Brandi Glanville Podcast 25
Interesting note: I started this recap when this podcast was first posted. In it, I wrote that she called her son an a**hole and a dick. But, it was taken down, edited, and reposted. Now, the a**hole is bleeped and the dick has been taken out but her saying f*ck later and repeatedly isn’t. Since only the stuff about the name calling her son was altered, I wonder if Eddie didn’t request the changes. Imagine the field day kids might have with that….”your own mother thinks you’re a dick!”. Or maybe even Brandi herself after getting a look at the RO piece about her comments with commentary by a shrink saying she’s a lousy parent.
Actor Jake Lacy. Has new film, Obvious Child, coming out soon. Jack has two boys, 12 and 14 so, naturally (did I say ‘naturally’? I meant, unnaturally), Brandi asks if they are gay (WTeffityF?). He says they are gay with each other and Brandi says incest isn’t best (hey, who says she has no boundaries?!). Brandi mentions she has a son named Jake, which she claims is the best name in the world. She says her Jake is “a complete a**hole but we love him”. Lacy says a lot of 7 yo’s are a**holes. Brandi says she’ll ask Jake for a hug and he’ll say no. He’ll also brazenly admit he lied then flash his dimples, she laughs.
Jake says that’s “dark” and shows her son has an “awareness that he did something wrong and is just rubbing it your face”. Brandi used to lie and be an a**hole when she was young and her mother says Jake is payback to Brandi for the hell she put her through. Brandi says she’s already booking rehab for Jake. She says she’ll be talking to him and he’ll interrupt and say he’s “taking five”. And, she told him, “we’re having a conversation and you’re seven, you’re not taking five!”
Jake will also sing some song to her that goes, “I’d have one less problem without you” (sorry, but, ROFL! at that one). Brandi says, “I’m like, go fuck yourself!” She says he doesn’t realize that she puts the food on the table, that she pays for “everything” (she really shouldn’t say she used to lie, past tense). But, she says, he doesn’t care and that he tells her he has “better shoes at his dad’s house, anyway” (HOLY crap, burn!). She then says her other son, Mason, is awesome and really sweet and has a conscience. He doesn’t lie and kisses her when she asks.
She claims Jake already has ex girlfriends, plural, one much older than him – a 5th grader while Jake’s in first grade. She says “he’s basically gotten to second base” with a lot of girls. “It’s a problem”, she says. Yeah, I’m not buying this. I think she activated the patented Brandi Exaggerator Machine. A fifth grader with a first grader? I just can’t see it. And, I think she’s kidding about the 2nd base part. Simply because it’s so absurd.
But, for eff’s sake, really Brandi? I wouldn’t be surprised if someone at his school doesn’t look into it because they may have to since there have been crazy cases of very young kids engaging in sex on school grounds. And, where else would this have happened? I don’t think 1st graders have dances. Can you imagine it resulting in her son having to be questioned about this?
Brandi talks about how someone, some guy, in the studio, hates her, gives her dirty looks. Some wrestler named Goldberg? Brandi says he hates her. They talk about Jake’s movie and career. He talks about how proud his mom was when he got his first job on Guiding Light and Brandi says she hopes she feels that way about Jake one day (I bet Jake hopes for the same about her).
Guest: “Sexpert”, Dr. Emily Morse. She cohosts Loveline. Brandi has been on a couple times and she shocked the guys with her raunchiness. Ok, lots of graphic sex talk ensues. Ugh. Talk of blow jobs, loose ball sacks and penises leaning to the left. Brandi says some guys love going down on girls and are totally into it, others aren’t. Brandi says giving a blowjob is a job. Brandi says what she wants to do in bed depends on how drunk she is. In her opinion, Jewish guys don’t “eat pussy”, because, maybe, “it’s not Kosher” (Groan. Not just a lame joke but I’m pretty sure she’s said it before). The Dr, who is Jewish, disagrees.
They talk about sex on the first date. The Dr. doesn’t recommend it. She likes the anticipation. Brandi slept with Eddie the first night they met and then for the next two nights and then they got married, according to Brandi. Brandi wants to talk threesomes. She thinks they’re best when they happen organically…drinks one night, making out with your girlfriend, you’re all in bed (you know, like you do!). Brandi says her Jewish girlfriends are more uptight, sexually. The Dr., again, disagrees.
Brandi travels with a Brookstone vibrator. Brandi says she uses it on a low setting because she doesn’t get desensitized to what a man can do (someone kill me). The Dr. says it’s Masturbation Month (ok). Brandi says a former boyfriend she dated, constantly masturbated. Brandi says she likes a man who is in touch with his feminine side but who isn’t gay. She says she was dating a man recently and she suspected he was gay and flat out asked him “if he sucked dick”.
S&M. Brandi says she likes it a little bit rough but not too much. The Dr. says women want to be “taken” by a man but not too rough – yet later says women like to be thrown against a wall. Brandi introduces the world to the brilliance of her cereal theory about men (I won’t burden you with it. You’re welcome). Brandi recently advised a girlfriend of hers to not let her crazy side out too soon in her relationship or she’ll scare him away. And, cause it’s Brandi, she gives the woman’s name and specifics. How she freaking maintains friendships is beyond me.
Talk of impotence, delayed ejaculation, premature ejaculation, masturbation. My god, how much of this to go? 20 min? 20 min?! How freaking long is this show? Omg, it’s an hour, 20! Oh, hell no. Screw this, I’m done, Kit out.
Tonight on Bravo
Kandi’s Wedding Episode 4
With Kandi and Todd’s wedding only a few days away, Kandi finally sends Todd the daunting pre-nup and requests him to sign it. Concerned that he might not be protected by the pre-nup, Todd seeks the advice of a lawyer who shocks Todd when he advises him not to sign. The clock is ticking and wedding guests have started to arrive in Atlanta. Unaware of how serious the pre-nup situation is becoming, Todd and Kandi’s friends continue planning parties for the bride and groom to celebrate their last night of being single. Kandi’s bachelorette party is a fun girls night with outrageous entertainment hand delivered by Phaedra. Over at Bar One, Todd’s bachelor party gets a little out of control with Todd nearly breaking the “party rules” Kandi had laid out for him. During the wedding rehearsal, things take a turn for the worse when Todd tells Kandi about his reservations with signing the pre-nup leading to a heated argument, and a division between Kandi and Todd that no one saw coming less than 24 hours before the wedding.
Watch What Happens Live with Kandi & Joyce