I went to a free online dictionary to find the definition of friend. Here is the first definition I came across because I just don’t have the time or inclination to look further.
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement
Does any pair of the Beverly Hills housewives meet the above definition? Definitely not number one because I don’t think there is one woman who trusts another one of this group any longer. I’m not even sure if they even like each other. Number two applies because they all know each other and are acquainted. Numbers three and four also apply because, at any given time, two or more of them are in cahoots for a cause or movement, but usually not in a good way. I assume when Yolanda, Kyle, and Brandi ask the question, “Are You My Friend?” they are referring to definition number one. They should know better. Lisa does. I can’t envision her asking that question of any of these women. She’s the only one of this group (not counting the newbies) who doesn’t totally follow Bravo’s marching orders; that is, cause as much drama as you possibly can at all costs, whatever it takes, even it makes you look stupid (Ken’s favorite word). Maybe that’s why Lisa is among the most popular of the all the housewives.
So, we get to witness a perfectly nice party get ruined (the Beverly Hills Centennial Gala) because Brandi, Yolanda and Kyle want to rehash petty issues that Lisa has already addressed and was hoping she had left behind in Puerto Rico. All the husbands are there except for King David (I think Carlton’s husband was there but I’m not going back to look because I don’t care). Poor Yolanda has to bring her friend Thomas. She must have gotten tired of going to these events stag. She seems to lead a lonely life. Even Brandi has a date. I’m not sure what these women want from Lisa. She said what she had to say in her defense of their accusations in PR and to her that was enough. For Brandi, Yolanda, and Kyle, nothing short of a Lisa confessing she is a master manipulator who is capable of mind-control, who also isn’t a true friend, with an added apology, will satisfy them. What am I saying? That wouldn’t satisfy them because I’m sure Lisa’s apology wouldn’t be sincere enough. But I digress. They aren’t going to get what they are seeking from Lisa, at least not in this episode. They need to get over it. Watch Ken and Mauricio, ladies, to see how to settle a disagreement.
The most ridiculous line of this episode, and believe me, there were many, was made by Yolanda: “Dey cood have been dead on de side of de road.” No further comment needed.
At least Carlton isn’t drinking the Lisa mind-control koolaid like the others. She handles the conversation with Brandi very well. It makes Brandi look like a dummy by saying Lisa is the puppet-master and Lisa is in Carlton’s ear. Carlton only says she wishes she were in Puerto Rico so she could have an opinion.
After Lisa and Ken arrive, Yolanda and then Kyle approach Lisa. Lisa doesn’t approach them. All kinds of awkward kissing and greetings occur, but when Yolanda asks Lisa questions about why they left without telling anyone and why Ken seems to have a problem with her, and she doesn’t get the answers she wants from Lisa, she walks away. She obviously can’t take the hint that Lisa doesn’t want to discuss it with her. Friendship over (one that never really existed in the first place).
Kim apologizes to Ken. Ken thanks her and walks away. I’m not sure what Kim wanted Ken to say other than thank you. By the way, Kim looks ridiculous walking around with her e-cig. Friendship over (if there ever was a friendship.)
Lisa pulls Kyle to the side and tells her she’s glad she left Puerto Rico, and it’s up to Kyle who she believes. It doesn’t matter to Lisa anymore and she can’t persuade Kyle otherwise, even though she makes an effort. Kyle tells Lisa her support about the tabloids was a day late and a dollar short. It’s obvious Kyle and Lisa have a different definition of what a friendship is. Kyle asks Lisa if they are friends and does she care about her. Lisa says of course she does. Kyle asks her this again. Seems she’s asked Lisa this question one too many times, because Lisa tells her she can’t do this anymore. Lisa apparently cannot be the kind of friend Kyle wants, whatever that is. Friendship over.
Brandi pulls Lisa aside. Lisa starts to talk, but Brandi tells Lisa this conversation is not about Lisa, it’s all about Brandi. Then she starts with the Scheanna issue again, which causes both me and Lisa to roll our eyes and sigh deeply. Lisa tells Brandi she can’t help it if she has feelings for Scheanna even though she doesn’t really consider her a friend, but she is a longtime employee. Lisa admits what Scheanna did was wrong but she doesn’t see her as a whore like Brandi does. Brandi then says they can’t be friends. Brandi tells Lisa it’s her fault that she fell under her intoxicating spell. Brandi is finally free. She’s free of a good friend and supporter. Lisa starts to promise Brandi something, but before she can say anything, Brandi says she doesn’t believe her. Brandi is hurt. It’s all about Brandi. Friendship is so over.
Ken and Mauricio seem to have no problem getting to the root of the problem and putting the issue to rest, until the women show up. Ken takes Mauricio away from the women, which Yolanda thinks is rude. This leaves Brandi confronting Lisa about tabloid-gate again. Kyle walks up and listens to Brandi and Lisa discuss what happened at Brandi’s house prior to the Palm Springs trip. Meantime Ken and Mauricio hug it out and Ken walks over to the women talking (Carlton and Joyce have joined them). Yolanda has a problem with Ken joining the conversation, although a few minutes prior, she had just barged in on Ken and Mauricio’s conversation. I guess women can barge in on men’s conversations, but men can’t join women’s conversations.
Anyway, there are some harsh words between Yolanda and Ken and about King David and what he would or would not do (if he ever showed up to an event). I think Ken actually shows some restraint here because he looks like he wants to tell Yolanda what he really thinks but doesn’t. Yolanda swats Ken’s hand away and yells at him to not touch her. Lisa says it’s getting really ridiculous and she and Ken walk away while Ken calls Yolanda stupid. Yolanda yells to Ken that she’s not stupid, that’s she a very intelligent woman. Ken tells her she is not intelligent. Kyle runs after Lisa begging her not to walk away. Lisa is having no more of it. As she’s leaving, she saying, “Stop and talk, stop and talk. Stop and talk means ‘I’ll have a go at you’.” Something comes to mind for Lisa – a George Bernard Shaw quote she thinks. “Never wrestle a pig because you get dirty; and what’s more, the pig likes it.”
Yolanda: “On the verge of beating Lyme disease, Yolanda is ready
for her next challenge … moving closer to Beverly Hills. She and David have listed their Malibu home for $27.5 million.”
Carlton: “Carlton returned the blue skull necklace to Kyle. Not wanting it, Kyle gave it to Joyce. Joyce left it on her front step . . . and it disappeared.”
Joyce: “Joyce will soon be crowning the second Queen of the Universe. Chances are, the winner will not be named Brandi. Or Jacqueline, for that matter.”
Kim: “Kim is coping with empty nest syndrome … but she doesn’t need to worry about Kingsley leaving the nest. He may never graduate from obedience school.”
Kyle: “Kyle celebrated Sophia’s Bat Mitzvah, and is preparing for Alexia to head to college. She’s also dealing with Portia’s new career goal: child actress.”
Lisa: “Lisa’s new bar PUMP will soon have its grand opening in
West Hollywood. She has been ordained to perform gay weddings in its garden. No charge for Giggy as ring-bearer.”
I think Kyle beat Brandi for the drunky award at this party.
Even though Bravo showed some Reunion footage, I’ll cover all that in the next three weeks because you really can’t tell what context it’s in by looking at the previews.
Until next week.