Real Housewives Of Orange County
Remember last week… We left a “ho” down at Heather’s hoedown when Tamra fell off the mechanical bull, hurt her arm, and had to go to Urgent Care. You’ll be glad to know that evidently, you can’t keep a good “ho” down for long because there was no further mention of the incident in this week’s episode… But also remember that Shannon was reprimanded by Heather for being late to her hoedown/groundbreaking ceremony… Yet Vicki (who also arrived late with Shannon) didn’t seem to be reprimanded at all by Heather. Danielle (I know, who? She’s the “friend” of the housewives this year…lol) also arrived at the same time as Vicki and Shannon but had already told Heather that she was going to be late – So she too, escaped Her Royal Heatherness’ poo poo list. OOoooOOOO and remember there were onion rings… and I’m still craving some, dagnabit…
This episode begins with tidings of Christmas! It’s picture taking time for Heather and Shannon’s family – and the Bravo elves really had a fun time editing and splicing the footage together to demonstrate the two very different approaches on how to take a holiday picture.
First we have Shannon’s house that is all decked out in Christmas grandeur! Shannon loves Christmas and really gets into the decorating. She’s also planning her annual holiday party – It looks like we’ll see that during next week’s episode. She tells us that she doesn’t go over the top for her holiday party – But we’ll be the judge of that, won’t we? Normally, I would have written some sarcastic remark at this point of time – but I really relish any excuse to see Shannon’s house…lol.
They are preparing to take the photo that becomes their Christmas card. Someone somewhere decided that the family should all wear black. David is not so convinced that’s a good idea because he thinks they’ll look like they’re all going to a funeral. At this point, I think it’s probably the funeral for the dissolution of their marriage… but that’s just me.
Shannon proudly tells us that people look forward to receiving their Christmas cards every year and that she feels stressed to make each year’s picture really special. Nothing says “holiday” like wearing festive black. I mean all black. Not an accent color anywhere to be found. Yep. Yep. Yep. Well, except for the hot pink arm cast on one of the twins… lol. They could have put twinkling lights on it… Or perhaps they could have hung some tinsel or garland from it or something, no? They’re also taking the picture while sitting on the steps of their grandiose curved staircase – Which to me is just so predictable and unimaginative – Plus, it’s probably the only nook of the house that ISN’T decorated for Christmas. However, they ARE sitting in the same room as my all-time favorite push button-lowering chandelier – So, I guess you can’t really go TOO wrong – although it’s not in the pictures, dagnabit!
Shannon is directing her kids about how they should stand. She wants them to point at each other and laugh – and to really have fun with the photos. She wants them to be wacky – but she is very stern about how there should be “no gang looks”… because “this isn’t a gang.” Really? Yeah, because your kids REALLY looked like they were throwing some gang signs… lolol. Oh well… Yes, Shannon wants her kids to be wacky while they’re wearing very formal black attire. I love black and I often wear it myself – but come on… There was just nothing imaginative about these pictures – I would have expected it to be snowing inside or something – and the black would just accentuate it. Ehhh, I suppose I’m just being overly critical – I guess I just expected more. Actually, I’m sure the pictures turned out to be mahvelous… Sadly, I don’t recall getting one this year. I must be on Heather’s naughty list…
Shannon is encouraging everyone to laugh (Don’t worry, Shannon – I’m laughing at you… Oops I mean WITH you, I’m laughing WITH you… lol…). Shannon tells her kids not to do a “fake” smile – that she wants them to do a “natural” smile. She then turns towards the photographer and poses with a really fake looking smile. For some reason, this was hysterical to me. Shannon eggmits she isn’t feeling good about her relationship with Heather right now. She explains that when she isn’t being “heard” that she gets frustrated. She doesn’t know what the heck she did to get Heather so danged mad at her. Personally, I think it’s because Shannon didn’t sent me a Christmas card. Heather really has my back! Thanks, Heather, my new BFFL!
Heather, on the other hand has a different approach to their holiday cards. Like Shannon, Heather’s family takes annual family photos each year. Last year they were at the beach but this year they are traveling to a location. She wants it to look like they’re backstage… So they pose near lighting equipment, a director’s chair and a ladder…lol. It doesn’t look like the colors of the clothes were dramatically coordinated – But I’m sure they were. They all look dressed-up for a nice family photo. In fact, Collette looks like she has furry mink shoulders on her dress… lol. This is a no-sleeve dress… in Southern California. Sigh. I’m sure it was fake – but still… I maintain that fur on any article of clothing worn in Southern California (except perhaps in the mountains or in some air conditioned buildings) is just ridiculous. I guess I can understand that a 3-year-old could love the texture of fur… but come the heck on…
Heather tells Collette to stop acting like a 3-year-old – Yeah, like THAT’s gonna work. The photographer asks Heather if she wants to direct. She says, “No.” In her understatement of the year, Heather eggmits that she is controlling and that she tends to micromanage situations. What a shocker, no? As her kids are being photographed, Heather, because she just can’t help herself, tells them to look straight ahead and smile – But that they should relax their mouths. Right. ‘Cuz a 3-year-old certainly knows what that means. Heck, I barely know what it means. Whatever happened to saying “boyz” or “cheese?” After they take one “serious” shot they’re done.
Next we’re at Tamra’s where she’s taking herself out… No wait, she’s taking the trash out… lol. Sorry, I couldn’t resist… Ryan comes over and she takes this opportunity to talk to him about her appointment with an anti-aging doctor. They start talking about hormones and Tamra finds out that Ryan is taking HGH. However, you’ll be happy to know it’s improved his skin and his hair. She finds out that he buys it unlawfully in her parking lot. It’s all okay because it comes in official boxes with serial numbers and everything. Right – Because it’s not like we all have the ability to create a very official looking label on our home computers. Oh wait, we do? Rut roh…
I kind of wonder if Ryan’s injecting himself – because www.webmd.com says, “Taken orally, HGH is digested by the stomach before it can be absorbed into the body.” Such a nice son that Ryan is – He is putting her business at risk by his behavior… Not to mention, he is serving as an oh, so inspirational role model for all of the people working out at her studio. Yep, yep, yep – It was all those hard workouts that built up all of his muscles…Actually, she will be very lucky if buying HGH for himself is the only thing he’s doing at the studio…He has direct access to a huge potential customer base, no? I mean, this is all alleged and stuff…He wouldn’t actually do that to his Mom, would he? Nawwww….and not on national TV – He’s not that silly, right?
Tamra feels like since he’s 28 that he is going to do anything he wants to. Well Tamra that may be true – Except that he’s also your employee and you could fire his dupa or at least put him on notice. He really doesn’t seem to think he’s doing anything wrong. She feels that she “needs to lead him down the right path.” Oh Tamra, that ship has long since sailed… But I’ve got to give it to her for trying to do that. Tamra makes an appointment for both of them to see her doctor. Well, at least that’s a step in the right direction. Wow… So this was the best storyline you guys could come up with for him? Yikes!
Vicki arrives in Oklahoma City to go house shopping with Briana, Ryan and Troy… Boy, this city just can’t get a break. They already were decimated by a tornado and by a horrible bombing and now they have Vicki on their hands? Okay, let’s make this perfectly clear. Vicki does NOT want Briana to move. Period. She wants Briana and Troy to live at Vicki’s house and she wants Ryan to move to Oklahoma – And to come home on weekends. Vicki keeps trying to negotiate this with Briana who is so not interested in what Vicki has to say.
As Vicki starts quizzing them about the criteria for their house while trying to talk Briana into staying in Southern California… It’s really a moot point. The truth of the matter is that the $400,000 (the maximum they want to spend on a home) will go so much farther in Oklahoma than it does in Southern California. I’m not sure where that $400,000 figure came from – but okay. It just seems like a big amount for a first house wherein the Mom isn’t working and the Dad is in the military. But Briana is smart – Perhaps she has saved a lot over these years. Perhaps Mom or Dad helped out… Who knows?
Briana says that she is never ever going to live with Vicki ever again…She really used a lot of “nevers” and “evers”… lol. Not sure she should have said that – I hope she doesn’t have to eat those words. After all she IS married to such a wonderful and delightful (cough, cough…gag) man. Briana does not want to raise her kids in California. It seems like this offends Vicki since she raised her kids in California and she thinks they had a very nice life. During dinner Vicki chokes on something (No, it wasn’t her foot) – Let’s just say it’s a good thing her daughter is an ER nurse. Briana wonders how Vicki is going to do living by herself. Briana feels that no matter what she does in her life – That it’s just not good enough for her Mom. Briana says she feels like she’s always trying to make someone happy – but that she’s always disappointing someone. That’s got to be a tough way to live.
They look at a couple of different housing options. Vicki’s priority is resale value. The reality that these homes are in “Tornado Alley” hits home when one of the houses has a built in tornado shelter. Vicki wonders if they have couches in the tornado shelter (It looks like it’s only about 10’ x 10’ max)… lol. Ryan goes down inside the shelter and I just know that any minute Vicki is going to slam the door shut, lock the door and throw away the key. She will then borrow that “Men in Black” memory zapper from Will Smith and Briana and Troy will live happily ever after with Vicki in sunny, tornado-free, Southern California.
Lizzie and Heather get together for a play date at the park with each of their youngest kids. While still in the parking lot, Lizzie’s Preston goes ballistic. Heather was really cool about the whole thing and gave them the space they need. I think she was just relieved it wasn’t Collette who was acting out. Lizzie brought Collette a present because she likes buying girly stuff – and she only has 2 sons at this point.
Lizzie asks Heather for advice on her “Vicki” situation. Lizzie seems to feel that Vicki goes after her about one thing after another. Heather tells her that she loves Vicki and that she’s found her to be a loyal friend. However, Heather wonders why Vicki and Tamra seem to be talking behind Heather’s back to Shannon. In her blog last week, Heather made a big deal to tell us that she only talks to her husband about the other women – For example, that she doesn’t trash talk Shannon to the other women. Well yeah, perhaps… Except that she’s now talking to Lizzie about Shannon. Lizzie volunteered the information that when she talks to Shannon that Shannon basically rehashes to her what is currently going on between Heather and Shannon. I think part of this is because they’re both newbies – and I think Shannon thinks it’s her job to keep the drama stirred up. She does this by talking to everyone but Heather about her issues with Heather… lol.
Tamra and Ryan go to their appointment at Tamra’s anti-aging doctor. On the door it says, “Family Practice/Sports Medicine.” She is suffering from fatigue and bloating. They discuss hormone replacement. She is told she has some testosterone deficiency and they talk about some hormone therapy and what it does.
At this point, it comes out that Ryan has been taking HGH. The doctor asks if there were any blood tests done on him to establish a baseline measurement before he started taking the drug (Of course not…) The doctor said that that if Ryan is going to do it correctly, that he should be monitored. They decide to do a blood test right then and there. It really surprised me that Ryan, who is all tatted up, went pale and got all sweaty when the blood test was administered. He also has been known to faint during blood tests… I get that some people have a hard time with blood tests – because of a bad experience or bad veins or whatever… But it was just surprising to me that someone who has subjected himself to so much “needlework” is squeamish about blood tests. I also think the doctor almost fainted himself when he found out what Ryan was doing to his body. We see next week that Ryan gets some not so great blood test results – Well, at least that’s what we’re led to believe at this point.
The next scene we find out that Shannon has invited all the women over for a makeup lesson. No, no, no – It’s not what they REALLY need – Which is a lesson on how to make-up to people after an argumentative casino happens. Alas, it’s how to put on face makeup. Lizzie is game to go because even though she’s a pageant girl and knows all about makeup – There’s always a new tip she can learn. Plus, she will finally get to see Shannon’s amazing house.
Lizzie and Danielle are the only ones who are able to attend the makeup session. Since no one was chastised for their non-attendance – Everyone must have timely notified the hostess of their absence. While on the tour of the house, Danielle and Lizzie decide to take the elevator to the various floors of Shannon’s house. Since Shannon is claustrophobic, she decides to take the stairs. She wouldn’t have even put an elevator in the house at all except she was advised she needed one for the resale value of the house. Shannon couldn’t miss tossing a dig out at Heather, though… Shannon snottily said that her elevator is pretty small and is not like Heather’s commercial-quality elevator… lol. I dunno, if I had the choice, enough space, and money, I would choose the commercial quality elevator every single time. As they’re applying makeup, it comes out that Shannon had “nose and chin work” done while she was in college. Wow – Who has money for stuff like that while in college? The conversation steers around to the obligatory topic of Shannon vs. Heather. Lizzie encourages Shannon to talk it out with Heather. I’m noticing more and more about how Danielle is all but non-existent in these episodes – They really did edit her out – Or else she just didn’t say many things that were interesting enough to escape the cutting room floor.
Meanwhile, at Heather’s house… Terry is talking to 3-year-old Collette who is reaching for the cookies in the pantry. Terry promises Collette that if she kisses him that she can have a cookie. Collette jumps up to kiss him. Heather puts her foot down by saying, “Can we stop that – She can’t have cookies.” Terry wonders what’s wrong with having a cookie? After hearing what was going on – the other kids chime in that they also want a cookie. Heather takes Terry aside and tells him she’s trying to teach them about good body images and healthy eating – And that when he does things like this that he’s working against her. She tells him that they’re supposed to be a team on this. You then see the kids mouths filled with cookies. I actually think Terry wanted a cookie himself and perhaps even an onion ring.
Vicki, Briana, Troy, and Ryan stop at a restaurant to have a meal. Briana and Ryan were overly insistent that Vicki try some “lamb fries.” They actually even order them – but Vicki was suspicious about how they looked. They were battered and fried (it looked like to me) and smartly, Vicki waved down a waitress and got the real scoop on what they are (testicles). Yikes. As they drive back to the hotel after house hunting, Vicki decides she doesn’t want to be a Debbie Downer. She uses her words and asks Briana and Ryan to be patient with her as she journeys through this process. I think that’s fair… but Vicki also should come to grips with it…
There was a short little segment that showed Lizzie visiting her sister Becky (who lives on the same street as she does). Becky has 3 kids and so does almost everyone Lizzie knows. Even though her husband is all for it, Lizzie is not yet ready for another child – Perhaps in 6 months or so. She really, really wants a girl – but wonders if she could really handle a girl.
Shannon receives a call from Heather to get together for coffee or drinks because Heather thinks there’s weirdness in the air between them and she wants to fix it. Shannon tells us that she is hearing from the other “girls” that when they meet with Heather they don’t ever get any resolution. But she agrees to meet with Heather… and so yet another Friendship Summit is born.
Heather tells us that she is not a paranoid person so when she feels like someone is talking behind her back – That it’s probably true. As the two of them sit down, Heather says she is glad they’re sitting down together. Shannon tells Heather she doesn’t understand why Heather is always on her case about things. For instance, Heather was upset with Shannon when she arrived late to the Hoedown, but she wasn’t upset with Vicki or Danielle who arrived at the same time.
Heather tried to explain that it was Tamra who was talking to Shannon about being late when Heather walked up to the conversation. Tamra immediately included Heather into their conversation – So that’s why Shannon’s tardiness came up at all. Shannon feels that Heather was being condescending to her. She then mentions Heather’s comment about Shannon being “scary angry” during ChairGate 2014™®© which meant to Shannon that she was flitting around being hysterical. Heather said that was her perception of what happened. Wow. I didn’t see anything scary about Shannon or her reaction… but then again, who knows what was edited out?
Heather now thinks the whole thing was juvenile and she’s embarrassed that they were fighting over a chair. Shannon says that what she was upset about was that Heather was telling her where she was going to sit. Heather accuses Shannon of coming out of the bathroom and waving her finger at her. Boy, that must have been one scary finger… This is so not setting well with Shannon because she doesn’t like anyone saying she did or said something that she didn’t do or say.
Heather wants to tell her side of the story – And she says to Shannon, “I’ve allowed you to talk… I think you should let me to talk.” Heather wonders where they can go from here – and Shannon doesn’t think she can ever do right in Heather’s eyes. Heather feels that once she introduced Shannon to her friends – that Shannon didn’t have the time of day for her. Heather restates her position that she’s not accusing Shannon of anything – but that it’s all about perception. Heather tells Shannon that she feels excluded. Shannon hopes that they can get to the point where their perceptions are on the same page. Good luck with that! They’ll be lucky if their perceptions are ever even in the same library – Much less the same section of the library, book, chapter or page. They decide that if something comes up that bothers one or the other of them – They will talk about it with each other. Heather wanted to make sure Shannon’s upcoming Christmas party wasn’t awkward for either of them. They decide to toast to “Getting to know each other in a more appropriate way and to moving forward…” Wow, that was pretty adult of them – How totally un-real housewifey of them!
Next week… Christmas Party at Shannon’s – OooooOOO she’s serving some wonderful looking peppermint drinks… but we hear Vicki say she thinks Tamra should be quiet… Rut roh…lol… Oh, and it looks like Ryan (Tamra’s son) may not be getting very good news from the doctor about his blood test results….
Hope you guys have a great week… Happy Trails!