By Kit 9
Guest: “Dr.” Ava Cadell, sex expert
Brandi wants to know how the male brain works. She thinks most men cheat and wants to know why. Cadell, who bills herself as a Dr., says men feel they need more variety than women. She doesn’t think monogamy is natural for humans. Cadell says she travels the country and lectures about how to keep your relationship exciting so that your man won’t stray (got that, ladies-it’s all on YOU) Brandi asks if she should have brought in other women into her sex life. Cadell doesn’t think it has to be another person, it can be another location to have sex or another position.
Dr. Cadell thinks Shades of Gray revealed many women want to get kinky. Brandi says women are reticent to discuss sex (presumably women not named Brandi). Cadell wants women to be more assertive when it comes to sex. She brought Brandi a bunch of instructional sex videos and speaks specifically about cunnilingus and claims she has over 100 oral sex techniques (Dr. Kit calls BS and thinks she’s probably just repeating herself after #25). Brandi says she’s getting turned on but that she currently has a bladder infection so it’s hard for her to think about this stuff right now.
Cadell claims she, “tamed a stallion” in getting her husband and that qualifies her for her line of, “work”. She says that the longer the leash you give your husband, the less they want to stray (Dr. Kit says that if the leash is long enough, they are straying, genius). Brandi jumps on the blame the woman bus and says some of her friends just “stop trying” and “stop wearing mascara” after marriage and (horror!) wear sweatpants all the time. Cadell counsels couples on the brink of divorce and says that she’s had men complain that their wives don’t give them oral sex anymore (no word if the men are still giving their wives oral sex or whether the wives are still attracted to their fat, slobby husbands).
Brandi asks if she watches people having sex. No, she doesn’t. Cadell thinks women should compliment their man every day. Brandi thinks you should tell your mate what you want sexually. The Dr. agrees but thinks women may feel embarrassed. Brandi thinks men love dirty talk. The Dr. suggests saying the man’s name while doing so and if you forget his name, just call him, “God”…..(Dr. Kit would like to comment but her head is spinning from the resulting facepalm).
Cadell thinks men just want an orgasm but women want the “whole production”-romance, communication, cuddling, etc. Brandi says she can have sex with no emotional attachment but that it’s more enjoyable with someone you love. Cadell says that women want to know that they are more than just a “a piece of meat” and “something to be penetrated”.
Brandi blathers on for the umpteenth time about her ex/not-ex/ex/not-ex BF and their epic sex. BORING. Brandi talks about how it’s hard for women her to find men in LA because men her age are dating 20yo’s who “can’t carry on a conversation” (as opposed to Brandi who, between bouts of extreme public drunkenness and nationally televised screaming matches, loves to talk philosophy and politics).
Cadell says you should go to the places where the type of man you’re looking for. “Like happy hour in the financial district?”, Brandi asks and she’s not kidding. She apparently did that when she lived in NY. Cadell suggests Brandi have 3 different men to satisfy all her needs-one for a father type she can respect, one to have fun with and to stimulate her emotionally (Dr. Kit suggests spreading out her Rx’s over three pharmacies so no single one knows how many STD she has from banging three guys at once).
They tackle swinging and threesomes. Cadell thinks it can make a relationship hotter but it’s not for every couple-like, for example, ones who are the jealous type (well said, Dr, well said). Cadell doesn’t recommend swinging/threesomes with friends or coworkers because things can get, “messy”. Instead, she recommends finding sex partners on the internet (Dr. Kit says getting involved with friends, sexually, is arguably less messy than possibly being murdered by random freaks you solicit on the internet).
Dr. Cadell says you can “grow your braincells” by masturbating with your non prominent hand (Dr. Kit says you can grow your braincells by avoiding any of Cadells’ seven books). Cadell also recommends mixing things up with things like “mammary sex”, aka, titty effing (and, with that, Dr. Kit, has officially checked out. You’re on your own, guys). Brandi’s favorite sex memory is having sex outside with the thrill of being caught. Brandi an exhibitionist? No!
They talk sex toys. Brandi uses something called, The “We Vibe”(??)but she worries that it’s “stretching her out” and she doesn’t want to be “a Grand Canyon”. Cadell has brought a toy with her called the Screaming O which is a combination cock ring and vibrator. It also glows in the dark (get out those x-mas lists, ladies!). Cadell talks about her upbringing and being raised by nuns who told her if she kissed a boy, she’d have a baby pop out of her mouth. So, she did everything but kiss. Brandi says, “nuns lie” and Cadell agrees.
Brandi says she will spend the next 7 days reading Cadell’s book while her UTI clears up(I will spend the next 7 days trying to forget I know that and everything else said in this podcast).
I couldn’t resist and looked up “Dr.” Cadell and found some interesting tidbits. She has some TV and film credits including a British sex comedy from 1979 called Spaced Out about horny female aliens(is there any other kind?) She had an uncredited bit part in one of my favs, History of the World, Part 1 (“It’s good to be the King!”) as well as Dallas, The Fall Guy and The Loveboat. And, what looks like a bunch of softcore porny stuff.
She claims she has two Doctorates-one from something called Janus University, formerly Newport University, which no longer offers degrees and is “not accredited by any higher education accreditation organization recognized by the United States Department of Education or the Council for Higher Education Accreditation.” And, most hilariously…….”In July 2007, the Secretariat of Public Education (SEP) of Mexico issued an alert listing eleven institutions that were unaccredited in Mexico, including Newport University.” She has another degree from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, which is also not accredited and which Quackwatch identifies as a “Questionable Organization”. Dr. Kit concurs.
The next blog will have a Survivor recap.