Carole and Kristen are getting Brazilian waxes together because we haven’t seen that before on any of the other Housewives’ franchises. Well, at least they’re not screaming and calling their lady parts cute nicknames. Their conversation is about the rumors that were told about all of the women by Sonja’s facialist, the infamous Satako. As we leave Carole with her legs in the air, Aviva and Ramona are at a different spa enjoying New York’s version of the Roman baths and sharing their dismay that the others want to go to Montana. Aviva tells Ramona how she just found out that she has asthma – really, really bad asthma that is going to keep her making the trip. Her doctor has made it clear that she’ll be better off in big skyscraper city over big sky country. Aviva wants to go somewhere where she can show her fun side and insists she would never want to be a buzz kill.
Sonja is packing for the trip and finding the right panties for the occasion is essential. She has panties for the Hamptons, for St. Tropez, for horseback riding and for a yacht off Monaco. What she really needs is a jar of Monkey Butt from Tractor Supply – the panties should be her second consideration.
Ramona and Kristen are shopping for cowboy boots at a place called Space Cowboy, named after the owner who loves his moment on camera and wants to sell Ramona a pair of sexy chaps. Aviva walks in dressed for a hoedown and the big asthma debate begins. Kristen doesn’t believe that Aviva has asthma but Aviva has a letter from her doctor that says she does. The letter was probably addressed to Bravo so that she could give them another excuse as to why she would be missing a group trip again. Kristen doesn’t care about the letter; she’s carrying on as if she wants an independent medical exam and all but whips out her own spirometer to test Aviva’s lungs on the spot. She’s sure that Aviva is making it all up just to get out of going with them. Aviva doesn’t care for being called a liar and starts pulling all sorts of medications out of her purse and throwing them at Kristen, and then takes a hit off of her rescue inhaler, just to prove her point. She really should learn how to use those things, they’re rather expensive. Ramona is surprisingly quiet, noting only that it all may be a weird coincidence.
Kristen is also packing with the help of her kids who think she should carry a gun for her trip to the wild, wild, West. Josh comes in and Kristen commences to tell him about Aviva’s asthma story. He chuckles and says that they’ll probably see pictures of Aviva on a chair lift in Aspen, puffing on a cigarette. Kristen also wants to know if Josh can take care of the kids while she’s gone. He insists that they’ll be alright but he plans on dropping them off at her parents’ house in Connecticut so that he can hang out in the Hamptons with his friends. He then tells her that he has to get back to the office, leaving her fuming.
Aviva talks to Reid about her new affliction and whether she should chance a trip to Montana. He tells her that it would be irresponsible for her to go. She then takes another puff from the inhaler in case we missed the first demonstration.
The group finally arrives on Montana and find that there’s a wheel chair reserved for Aviva at the airport. Whether that was Bravo foolishness or Aviva foolishness really doesn’t matter – it was foolishness. Ramona isn’t impressed with all of the stuffed animals on display and all of them wonder what they’ve gotten themselves into. They arrive on the resort property and it looks a little desolate. They enter the lobby and are greeted with Huckleberry base drinks. A horse-drawn wagon takes them to their cabins. LuAnn, Heather and Kristen are going to stay at the Antler’s Cabin and the Beaver Cabin will be home for Sonja, Carole and Ramona. Both cabin are impressive and beautifully appointed. Ramona opens some wine and the trip begins.
The first activity is wrangling cattle and Sonja is having some flashbacks to the last time she rode a horse and was thrown. Ramona wants to trade in her horse for a different model because hers is grazing and refuses to move. The horse must have gotten the memo. She swaps horses with LuAnn who faced down a camel and Ramona suggests that the horse be sent to the glue factory. Carole completely enjoys the perspective of the world you get from the back of a horse. They all do pretty well with their tiny cattle drive, but, then again, the cowboys at the ranch were very helpful, not to mention very cute.
After changing, the ladies are going to downtown Missoula for dinner. The restaurant is rather interesting, with seating arranged around an indoor rodeo arena. Ramona begins complaining how she can’t eat anything because of the manure smell and Sonja thinks that dinner is going to be one of the calves she just saw in the arena. Because there has never been a single Housewives’ dinner that hasn’t been ruined, the conversation turns to the things Sonja’s facialist said, and, more importantly, to the fact that Sonja let her go on and on without shutting her down. LuAnn is the one most upset and tells Sonja that she should have sent the woman home instead of allowing her to talk about her and the rest of the ladies. LuAnn doesn’t like the fact that Satako said that she likes to dominate short French men in bed. Kristen starts to giggle, saying that she found it funny. Ramona says that if it isn’t true, why should anyone care. Sonja’s explanation is that this sort of idle gossip has been going on for hundreds of centuries. Hair stylists do it, manicurists do it and dog groomers do it. She doesn’t think it means anything. LuAnn gets up and says that she’s going to bed. What is really bothering her is that Sonja doesn’t even care she’s upset.
We can only imagine what the ladies have in store for next week. Perhaps Sonja will wrangle a cowboy, Satako will be offered a spinoff and we’ll find out that Aviva has an enlarged prostate gland.
S1E3 “Red, White And Blue-Blooded”
By Hydrangea Hussy
Last week was mostly about the ladies & their families. We learned that Caprice is having two babies & not all of the ladies think that her media release with that news was appropriate. This week is the 4th of July, so I expect there to be some Brit vs. American tension.
Juliet & Marissa are having cocktails. Juliet is having the “Juliet spritzer,” which is white wine, soda & lemon. Sounds kind of good! Marissa tells Juliet about her impending British citizenship. Sidenote: Marissa clarified, via Twitter this week, that she now has dual citizenship. She describes the “life in the UK test,” which sounds kind of difficult. Marissa is excited about her new citizenship, but she’s also excited about the 4th of July, which she’ll co-host with Juliet. They are having a difference of opinion. Marissa wants it to be nice, while Juliet is leaning toward tacky, lol. All of the Brits are invited. Caroline seems excited, but points out the irony of the situation – they’re celebrating the throwing out of the Brits while in England.
Caprice’s dog has a problem eating his poo. Her vet told her to put pineapple in his food to prevent this. Gross! Caprice isn’t sure that she’s ready for 2 babies if she can’t handle her dog. I have felt that way many times! Caprice’s publicist calls to talk to her about the Serpentine party coverage. Despite being pregnant, Caprice’s image as a sex symbol is what built her career & she wants to maintain that. I think she looks amazing for 7 months pregnant! That may be why she was the first photo in the Daily Mail.
Annabelle is visiting her grandmother & sister, Millie. Her grandmother is graceful & charming! They discuss a relative’s 21st birthday party & her grandmother comments that she’d love to be young again so she could go dancing. So cute! Annabelle’s family is aristocratic & her grandmother begins telling family stories about an affair that a relative had with a queen. They were given their title by the Queen of Sweden after a member killed an Italian count that she had an issue with. Annabelle prefers to think of herself as more rock & roll than posh. She hopes to take after the good riders in her family & do well in the upcoming race.
Caroline’s office is full of women. Like Caprice, she’s building a brand & using social media to aid in projecting the image that she wants. She seems to be tough on her employees, but they all appear to be having a good time. I love an office where you can laugh with your boss. An antique jewelry dealer has brought some items to show Caroline. One of the pieces was worn by Kate Winslet at the Titanic premiere. Wow, Caroline is correct when she says that she lives a charmed life! But she is quick to point out that she has not accepted money from her parents since she was 17 & that she built her business on her own. Her work ethic is very evident. Caroline admits that she is more American than Brit, in that she likes the bling while the Brits don’t show off their wealth.
Annabelle visits an up & coming designer that she is mentoring. Annabelle has a ton of experience in the fashion industry & I think it’s great that she wants to share that knowledge. The designer is developing her new collection, which Annabelle sees as reminiscent of Alexander’s early collections. What an amazing experience for a young designer – to have Annabelle helping with your collection & show.
The 4th of July party is being held at Marissa’s restaurant, Bumpkin. She & Matt are sampling the menu, which she wants to be American foods. They’re having ribs, but they are too messy for the party. Next up is a burger, which need to be shrunk down to sliders. It was cool to see the two tasting & discussing the food. They work together very well, which explains their success in business! Matt is against the lobster roll, until he tries it. He has to admit that it is wonderful.
It’s finally the 4th of July! Marissa’s dress is so cute & festive! They’re decorating outside with flags & bunting everywhere. Marissa is very hands-on in the planning of the party. It’s nice that her friends are so willing to support her one “American day” in the UK. Juliet arrives a little early but after most of the work is done, just as Marissa predicted, lol. I think we all have friends like that. Caroline is getting ready at her office & explaining the 4th of July to her make-up artist. This cracks me up! He knows that it’s our Independence Day, but isn’t sure what the significance is. Caroline explains that there will be lots of flag waving & excitement.
Noelle arrives in a red, white & blue dress. It’s the 4th anniversary of Marissa & Matt meeting Scot. I can’t believe Marissa remembers that! Noelle takes the opportunity to point out that they’ve been together 4 years & she still doesn’t have an 8.7 carat ring. I can’t tell if she’s just nervous or really that materialistic. Caroline arrives in red, white & blue as well. Haha! First words to Juliet – “Juliet, have you forgotten your trousers, or did you have a fight with a garden shear on the way here?” Juliet points out that Caroline’s put-down is really a compliment. Caroline later notes that she really likes Juliet because they can tease each other. Annabelle wears all-black because the Brits are in mourning on the 4th. Caprice hasn’t celebrated the 4th of July in over a decade because she has become more British than American after being in England for so long. We also meet Julie Montagu for the first time, but don’t really to get to know much about her. She is married to a friend of Annabelle & Caprice.
Julie & Annabelle are discussing the upcoming race. Julie suggest power yoga to build upper body strength. Juliet suggests some kind of dance-type workout that she did in LA. Annabelle notes that Juliet seems to jump into any conversation without worrying if she’s interrupting. Here comes the drama, as Juliet appears to go on & on. Annabelle points out that she can barely get a word in & asks Juliet to slow it down. Juliet finds Annabelle’s reserved nature to be rude. Juliet is now pissed that Annabelle interrupted her, but didn’t she just interrupt Annabelle & Julie?
Marissa makes a quick thank-you speech & toast. Overall, the party seems like a lot of fun. She puts Juliet on the spot by announcing that she will sing our national anthem. Juliet pretends to be shy, but you can tell she’s loving the attention. She stands & sings with Marissa’s help. Noelle thinks that the Brits are probably embarrassed for Juliet. Annabelle is attempting to hide a smirk. Juliet’s voice isn’t horrible, but she isn’t getting a record deal anytime soon. Annabelle comments that she now knows the difference between Americans & Brits. Everyone gets quiet. Caprice points out that Annabelle is very reserved & isn’t used to so much exuberance. Caroline finds it refreshing.
Bo, a friend of Juliet & Marissa, arrives with gifts of undies. Juliet immediately pulls them out & shows them off. Annabelle is shocked! Juliet is looking for someone to try them on & asks who has a big a**. Ok, even I find that a little inappropriate. Annabelle finds it very inappropriate & makes a quick exit. Annabelle is outside, explaining to Caroline that she just can’t understand getting out undies at a dinner table. Juliet is insulted by Annabelle’s departure & follows her out. She goes on & on about how rude Annabelle was. I found the departure a little abrupt, but she didn’t cause a big scene like Juliet did by following her out.
Juliet goes back inside to get the support of the other ladies. Caprice stands up for Annabelle, saying that she doesn’t usually react like that. Juliet wants Caprice to stop defending Annabelle & says that it isn’t her business. But didn’t Juliet run back to the group with her story & involve everyone? Caprice goes after Annabelle, which Caroline finds ridiculous. She points out that Juliet is new to England & doesn’t know the proper etiquette yet. I think that it was nice for Caprice to check on her friend. When Caprice goes back inside, Juliet is still talking about it. She again tells Juliet that Annabelle is very private & doesn’t react well to Juliet’s dominant personality. Caroline doesn’t know why Caprice is involved & Caprice doesn’t understand why Caroline didn’t defend her friend.
Cristina aka djprincessc