll take should be to Gilroy, California – the garlic capital of the world. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gilroy,_California
Kyle blogs, “When I asked to see Carlton’s tattoo and she lifted up her hair, it was almost completely blocked by her bathing suit tie AND her microphone which is about 3 inches long and 2 inches wide. I could only see PART of the star. I, of course, know what a Star Of David looks like. I also know that she has pentagram tattoos and a cross that says “F— You.” When I saw the tip of the tattoo and asked if that was a Jewish star , I was thinking about the bumper sticker I often see that says “Coexist” and shows a moon, star, peace sign, Star of David, pentagram (on top of the “i”), and a cross (among other symbols — you can google it.). I, in no way, shape or form would mean that as an insult when I AM Jewish. WHY does she think my asking if it was a Jewish star is offensive? What is offensive about a Star of David? Carlton, to this day, has never been able to answer that question.”
I’m telling you – it’s too much garlic.
Kyle writes, “When we were leaving and Carlton commented that she liked my necklace , I took it off and gave it to her as a friendly gesture. She thanked me and said “No, really. Thank you. It’s not just a gift. it’s more than that.” I thought that was very sweet thanked her for inviting us and left.”
But you see, she had this dream… No really… she really, really, really, really had this dream and even though all the other women told her you had never talked to them about Carlton – Dagnabit, she had this dream. I think the best defense against a nonsensical offence is to buy more garlic. Seriously… dab it behind your ears.
Kyle blogs, “In the next scenes at Yolanda’s painting party, she goes after me again! This time telling the girls that she had a dream and now thinks I’ve been talking bad about her. Then asks them if I have been and ALL three girls tell her that I have not!”
Well, let’s be fair… I am SURE, that you have spoken to others about Carlton. Heck, I’ve spoken to others about Carlton and I don’t even know her personally. I’m sure you and Kim have exchanged more than one “Escape to Witch Mountain” joke, etc. That being said… this all would be really laughable if it wasn’t just so very sad.
Kyle blogs, “I’m not a psychologist, but it seems like she is projecting if you ask me. I am grateful Joyce told her flat out that I have not been speaking against her and also pointed out in her interview that it’s all in her mind. Carlton then goes onto say: “Who makes fun of someone’s religion?” I NEVER made fun of her religion. I would not make fun of ANY religion. I converted from Catholicism to Judaism. Who am I to judge? I have friends of all religions and respect each of their beliefs.”
Wait, you grew up Catholic? So it’s especially laughable that Carlton is now using your question to her about if she had grown up Catholic as an example of you disrespecting her.
Kyle blogs, “It was fun for me to watch Kim at the autograph signing. I had to rewind and watch Kim with Jimmy McNichol 3 times! I have teased her FOREVER about that. It has been a running joke for years. Now he knows about it! Haha.”
I wonder how many dupas he squeezed in his younger years.
Kyle blogs, “Doing Days of Our lives was fun. I always am happy when working on the set. I think it reminds me of my childhood. Which, in spite of not being “normal” in any way , was a happy one. Having our RHOBH crew there filming THEM filming ME was interesting. THAT was a first! I actually had eight or nine pages to remember (that’s why I was a bit nervous) — but of course we can only see a little piece.”
It’s always interesting to me to see the bravolebrities acting in a role in a TV show. A few weeks back I saw Heather Dubrow on a current episode of “Hawaii Five-O.” Just yesterday, I saw Jenni Pulos in an old episode of “Monk.” While I loved watching this particular segment, I gasped when I saw Marlena (Deidre Hall) from “Days of our Lives.” I’ve only watched one soap opera in my entire life and that was for about 3 months – during the “strangler” episode arch back in the 80s. One burning question I have is this… Who the heck is doing Deidre Hall’s plastic surgery because EVERYONE should be going there for their “interventions.” Holy crap on a cracker… She looked just the same as she did 30 years ago… No seriously… That’s just wrong on so many levels…lol!
Kyle blogs, “I loved seeing the flashback photo of my Mom Kathy. She was so beautiful and it made me happy to see her face. Amazing how all the women in my family look so much like her. She had strong genes!”
I was struck that you looked so much like your mom in that picture. I’ve never thought that you and Kim particularly look like sisters too much… but you are a dead ringer of your mom.
After Lisa’s greeting, she talks about Kim’s poignant autograph signing scene and then she starts to talk about Carlton’s“amusing” pool party.
Lisa blogs, “Normally gift bags are not from Hustler, but I love the fact that Carlton has the courage of her convictions and really doesn’t give a flying fig what others think.”
It cracked me up that when you guys were asking Carlton what was in the bags, her quick response was, “Nothing that would chip your tooth.” This is the 2nd time this season that she has used this terminology in this type of context. I shudder to think what kind of thing WOULD chip a tooth…
Lisa blogs, “Oh dear, here we go again. I am once more criticized for encouraging my “friend” to take her broken hand to hospital before the knuckle drops and it ends up deformed. I urged her girlfriend to take her as she was being so stubborn with me, but now it was up to her. Then viewing her calling me “motherf—er,” I get the point.”
Bad Lisa, bad Lisa! How DARE you suggest that Brandi go to the doctor? It’s just now dawning on you that Brandi has turned on you? It must be quite shocking. You haven’t been privy to all of Brandi’s talking head interviews that criticize you. The thing is, Brandi doesn’t want you to mother her – she wants to be your equal. Sadly for her, even in the unlikely event she is able to earn the kind of money that you have – she will never be your equal.
Lisa writes, “Regarding the Yolanda painting party, it was a bit of a fiasco. Yes, she was right when she said I didn’t tell her. I told the people that sent invitations for Yolanda. A car wasn’t sent for me. They were well aware that I had a meeting at city hall in order to obtain permits for my new venture. That is my reality, having to work all hours that God sends right now with little time, except at weekends to indulge in afternoon parties. I am trying to arrange my life so I soon will have the time to be a little more indulgent. I would never cancel at the last minute unless it was an emergency and it wasn’t… My text was to say that I was sorry I wasn’t there and hope they would have fun.”
Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, how DARE you not go to Yo’s house when summoned? Off with your head! Lisa then talks about how she would have much rather been in a lemon grove painting than to be dealing with permits. Lisa explains that she’s crazily busy in that she’s running 2 businesses and attempting to start another, filming 2 TV shows, etc. and rarely has time to do anything else. We have Brandi in her talking head telling us that Lisa complained about how far Malibu was from them (It’s about 25 miles away but often takes well over an hour to get there)… The thing is, Lisa should have immediately texted Yo when she realized that she wasn’t going to the event. It only takes 2 seconds to text…
Lisa blogs, “I support my charities and my business and occasionally step out for a good time. I haven’t known Yolanda that long, just vaguely before last season, but I had spent many, many weekends with her children and Mohamed so there was an immediate connection. It’s a shame to question that.”
Yeah, Yo takes it really personally when you don’t come to one of her functions. I’m sure on one hand, Yo reasons that she ALWAYS goes to your side of the world for events… but after all… this IS “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” not “Real Housewives of Malibu.”
Lisa concludes, “I don’t think friendships should change because someone has pressures that can’t be avoided. Maybe if cameras had been following me in my pursuit of constructing this new restaurant some would have a better understanding. So there we have it once again I am in trouble!”
Oh Lisa, from your lips to Bravo’s ears… I would have loved to walk through that whole creative process with you. It would be much better than watching this drivel.
Yolanda H. Foster
Yo greets us and tells us that she appreciates all the positive and negative comments. I’m guessing she’s been receiving some heat recently… lol. She bought a bathing suit specifically for Carlton’s Americana pool party and she was embarrassed that she stressed so much about finding the right one.
Yo writes, “For sure, this was the wildest pool party I have ever been to. It felt like a Cirque and Playboy cocktail. Definitely not something my brain would come up with, but that’s what makes everyone unique and authentic in their own way. David and Carlton are adorable and seem genuinely connected. They are enjoying their yearly bash together — so at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.”
Hey Yo, why didn’t you berate Carlton about not getting into the pool during her own pool party? Isn’t that what a good hostess would do? How come you didn’t mockingly teach her how to swim? I bet you’re afraid she’d hex you! Yo then talks about Kim’s segment a little and how Kim inspires others. She tells us that she checked in on Brandi and her hurt hand several times – but Yo realizes Brandi’s an adult who doesn’t want to be smothered.
Yo blogs, “Even though Carlton did not look too excited to see Joyce and Kyle arrive at her party, it looked like she softened by the peace necklace she was given.”
Wrong – O!
Yo blogs, “I had also painted three little heart paintings for Joyce, Kim, and Kyle as an apology for my blunder with the name cards at my dinner party. I know Joyce appreciated the deserved acknowledgment of that action.”
Wonders if friendship bracelets are next…
Yo writes, “I hosted the painting/lunch because I thought it would be an intimate and meaningful way to bond with both old and new friends in this group. When the invitation went out, Kyle immediately responded that she had a meeting with the rabbi for her daughter’s bat mitzvah. But besides that I prepared food, etc. for six thinking everyone else was going to be there. I never heard from Kim, but I was much more sensitive to Lisa canceling five minutes before she was supposed to be at my house. It was hurtful because she supposedly is the closest to Gigi and I out of everyone in this group. If she truly had a business meeting should have called me the night before. Being a last minute thought on her mind showed her insensitivity, not only to me as a friend, but also a sign of disrespect to everyone else’s time who did make the effort to keep the commitment that had been on the calendar for three weeks. Everyone in this group has equally full business schedules that needed to be cleared — and small children at home on top of that. I am old fashioned and maybe too inflexible when it comes to my commitments, but I was raised that way and it has made me into who I am today.”
Whoa… wait… You NEVER heard from Kim… and yet you lambasted Lisa? Your people just neglected to tell you that Lisa wasn’t coming… Yeah, Lisa should have immediately texted you. But instead of just receiving Lisa’s late text, you opted to call her on camera to publically chastise her. How very pleasant of you. I have never sensed that Lisa is your bestie… Is that what you have thought? I know she’s good friends with your ex (and Gigi by that connection) but I’ve never really gotten the sense that she’s especially close to you. I’m trying to remember any segments that we’ve seen of just the two of you… and perhaps I’m hallucinating but I just can’t think of one other than a couple in Palm Desert.
Yo blogs, “I often wondered in the past 18 months while I was sick at home why Lisa (who calls me her good friend) only came to visit me once — but on the other hand never seemed to miss a star-studded event going on in our life. This incident only again confirmed my longtime suspicion that Lisa is an extremely strategic player and just another Hollywood friend to me. This absolutely does NOT make her a bad person or any less fabulous but it just puts her in a different compartment in my heart. I really gave her the benefit of the doubt because I wanted to believe that she was the friend she says she was but like my line goes: ‘Don’t tell me you are my friend, act like one.’”
Yo, it’s at least a 2 hour drive time (there and back) for anyone to come and visit you from the Beverly Hills area. That being said, there are so many ways we can now technologically “be there” for someone – even if we can’t physically be there. People can easily take 15 minutes out of their day to “Skype” with a hurting friend… but they too often don’t. We are all too selfishly into our own little lives and stuff… It really takes some dedication and follow-through for us to reach out to others. It’s all about priorities… and you are obviously not one of Lisa’s priorities.
I find your use of, “strategic player” when referring to Lisa very interesting. Categorizing Lisa as “just another Hollywood friend” permanently slammed any hopes of a friendship with her. I luv ya, Yo – but your judgy ways have got to change. You are so enamored with Brandi because she came to visit you when you were sick – which is understandable. While Brandi bothered to come to see you – she also is the one that arguably has the most discretionary time on her hands. Well, except for Kim. But Brandi also represents many reprehensible things to you and yet you are busy yelling at others for much less while sticking by Brandi. Go figure.
So now we know that your tagline for the season was a dig at Lisa. How kind.
Well, that’s it, Schmitt for the blogs this week. Can’t wait for next week! Happy trails!