Don’t Be Tardy
S3E1 “The Biermann Bunch”
The show opens with the family at home and Kim proclaims “Today’s the day!” She and Kroy are loading up the Escalade to go to the hospital for the delivery of their twins. Kim tells her daughters, Brielle and Ariana to be checking your phone, as she walks out the door, for which Brielle said to her sister, I’m going back to sleep. Typically teenagers.
Here’s a quick review of what’s been going on since Season 2. Kim said that Kroy just looks at her and she gets pregnant. No kidding! They finally moved into their dream home. She brought back her assistant Sweetie to help manage the household along with one Nanny for the kids, named Lana. She said it’s hard to have a friend work for you but she needs people who have proven themselves to be trustworthy. The 17,000 square foot home, with 7 bedrooms, 11 baths, with pool and basketball court has 59 security cameras. She doesn’t trust anyone with her kids. The Biermann’s don’t play! She designed every room in the home. Kim could be an interior designer (reference the slideshow below). Kroy, who plays for the Atlanta Falcons football team, tore his Achilles tendon during the second game and was out the rest of the season (he is reported to be on the starting lineup this fall). Kim said “I have two girls with raging hormones, two boys in diapers and two on the way – so buckle up bitches!”
Back to the issue at hand; Kroy is driving Kim who is dealing with contractions, a seat heater, that she is not happy Kroy turned on. She said she’s gained 50 pounds and the pressure on her ho-hah is unbelievable. She proceeds to tease Kroy about he’s never going to see her vagina again and he teases her back about how she asked for it. The first she thought, when she found out she was having twins was wondering how is her body going to do this. She said contrary to what most people think out there, she’s really not that big of a person! Kim’s inner diva continues to say that she’s done this four times (deliver babies) and she should have her own room by now with her name on it, written in diamonds.
They walk in the birthing room which had two baby stations. Which seemed to stun Kim a little, maybe it was really sinking in that everything is going to be 2 times from here on out! Dr. Ron Hood is checking over Kim and tells her that “Baby B” is breach and advises her to go with a C-section surgery. Kim and Kroy didn’t have any words, they didn’t jump on board with that idea, so the doctor said, I’ll give you a few minutes to think about it. The doctor leaves and Kim tells Kroy that she’s never had a C-section and the recovery time is so long, she really doesn’t want to. Kroy said the he doesn’t think her baby will get stuck, after all these babies are smaller than KJ and Kash, he says. They advise the doctor they have decided to proceed with vaginal delivery.
Kroy is very supportive and has a positive attitude, which is what all women need from their partner at a time like this. They give Kim the epidural and she leans her head into Kroy. Later on, Kim said she feels funny. Dizzy. The nurse said it’s because her blood pressure radically dropped. The nurse is looking at the monitor and becomes alarmed saying “Baby A is down.” There’s a flurry of activity with staff and they yell for the doctor. Kim starts to wig out, not knowing what is going on. Kroy was being steady by her side to keep her calm as possible. Then they find the heartbeat for Baby A. Whew!
The camera crew leaves the room and there’s a bit a audio, we hear as the delivery takes place. Baby A, a female, they name Kaia, she comes out first. Baby B, a boy, they named Kane needed a helping hand, coming out bent in half – OUCH! Needless to say Kim’s ho-hah has turned into a house of horrors tunnel at this point. If that hasn’t been enlightening enough, this next part some folks could manage without knowing. A woman from a service called “Afterbirth Anywhere” arrives and has Kim’s placenta in a bag, and proceeds to take out a piece and make a smoothy for her to partake. Kroy suggests Kim should hang on to her coffee drink as a chaser. Chuckles. Kim actually convinced Kroy to have one too!
If you didn’t notice, just know that Kroy holding one of the babies like a football in this picture. Go ahead and giggle, I did. They go home and there are some exterior scenes at the house, obviously it’s Christmas and I also notice a Texas flag on a windmill-like device. Being a native Texan, I’m curious what the connection is there. Kim said bringing her babies home is the best feeling in the whole wide world. They enter the home and the other children are in the entry to meet their new brother and sister.
Now there are six kids in the house. Kroy says, “We love the chaos. I was bored before I met Kim.” The remainder of the show is basically showing us the chaos of being in a household this large. Kim is upstairs asking for help, the girls are supposed to be making Mac & Cheese with Chicken nuggets, which is revealed to be a household staple. The teenage girls, of course, are more interested in their cell phones than cooking, so that is not going well at all, as Kroy walks in and discovers. The boys are starved, the food’s over done, Kim is still calling for help again with pumping boobs and bath time. Someone is always complaining about something, as Brielle said. Brielle, Kim’s oldest daughter, is a senior in high school, if I recall correctly. She is a mini-me of Kim, a beautiful young woman.
The show switches scenes at the home by using a screen shot of a four-way screen of the security cameras. You can usually see people in a room, it’s an interesting twist that ties into the introduction of this season. Kim is about to bring the babies downstairs for a photo shoot. It’s not said, but I assume this is the photo shoot she did for Life & Style Magazine, as they had the exclusive to publish the family/baby photos. So the production crew and the magazine people are being asked (made) to put on surgical style masks, as Kim doesn’t want the babies exposed to outside elements for 90 days.
At night, Kroy joins Kim in their outdoor hot tub. He brings the baby monitor, which looks like a large format cell phone video so they can see and hear the twins. Kim asks him about his recovery and how she hopes he can be full speed for the season, because she knows how much he wants to play (and she knows how much she likes to spend!). Kroy starts to get horny, but the twins started crying and Kroy goes to check on them.
There’s a talking head about birth control and she wants Kroy to have a vasectomy. It’s obvious Kroy want’s nothing to do with that. And really, with him being a professional athlete and having already undergone surgery, I wondered why Kim didn’t have her tubes tied after the babies were born. This question was answered on Twitter after the show aired. Kim said she was going to have tubal ligation, but her blood pressure was too high post birth, so the surgery was scrapped. So I guess at the time of filming they still could get pregnant again.
There really wasn’t much to snark about here. Even though Kim is not one of my favorites, she, combined with Kroy and family make good reality TV. Highlights for the rest of the season show a camping trip with some wigs in tow. Kim trying to be a diva with her spending ways. Concerns of Brielle getting into typical trouble that teenagers encounter. The bottom line is Kim and Kroy make beautiful babies and live in a gorgeous house. Catch them Thursday nights on Bravo.