Here we are again kids or should I say castaways. This is season 28 which would make it my 6th or 7th season season. I don’t remember which but I am not the superfan that some of you are but, I volunteered to do this once before so here I am again with it 😉 .. Most of those seasons have had the things I hate the most on these shows. Retreads. Returning players. These are players from before, past seasons, that CBS insists on bringing back time after time for God only knows what reason… Then the newbies on each tribe kiss these people’s asses and work to push THEM to the end when, the retreads should be the first to go. Thankfully there are none this time around and thank you sweet baby Jesus, No Redemption Island. Once they are voted off, they are gone. That does not mean that this cast doesn’t have it’s share of asshats who believe they should be lord and master of their respective tribes. Asshat by the way is not a gender specific term.
I am not sure how many of you are familiar with my history on watching this show. I tried to watch S1 but, as soon as I saw a fat middle aged naked man running around, that was enough for me. That guy won that season and I do believe he is currently doing a prison stretch for tax evasion. Maybe he can show Juicy Joe the ropes once He gets there. I hope for Joe’s sake, the guy decided to put some clothes on… I digress..
Here is a simple shot of the cast… I want you to pay particular attention to the two douchebags in the middle shot who are not wearing shirts. That is the Brains tribe. If you ask me they are a bunch of morons. The Brawn tribe is on the left. I don’t know anything about any of these people except the big black guy in the orange shirt. He was once a Detroit Piston. Couldn’t tell you when he played or how good he was but there it is. The woman in the yellow/green tank, is the asshat on her team from what I have seen so far. On the right, we have Beauty. Including at least one Pageant queen. A Miss Kentucky if I’m not mistaken. Aside from the big boobs I guess, I don’t see what makes these people the ‘beauty’ tribe but, that’s just me.
Now, this was a 2 hour premier… A full night of TV for Survivor junkies. When I first got my DVR and set it up as time went by to record my shows, series recordings were set. Why it is that my DVR continues to record Teen Mom with no further input from me but fails to record Survivor every season, is beyond me. So, you guessed it, I haven’t seen everything. I will have that fixed before next week though. I did catch enough of it streaming to get us up to speed though so, here we go.
Probst greets the three tribes at some beach.. I don’t know how it was decided but one from each gets to pick another that is automatically out. Or so they assume. Each picks, and again, I’ll note the Brains tribe because that’s the only one I saw do this, Shirtless asshat in the back, chose shirtless asshat in the front to be kicked out. The other two tribes took part in the same activity. Shirtless asshat in the front is named Garrett and he is a pro poker player. Remember that. Right away I am thinking this is another redemption island thing where 3 people begin their game there. Instead they are choppered to their respective camps ahead of everyone else. Once there, they have a choice to make. Be selfish, or be a team player. The selfish ones get the first clue to the hidden idol (yes, there are 3 to start, one for each tribe). The team player gets an extra bag of rice for their team. Could become very important later. The chosen one from the Brawn tribe chose the rice, the other two chose the idol clue. Garret, from the brain tribe found the idol and thinks he’s golden. The one from the beauty tribe. I think, Morgan, did not find the idol before her team got there so now, they know she is looking for it which likely puts a target on her back. Now at the Brawn tribe, there is still a hidden clue to the idol since it was not chosen…Tony, the guy with the chest tattoo, later found that clue And the idol… He is a cop on the NJPD btw and one of his pet peeves from his bio, is he hates thugs who wear skinny jeans… Heheheheeee… I think I’m going to like this guy but time will tell as he also says the survivor he is most like, Russel Hantz..
Okay, now it’s time to set up the camps… I’ll refer you again to the brains tribe… The black woman at the top left of the picture, J’Tia (don’t expect me to screw around with that apostrophe on every recap)… She is a nuclear engineer from Chicago and recently earned her PhD, I assume, from Northwestern and she is the first black woman in that department to earn that distinction. Do you know what I learned about engineers when I first started working at the car company (Not advertising for anyone in these recaps)? They are as dumb as a bag of wet rocks when it comes to practical things, and I AM an engineer. Good gawd, these jokers, who work for a car company, could barely operate a car jack, to change a tire. JTia, took it upon herself to design in her head the camp’s shelter and then direct everyone else on how to build it. She proved to be no different than the jokers I use to work with.
I guess by some miracle with some divine intervention, all 3 tribes got their shelters built. They are now off to the first immunity challenge that will also include reward. Said reward is Fire or rather the tools to make it happen. That is for the first and second place teams of the challenge Loser goes home with nothing and will be the first team at tribal council and are stuck rubbing a pair of sticks together hoping to generate enough heat to ignite some dry grass. A couple of the teams have already been able to build fire but the tools will make it easier… Season 28 people. There isn’t an asshat on any of these teams that doesn’t know that will be a required skill. I’ll bet there are hundreds of youtube videos that demonstrate how to do it… It’s like the idiot that goes on the Amazing Race and can’t drive a stick shift.. Folks wonder why I think people are so stupid..
I did not see the challenge but the Brains lost and will be the first at tribal council… I didn’t see much of the council either but it seemed as though they wanted to bounce JTia. They haven’t liked this woman since minute 2 in this game. What really happened is one of the shirtless asshats from the top photo got sent packing. That would be David who is pictured here looking like he forgot to put his pants on and is wearing combat boots (the short one in the front). He happens to be the owner of the Miami Marlins but that didn’t help him here.. He’s the one who tried to do away with Garret, the other shirtless asshat but shown here at the left of the photo.. David did a lot of lip flapping and gum pounding about how he could read people and wasn’t worried about the Beginning of the game but the end of it… He can think about that mistake on his return to Miami. He’s done. Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten shirtless asshat #2 from the picture…
Normally, that would be it but this is a double episode… I am going to take a short break here to bitch about something. The pic above shows 3 from the beauty tribe.. Season 28… All of them are doing it but, see the dick in the middle? Is there some rule that says these asshats have to run around in their drawrs and brars for the first several days on this show? Dude couldn’t use a swimsuit instead? These people always end up with swimsuits, why not start with them? Anyone who says they don’t care… Need I remind you of… Pinky? Mr Stealth-R-Us super agent? Okay, I’m done…
The teams all at their camps strategerizing before the next immunity challenge. I don’t have challenge pictures for you so I will try to describe this. I doubt it is new anyway.. Teams are to swim out to a huge cage in the water. All members of the team must reach the cage before they can proceed. Once there they climb over the top and begin untying ropes that hold a gate shut. After they do that, the drag back the 4 fishing traps in each that contain, what else, Puzzle pieces. After they are back at the beach, everyone per team is on shore, one from each begins solving the puzzle. First two teams to solve it, win. Loser goes to council where someone will be once again, voted out.
They race To the cages is pretty neck and neck but JTia isn’t a very fast swimmer.. Brandi was wrong about black girls swimming because the other black woman on the brains tribe, Latasha (Tasha) managed it just fine and both of them even got their hair wet… (sorry).. The brains and brawn teams get back to shore first but beauty for some reason is struggling with dragging those 4 fishing traps back to shore. I don’t know what their malfunction was. Maybe they thought they saw a mirror and stopped to admire themselves. Eventually, after the other two teams have minutes head start on them, they do get to the beach. One would think with that much time lost they would have been out of it.. However, JTia, self proclaimed puzzle mistress, can’t seem to get the first piece properly placed. Brawn is nearly done as beauty gets started… Do I need to play Probst and do a play by play or can you guess what happened? If you guessed that Brawn finished firsrt, and beauty won second because brains couldn’t get it together then, get yourself a platinum star (compliments of DJprincess, because she is the one that hands those out).. Brains is going to council a second time thanks, apparently to JTia. Winners got fishing gear as well as being safe.
Back at camp, here we go.. Pre-tribal back stabbing begins. The strategy part of the game. The part that can even the playing field if played right. By now, asshat2, has named himself dictator and has decided that discussing who goes, is an open forum group discussion. Especially since his nemesis, asshat1, is gone. Tasha, wants to have side discussions but asshat2 will have none of that and continuously overrules her. Sidenote, I think this guy is a bigot and wants the black women gone first. Remember, this guy is a PRO Poker player AND, he has a hidden immunity idol. His position in this game should be gold right now. He doesn’t like the strategery part of the game though and won’t allow anyone else to play the game their way. Especially his lapdog, Spencer, the other guy on the team. It’s all decided then, JTia screwed up, she gots to go. Tasha however is pissed at asshat2 telling her how she is going to play her game. She goes to Kass, the other woman on the team, and plants a few bugs in her ear about women vs men. I don’t think she actually said that but she was talking numbers and with a 3:2 split, that’s all it could mean. As they are talking, asshat2 and his lapdog approach them. Remember, he doesn’t want any side convos. He’s laid down the law about how it’s going to be. These are educated professional women and I have never seen one that would allow herself, to be told what to do by anyone. Meanwhile, JTia, who is alone at camp and obviously pissed about the day’s events, takes it upon herself to quietly pour out all of the team’s rice on the fire. I guess even without the tools, they figured out how to build one at some point (I would hope so with a nuclear engineer in their midst). So Now, they have nothing to eat but coconuts and whatever they can catch. At this point, I and everyone else watching would assume that JTia has sealed her fate in the game. She of course denied doing it but they all knew. Let’s get to council and see what really happens though.
Council begins as does the Probsting. Right away it comes out that the group ‘collectively’ decided to vote out JTia.. Even Spencer is on board with it as asshat2’s lapdog. Kass is keeping quiet for now but Tasha intends to blow this all up. She’s not letting go of the numbers thing and suddenly, asshat2’s position doesn’t look so golden. Even Probst says that this idea of collective agreements (My words, not his) is ridiculous because it may not allow for blindsides and other strategies in the game. That is how Survivor has played. Asshat2 is trying to change how it’s played because he doesn’t like one element in the game, strategy, the poker player. Now, wheels are turning. It even comes out that the guys think they have Kass in their corner. I am not a poker player. I like to play but it’s always penny games just for fun. I could never make a living at it and in fact, would probably be homeless if I tried. That said, even I know, you never show your hand, before all bets are in and you’ve suckered everyone else in the game to committing all of their cash. Probst thinks this is all the stupidest shit he ever heard at council. Even if he didn’t say it, I could see it in his stunned eyes. He calls for a vote… Asshat2 votes for JTia, she votes for him. Typical.. Remember, this guy also has a hidden immunity idol. Every one votes, Probst polls for the idol, none given, votes are read… If you guessed that JTia, who likely cost them the last challenge and fishing gear AND dumped all their food into a fire is the one who was voted out, you do not get a platinum star. If you guessed that Asshat2 received 3 votes to leave, you, get a platinum star… See DJprincess.. Garrett, left his idol back at camp because he was so cocky and sure of his game that he felt he wouldn’t need it. What he did not count on was 2 of the women, resenting being told what to do and siding with JTia to bounce his ass back to where ever he came from. Spencer, is stunned. It’ll be a few days before he figures out what just happened (this dude is a champion chess player). How many in the history of the game have been sent home, holding an idol?
That’s it folks. I want to thank, JustDee, for unknowingly saving me from the typical 20 minute search for a suitable logo for these recaps. The few photos I provided came from the CBS website except one. The triple tribe cast pic at the top. It came from the Jokerupdates forum. Thank you again, JustDee, for that link. IF you go there, fair warning, there are spoilers there. You will also find detailed cast bios there. No spoilers on the linked page but if you wander further in, there could be. Lastly, for all things Survivor, on facebook, Survivor Whispers fb group (spoiler alert).
See ya next week 😀