Real Housewives of Beverly Hills “Turning Down the Crown” by BB
Let’s quit pretending Joyce is planning/hosting the upcoming trip to Puerto Rico, or that Joyce/Kyle are jointly hosting the trip. We all know that Bravo has planned and is footing the bill for this trip. Now that we’ve gotten that pretense out of the way, let’s get on with the continuing saga of grown ass women going to any lengths, including making absolute fools of themselves on national television, in their struggle to be rich and famous or, in some cases, rich and infamous. Don’t think it really matters which as long as somebody is paying attention to them. It’s funny that Joyce doesn’t have a problem with Brandi coming on the trip. What with that? So they invited Brandi but not Carlton? I’d like to know the real story behind this.
Carlton and Yolanda are in some type of art and spirit shop. Candles and Crystals and Carlton, oh my! Having Yolanda there is very sacred to Carlton. I’m not sure Yolanda is buying all that candle reading stuff as something more than just a fun thing to do but she’s willing to give it a shot. They discuss the Kyle/Carlton situation. Blah, blah, blah. I’m not gaining any insight from Carlton when she talks about crystals and candles and women’s empowerment. I must be missing something here.
We’ve all heard both Joyce and Kyle saying they don’t believe in all that witchcraft stuff. Seems they may believe something since they both kind of freaked out and wonder if evil Carlton had something to do with strange things happening to them. I’m not even going to waste my time and energy talking about words popping up on Kyle’s computer screen. If this is not a created scene for drama purposes, I don’t know what is. I’m so over Carlton and her alleged powers and this whole storyline. Over it. I have learned nothing about the Wiccan faith from Carlton. If one of her reasons for coming on this show was to enlighten us about it, I’m calling it a Major Fail.
Kim couldn’t be happier that her daughter Brooke is moving in with her boyfriend. She and Brandi are getting spray tanned in preparation for the trip to PR. Brandi is afraid of Lisa. There are rumors Lisa had Cedric deported. Brandi must be afraid Lisa will have her deported to Sacramento. Kim doesn’t consider Lisa a good friend and doesn’t understand why both Kyle and Brandi are afraid of Lisa. The tanning salon woman gives Brandi and Kim a choice of whether to be nude or not while they tan. Guess what Brandi chooses. I hope Brandi’s boys don’t hear from their schoolmates that they saw their mom naked on tv last night.
Yolanda is at Mohammed’s house to get ready for Gigi’s graduation and going away party. She helps Mohammed pick vegetables from the garden because he will be cooking for Gigi. Yolanda gets a message from Joyce that she won’t be coming to the party that night. They talk about how Joyce is a great mom. The great David Foster arrives and sits his ass on the kitchen counter while they discuss Yolanda’s tennis shoes. The girls come in and tell Yolanda she looks like a basketball wife.
Adrienne (Brandi’s friend, not Maloof) and Brandi are in the limousine on their way to Yolanda’s party. Brandi still can’t talk well because of her swollen tongue. Brandi is still stuck on Lisa and Scheanna’s relationship and how she knows Lisa has always been aware that Eddie and Scheanna had an affair when she pretended she didn’t. The second thing I’m over tonight. The Brandi and Scheanna thing. Talk about beating that dead horse over and over again! Can’t believe Yolanda’s dumb enough to get onboard that train with Brandi.
Kyle arrives and Carlton will try to avoid her. Lisa arrives and Brandi will try to avoid her. I can understand why Carlton doesn’t want to talk to Kyle, but I still don’t get what Brandi’s deal is with Lisa all of a sudden. This should be fun. Mohammed talks about tramp stamps and Carlton admits she has one of those. There’s a fabulous buffet and everyone is awkwardly trying to avoid each other while trying to find a place to sit. Yolanda does some rearranging so Carlton doesn’t have to sit next to Kyle. David will be leaving the next day to record a song in Salt Lake City with Stevie Wonder and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. BTW I just saw the Mormon Tabernacle Choir perform this past summer and it was terrific. Gigi gives a very nice mature speech thanking her parents and her stepdad David. It brings a tear to everyone’s eyes. Then Yolanda gives a teary toast. Very touching. Been there, done that. It’s not easy sending your kids out into the cruel world. There there’s the entertainment. Sword dancing and such. The sword dancer hands the sword to Lisa and she’s tempted to use it.
Lisa tries to have a conversation with Brandi and Brandi is using her swollen tongue as an excuse to not talk. Carlton and David get up to leave the party early. So does Yolanda’s David. Work you know. Yolanda and Brandi go into a private room and Yolanda asks Brandi why Carlton’s not invited to PR. Brandi tells Yolanda that Carlton went after Kyle at Lisa’s dinner. Brandi thought Carlton was out of line that night. Kyle comes in and asks Brandi if she will give Carlton a ring that goes with the necklace she gave her. Brandi tells Carlton that the ring is from Kyle. Lisa points out the ring doesn’t really go with the necklace because the necklace is blue and the ring isn’t. Long story short. It wasn’t really a ring. It was a crown that goes on the chain to sit on the skull’s head. Carlton turns it down and it’s all Lisa’s fault, according to Brandi and Kyle, because she pointed out that the ring didn’t go with the necklace. Kyle and Lisa have some convoluted discussion about whether it was a peace offering or not and what Lisa said and on and on and on. Brandi gets her say in there too and then they all go have Gigi’s cake. Well Yolanda and Gigi only have an almond-sized piece of the cake. Sad that Gigi can’t even have a regular piece of her own going away cake.
Kyle tells Lisa and the others that Joyce’s father just passed away and they all wonder whether they should be going on the Puerto Rico trip or not. Apparently the trip is still on because Lisa goes to Kyle’s shop the next day to get some long dresses for the trip. For some reason, I don’t think Lisa frequents Kyle’s shop for her clothes very often if ever. Kyle questions Lisa’s kindness after her talk with Brandi and she brings it up with Lisa. Lisa wants to know who Kyle’s been talking to – Yolanda? Kyle is not really saying. Kyle brings up the Mauricio cheating accusations. Kyle wants to talk about it and Lisa thinks it’s all in the past. Lisa thought they were OK. Kyle wants an apology from Lisa. Lisa tells Kyle she will never find another friend who was more loyal to her than Lisa was and Kyle should not forget it.
Brandi Glanville’s Podcast #14 by Kit9
Hey, you know what the best part about this podcast? Bret Easton Ellis isn’t a guest! Woo hooooo! Brandi says that pre order sales for her book are huge and she has a big book tour planned.
Guest: Musician, actor and dancer, Bobby Newberry. They talked about his music and about how they both came from lower income areas and how it made them stronger people. It makes him really appreciate the opportunities he’s been given. Brandi talks about how some of her ‘fabulous’ friends are bad tippers and she’s gone back restaurants and left a bigger tip. Both Brandi and Bobby used to be waiters. Worked his way up from local talent shows before being discovered and offered formal training. Bobby worked with Eminem, was the choreographer for X-factor, worked on Dancing With The Stars. Most interesting thing to come out of this interview is the fact that Brandi did gymnastics for years.
Guest, Brandi BFF(TM), Susan Holmes Mckagan, former model, wife of G&R’er Duff McKagen. This is the woman that was misidentified as Brandi’s sister in some photos. Susan has a swimsuit line that has been featured in Sports Illustrated. Brandi is trying to get Susan on the HW’s but thinks she’s too nice. Susan had a serious stalker. He knew where she lived and he was mentally ill. Brandi did finally get her hand x-rayed at some point and it had been broken, she says. Susan also writes for the Huffington Post.
Susan had Brandi walk in a show for her in a swimsuit 3 months after giving birth. Brandi said they wouldn’t allow the women to wear black at the reunion. Dolce and Gabbana, Cavalli and Gucci are Brandi’s favorite designers. Brandi is trying to buy a house down the street from Susan. Susan was apparently a big time model in her prime, got big print ads and covers(having only seen recent photos of her, I was skeptical. So, I looked her up and Susan was, in fact, a big time high fashion model. She was a striking brunette w/brown eyes and a lovely natural body. Now, she’s a bleach blonde, has huge implants and sports blue contacts in some pics I saw. WHY????).
A very boring podcast except for this bit which I found hilarious. Brandi was asked to be interviewed by The Times of London. They came to her house to photograph and interview her for a cover piece for their magazine. Wow, big time, right? Well, the finished article wasn’t exactly what Brandi was expecting. It rips her to shreds, apparently! And, she’s really pissed! She asked that the piece not be about her ex husband and new wife and they agreed to that, but evidently lied. Brandi says half the article is about Eddie and Leann, lifting heavily from her first book. The writer described Brandi as the “air-headed villain”. He also wrote that Brandi had “chablis in hand” during the interview. She has a problem, not with the fact he reported she was drinking but that he got the drink wrong!
But, that’s just the beginning–he also bashed her home and decor, even her personal pictures. And, wrote about her face having, “alienesque cheekbones that whispers, had work done”. Brandi says they are her real cheekbones, claiming Indian ancestry. She says she’s had fillers but that her cheekbones are real(hmm, I’m not doubting her real cheekbones are under there somewhere but if you look at photos from a few years ago, it sure looks like her cheeks are filler, I mean fuller). He also reported that she lives in a “rented mansion” not in Beverly Hills. Horror! He gave her one compliment, a backhanded compliment, that is…. “that beneath the botox…the bitchy witch…away from cameras, she’s perfectly pleasant and very sharp”. She, in turn, makes fun of his teeth. A Brits-have-bad-teeth joke? Oooohhh, burnnnn!
You have to subscribe to read the whole thing but here is the opening…
The title is “Brandi Glanville: ‘Am I notorious? Yes”
“She shops on Rodeo Drive, dates billionaires and appears to spend her life in a tiny bikini. Rhys Blakely meets Beverly Hills housewife Brandi Glanville, America’s most infamous reality TV star. In 2011, in front of an American television audience of several million people, Brandi Glanville revealed that she thought Winston Churchill was a black American civil rights activist. When she learnt he was the Prime Minister who had steered Great Britain through the Second World War she was mortified, she says. The curious thing is it’s hard to know whether this qualified as a career low or a high. Glanville, you see, is America’s most loved and loathed reality TV star. She owes her notoriety to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, a hit series that promises its viewers a…..”