Real Housewives of Orange County
S9E13 “Point Break”
Remember last week we learned: Tamra bitched at Eddie for not taking better care of their robo baby “Astro” so they aren’t having a baby anytime soon (As if they ever were)… I have a new obsession with “Resting Bitch Face Pictures”… Her Royal Heatherness isn’t enough of a snobby bitch so they got 2 new purebred non-rescued dogs but made a guilt donation to a charity… Mr. Unhappy is tired of Mrs. Unhappy’s continual bitching – He just wants to be happy, puhleeze! Wow… was there a pattern or what?
This week’s episode begins with Heather and Terry meeting Vicki and Brooks (Ugh!) for dinner. Terry prods Vicki to rat out Shannon. He wants Vicki to tell them exactly what Shannon said in Mexico about them. Vicki gives a synopsis of the events ending with Heather kicking Shannon out of her house. Vicki says she was told that Heather told “the world” about Shannon’s marital problems.
Her Royal Heatherness looks down her nose at the peasants amongst her, puffs out her chest and indignantly replies, “Do you think I would have someone leave my house for no reason?” Then Heather launches into her “perfectness mode” and points out how she’s been a friend to Vicki for years and that she didn’t bring this subject up… Vicki rightly points out that it was Terry who brought it up. Heather spins her side of the story… In her talking head, Vicki insists that Shannon really didn’t “yell” at Heather at the infamous Christmas Party – that she really just raised her voice. Heather is disappointed that Vicki seems to be taking Shannon’s side. Vicki doesn’t understand why Heather doesn’t have any compassion for Shannon right now. Vicki wants Heather to be nice to Shannon. She also wants Shannon to be nice to Heather. I think Vicki is delusional if she thinks it’s going to happen anytime soon.
David and Shannon are at home doing the family dinner thing. Oh, and drinking… Color me surprised! I’m distracted by the candles on the table being wonky. A big topic of discussion is that David is helping to chaperon Sophie’s class when they go to Italy. Wow… A class trip to Italy at 12-years-old? When I was 12, I think my class maybe went on an excursion to Pizza Hut. Shannon started telling Sophie that she is worried about the trip and that she’s not sure she will be safe on it. Great… Thanks, Captain Bringdown! I mean come-on… It’s such a slap in the face to David – She’s in essence telling her daughter that she doesn’t believe David will keep his own daughter safe. How nice. Even if she has worries – She shouldn’t be telling Sophie – She should be telling David in private! Why do I have the feeling that Shannon is going to glue crystals all over Sophie’s body before she leaves? Don’t go to the dentist if she asks you to, Sophie… She’s gonna put crystals in your teeth!
Tamra visits Vicki once again at her boring insurance office. The receptionist buzzes Vicki and tells her, “Your best friend is out front.” Even though there are camera crews there and it’s OBVIOUS this is all a set-up, Vicki pretends to inquire, “Which one?” Tamra pretends to be mad because of COURSE Tamra is Vicki’s best friend in the whole wide world. Then, for some inexplicable reason they start talking about how inconvenient it is to go “potty” in the middle of the workday. We learn way more information than we ever need to know. And because every conversation ends up being a gossip-fest, they start talking about Heather and how she’s really perfected the art of pointing her royal finger at everyone else.
Lizzie is at her parent’s picturesque beach house in Laguna Beach getting ready for the dinner party she’s throwing for her castmates. The house has such a spectacular view – I just love Laguna Beach. It’s where we got married… Sigh… Christian worked hard to get the house ready for the party. Oh goodie, there’s a seating chart!…lol. Lizzie wants couples to sit together and for there to be an elegant, romantic feel for the evening. Hehehe… Lizzie thinks that whenever you throw a party, the host’s most important job is to ensure that people arrive happy and leave happy… And that everything runs smoothly in between… She’s obviously not attended many dinner parties with this group. I have a feeling that Lizzie is going to be disappointed tonight – I saw the previews. I think someone needs to calm down and take a Xanax. Perhaps it’s me. Perhaps it’s you.
While in the limo on the way to Lizzie’s dinner party, Shannon expresses to David that she’s not too excited because they’re going to see the Dubrows for the first time since she was thrown out of their house. They talk about how Tamra has told David and Shannon multiple times that Terry has said that he wanted to “Take the Beadors down.” However, Shannon just doesn’t know if it’s true or not…
Shannon is a rookie to this cast and makes another newbie mistake. Evidently, Tamra has said things to Shannon off-camera and when Shannon tries to make Tamra confirm on-camera what she previously said – Tamra goes into deny, deny, DENY mode. Shannon unsuccessfully attempts to take Tamra (aka “The Spoon” who loves to stir things up) off to the side to clarify things up for her. Shannon wants Tamra to confirm that Terry Debrow indeed called her and told her that he wants to, “Take the Beadors down.”… (Pronounced “Bdores” as in Adore/J’adore/Bdore… Who knew? And here I was mispronouncing it “bēdôrs” all this time, lol)…
Shannon knows that Her Royal Heatherness is NOT going to be amused when she finds out that Tamra has been going around telling people about what Terry allegedly said. She thinks that might be the reason why Tamra is now lying about it. Tamra is trying to act like it’s not the kind of thing that Terry would ever say. In fairness, I think that IF Terry said it – I’m sure it was said, 1) In a joking manner; 2) Because he was reminiscing about seeing the opening dance number of West Side Story and he meant it in a cheesy choreographed dance with finger snappin’ kind of way; or 3) Out of defense of his wife who felt she has been wronged by Shannon multiple times. Honestly, do any of us REALLY believe there is an actual plot to take down the Beadors? It’s all very silly because they’re already doing a fine job of it themselves. It’s hard to take someone “down” when they’re already at rock bottom – But it is, however, quite easy to kick the hell out of them from a lofty royal throne… Tamra conveniently doesn’t recall ever saying it… Tamra is awesome at having “selective memory.”
After enjoying some Polynesian Fire Dancers do their thing on the beach while some random guy walked by texting without even looking up at the festivities, it was time for dinner. The group gathered around the beautiful table and sat at their assigned seats. Heather’s favorite part of the table setting was the place cards with each person’s name handwritten on a seashell… Dutifully, I looked really close to see if anyone’s name had a heart next to it so I could determine who was on whose team (Right, YoYo from RHOBH?)… But, alas, there were only squiggly lines underneath the names… In fairness, I didn’t see them all so I don’t really know that ALL of them had squiggly lines underneath their names – Some might have just had a single straight line. However, I AM confident that Heather’s squiggle was longer than Shannon’s squiggle… I’d sue if I were Shannon. (I adore/J’adore/Bdore the word, “squiggle” can you tell?)
After Christian makes a heart-felt but long-winded welcome toast/speech (Vicki snored through it in her talking head but fortunately had the couth not to do so at the dinner table)… Dinner ensued. Everything was beautiful… beautiful table… beautiful view… beautiful food… beautiful people… Could this dinner possibly go off without a hitch? Somewhere, someone starts to inexplicably sing, “Beautiful Dreamer”… lol…
Suddenly everything went silent… I mean you don’t even hear crickets chirping. Only the sounds of clanking silverware against fine china and Eddie loudly chewing his cud echoed throughout the house – No one said a word. Even the voices in Shannon’s head and every single one of Tamra’s multiple personalities were being silent. To make matters even worse, there was no mood music playing… No nothing… I think even the waves stopped gently lapping at the shore because they, too – Sensed “a disturbance in the Force.”
Tamra decides to break the ice by asking people about their favorite body parts. She asks Vicki what her favorite body part is – and Vicki suggests that she ask Brooks (Ugh!). Brooks (Ugh!) first answers, “Her brain.” Puhleeze… Yeah, right… But when pressed to identify a physical aspect he especially likes about Vicki, he says, “Without question, her vagina.” Vicki tries to put her hand over his mouth – but the cat was already out of the bag (Intentional double and triple entendre)… I dunno if Brooks (Ugh!) said anything more than that because quite frankly my body shivers in disgust every time I see Brooks (Ugh!) and I momentarily lose consciousness.
Being the good lil Bravo employee she is, Tamra can’t help but tell Her Royal Heatherness and Terry about the “taking the Beadors down” conversation she just had in private with Shannon. Terry instantly confronts Shannon by yelling down the length of table at her. When David reasonably tells Terry that he shouldn’t have included the entire table in this conversation but should have taken it outside… Terry gets his panties in a wad and flips out that David is trying to give him “instructions.” David insists he is not going to allow Terry to yell at his wife. Heather wants to know who told Shannon that Terry had said that. Shannon tells her that it was Tamra (who is sitting right there at the table with them). It also came out that Tamra has said it “a few times.” Heather confronts Tamra who flat out denies, denies, denies. In her talking head, Tamra continues to deny, deny, deny. However, in her talking head interview, Vicki says that Tamra evidently has amnesia – because Tamra told Vicki the same thing, too. Unsurprisingly, Vicki just sits there and says nothing to back-up Shannon on this. Vicki does not want to be the object of Tamra’s wrath.
David confronts Heather about talking about their marriage to other people… In her talking head, Heather suggests that David should be mad at Shannon because that’s where this whole thing started. If Shannon hadn’t originally said something to Tamra then this wouldn’t be a big, fat, hairy fight. OHolyNighttheStarsAreBrightlyShining – When is Heather going to take any responsibility for what she did? Why didn’t she apologize for the part she played in the whole thing… This would have been a great time… Heather denies she was talking about their marriage. She said, “Wait, I wasn’t talking about your marriage… Your marriage was… [as David protests, Heather interrupts and says…] Excuse me but you’re wrong…”
Shannon attempts to calmly restate the facts as she knows them. She says that Tamra previously told her that the Dubrows were looking to take the Beadors down and that Tamra is now disavowing all memory of that conversation. In tonight’s edition of, “I KID YOU NOT” – With a completely straight face – Heather ACTUALLY says, “I’ve known Tamra for 3 years and she’s not a liar.” Okay, everyone quickly jump back 10 feet away from your screen – ‘Cuz I’m SURE a lightning bolt is currently hurdling from the heavens towards us because of that gigantic wallop of a lie. In her talking head, Shannon accurately points out, “Well Heather, I’ve known Tamra for 3 months and she HAS lied.”
Shannon explains to us that either Tamra made the whole thing up and Terry never said it, or that Tamra is lying now. Either way, in my opinion, Tamra is a lying liar who lies. Shannon explains to the table that she privately asked Tamra about it earlier because she didn’t know why Terry would have said something like that. Since Tamra denied ever even saying it – Shannon completely dropped the subject for the evening. Shannon’s right – it was Tamra who stirred the pot and brought it up at the dinner table.
This is where I love Lizzie… In her talking head, Lizzie says, “Why would Shannon just make that up? Someone’s stirring the pot here – and it’s not Shannon… and it’s not Heather…and I don’t think it’s Terry… Who’s left? You do the math…” Okay, I’m gonna hafta take off my shoes and socks to be able to do this math… Wait, it’s Monday, I don’t hafta do Math on Mondays. It’s the law.
Heather tells Terry that she doesn’t want to be “taken to task” over something she didn’t do. Her Royal Heatherness, for like the 409th time tonight, says that Shannon always yells at her. Heather doesn’t understand why it was okay for Shannon to “yell” at her in front of other people at the Christmas Party – but it’s not okay to discuss this issue in front of a table of people. Shannon tries to say there were only 2 other women present during their Christmas party fiasco… but unfortunately, Heather can count. So can we.
Since things are getting heated at the dinner table, Shannon quickly excuses herself to go to the restroom. OOooOOOO… I bet they all switch places with her before she gets back to the table so we can replay ChairGate 2014©®™ again! Yippie!
Tamra takes Heather outside to talk. Lizzie has noticed that whenever drama happens that Tamra always takes a person who is involved in the drama outside to talk. Lizzie wonders what is being said outside that can’t be said inside. Outside, Heather wants to make sure that Tamra isn’t lying about this whole situation. In another edition of, “I KID YOU NOT” – Tamra actually says, “My behavior is so wrong but I don’t lie – I don’t lie.” Lolol… Oh Tamra, repeating something emphatically doesn’t make it true. The truth is that Tamra lies so much that she’s lying about lying… She lies so much that she can’t remember all her lies… In fact, it’s hard for her to keep the lies that she DOES remember straight in her head. I wonder if there’s an IPhone app for organizing lies… Hmmm….
In her talking head, Vicki says she doesn’t want to get involved and defend Shannon because she knows how vicious Tamra can be and that she’s afraid that Tamra will somehow turn this around and go after Brooks (Ugh!). Shannon says she understands why Vicki isn’t getting involved because it’s an issue between her and Heather. I have a HUGE issue with this because Vicki has additional information that would validate Shannon’s story…because Tamra told Vicki the exact same thing…. And yet Vicki silently sits there. What a gooberhead.
My gift to you: Not blogging about Brooks (Ugh!) insisting that he repeatedly kiss Vicki at the height of all the awkwardness at the table. You’re welcome.
The rest of the evening consisted of one by one everyone being called out to the balcony. First, Tamra takes David out on the balcony to talk… Then Shannon joins them… Then, because Shannon has gone out there – Eddie joins them, too… Then Heather is summoned outside… There was a whole lot of hashing and rehashing of who said what to whom and why they said it. Shannon comes to the conclusion that Heather has her truth… and Shannon has hers. Shannon won’t ever believe Heather’s version of the story and Heather will never believe Shannon’s.
After she’s heard Heather’s side of the story, when it’s finally Shannon’s turn to speak… She starts by explaining how she went to the Dubrow home feeling very hurt and broken… But before she could say much more – Her Royal Heatherness interrupts Shannon which causes Shannon to lose it. Shannon’s mad because Heather is once again spinning everything against Shannon by complaining that Shannon always yells at poor, poor innocent ‘lil Heather. Heather has now successfully baited Shannon enough for Shannon to actually scream at her. As if reading from a script, Heather plays the poor, poor Heather victim role she’s so great at playing in this situation. Shannon is losing what little is left of her ever lovin’ mind. Tamra physically grabs Shannon and places her hands on both sides of Shannon’s head to try to calm her down… Yeah right… Like THAT would calm her down… I know it would just make me angrier…
Shannon storms out of the room yelling, “I’ve f***n had it with her – You will ALL see the truth.” For some unknown reason, Tamra is grabbing at Shannon and in a high-pitched squeaky voice (like nails on a chalkboard) Tamra yells right in Shannon’s face, “Stop it!”… Whoa… Holy Crap on a Cracker! Shannon is trying very hard to get away from Tamra but Tamra won’t physically let go of her. Finally, David gets to where they are and somehow separates the two of them. Shannon has asked Tamra repeatedly to get away from her and to leave her alone. In the most grotesque and insincere way possible, Tamra pretends to be concerned about Shannon’s well-being.
Lizzie blames the fact that her party is in the gutter on Tamra bringing up the “Take down the Beadors” comment. Me thinks Lizzie is not happy with our beloved TamTam.
Next week it looks like we get to see the aftermath of this party from hell. Oh goody!
That’s all for this week – Hope to see ya next week! Thanks for reading… Happy Trails!
Happy Birthday BB