Real Housewives Of Orange County
S9E8 “Not So Silent Night”
WARNING***WARNING***WARNING***WARNING… This week, I believe that Tamra is acting like the most selfish, ungrateful, sniveling, petty, whiney, idiotic short-sighted dimwit that I have seen in a very long time. And that’s saying a lot because I watched an episode of “Marriage Boot Camp – Reality Stars” and “Hell’s Kitchen” this week. Tamra couldn’t recognize a great marketing opportunity if it hit her on the side of her over-Botoxed airhead.
Whew, thanks for letting me get that off my chest… I just had to vent… However, my feelings might not be completely out – So you might want to proceed with extreme caution… lol!
Remember last week… While looking at houses for Briana in Oklahoma, Vicki almost choked to death on her own foot and almost succeeded in locking Ryan (Briana’s gooberhead husband) in a tornado shelter forever… Shannon and Heather both take pictures of their family for their annual holiday card… Tamra’s son and employee, Ryan, is illegally buying and taking HGH he obtains from a guy in a parking lot without any medical supervision – But it’s okay, ‘cuz the HGH package has an official serial number on it and everything… Heather and Lizzie (and kids) play well together, but Heather and Shannon don’t until they have a “Friendship Summit” which ended up in their toasting to, “Getting to know each other in a more appropriate way and to moving forward…” Let’s see what they have in store for us this week, shall we?
The episode begins with Shannon preparing for her annual Christmas party. As we know, when there’s a group of like 15 or less – Shannon likes to do the bulk of the cooking herself. However, when over 30 will be in attendance (like at this party), she always hires a caterer/chef. As if Shannon’s own decorations were incredulously not sufficiently adequate, she has hired Roger’s Gardens to come and augment what she already has on display.
On a side note, I have amazingly fond memories of going to Roger’s Gardens (http://rogersgardens.com/) with my Mom several times each year. My Mom LOVED it there because she not only had a green thumb – she had a green arm! The grounds are amazing any time of year – But during Christmas, they always carried extra fun and holy cow expensive Christmas decorations. I loved looking at the rows and rows of highly decorated Christmas trees. We couldn’t afford to buy much but Mom always got great ideas from there and would have fun trying to implement them. Since today is the actual 28th anniversary of her death and it felt really mentascental to me that something so special to my Mom was brought into my life’s path today – Even if it was through an unlikely vessel like RHOC…lol.
Shannon goes out of her way to tell us that she does not overdo it for their Christmas party and that she keeps the cost down at every turn. She says that their budget motto is, “as cheap as possible” – and that’s just how they roll. Yeah right, because don’t we ALL have Roger’s Gardens coming out to help us decorate for our holiday parties? And I don’t mean they just delivered a flower arrangement or two… They were doing all kinds of things for her party. Puhleeze… They also have hired a candy sculpturist (Take a look at the carousel horse he did…) – He’s 1 of only 2 in the world – Yeah, I’m sure that was cheap, too… Shannon says she doesn’t know what the budget for the party really is – but isn’t that quite convenient? It’s easy to pretend you’re staying within a budget when you don’t actually have a budget, no? (Insert gratuitous eye roll here.)
Tamra and Ryan are back at the doctor’s office. Tamra tells us that Eddie thinks the Botox and all of the treatments that Tamra is doing are stupid. Tamra thinks that he says that now – but if she stopped them that he would be singing a different tune. The doctor tells Ryan about his lab results. He says there were, “Significant abnormalities.” His good cholesterol is too low and his bad cholesterol is too high and that he is in a high risk ratio for a coronary event. His total iron level is crazily high – less than 340 is normal – and Ryan’s is a whopping 1,187. Ryan tells the doctor that he sometimes has heart palpitations. With all of this combined, Ryan is at significant risk of having cardiac heart failure. Tamra talks to Ryan through her talking head interview, “You were fine the way you are… You don’t need to inject your body with stuff to make yourself look better – Just be happy with who you are… ” Right, Tamra – Did you film this segment before or after your Botox injections, boob jobs and tanning sessions? Later, Tamra tells Eddie that the doctor said Ryan could have a heart attack by the age of 40. She thinks the doctor scared the crap out of Ryan.
Okay, the rest of the episode takes place at Shannon’s Christmas Party. I’m severely disappointed because we didn’t even get to really see the kewl peppermint drinks they showed in last week’s previews, dagnabit. There is a lot of hashing and rehashing of stories – so I’m going to try to capture it once for expedience… And to save us all from unnecessary crap.
The main scenario: Evidently, about 5 months ago, Heather guest hosted on a local Los Angeles news/talk morning show called, “Good Day LA.” She has guest hosted a number of times over the last several years since she’s an actress in LA – but this particular time it was because she was promoting her guest appearance on “Hawaii Five-0.” At some point, Heather was given a heads-up about the segments they were going to feature during that day’s program. I think it’s pretty normal – It’s probably so that the hosts can be as prepared as possible so everything goes smoothly during filming. That day they were planning a couple of segments that included people within Heather’s world – A clothier (who is the husband of one of her best friends) and a chef (Fabio Viviani – Top Chef guy) with whom she wanted to open a restaurant.
In addition, another segment that day was going to feature the fitness studio in Newport Beach where Heather occasionally works out. According to Heather’s blog, the fitness studio’s PR person has a close relationship with one of the morning show’s producers. We’ve all seen the fitness equipment Heather already has in her home – So I’m guessing it’s not too often that she goes somewhere else to work out. At that time, Tamra and Eddie had opened “CUT Fitness Studio” and could have used some significant publicity. Heather’s side of the story is that when she heard that one of the segments was going to feature a fitness studio – She called and texted Tamra to talk to her about it because she didn’t want Tamra to be upset. Terry didn’t think Heather should take the guest hosting job at all because he knew it would upset Tamra.
Heather maintains that she had absolutely no say in the segments that were featured that day. She says that her options were to either 1) Take the job; or 2) Turn down the job. She couldn’t imagine that Tamra would want her to turn down this job – So she took the job but talked to Tamra about it before it even got filmed.
Tamra sent Heather an email that told her that her feelings were hurt about this whole thing. She didn’t get a response from Heather, but Terry texted Tamra and told her that his advice to Heather was not to do the job – because he knew that Tamra was going to be upset. This is also the man that tends to downplay the importance of Heather’s acting career…
Since then, two things have happened: 1) One of the instructors at CUT Fitness Studio (who used to be an instructor at the fitness studio that was featured in the segment) told Tamra that Heather had actually set the whole thing up; and 2) Heather was offered the opportunity to do several other “guest” appearances on “Good Day LA” since one of their regulars was going to be out on maternity leave. This gave Heather an opportunity to pitch several ideas for future segments – one of which featured “CUT Fitness Studio.”
At the Christmas party, Heather shares the great news with Tamra and Eddie that not only is she going to have frequent guest hosting appearances on “Good Day LA” – but also that the producers have approved a segment that will feature, “CUT Fitness!” This is amazing, yes? No – At least not according to Tamra. She gripes and complains about how her widdle feelings were hurt 5 months ago. Oh, Tamra – Would you like some Gouda to go with your whine? However, Eddie is really so “stick a fork in me I’m done” with Tamra’s pettiness, is thrilled at this obvious huge marketing opportunity and thinks Heather is a really good friend.
Since Heather and Vicki are off talking in another room about Vicki’s recent trip to Oklahoma and how her relationship with Briana is going to dramatically change – It was a perfect time for Tamra to maliciously talk about Heather behind her back. Tamra couldn’t wait to babble to the others about how Heather had wounded her all those months ago. Oh, booo honkin’ hooo. She holds court with Shannon (who already has serious doubts about the authenticity of any of Heather’s words because she’s an “actress”), Lizzie and Danielle. As Tamra rehashes the story, Shannon interrupts her – because she wanted clarification about the original fitness studio segment. Shannon said, “Wait, it was her [Heather’s] choice to bring them on?” Tamra said Heather is saying that it wasn’t – but then Tamra proceeds to tell them that her fitness instructor said Heather had indeed set it all up. Because, you know – a fitness instructor would be privy to that level of information, right? I mean the producers could have even presented it to the owners under the guise, “Since Heather is guest hosting, we want to do a segment with you…” Yadda yadda yadda… And it would look like Heather set the whole thing up.
I honestly don’t know if Heather set it up or not. She says that she didn’t – but I’ve learned not to trust anything anyone says on these shows. What I DO know is; 1) Heather owes nothing to Tamra; 2) It isn’t Heather’s job to market Tamra’s Fitness Studio; and 3) If Tamra doesn’t shut her mouth – This marketing opportunity could EASILY be snatched away – and probably should be.
Tamra tells the group that now Heather wants to do a segment on “Good Day LA” featuring CUT Fitness. On one hand, Lizzie immediately responds, “That’s great she wants to do that!” On the other hand, Shannon blurts out, “That’s f***ing bulls***! Wow…
Tamra also shares with Shannon about how Heather allegedly told her she had to “pick a side” in their friendship. Evidently, Tamra was at Shannon’s house (The day After the Ho was down at the Hoe Down…lol… that just never gets old – at least not to me…lol…) – and Tamra says Heather told her to pick a side… Tamra interpreted it to mean she had to pick between being friends with Heather or with Shannon. Shannon flips a fig over this…
Heather and Vicki unknowingly walk into the den of vipers. There’s a long, awkward silence. Lizzie breaks the icy stillness by telling Heather that the others were wondering if they should talk to her about something or not. Lizzie thinks they all should just talk. Tamra looks stunned like a deer caught in the headlights and she isn’t saying anything at all. You can tell that Heather knows they were all talking about her behind her back. In front of everyone, Lizzie tells Heather she was defending her because she didn’t think Heather meant to offend anyone – So this clues Heather into the fact that they were saying disparaging things about her since she needed to be defended in the first place. In her talking head, Shannon is completely pissed off and wonders who put Lizzie in charge of when Shannon and Heather’s issues would be discussed…lol… The viewers put Lizzie in charge, Shannon – We had a meeting… And we’re applauding!
Heather posits to Tamra, “Why would I go out of my way to upset you?” Tamra says, “I don’t know – Why did you?” Heather said, “So you don’t believe me.” Tamra tries to wriggle out of answering and Heather says, “Either you do or you don’t.” Shannon jumps in and tells Heather she needs to stop talking so condescendingly towards them. In tonight’s quote of the night – Heather says in her talking head interview, “If you think I’m talking down to you – I probably am – because you’re acting like a moron.”
Shannon continues her tirade against Heather. Her Royal Heatherness says she feels like she’s being ambushed and she looks like she’s about to leave because she doesn’t feel she needs to be spoken to like this. Shannon says that Heather just did that same thing to Tamra. Heather tries to make the distinction that it’s different because she’s being accused of something. Shannon thinks it’s the same thing as what happened between her and Heather. Shannon exclaims, “Touché!”
The bottomline is that Tamra just doesn’t believe Heather. Heather and Terry leave because of a “phone call” they received from one of their kids (Although Vicki didn’t see the phone light up indicating there was an incoming call). Tamra “hopes” that Heather would never do anything to hurt her – but she’s not sure. When asked if Heather has ever lied to her, Tamra’s response was, “Not that I know of.” Ringing endorsements from a true friend, no?
Vicki was trying to stay out of this argument because she’s just happy that for once that she wasn’t involved. However, at one point she laughingly says that since no one in the room is buying insurance from her that she’s going to be offended! Lololol… However, in her talking head, she agrees that she doesn’t think Heather did anything wrong and that Tamra should just be grateful IF she is ever on “Good Day LA”… and that Tamra should, “Shut the mmmm up.” Later, when pressed by Tamra for her position on this subject, Vicki tells her exactly how she feels.
A couple other things of note in this episode but could have gotten lost because of all the drama: 1) We learn that Terry’s older brother was Kevin Dubrow of “Quiet Riot” – Terry spouts off some statistics but Mr. Stars99 tells me he thinks he exaggerated the number of sales etc. (Mr. Stars99 is an avid Randy Rhoads fan) – but it’s sad because Kevin died in 2007 seemingly of an accidental cocaine overdose; and 2) Vicki said that if she and Donn had never moved away from Chicago and their family ties that they would still be married – She believes if family was a more prominent part of their lives that that family would have glued them together… and that she and Donn would have powered through all their problems.
This week’s edition of, “I Kid You Not” has 2 finalists. The first situation occurred when a guy named Ryan introduced himself to Vicki. Vicki gestures to the woman standing next to him and Ryan, sensing her unspoken question, responds, “No, we’re just good friends.” Vicki then asks these two complete strangers if they’re doing, “Chitty, chitty… bang, bang.” No, Vicki, he happens to be gay – His husband is standing just over there. Then, I Kid You Not – Vicki says, “Oh, you don’t LOOK gay.” Seriously? How can Vicki possibly survive in this world? I feel like I ask that same question every week…Sighs…
The second situation was when Christian (Lizzie’s husband) and David (Shannon’s husband) are talking about having kids. Christian says they want to have a 3rd child (they have 2 boys now) and it comes out that Lizzie wants a girl. One of David’s 3 daughters is standing not more than 10 feet away from this entire conversation. I Kid You Not, David said that he’s heard that when you’re making babies – If you’re happy you produce boys – and if you’re not happy you produce girls. David and Shannon have 3 girls. What a complete imbecile. Christian then says, “Behind every joke is a little bit of truth.” They both laugh. I wonder if David’s daughter laughed. I didn’t.
Next Week: Heather and Vicki go out on a friendship date… Well, at least it’s not a “Friendship Summit”… Heather is remembering how Vicki warned her that Tamra would turn on her at some point. In Vicki’s talking head she says that although she loves Tamra that she doesn’t always do the right thing… Yeah, right, Captain Understatement… Briana’s opening a box that contains a helium balloon that is supposed to tell her the gender their new baby… and Shannon is talking to Tamra about her relationship with David and says that divorce is not an option…
Thanks for reading… See Ya Next Time… Happy trails!