RHOBH Game of Thrones ~ Conspiracy Theory
by Princess Pindy
This is completely a work of fiction. I did not use a ghostwriter, a lawyer and an editor, yes, but not a ghostwriter. I had my daughter read it and she told me that on Tumblr they would call this #CrackFic. Fiction so outrageous, you had to have been on Crack when you wrote it…. For those of you who/m don’t know, Tumblr is where all the kids have gone since “Mom and her friends” went on Facebook, lol! Just for the record Crack is Whack and I wasn’t on it when I wrote this. It is just something that I thought up while I was applying the trim to my fireplace.
Disclaimer: To repeat……this is a work of fiction and everything is ALLEGED, it’s a joke Dahhlingggs!!!
Ok, so, I know that this name has been thrown around but NOT as “The Evil Genius” of this season…. I asked myself…who/m has the most to gain from bringing Lisa down?? Some might say Kyle, it is after all, “her town”…..she can be a mean girl but I don’t think she has the brains for it.
There is Brandi…..oh yeah, the brains department, hmmmmm, there is nobody working in the brains department at the moment, everything we have in stock is out on the shelves, lol.
Joyce has the brains but she is just so damn nice and happy.
Carlton has the brains but she is just so damn not nice and unhappy.
So who/m does that leave….YoFo??….now some of you right now are saying “Princess Pindy, we have ALL discussed this ad nausea, you are not bringing anything new to the table!!!” But….wait for it…..did YoFo take down Lisa???….I mean, seriously???? Lisa is now seen as the ultimate victim. Did YoFo accomplish her goal??? Or did she just succeed in making herself look bad, foolish, petty, __________ (add your favorite adjective here)????
Now, let’s think about who/m would benefit from YoFo looking bad, foolish, petty, and _________(ayfah)????? That’s right, you are way ahead me DAVID FOSTER!!!! He has the BIGGEST EGO on the show….. He has a limited attention span for wives and Number 4 has proven herself to be less than perfect, she is aging rapidly and that hanging out at hospitals and pretending to care is a real drag man… So, you might ask me, “But PP, how did he do it?” and I would answer….here goes!!!!
MY ALLEGED THEORY
David has had it with his addled, lyme~diseased~brain, wifey poo…after all, he is the KING damn it!!! He needs to dump this broad, stat. But, because of the size of his ego, he doesn’t want to look like the bad guy. She is after all, sick. Even a egotistical clown like DaFo knows that it would look really, really bad dumping a sick wife. We all know she has been “bedridden” (bedridden sounds like sex to me, lol) focus, Pindy, focus…..oh yeah, she has been bedridden for 18 months to 2 years, depending on when you ask her. He is DONE!!! Plus, can’t you just see him in his studio pouting and then getting up and stomping his foot and saying, “It’s not fair, Mohammad has a really young chick and I want one tooooo!!!” He needs to get people to see that she is not easy to live with, that he SHOULD divorce her. Soooo, King David starts whispering in YoFo’s ear….”You my love are the star of this show! If you want to take your rightful place as the REAL Queen of Beverly Hills, you need to take down that Faux Queen.” And YoFo looks up into his face and lovingly replies, “Oh my King, you are right, how did I not see it, you my King are so wise, so handsome, so yummy!”
Think about it. She will do whatever it takes to please her King. So the plotting begins….. David calls up his old friend Mohammad…and says, “Do you think you can get Lisa to play along with this?” Mohammad is not sure but any excuse to call his “true love”… Mohammad calls Lisa and tells her David’s plan and Lisa replies, “Whatever it takes to get rid of that Dutch Bitch, I’m IN!!!” Mohammad says, “Are you sure, because it could get bad?” And Lisa replies, “Dahhling, I’m an actress, I will eat her for lunch and she will never see it coming” And at this point in the phone conversation I picture Mo and Lisa laughing maniacally!!!! I picture Lisa hanging up the phone standing up straight, as she smoothes her dress down, looks in the mirror, and says, “All right, Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up.” So, Mo calls DaFo and tells him that Lisa is ‘IN!”
(…I can also see a backstory of Mo and DaFo having a deal to get DaFo to marry YoFo so that Mo didn’t have to pay YoFo aliMOny…but I don’t think she got aliMOny, I think it was a settlement, but I like the idea of them conspiring…..lol!!!
Under the guise of “encouraging” his wife, Dafo continues feeding her ideas….”Lisa said some pretty bad things about Kyle and Maurico, you should really befriend her, I am sure she will be on your “team”…. YES, David is the one that came up with the idea for “The Dream Team”, think about it, he too is as mature as a middle school girl!! Kyle went along with the hearts on the place cards to make it look like there wasn’t a conspiracy!! She also makes sure she brings up the tabloids about her husband every chance she gets to set the stage for the take down!
He tells YoFo, “Kim is so needy that if you just acknowledge her existence on earth, you can have her eating out of the palm of your hand. Make sure to remind her how Lisa and Ken treated her.” The whole little tiff at Kim’s gymnastics event was a setup to also help hide the conspiracy. Kim was thrilled to be “really acting” again! She even wrote some blogs!! Then when Lisa didn’t go to Kim’s party, DaFo felt like he had struck gold!!!! “At every opportunity tell Kim how rude and mean it was that Lisa and Ken didn’t go to her Backyard BBQ, but don’t call it that, call it a Graduation Party. Tell her she needs to speak up for herself.”, .” he tells YoFo. I see YoFo and DaFo laughing at that. I even see Yofo saying “Can you imagine my King that Kim wanted you, of all people, to stand around in her backyard and talk to commoners.” So YoFo starts egging Kim on and Kim is thrilled to have SOMETHING to talk about and a friend!!!!
Brandi wasn’t as easy as Kim, I KNOW, Brandi, not easy, who would of thunk it!!!!??? So YoFo had to be very sly. But David helped her by allowing Brandi to actually enter their house and be in his presence when there was no filming and encouraged their friendship by traveling far away and often, wink, wink. It was HIS idea for Brandi to give the car to her parents at his house. He even endured talking to them. Later that day he called Mo and said, “You wouldn’t effing believe it, seriously I thought if I heard one more story about hemorrhoids I was going to lose my mind!” And Mo encouraged DaFo by saying, “David, you have to keep your eye on the ultimate prize….freedom and young chicks!!!” So David continued in his quest for freedom and continued to help Yofo in her plot to take down The Queen. “Don’t forget to tell Brandi that Lisa is mothering her, use that little bimbo from Sur that her hubs was screwing too!!”, he told her as he swilled down more lemonade. David knows how to play on a woman’s insecurities and he passed along some of his knowledge to YoFo…not all…because he still needs to “make his escape.” So YoFo being the dutiful wife and wanting to please her King, befriends The Commoner, Brandi and implements her plan to become The Queen of Beverly Hills.
Now you might be wondering, “Well Princess what about Joyce and Carlton?” Sigh…. Joyce was too smart to fall for the plan. One doesn’t accomplish 2 degrees, being Miss Puerto Rico, building a school in Africa, being a working model/ actress, AND marrying a GermanHawtie by being stupid. She has maneuvered the most vicious world of all….The Pageant World….she knew a double cross when she saw one!!!! So she needed to be taken down a notch and who better to do it than Brandi….so YoFo whispered in Brandi’s ear about Joyce, used Brandi’s insecurities against her, like her King had taught her, and Wah~La we have the disgusting display that we call, “Palm Springs”……. YoFo even joined in on all the reindeer games and took shots at Joyce too. But Joyce wasn’t having it and luckily for YoFo, or should I say DaFo, Joyce was distracted by personal tragedy and wasn’t as formidable an opponent as I think she can…be…..
And Carlton…well she is so effing annoying and David could tell that no one was going to like her so he told YoFo to just ignore her as much as possible, lol. He told her, “Remember when I had you study the episodes of Basketball Wives and I had to explain to you what ‘you were a non-motherf*cking factor, Bitch’ meant?” And somewhere in YoFo’s addled brain she remembered Evelyn yelling that at Tami. King David was thrilled that she remembered because that meant she was healing and he could continue to plan his escape!!! YoFo was thrilled that she had pleased her King!!
So, we have Kyle, Brandi and YoFo working together to bring down The Queen….. Each excited for their own reasons. Kyle thinks she is going to finally be “The Star” once Lisa is taken down. Kyle is certain that she will be able to continue to be a victim, not defend anyone, not really commit to anything and come out smelling like a rose. She just knows that everyone is going to feel sorry for her and hardly anyone really read her book and won’t remember what she said about cheating spouses getting a free pass!!!!
Brandi is so happy that YoFo is her friend and is still talking to her after all the inappropriate, racist, disgusting ________(add your favorite adjective here) things that she did and said. She LOVES that YoFo doesn’t judge her or mother her the way Lisa does and she is a, RICH BITCH! Because “word on the street” and Brandi knows the streets, well gutters, but let’s not get technical, is that all those things that Brandi said and did were Lisa’s fault anyway!!!! Did Lisa tell Brandi to take the magazines to Palm Springs?? I could see it happening as a throw away joke….but Brandi is the boy who cried wolf, so it seems like no one cares if she is telling the truth. Maybe, just maybe, DaFo and YoFo had Brandi over, she got drunk <<< ( lol, I was going to say they “got her drunk”, but come on people!!!) …..and they told her that it happened….that Lisa really did tell her to take the magazines….it was like a dream …and aren’t dreams true? Oh wait that is Carlton, never mind…..
Yofo is certain that she has pleased her King and will soon be crowned the Queen of Beverly Hills!! She even agreed with him that they should sell their Malibu home so they can move closer to Beverly, Hills that is. And she fell for it!
There were some scary moments for DaFo when Brandi started going off the rails. But he made sure that YoFo used it to her, I mean his, advantage and it worked because being friends with Brandi and being supportive has just kinda backfired on YoFo. Most people shake their heads and wonder why the woman who said, “There is nothing as ugly as a drunk woman.” would side with one.
So there you have it, that is my theory of who/m is the Evil Genius behind this ridiculous season. Is it true, no, it is fiction, it is all alleged. Do I think that David Foster is trying to get rid of Yolanda…..the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior.
What is true is that YoFo’s popularity has plunged and “word on the street ” is that nobody would blame DaFo for divorcing YoFo, I mean “what a bitch!” (allegedly)
What is probably true is that Kyle doesn’t know what to think, she is just so confused and still doesn’t know what to believe. She isn’t taking sides and just hopes she survives for another season, although Camille tweeted that Kyle runs the show, so now I’m confused!!
It could be that Kim thinks that she did some of her best work this season. She showed her range of emotion and is sitting by the phone waiting for her agent to call. She also made sure to make clear that this show saved her life, just like Kyle allegedly coached her. I don’t want her back.
I think that Joyce has shown that she would be worth another season. She runs a pageant called “Queen of the Universe” and she opened a school in Africa, HELLO!!!! Plus she has GermanHawtie that I wouldn’t mind seeing some more of and I would like to see their lifestyle.
Carlton, you make us snooze, you lose. I don’t want her back.
Brandi is in New York on Celebrity Apprentice, as far as we know. She is milking her 15 minutes of fame. IPPHO, I have no doubt that if YoFo is dumped by HWs, she will no longer be Brandi’s friend. I have a bad feeling that Brandi will be back…..unless she shows her true colors on CA, which is a much wider audience and becomes the social pariah that she has been working so darn hard at becoming.
Lisa is Teflon and nothing sticks to her. She is the victim damn it!! Whether she is lying about the magazines or not doesn’t seem to have made a difference in her popularity. Did she do it??? As the cool kids say, “Pics or it didn’t happen!!!” She is probably a happy camper knowing that YoFo will probably be gone from the show and from her life. She will never have to endure another dinner or event with that “Hollywood Friend.” I mean who/m could blame her?? She has a perfect excuse to never be around Brandi or Kim, does it get any better?? Yep, there is the added bonus of being in the position, IPPHO, to negotiate a better contract or leave the show and maybe get another spin off with her new “Gay Bar”. Maybe the show will be called “Pump a Rump”, lol!! So love her or hate her, when all is said and done, Lisa is still The Queen of Beverly Hills.
Brandi Podcast 21
Takes calls. What was her big secret? “The secret is about my books being made into a movie-which we are trying to do. It’s a longer process than I thought. We have to rewrite and do a screenplay and that’s going to take a long time. I’m just happy that people are interested in it” (given the way she said this and the fact that she announced it in response to a caller’s question, seems like there may have been a deal that fell thru but she’s still fielding offers). Caller asks if they are going to get a new HW. Brandi said she knows there has been a casting but nothing has happened. Also, none of the cast has been asked back yet.
Guest Sean Stewart, child of famous rocker, singer Rod Stewart, Adrienne Maloof boytoy. Sean is 33. Brandi doesn’t think Adrienne had a real relationship with Sean. Brandi asked Adrienne to be on the show with Sean. She said no, immediately. Sean says he has nothing but good things to say about Adrienne. He says she’s a sweet lady. But, wants it known that she didn’t break his heart as some tabloid apparently claimed. Brandi says that Adrienne is a partier who likes to drink. Sean says he never saw her drink which makes Brandi burst out laughing. Sean says he’s done enough drugs to kill Hollywood.
Brandi asks how the sex was and he says good. Brandi wants to know if there was body makeup on the sheets. No comment. Brandi wants to know if Adrienne was freaky deaky? No comment. Um, if he won’t blab deets about Adrienne, wth are they going to talk about? Sean says he likes older women because they have more sexual experience. Sean thinks Brandi is hot. Sean has a friend he brought along for the interview and the guy keeps yelling things in the background during the interview. Very annoying.
Sean wants to be an actor. He’s also trying to open a bar. Brandi and Sean trade barbs about having dissed each other in the press. Brandi thought the relationship with Adrienne was a hoax. He claims to have bought Adrienne 30 Birkins (I listened to it twice and that is what it sounded like but could be wrong. I mean, 30?!). Brandi wants to know what he does for money. He says he “works”. Doing what is not clear. “At Hermes?, Brandi asks(lol!).
Sean’s friend yells that Sean is a businessman, which Sean disputes(being a businessman means there is some actual business going on). Sean describes himself, instead, as an entrepreneur (entrepreneur being rich spawn speak for trust fund kid). Brandi wants to know his favorite sexual position. Doggystyle. Brandi asks if Adrianne has a nice ass. Yes, she does(tip: to remove resulting visuals from last two comments, try setting head on fire).
Sean claims Adrienne put the story in the press about her breaking his heart. Then Sean and his moronic friend talk about a time when they were out with Adrienne and she got drunk and was dancing around with her nipple exposed. Brandi mentions her nipples are always hard (I don’t get paid enough for this). Brandi wants to know if Sean is “equipped for porn”. Sean says he’s “packing heat”. (Oh, and in case you haven’t noticed, Sean sounds like a moron, too. So, there’s his moron friend, Sean and Brandi. That’s a power of Mx3.)
Brandi says that Adrienne is really nice and isn’t a bad person but then says that she put a false story about her kids in the press(wtf? She’s really nice but put false stories out involving her kids?) Brandi asks about Sean’s brother, Ashley, son of George Hamilton. Brandi slept with him (of course she did (TM) years ago. Sean offers to sleep with her, too. Brandi and Ashley are still friends. Brandi has a very high sex drive and will have booty calls after a breakup. Sean’s mother is Alana, former model. Not surprisingly, Sean’s friend babbles something about being hot for Sean’s mom.
Brandi wants her kids to think she’s the most beautiful woman in the world after Sean says the same about his mom. Brandi son’s friends know that their mother is on tv and want to come over to meet her. Sean praises Brandi for saying whatever she wants prompting Brandi to rant, yet again, how everyone is bland and uninteresting because they won’t speak honestly for fear of backlash(‘bland’ apparently meaning people who don’t make offensive comments about child sexual abuse or make racial stereotypes).
Brandi still says Adrienne “attempted to, threatened to sue me” over something she admits she shouldn’t have said(noticed how she downgraded it mid-sentence). Brandi quickly rehashes the events that led to her and Adrienne fighting, blah blah blah, the alleged take down meeting, blah blah. Brandi then claims that she wasn’t on anyone’s “team” (team, no. Dreamteam, yes!) and that she only does “her” and that she doesn’t sit down and make plans to go after someone (she prefers to stand).
Then, she claims, again, Adrienne put the stories in the press about her and her kids, mentioning Adrienne saying something about her being drunk during the day (I didn’t know what she was referring to before this comment jogged my memory. Ok, Adrienne said this during that big fight that went down between her, Paul and Brandi at Mauricio’s event. Then, after that, stories appeared about Brandi being a bad mother, apparently. There were dozens of people standing around when Adrienne said it, including crew and probably press that could have taken the story to the tabs. Still, Brandi blames Adrienne, the same woman she says is really nice and not a bad person).
Brandi pretty much cries every day. She’s sensitive, she says (Miss STFU! is a big softie, ya’ll!). Sean talks about how giving he is-how he works with homeless children. Brandi says she’s getting involved with Make A Wish (the charity she’s playing for on CA maybe?). Sean was arrested when he was younger but denies being a bad boy. Sean is on medication for ADD.
This week’s installment of Brandi says something she probably shouldn’t: Brandi tells a cray story about how a friend of hers has a kid that takes meds for ADD that lists ‘bath salts’ as an ingredient on the label (where is her friend getting her meds filled, an alley?). Brandi doesn’t know if she believes in ADD. She thinks all men have ADD. She thinks being married was like having a third child.