Real Housewives Of Orange County
S9E5 “I Couldn’t Chair Less”
Remember we last left our cute and oh, so cuddly couple – Shannon and David at their awkward slumber party at the St. Regis – Monarch Beach… We found out the following: 1) They have a messy van; 2) David wants Shannon to get a boob job to firm things up; 3) Shannon and David can’t even hold hands without being awkward; and, 4) Shannon needs to take a swig of Vodka before she can even kiss her husband. Meanwhile, Vicki was busy working all by herself at her new Coto Insurance location that has leather walls in the lobby that stink… We met the new “friend” of the housewives Danielle because she hosted an “Ugly Sweater Party for charity. We also finally meet new housewife Lizzie who kind of tripped into the party… The best news of the episode was that while Brooks and Vicki are dating – He said he doesn’t want to hang out with Vicki’s friends so I take that to mean we won’t be seeing much of him this season – Yipppie!!! We learned that Tamra is still no smarter than a potato chip when she chides Heather for using a 5th grade word, “amalgam” in her presence. In her talking head, Tamra then proceeds to remove all doubt of her loose awareness of the English language when she incorrectly uses her new word of the day in a sentence. She says she thinks Terry and Heather’s sweaters are, “An amalgam of ugly and uglier.” Since amalgam basically means “a combination or mixture of different things” she just proves that not only does she not know what the word means, but she also demonstrates that she can’t even understand the meaning of the word when she has ample time to look it up (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/amalgam). We also live through another conversation about Tamra who still wants to have a baby and Eddie is okay with that as long as Tamra raises the kid… Eddie is a man living on the edge… I think he’s about to put on his running shoes, but that’s a whole nuther Oprah…
This episode starts off with Shannon taking high-stress Vicki to the Energy Medicine Center to see Dr. Moon. Vicki is going to get some acupuncture. Dr. Moon explains that he is moving energy in her body. As they talk about stress, Dr. Moon offers to show Vicki how to scream but Vicki assures him that she’s already good at that. As the doctor puts his hands on Vicki’s hind quarters, Vicki wonders why the doctor’s finger is, “Up her butt.” Shannon says he’s “dejamming” her. As the acupuncture needles are applied, Vicki is saying “ouch” all over the place. Wow, I didn’t think the needles were supposed to hurt THAT much.
Vicki is then asked to do the impossible – She’s asked to relax for 15 whole minutes. They even refuse to let Vicki have access to her phone. This is causing Vicki a great stress of stress. However, Vicki does like Shannon because she’s up for anything. Vicki then starts to scream because they won’t give her phone so she can check her email… Sigh…
Heather meets with Nicole (Heather’s event planner) and Natalie (Heather’s assistant) at the site of her future home. Heather tells us that she’s known for celebrating anything and everything, including celebrating the opening of an envelope – So she decided they’re going to have a groundbreaking ceremony/party for the building of their new home. She’s decided on a hoe down theme complete with a mechanical bull, high cocktail tables, horseshoe toss, an area to hit tin cans with a sling shot, hay bales for seating and a huge buffet with buckets of beer and champagne.
But do you know what the very BEST part about this shindig is going to be? Are you ready? She’s going to have an ONION RING BAR! I completely fall on the floor dying laffin’ my fool head off. Her Royal Heatherness evidently got so much flak from last year’s slight of the onion ring that she has vowed to have onion rings at every single event they have for the rest of their lives – as long as it’s appropriate. (Remember last year that her husband really wanted to have onion rings – but she refused to comply with his simple request and we all vilified her for it! And I was chief accuser! Let them eat onion rings or brioche, I always say! Lol)…
Tamra, Shannon, and Vicki meet to have their nails done. This provides them with a great opportunity to talk about the others behind their backs. Tamra asked Vicki if Dr. Moon relaxed her – and Vicki clued her in on the doctor’s ummm…creative hand placement. Shannon explained the doctor was just “dejamming” her. And because she’s so classy and clever, Tamra says in her talking head, “Of course he put his finger in her butt – His name is Dr. Moon.” Hardee har, har, har.
Tamra then tells them about her friendship summit with Heather (Who had just told her assistant and her party planner that she and Tamra were in a good place right now). Of course Tamra takes this opportunity to badmouth Heather once again. Tamra tells Vicki that Heather is upset with her because Vicki snores when Heather talks about certain things. We then see some footage of Vicki rudely starting to snore at Heather. Then Tamra tells Vicki and Shannon about meeting Lizzie at last week’s, “Ugly Sweater Party” – She tells them she lives around the corner from her in Ladera and that she has bigger boobs than Alexis. She also says that Lizzie really reminded her of Gretchen and Alexis all rolled into one because she has big hair like Gretchen… Big boobs and lips like Alexis… And she’s “pageanty” like Gretchen so she renamed her, “Gralexis.” They decide they should all do a holiday meal together so everyone can meet each other. Shannon suggests a meal with cocktails so people loosen up. And well, so she can drink.
We are at Lizzie’s house and her husband is playing with their two kids. Since Lizzie got pregnant while on their honeymoon – They haven’t really had much alone time together since they’ve been married. Wow – Does this sound like someone else – No names mentioned Over-Sharing Shannon…lol. So both of the new kids share a same storyline? Wow… how creative of you, Bravo! Her husband, Christian is okay with their routine – but Lizzie isn’t. She wants romance, dagnabit! She wants her husband to be a “love machine.” As they are eating dinner with the kids, Christian tells her that he loves her more when she cooks good meals… And she says she loves him more when he throws her over the counter and… well… never mind.
Christmas is Shannon’s favorite holiday! They have so many different decorations. She has enlargements of pictures from last year to use as a guide to how to decorate this year. Because you know, it would be horrific if you mix up how you decorate from year to year, right? Shannon estimates she has about $20,000 worth of Christmas ornaments. I’m not sure why everything comes down to a price tag to Shannon – but honestly, that doesn’t seem THAT excessive for someone of Shannon’s wealth. But then again, I have a lot of Christmas stuff myself – and handmade ornaments that are priceless.
The runner up to this week’s segment of, “I Kid You Not” – When speaking of Christmas and Christmas decorations, Shannon actually says, “That’s my one splurge.” Really, Shannon? Cuz mere mortals would consider your entire life one ginormous “splurge.” Two Christmas trees are delivered – One whimsy tree and one traditional tree. However, this doesn’t seem too excessive to me, either – I know people who live in 1/100th of the space Shannon does and they have like 6 Christmas trees. Shannon admits that she tries to outdo herself each year.
David comes in and asks if she wants him to do anything and she tells him he can help her put the lights on the tree. He calls to his kids to come help with decorating the trees. Because Shannon can’t help herself – She chides David for talking with his mouth full of food. Okay, so here’s the picture, Shannon is actually putting the lights on the tree while David and the girls seem to be in charge of making sure the cords being fed to her are untangled. David tells Shannon that she’s going to have to slow down because a portion of the cord was all tangled up – and Shannon snottily tells him he’s just going to have to move faster. David tells Shannon, “This one is broke” – and Shannon immediately corrects his grammar (broken). David sarcastically says that one of the perks of living in a house full of women is that they can correct his speech all of the time. Shannon is so not amused when her kids continue to use the word “broke” incorrectly and on purpose.
Tamra’s son Ryan (27) is a supervisor at CUT Fitness – Okay, now that just makes me laugh. Tamra tells Ryan that she doesn’t want to wash the towels from the Studio at home anymore. She wants Ryan to take the initiative to ensure they get a washer and dryer for the Studio. She launches into the question Ryan hates, “What do you want to do with your life?” He tells her he works and he works out – End of story. Tamra is frustrated that Ryan doesn’t think long-term. She wants him to more driven and more like a “Vicki Junior.” Whoa, really? She wants him to find something he enjoys doing and then get a job in that arena. Tamra questions him about some decisions were made at the Studio – like taking things off the shelves because Eddie thinks it looks cleaner – but Tamra wants Ryan to put things back on the shelves because that’s what why they built them. Ryan wants a raise. Really, is there enough money in the world to work with Tamra on a daily basis? I vote no…
Shannon and her friend Elaine, who is a “Feng Shui Expert” visit Vicki’s new insurance offices. As we know, Shannon is all into holistic living and takes every advantage to bring positive energy into her life. Now, if that means putting crystals in the walls of her house – Shannon’s gonna do it. If it means putting crystals in her teeth when she gets fillings in her mouth – Shannon’s gonna do it. If it means yanking out every tooth out of her husband’s mouth and cementing crystals in every single tooth – then I’m sure she’s up for that, too.
In this week’s segment of “I Kid You Not” – Vicki actually says, “I’ve never tried Feng Shui before – I thought it was only for Asian people.” Wow… just wow. Okay, can we pause for just a moment? Honestly, in the past I have been so focused on how clueless Gretchen, Alexis and Tamra have been to really notice that Vicki is an ignoramus in heels. I used to think she just blurted out silly things – but now I see there’s a whole other layer to her. She seems to be completely uneducated and oblivious of normal civilities. It really shocks me because we live in an ethnically rich and diverse area of the country. I’m surprised she hasn’t gotten into some real serious trouble with her mouth.
Elaine, the Feng Shui expert tells Vicki that it’s not about magic or religion but about energy. She has a handy dandy energy graph that will help them identify potential problem areas in Vicki’s offices. Of course, Vicki doesn’t want to leak money out the door so she’s all for making whatever improvements are needed. Evidently, the supply room/copy room is an important room to the wealth of her business and they need a plant and a lamp in there, stat! Some of the other suggestions include the placement of an octagonal beveled mirror underneath the “Exit” sign, more of Vickie (or her pictures) everywhere, and a bowl of 9 oranges. Elaine tells Vicki to encourage her employees to eat the oranges, though. Wait, wasn’t that something that Shannon harassed her husband about a couple of episodes ago when he wanted to eat one of their 9 oranges? Hmmm… I actually looked up the 9 oranges concept and it’s supposed to bring good luck and prosperity. Actually, it looks like any of the numbers symbolizing prosperity would work (8, 9 or 10) – So perhaps you’re okay to eat oranges, as long as you replenish…
Friend of the housewives, Danielle and Tamra are going to “Too Sweet” to get a hot chocolate… Tamra loves the holidays because, “It’s a time that you get all your friends together, you get drunk, say stupid things – Have a great time.” But Tamra, you do that ALL the time, no? But wow… no mention that the holidays mean having more time to have fun with the kids?
Oh, I get it – this is their holiday get together. They meet up with Heather, Lizzie, Shannon and Vicki – Evidently, they’re going to be picked up by a limo and are going to, “Javier’s” for dinner. This is the first time that Vicki meets Danielle and Lizzie. However, as we learned earlier this episode, Vicki already has a preconceived idea of Lizzie thanks to our friend, Tamra. Tamra referred to Lizzie as, “Gralexis.” a combination of Gretchen and Alexis which will no doubt endear her to Vicki. It’s too bad that Tamra didn’t use this opportunity to say that Lizzie was an “amalgam” of Gretchen and Alexis… Just sayin’…lol.
As they’re waiting for the limo, Vicki is quick to point out there are 3 blondes and 3 brunettes… so I guess we already have teams. We hear from Tamra once again about how Vicki hates meeting new people. As they are getting into the limo – Vicki is screeching, “Don’t put me near the mean girls – I want to be by the nice girls.” I’m a little confused as to which ones are nice girls, but oh well… Shannon puts some Pellegrino mineral water into her Vodka to dilute it. It fills the glass all the way to the top. My dad used to mask how much he drank by doing little stunts like that…
Tamra tells us that since Lizzie has big boobs, big eyes, big lips and is a beauty queen it’s a recipe for Vicki to not like her. Fortunately, Vicki is sitting next to her new bestie Shannon in the limo so I’m sure Vicki will be on her best behavior. Vicki then blurts out that she guesses that she met the new girls but then demands further introductions by Tamra. Vicki can’t get Lizzie’s name right and calls her “Izzie.” Okay, Vicki, be original – We just went through an entire season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills with Brandi calling Joyce “Jacqueline.” Lizzie helpfully tells Vicki that she can call her “Elizabeth” if she can’t get her name right. Tamra assures Lizzie she will be probably be called several different names by the end of the night. This does not faze Lizzie in the least because she says that she can call Vicki different names, too… I dunno, I kinda like Lizzie.
In her talking head, Vicki says she thinks that Lizzie is a name for a little girl with pigtails and why are we not calling Lizzie an adult name? Does she really want to still be 12 or 6? Oh Vicki, really? This is coming from someone named, Vicki – For whom the exact same argument could be made. Why call Vicki, Vicki? She could be called a more “adult” name like, “Victoria.” I mean “Vicki” and Lizzie” even sound similar, no? When Lizzie tells Vicki she is going back to Kentucky to judge the Miss Kentucky beauty pageant – You can actually see Vicki go cross-eyed. Then it comes out that Lizzie was “Miss USA” and “Miss Teen USA”… Of course, Vicki immediately invalidates this success in her talking head interview. Vicki doesn’t think it takes any skill and then does an unflattering imitation, “Hi, I’ve been in a pageant” and then Vicki cocks her head and snores. Vicki loudly announces to those in the limo, “I don’t ever want to be a pageant girl.” Well, Vicki, I’m sure that there is a collective sigh of relief all over the land – because I’m really not sure you want world peace. Shannon is shocked at that statement and says in her talking head, “What kind of comment is that? Wacko!” Vicki quickly assures everyone that she “respects” pageant people but that she’s just not one of them. Right. I hear Vicki’s selling some swampland, too.
Lizzie asks Vicki what she was doing when she was growing up… Vicki loudly says that she got married at 20, had her 1st baby at 22, and that she has worked her <insert raspberry noise here> off and that she’s still working her <insert raspberry noise here> off. Lizzie tells Vicki that she doesn’t have to yell at her – and that she’s not very friendly. Vicki says she’s totally friendly – but Lizzie disagrees. Lizzie confides in us that she thinks that Vicki might be a little jealous of her… and that, “Insecurities are very loud.” I like that… I may have to use it…lol… Then awkwardness fills the limo – but it’s hysterical, because Lizzie seems to be very comfortable within the awkwardness.
WARNING… WARNING… WARNING!! We are heading into, “ChairGate 2014™®©. For safety purposes, please keep your arms and legs inside the blog at all times…
They arrive at the restaurant, and as they are seated, Heather asks if they’re supposed to sit anywhere in particular. It was suggested that they sit blondes on one side of the rectangular table and brunettes on the other. Heather immediately said she wanted to, “mix it up” because otherwise it would have meant that she would have had to sit next to the 2 new girls Danielle and Lizzie. Then they decided that seating assignments would be 2 blondes and one brunette on one side of the table, and 2 brunettes and 1 blonde on the other side. They actually go into specifics about which hair color should sit in each seat. Holy crap on a cracker!
Vicki didn’t like that idea because it meant she wouldn’t be able to sit next to Shannon. People start to sit down and Heather sits in a middle seat of a row of 3. Vicki, who is sitting next to Heather whines because she isn’t sitting next to Shannon. Vicki asks Heather to move over one seat which chaps Her Royal Heatherness’ royal hide. Heather complains in her talking head about how she would like to see Vicki have to move over a seat – and that she thought the whole thing was quite rude. Shannon excuses herself to go to the little complainer’s room.
Heather takes this opportunity to move back over to her original chair with the announcement that she’s taking her chair back, is that okay? She didn’t want to move over one seat after all. In her talking head, Vicki says she doesn’t care where anyone sits. Umm, I hate to break this to you, Vicki – but you’re the one who insisted that Heather move over in the first place because you weren’t sitting next to Shannon. Shannon comes back from the bathroom and is surprised when Heather is sitting in her chair. When confronted, Heather gets up and makes a big deal about how she was originally sitting there but was asked to move. Shannon tells her that she wasn’t the one who asked her to move – but Heather just doesn’t care. Shannon says that she and Vickie were in the middle of a story and that’s why they wanted to sit together and that Vicki is the one who told her to move. <Insert gratuitous eye roll here.>
Shannon tells Heather that if it’s so important to her to sit there – Then to go ahead and sit there but Heather has already moved again. Heather says it’s, “fine.” Heather feebly explains that she wanted to sit across from Tamra so she could have a chat with her because they hadn’t seen each other in a while. In her talking head, Shannon says it’s not about the chair – but that it’s about who made Heather Dubrow boss. Shannon doesn’t think she needs to be told what to do by Her Royal Heatherness. Heather suggests perhaps they do it like a European dinner – and after every course they move around to different seats. Tamra tries to translate that difficult concept into vernacular she understands and says, “So, it’s like a Chinese fire drill?”
Heather thinks Shannon’s response is disproportionate to what is actually going on – and that Shannon’s behavior as a grown person is scary. Shannon just wants a cocktail. Shannon is aghast at how someone can twist and turn things around to make her look like she did something insane… When, in her opinion, she did nothing…
As orders are being taken, Heather continues her discussion with Shannon telling her that when she came back from the bathroom she was, “heated” and that it scared her a little. Really, Heather… You were scared? Shannon insists she is one of the nicest people Heather would ever meet and doesn’t consider herself to be at all scary. Shannon apologizes for scaring Heather because that wasn’t her intention. Heather insists that it’s not a huge deal and that she doesn’t want her to be angry. Shannon doesn’t understand where the concept of “angry” and “scary” came from but thinks that perhaps Heather is just trying to direct the attention off of herself because Heather looks really, really silly.
In the land of splitting hairs – It comes out that Heather bought a lot of land on which to build their new house and that Shannon bought a lot of land on which to build their new house. There was some back and forth about whether or not they were in the same neighborhood/community. Since Heather’s lot is located at a higher elevation than Shannon’s – There was an actual, physical demonstration that Heather was going to be “up there” and Shannon was “down there.” Oh, this is going to be good… Shannon’s decided she’s not a fan of Her Royal Heatherness’. You just gotta laugh at this stuff…
Vicki orders tequila shots for everybody but unfortunately, Lizzie isn’t served…and thinks it was a slight. Vicki doesn’t pass Lizzie a lime to use after the shot – which further demonstrates the slight to Lizzie. Vicki insists that everyone has to take the shot because it’s the initiation for being their friend. As they’re discussing the order of licking the salt, slamming the shot, and sucking the lime – it becomes evident that Lizzie didn’t get a shot. Tamra immediately says to Vicki, “What? You didn’t get her a shot?” Lizzie says that it’s so much extra effort to do that – and that she’d get her own shot. Vicki insists she that ordered it – but that it just didn’t come. Vicki’s right – She did order shots for everyone. And because Vicki can’t talk in a normal voice, she screeches, “I ordered six.” Vicki’s voice is already grating on Lizzie and she just met her…lol. They all took the shots – but Danielle had to hold her nose when she drank the shot…Heather only took a sip of hers.
Doing her part to keep female stereotypes alive, Tamra announces she’s going to the bathroom and Danielle and Lizzie flank her. This gave Vicki, Shannon and Heather time to talk behind their backs. Heather stuck up for Lizzie while Vicki refused to call her by name and disparagingly called her “the new girl.” Heather tried to get Vicki to understand why Lizzie might have felt slighted but Vicki was having none of that. Heather says in her talking head that she likes Lizzie and Vicki but that Vicki has to dial it down.
In the restroom, Tamra asks Lizzie if she’s okay with Vicki – and Lizzie turns it around and asks if Vicki is okay with her. Tamra tells her that it’s hard for Vicki to warm up to new people. Yeah, especially if they’re young and pretty…lol. As they return to the table, Vicki loudly asks Tamra if she had diarrhea – Because why else would it take her so long in the bathroom. Our Vicki is all class, isn’t she?
Then what happens is absolutely hilarious… Keep in mind they’re sitting at a normal 6 foot rectangular table with Vicki, Shannon and Heather on one side… and Danielle, Tamra and Lizzie on the other. They all start talking to each other as if they’re all not like within earshot of each other…lol. Heather explains to Lizzie across the table that she understood how Lizzie would feel the way she did. She told her she already talked to Vicki about it, smoothed things out and helped Vicki to see how Lizzie felt.
Simultaneously, Tamra and Vicki are talking openly about Lizzie (who is sitting right next to Tamra) and Vicki insists she wasn’t mean to her and that she didn’t like Lizzie’s disrespect of her. Shannon tells Heather that she thinks that when Vicki first meets people she puts them to the test… but Heather doesn’t think that’s true. But when Shannon repeats her theory to Tamra and Danielle – Tamra immediately says, “That’s so true.” Shannon deduces that Heather will disagree with anything and everything she says. This is also probably true…lol.
Now it’s Danielle’s turn to go to the bathroom with Shannon. Tamra asks Heather if she’s okay with Shannon…and Heather fills us in on things we didn’t see when they were first sitting down. She explains to Tamra that Shannon had said, “Why can’t I sit in the middle” like 3 times as they were sitting down. Heather said it was so odd to her that Shannon seemed so angry about it and that it scared her a little. In her talking head, Tamra said that she doesn’t think that Shannon was scary angry. I’ve got to agree with her – Shannon did not seem wackadoo to me at all. Evidently, because they didn’t think they pushed Shannon’s buttons far enough for the evening, they all childishly decide to switch chairs before Shannon and Danielle come back from the bathroom. Hardee har har har…
Vicki tells everyone that she is going to have to go back to work after dinner because she is hosting a webinar at 8:00 AM tomorrow morning and she’s not finished with the PowerPoint yet. Tamra thinks she’s going to go be with Brooks. Vicki said some specific things about what she expects from Brooks at midnight when she gets home but I refuse to talk about such things or about Brooks at all. Heather wonders why they can’t hang out with Brooks. Tamra clues in Lizzie and Danielle that Brooks is not a good guy. Vicki makes the last toast, and somehow each person ended up saying, “Tamara shut up” as they clanked their glasses together. Heck, even I’d drink to that!
They showed preview of the rest of this season on RHOC…
They go on a Mexico trip… Tamra rides a mechanical bull… Brooks is asked, “What is your favorite physical aspect of Vicki” – He answers without a flinch, “Her Vagina”… Tamra and Eddie have to deal with a life-size baby doll that’s a baby simulator… Tamra’s gut tells her not to trust Lizzie… Terry gets mad at David and says, “You are either drunk or stupid or both, David – We have a term for you in medicine and it’s called, “Penis.”… Tamra cries about not trusting people and specifically saying she thought that Heather was her really good friend… Lizzie tells Tamra that she’s crap and that she’s the most insecure person she’s ever met in her whole life… Vicki chokes… Lies are flying everywhere… Shannon says she does a lot of bad things but she does not lie… Tamra runs away and says that we’ll never ever see her face again…
Oh, if only that were true… If “ifs” and “buts” were candy and nuts, we’d all have a Merry Christmas.
Well, that’s all for this week… Hope to see you back again, next week – Happy Trails!
Dancing with the Stars S18E9
Last week’s scores:
It was American Icons night and director/choreographer Kenny Ortega was the guest judge. The couples performed two individual routines.
Candace and Mark danced the Viennese waltz. The judges noted Candace wasn’t good at good at covering her mistakes. Score: 34. After they get their first score, Tom declares them safe for next week’s final (shocker). For their second dance, they did a jazz dance. I thought it was pretty good. Score: 38
Amy and Derek and Charlie and Sharna were told they were in jeopardy.
Charlie and Sharna danced the fox trot their first time up. Kenny and Bruno loved it and gave them a standing ovation. Score: 40. Their second dance was a samba. Nice. The judges tell Charlie he deserves to be in the finals. I noticed they didn’t say that to Candace. Score: 36
Amy and Derek danced the quick step and man, they were stepping quickly! Oprah had called them and told them when they win she’s going to take them out to dinner. Score: 39. Amy and Derek do a jazz number. The entire number was done mostly on/around a table. The judges love Derek’s choreography, although Carrie Ann noticed a misstep in synchronization. Len gave them a standing ovation. Score: 39
Next Meryl and Maks were declared to be in jeopardy. James and Peta were declared safe.
Tom brought to everyone’s attention that the three Olympians were in jeopardy (Amy, Meryl and Charlie).
James and Peta danced the cha cha cha. My favorite dance of the night so far. Score: 40. Their second dance is a rhumba. Carrie Ann called James the smartest competitor because he listens to the judges every week and improves. Len and Kenny tell James to work on his hands. Score: 36
Meryl and Maks danced the jive. It was fun to watch. Score: 40. Finally, Meryl and Maks danced the Viennese waltz. They make a striking couple on the dance floor. Len loved that they went for it 100%. Kenny said they left nothing on the floor but sweat. Bruno blah, blah, blah. Carrie Ann called Meryl fantastic and said she had better not go home. Score: 40
So who went home? It was Charlie, leaving James as the only male who has a chance to win it all.
This week’s scores:
Charlie: 76 (Eliminated)
Series Preview by HydrangeaHussy
“Set in the glittering, class-conscious city of London, the docu-series follows a group of elite British socialites along with American expats, who all run in similar social circles, but are worlds apart.”
Bravo’s look into London society premieres on June 2, but last night the network gave us an introduction to the ladies & a preview of what to expect. I’m hooked! These ladies are legitimate socialites. You may not have heard their names, but they all have some very famous & powerful friends.
The intro gives some insight into the differences between British society & American. One of the ladies says that “they’ll slowly accept you, but you’ll never be the same as them.” It takes more than new money to break into British society. You can’t buy your way in the way you can in other countries. “This is the big league, this is London.” Having native Brits & American ex-pats will showcase the clash between British culture & American. There are hints that the British don’t appreciate noisy, crass Americans. Hmmm, foreshadowing future drama? I’m reserving judgment on any of the ladies until we’ve seen some more than a brief introduction.
Caroline Stanbury is a member of the aristocratic Vesey family & is rumored to be the ex-girlfriend of Prince Andrew. She is one of the two native Brits. Caroline began her career as a personal stylist. She now owns Gift Library & The Wedding Shop. Caroline lives outside of London on the exclusive Wentworth Estate.
Caroline is the first lady that we meet & seems to be the true insider. “Growing up I was known as a sort of socialite/It girl, but I didn’t have to buy my way into London society, I was born into it,” she says. She comes from an old English family & is friends with the royal family.
She says that she’s like a pit bull if someone crosses her in business. “Caroline is someone that will be so nice to you and then turn around and absolutely annihilate you,” says Caprice. There’s a sign in her office that says “be nice!” Caroline admits that sometimes she says harsh things & that she expects perfection. Gift Library delivers luxury gifts to royals, celebrities, etc.
Caroline is very honest about enjoying luxury & material things. I would kill for 5 minutes in her closet! She pays a lot of attention to detail at work & in her personal life, which has led to great success. Noelle says that Caroline doesn’t do anything by half-measure. We get a clip of Caroline describing a friend’s birthday party she attended, where Elton John performed. She isn’t kidding when she says that sometimes she can’t believe this is her life.
Her one-liners are awesome! “Juliet did you forget your trousers or did you have a fight with a garden shear on your way here,” she says when Juliet arrives to a 4th of July party in very short cut-off jeans.
Caprice is a former model/sex symbol & fashion designer. She is one of the most photographed women in the world, with over 300 fashion covers to her name. Caprice has lived in London since her early 20’s & now owns By Caprice. She is avid philanthropist & has appeared in over 150 films & TV shows. After struggling to conceive, she now has 2 young sons. Though one was carried by a surrogate, she has never revealed which.
“What was it like to be a sex symbol in this country? It was f***ing brilliant, duh!” She modeled for over 10 years & opened By Caprice 5 years ago. She is in the process of building “a monster empire.” Noelle says, “I really admire Caprice. I would love to build up a name for myself in business, in the press, like she has.” Caprice is pretty business-savy. She understands the benefits of being in the press, “you raise your profile, that turns into money, and that turns into power.” Caprice seems like a really savvy business-woman, which is pretty evident from her success as a model & designer.
Caprice moved to London 17 years ago & has now been accepted into society. She & Caroline have been friends for a long time. “Caprice has been adopted into society here. She’s as accepted as much as any American could be,” says Caroline. That’s a pretty big compliment!
She was 7 months pregnant when filming began. The clip of her seeing the sonogram was so precious & heart-warming! Her sense of humor shows, even when pregnant, “I’ve made millions on the way I look and being a sex symbol and now my a** is the size of Australia,” she says. It’s revealed that she announced her twins on the cover of the Daily Mail, which was not well-received by Caroline. “Caprice is just making a whole song and dance of the whole baby story thing,” says Caroline, “Does she have an ounce of dignity left? Honestly?”
Annabelle Neilson is the daughter of a marguessa & the former muse/BFF of the late designer Alexander McQueen. She’s the other native Brit. She is divorced from Nathaniel Rothschild & has numerous famous friends, like Kate Moss. Annabelle’s described as an adventurer, who has undertaken diving with sharks, flying a helicopter, riding across Australia on a motorcycle, & horse racing.
Annabelle is described by the ladies as being part of the fashion crowd and very cool. “Annabelle is the just the poster child for the British country woman. She can shoot, she can ride, she looks like she was born to do this,” says Caroline. Though she comes from an aristocratic family, she is “more of the sort of rock & roll side than the posh side.” I’m looking forward to a look into British fashion.
She met Alexander McQueen when she was a model & he became her best friend. She was devastated by his death. She says that she is still dealing with his death & doesn’t know when she’ll come to terms with it. “Since Alexander’s death she’s been sort of withdrawn and I’m just trying to get her out because I want her to meet new people,” says Caprice. During the season she’ll be seen training for a horse race in memory of Alexander. Juliet notes that Annabelle declines many invitations. Cut to a scene of Juliet singing loudly at a party & Annabelle looking shocked. There’s the British reserve that we’ve heard about!
Noelle Reno is a former model & fiancé of Scot Young, British billionaire. She moved to London as age 20 to pursue a fashion & media career. Noelle is the co-founder of the cashmere fashion brand, Degrees of Freedom. She is currently struggling with Young’s high-profile divorce & the repercussions of that publicity.
Noelle became a model at age 13 & traveled the world before settling in London. She met Scot Young through her ex-fiance (Matthew Mellon, ex-husband of the Jimmy Choo founder). The first scene of Noelle & Scot shows them in the London Eye. It’s a little uncomfortable for a first look at the couple. Despite the romantic scene, the view, the champagne, Noelle doesn’t seem very happy. I read that Young didn’t want to film, but eventually agreed to, so it had to be a stressful situation for her.
Noelle & Scot have been engaged for 4 years, but can’t get married because his divorce isn’t finalized. Marissa says that he is going through the most publicized divorce in the world. Allegedly, 400 million pounds disappeared right before his ex-wife filed for divorce. It’s been very difficult for the couple due to the bad publicity. Noelle tells us that they aren’t invited to some events due to Young’s presence in the tabloids. It has to be tough to face the consequences for something that is out of her control. & I feel for her. Caprice breaks it down, “Some people think she’s a gold-digger. But I just think she’s a hustler, & I have a lot of respect for that.” It’s clear that Noelle has ambition & high aspirations.
Juliet Angus moved to London with husband, Gregor Angus, an advertising executive. She lived in Chicago and Los Angeles prior to moving across the pond. Juliet works in fashion PR & plans to open a private styling studio.
Juliet is the most out-going of the group. “When you go out with Juliet, you buy tickets to the Juliet show,” says Marissa. Annabelle describes her as “an over-excited terrier.” She admits that she is flamboyant & out-spoken. She refuses to change who she is to fit into British society. We see a scene where she refuses to eat “Bambi” at a lunch, which Caroline finds appalling. She ends up taking Juliet to an etiquette lesson to teach her how to behave.
It is clear that Annabelle is not Juliet’s biggest fan. I see these two butting heads all season. We get a preview of the 4th of July party, where Juliet follows Annabelle outside, arguing. It seems like Caroline will try to help Juliet, but Juliet won’t change who she is. “You have a very, very dominant personality,” Caprice tells her. I respect not changing yourself to suit others, but you also have to understand that not everyone is going to appreciate you.
Marissa Hermer worked in PR before marrying Matt Hermer, owner of the super-exclusive Boujis nightclub. She moved to London after college to pursue a PR career, then moved to NYC, where she worked in fashion. After re-connecting with Matt, she moved back to London. She is the director of special projects for The Ignite Group. Marissa recently got her British citizenship.
Marissa tells us that she’s a fish out of water in London. But, “Marissa just loves and emmany braces everything British and more than the British,” Caroline says. She is excited to become a British citizen. Marissa’s husband has been her entre into British society. She says that a most women weren’t interested in her until they found out that her husband owns Boujis. Marissa was pretty accomplished in her own right, so it had to be hard to only be considered worthwhile because of her husband.
She appears to be a bit of a perfectionist, which Juliet finds a bit annoying. We all know those people; the ones who make everything seem effortless. Marissa doesn’t seem to be one who calls attention to her accomplishments. It seems that she will butt heads with Juliet at a brunch, which ends in tears. Caroline says, “I cannot explain for the life of me two grown women absolutely in hysterics, over breakfast and champagne.” That’s the American in them, lol.
Julie appears to be a “friend of the housewives,” as she isn’t in the opening credits or cast photo. The yoga instructor & “wellness warrior” is married to Luke Montagu, Viscount Hinchingbrooke, the next Earl of Sandwich, which places her in line to the throne. Julie created the Super Healthy Options menu at the Hermers’ Bumpkin restaurants in London. We don’t see her much in the preview, but there are clips of a lunch at her family’s estate.
After we meet all of the ladies, we get some clips from the upcoming season. Juliet & Marissa get a lesson in Cockney rhyming at a market. Marissa’s jaw literally drops, lol. I couldn’t understand anything he said either! The ladies will go shooting, the royal baby will be born, & there will be plenty of parties. There will also be plenty of commentary on fashion. Noelle will deal with the fall-out from her fiancé’s divorce & Annabelle might be injured in a riding accident. Caprice will have a baby & Marissa will become British. Finally, it seems that the ladies will bring some drama, in true Bravo style. I am looking forward to this season!