Real Housewives of Orange County
“Making Woo-Hoo-Py!” – S9E11
Last week, remember…
Tamra and Eddie ordered a robot baby so they could learn what it’s like to have a baby – Even though Tamra has had 4 kids already and Eddie has established he has no time for another baby in their life – after all, he already has to deal with Tamra’s daily tantrums… Vicki and Brooks (ugh) are vacationing in Puerto Vallarta… Over-Sharing Shannon flipped her fig when she found out that Heather was talking about her marriage issues to other women in a restaurant… Tamra told a big fat lie to Shannon and Heather threw Shannon out of her house… In other words, just another Monday in paradise…
This week’s episode begins with Shannon in the kitchen with her kids dishing out broccoli on their plates. David comes home from somewhere and says, “Hey Mommy” to Shannon and “Hey Sweety” to Adeline… Initially, we don’t hear Shannon greet her husband… She just looks jealously at her David hugging and loving on the kids until it’s her turn for hugs. Once again we hear about how David’s email rattled her – And Shannon narrates to us that every relationship has its up and downs (Oh, I get it – THAT’s why we saw the picture of a Ferris Wheel as the scene opened… lol) and that people aren’t going to be happy 100% of the time. I think David would settle on being happy for 1% of the time at this point…lol…
They’re packing for Puerto Vallarta and David asks if they’re going to dress up. Alas, Shannon’s Valentino dress is only good enough to wear at lunchtime… David balks because he thinks they’re going to be wearing shorts for lunch (Many places in Puerto Vallarta are really casual). Shannon asks David when the last time it was that he ever saw her wear shorts… David thinks it’s been way too long. Perhaps THAT’s their problem – Shannon never wears shorts… Or short shorts… If you dare wear short shorts… Nair for short shorts… (Sorry, but we needed to have a commercial break, no?3
At Heather’s house, 3-year-old Collette is busy drawing on Max’s homework she has to turn in tomorrow – just like any good little sister should…lol… Heather tells us that she knows her strengths and her weaknesses and that cooking is NOT one of her strengths. I think one Her Royal Heatherness’ strengths is looking down her nose at all the peasants living in the village below her royal castle. Another one of her strengths is that she can scold anyone for any little thing, including her husband. She’s awesome at making people feel inferior to her superior intelligence… She’s a master at spinning a situation around to her personal advantage… Oh, I could go on and on… but who has the time?
Anyway, Heather spins this “Cooking is not a strength of mine” concept to rationalize her testing out a chef she hopes to hire who will come in and cook dinners for the kids first… and then for she and Terry later on when he gets home from work. She’s quick to assure us that she will do the cleanup thereafter. Heather’s “foodie” kiddos LOVED the chef’s food – and Heather modestly, albeit truthfully, tells us they liked it because SHE didn’t cook it…lol.
Let’s see… So Heather has at least one nanny, an assistant, a housecleaner and now a chef. I guess it really DOES take a village to raise a child…lol. Heather has a very nice life – That’s quite a lot of help! But to be fair, I suppose if I had money, I’d hire people, too. Heather starts to gossip to Natalie (Heather’s assistant) about how she recently threw Shannon out of her house. Now, Heather is a little nervous because Shannon is going to Puerto Vallarta with Vicki and she knows they’re going to talk about her behind her back. Heather is just not sure if any of the other women are really her friends…
Meanwhile, in Puerto Vallarta, Vicki also hired a chef but he barely speaks English. Surprisingly, this does not faze Vicki at all. Brooks (ugh) walks into the kitchen with a bag o’ live lobsters that the chef is going to cook for them for dinner. Also with Vicki in Puerto Vallarta are her brother Billy and his girlfriend and her son Michael. Vicki knows Shannon is having marital issues – and we see a scene with Tamra on the phone with Vicki gossiping about Shannon’s marriage. Hmmm… I don’t remember ever seeing that scene before but perhaps I’m hallucinating. So that means Tamra not only told Heather about Shannon’s marriage but also Vicki…lol!
Shannon and David arrive and are wowed by the view of the ocean as they walk through the front door. After checking out the outside patio and spectacular view, Vicki suggests that they change and get comfortable. Vicki tells them she’s kind of embarrassed that their room is so small but at least it has a private bathroom. She shows them to their almost-a-room and you could hear the shoe drop all the way in Orange County.
Evidently, Miss “Down to Earth” Shannon and David are used to travel “a certain way” and they’re not used to sharing a condo with anyone. Wait, I thought David never took her anywhere? Hmmm… After a short discussion, they bring Vicki back into the room to whine about their accommodations. David starts out by saying, “Look, we want to be honest with you” and then he proceeds to lie to Vicki’s face. They blame their wanting to go find a Five-Star hotel on the fact they’re upset that Vicki’s son is going to have to sleep on the couch. Vicki is having none of that and offers them her own room which they promptly turn down. The double bed doesn’t feel big enough to Shannon and Vicki suggests that David sleep on one of the other couches she has since they’re plenty comfortable. I’m sure David would much rather sleep with Michael than with Shannon at this point. Vicki pounces on the squeaky bed and lewdly says she hopes to hear the bed squeaking in the middle of the night (Bleach… Bleach…Who has the bleach? It’s gonna be hard to erase that visual from my mind…).
At one point, Vicki sits proudly on a chair on her patio and boastfully says, “It’s good to be me.” I think it was important to Vicki that Shannon see her condo so she recognizes that Vicki is successful – although Vicki got the condo through her family (as we learned last week).
Okay, can we puhleeze talk about the nonsense that IS Tamra’s manufactured storyline that she’s vacillating back and forth about having another baby? She has 4 kids for goodness sake… She certainly doesn’t need a robo baby to simulate what it’s like to take care of a baby. Eddie is having nothing to do with the robo baby – and who could blame him? He already deals with an adult-sized baby every single day of his life. Tamra’s actually mad at Eddie because he won’t get up at 2:00 AM to change the diapers on their robo baby. Tamra thought Eddie was going to “share” this robo baby experience with her. Tamra calls Eddie a “Disneyland Dad” – which is a Dad who is around his kids only for the fun times. She then tells him he’s a bad Dad… What a nice girl, that Tamra. It’s hilarious they named their Robo baby “Astro” ‘Cuz well, you know the word “Ass” is already contained within it… Obviously, they named it after Tamra and not the Jetson’s dog.
Lizzie is also vacillating back and forth about having another baby – Although her storyline seems way more plausible than Tamra’s. She tells us that it’s difficult to have kids and also to be successful in business. Her husband would rather they have another baby than for Lizzie to have a successful swimwear line. It seems like he would rather her be a “stay-at-home Mom” and probably be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen… Well, maybe not barefoot. Lizzie feels that when she asks Christian for his help in taking care of their kids that it’s somewhat of a burden on him. We also seem to be only seeing the wonky side of Lizzie’s kids since the only time we see them are when they’re acting out and throwing tantrums.
Back in Puerto Vallarta it’s breakfast time on the beautiful patio. They’re discussing what they’re going to do for the day. Billy (Vicki’s brother) tells Shannon and David that he’s willing to give up his bedroom to them for their use. They immediately accept. In her talking head, Shannon actually says she wishes they had that room the 1st night they were there. Wow… What an ungrateful gooberhead!
In other breaking news, Shannon is complaining again…lol. Shannon says she doesn’t like the ocean because of the fish. I think there’s a much greater potential that someone would want to purposefully drown her than for a fish to eat her to death… But hey, that’s just me. They’re all going jet skiing and Shannon doesn’t want to tip over. Brooks takes off with Vicki and her ponytail holding on for dear life.
After they have way too much fun for words jet skiing, they have lunch at a private table on the beach. It looks like they’re having a “Tequila Tasting” of some sort. Oh look, Shannon is complaining about David again in her talking head… Surprise, surprise! She says she’s glad the others are getting to see the “Fun David” but too often she feels she is subjected to the “quiet, impatient, passive-aggressive” David. Shannon watches David having fun with Vicki and Brooks and she wishes he could have that kind of fun with just her. Right… because there’s SO much of your personality that spells “FUN.” Vicki is encouraging everyone to drink because they’re on vacation. Shannon gives David a dirty look when he says that he’s going to drink some more – and he instantly backs off.
As an explanation to the others, David says, “Shannon doesn’t like me drinking tequila, right?” When asked if they go on these kinds of trips very often Shannon tells the others that David works a lot and so when they can break free to go on a trip he wants to include the kids. Bad David… How dare you? I’m scrunching up my forehead trying to remember a single time in my life that my parents ever went on an overnight trip together and left us kids behind. Nope… Can’t remember a single time – Not that it’s a good thing… I wish they had… But I think it’s pretty common, no?
Shannon wants there to be more times when just the two of them get away together. Vicki asks them if they like spending time together. Shannon says she likes to be with David but David says absolutely nothing. I actually don’t think he was paying attention to the conversation at that moment. When Shannon repeats the question, David explains that the two of them struggle because they have different interest levels. For example, he likes to work out and she doesn’t. In her talking head Vicki says she sees some big red flags. She thinks David has checked out and that he is just not that “into” Shannon. Vicki doesn’t see him doting on her and loving her like every woman wants. The thing is – I don’t see Shannon doting on David, either. I see her criticizing his every move. I see her pulling away from him when he tries to be affectionate. Don’t get me wrong, he has said some very wack-a-doo things – But oh my gosh… Who would WANT to spend significant one-on-one time with Shannon without anyone else around to buffer her constant whining and complaining?
Heather visits Lizzie who wants advice from Heather on how to juggle both a family and a career. Amazingly, Heather makes the conversation about Lizzie and commends her on how she seems to have it all. She thinks Lizzie is both successfully working in her career AND spending quality time with her family. Lizzie confides that Christian would rather she be at home all the time and that he gets upset when she’s out and about doing things for her company. He considers Lizzie’s career more like a hobby than as an actual career. Heather can relate because she and Terry have had issues with Heather’s career. When Heather has an acting job, it means that Terry has to start doing more with the kids in various ways. Lizzie says they’re talking about having another baby and Heather suggests she give herself a break for a few months. She tells her there is no reason she has to have a baby right now. Lizzie thinks she’s going to need some help.
FYI – This is the point where Mr. Stars99 finally had to leave the room because he felt his IQ slipping…lol.
So Vicki takes Shannon to a Cigar factory. I’m laffin’ my fool head off because either; 1) Vicki has never met Shannon; or, 2) Vicki hates Shannon. I mean really… Who takes Miss Holistic Health America to a cigar making factory? Vicki tells us that she isn’t a smoker and she doesn’t inhale. Right… It’s not like we haven’t heard THAT line before… Vicki thinks there is something sexy about a woman with a cigar in her mouth. Shannon disagrees… Shannon says they’re big, fat, and smelly – And that they have spit on the end. I am just going to stop there and let your own minds write the requisite joke.
Of course, now that they’re by themselves, Shannon proceeds to clue in Vicki about her confrontation about the email with Heather. Vicki thinks that Heather had no right to tell other people about Shannon’s marital problems. Wait… Didn’t Tamra FIRST tell other people? Wow… Vicki thinks it was so mean of Heather to kick-out Shannon. She says that she would never ever do that…. But of course we ALL know Vicki WOULD allow her crappy son-in-law to freak out and yell at Lydia’s mom who put her tired legs up on a couch. Puhleeze. Shannon likes Tamra but she doesn’t trust her. Vicki says Tamra really hurt her feelings a couple of years ago regarding Brooks (ugh) and that things between them have never been the same.
The chef has made a meal for family night at the Dubrows. Evidently, this is the first time the chef has cooked for Terry. Heather hopes that Terry really likes the food because that means they’ll be able to hire the chef permanently… I hope the chef has been alerted to Terry’s onion ring obsession ‘cuz that would seal the deal for sure… And the verdict is… Wow – Terry looks like he’s absolutely in food-lover’s heaven! I mean his eyes almost rolled back in his head and I think I heard angels singing the “Hallelujah” chorus and everything (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXh7JR9oKVE)! I’m actually kind of surprised they didn’t think of this solution earlier…
After dinner, the entire family watches Heather on her recent episode of “Hawaii Five-0” – Oh my gosh, I can’t believe we’re STILL talking about her part on this show… It was kind of cute though, because Terry and the family cheered for Heather when her name came up on the screen in the credits and applauded when the show was finished. At first, I wasn’t sure that little kids needed to see their Mommy be a girlfriend to another guy and to be beat-up like she was during the episode – but I guess it’s better to watch and have it explained rather than to see it in a different context on their own. The whole acting thing must be pretty confusing to actor’s children.
It’s dinnertime in Puerto Vallarta and they’re all going out to one of Vicki’s favorite restaurants. Vicki and what’s his name (ugh), Shannon and David, and Billy (Vicki’s bro) and his girlfriend are in attendance. Everyone is in full “Whoop it up” mode and there’s talk of going to Andalés after dinner (Remember during Tamra’s bachelorette party, Vicki kidnapped Tamra and Lydia from the stick-in-the-mud clutches of Gretchen and Heather and they escaped to Andalés where they danced on the bar?).
Shannon says that David is not a drinker. David doesn’t understand what the problem is with him drinking tequila. Vicki thinks Shannon has got to stop picking apart David because she’s chiseling him away to nothing. Vicki knows that she did that same thing to Donn during the last stages of their marriage. Shannon and David bicker back and forth. Shannon excuses herself to go to the little complainer’s room. I think they all should switch seats before Shannon comes back. Wouldn’t that be fun?
Shannon is still not back at the table and Brooks is fit to be tied because they can’t order until Shannon comes back. Why can’t they order appetizers at least? Isn’t that what they’re for? Vicki goes to rescue Shannon from the bathroom. Vicki thinks the more Shannon tells David the wrong things he does instead of the right things – The more he is going to pull away. Shannon feels like everyone’s eyes are on their relationship. Vicki doesn’t want arguing or conflict. Shannon tells us that it bothers her that people see tensions between her and David because it’s not a good reflection on their relationship. After talking to Vicki, blowing her nose, and retouching her makeup – Shannon returns to the table with a whole new, fresh, wonderful attitude… Right?
In this week’s edition of “I Kid You Not,” Shannon says to David as she sits back down, “Maybe next time you can make me NOT look like a bitch.” Well, perhaps next time you shouldn’t BE a bitch, Shannon. Okay, that’s not what David said, it’s what Stars99 sarcastically shouted at the TV.
After that little outburst, everyone became awkwardly silent around the table. David says, “The silence is deafening.” David tells Shannon she needs to smile… Rut roh… Yeah, like THAT’s going to work…lol. David and Shannon excuse themselves from the table for a moment. Vicki explains to everyone that they’re just in a “bit of a muck” at the moment. In her talking head, Vicki says that she hopes they figure it out or else they’ll be divorced.
Shannon tells David that he snapped at her. She’s kind of right – He wondered why there was a problem with him drinking tequila when she was merely making an observation. Shannon thinks that everyone only saw her snapping at him so she feels very misunderstood. David hugs and kisses her. Shannon says that 9 times out of 10 David just wants to pretend their conflicts didn’t happen and that he glosses over them. Shannon wants to get her marriage “back to where they were.” I’m not sure when they were truly happy… but okay…lol.
Shannon says, “All of the sudden I feel like all these people are criticizing our relationship and it’s driving me crazy in my head.” Right, like there was oh, so far to go… Most people wouldn’t put their marital crisis on television – Especially during their first season. I can see how it could be disconcerting for people to constantly comment on your failing relationship – but you’re the one who put it out there for everyone to see in the first place. David doesn’t understand why Shannon is worried about what other people are saying about their relationship.
Next week… Shannon is dancing on the bar at Andalés… Lizzie has a fear of failure… CUT Fitness has money issues… David expresses to Shannon he’s tired of wasting his life and that he wants to be happy – Shannon says she thinks he’s saying he wants a divorce…
That’s it for this week! Thanks for reading… See Ya Next Week… Happy Trails!