Brandi Glanville Podcast 33
Guest: Heather McDonald, comedian, Chelsea Handler Show.
Brandi made Heather cry at a dinner party once. Heather’s kid had to go to the hospital for cramps and she spent 2 days in the ER. He ended up being fine. Then she went out to dinner a few days later, got a little drunk, and was telling a funny story about wanting her GF to come down and stay with her in the E.R. so she could maybe meet a hot doctor. Brandi, also at the dinner, interrupted and said, “So, you made your son’s illness about yourself?” Wow.
Heather got really upset, cried and left before finally coming back and telling Brandi that “life is not a reality show”. Brandi explains she was just jooooking! Brandster had met Heather before and was friendly with Heather so she felt comfortable making a joke about Heather being a bad mother (hey, I’ve “known” Brandi for several years, therefore I have the right to make nasty jokes about Brandi being a lousy mother, too. Yo, Brandi, nothing says making your child’s illness about you, like live tweeting your kid’s illness to the masses. Repeatedly).
Brandi says she apologized. Brandi thinks the reason for the weirdness between her and Heather is because Brandi’s dad and Heather have the same birthday (huh?). Brandi asks if Heather has ever slept with Joe Francis. Heather says no, although Brandi claims Heather is blushing. Heather says nice things about Joe (aka, the worlds biggest dbag). Apparently, she and Joe are friends. She thinks Joe’s “adorable” and “super fun” (my opinion of Heather just plummeted down a deep dark hole).
Brandi asks how much coke Heather and Joe did together. None, Heather has never done coke. Heather goes out with Joe and it’s ok with Heather’s husband. Brandi mentions “her boyfriend” (apparently, her booty call/on again/off again, has been upgraded) who is a fan of Heather’s. Brandi then presumptuously asks Heather if doing real estate, which Heather did when she was younger, is why she got a boob job (Hold up. Real estate agent=fake boobs?)
Heather informs Brandi that she doesn’t, in fact, have fake boobs, and says “thank you” but Brandi, isn’t buying it and, asks, “are you sure”? “Yes, I’m positive”, Heather tells her. Brandi says that real estate agents are all whores. Brandi asks about the fact Heather is a Republican. Heather says there is “whole secret society of closet Hollywood Republicans”. Heather compares it to be being gay in the 50’s. Heather is pro choice but she’s the daughter of small business owners. Brandi says Heather will vote Democrat next time. Heather, having none of it, says, no, she’ll “be whatever she wants to be”.
Heather thinks that everyone hates Obama now. But, she’d vote for Hilary next time if she thinks she’s the best candidate. Brandi says you’re not supposed to talk politics or religion but she always does (she should really watch talking about politics cause Brandi couldn’t hold her own in a real political conversation any more than her 10 year old son could).
Brandi then says she’s going to ask a very touchy question. Did Chelsea want Heather to sing on her last show? Heather says she did sing, in the chorus (was there some rumored feud between Heather and her boss that Brandi is alluding to?). Then Heather goes on at length about what went into the last show and that she was fine with it. At this point, I finally remember that Brandi and Chelsea don’t like each other. Brandi totally dissed Chelsea on WWHL. Brandi is clearly trying to get Heather to diss Chelsea but it’s not happening.
Then Brandi says that she thinks Chelsea “jumped the shark” with her last show and it was pretty much Chelsea declaring herself a “Star Fucker” (as opposed to Brandi, who’s an “anybody fucker”). Brandi then mentions that Chelsea hates her. Brandi asks Heather her old fire question…if Chelsea, Whitney Cummings and Ross Matthews were on fire, who would Heather save? Ross, Heather says. Heather says she isn’t too upset the Chelsea show is over because it was limiting in terms of doing guest spots and other things. She has a lot of options she’s mulling over and would love to have a talk show.
Heather has two boys and they talk about being working mothers. Brandi kids she tells them she has to go to a cocktail party and get drunk and yell at people. It’s her job. Heather says her youngest gives her guilt trips about not being home because she’s working and she calls to him an “A hole”. Brandi says she said that about her kid and caught hell for it. Brandi then whines that Chelsea can say anything she wants while she gets attacked for it (hello, again, Delusional Comedian Brandi, how I’ve missed you!).
Brandi asks Heather if she could get away with being as controversial as Chelsea? Heather doesn’t mind taking something out of her act if someone’s offended by it as long as it’s something not necessary to the joke. Heather also points out that Chelsea gets tons of backlash and complaints over things she’s said. But, Brandi says “you don’t see negative stories about her”. Heather thinks that’s because Chelsea doesn’t care what people think and never reacts to the criticism, while Brandi does and wants to defend herself (Ha! She’s subtly telling D.C.B. that a key part of being a real comedian is not giving a damn and reacting).
Heather says Chelsea just doesn’t care and never defends herself or apologizes for anything. Brandi, not to be outdone claims she never apologizes, either (yeah, pretty sure Brandi has apologized, however insincere, for offensive things she’s said). They go round again with this convo and Heather tells Brandi that she needs to work on her reaction. Brandi continues to whine about people being upset by her comments and mentions her sister isn’t talking to her.
Brandi comes back from commercial with this comedic gem, “We’re back with Heather McDonald, but sadly she’s leaving us soon. But, she’s not dying like Joan Rivers just did, she’ll be here a while.” Heather goes onto praise Joan. Brandi says her mother wasn’t a fan of Joan’s because she thought she just insulted people. Brandi apparently told Joan this and Joan said, “well, your mother’s a whore”. Brandi says Joan was so sweet and kind and that she cried and cried when Joan died. So much so that she thought maybe she was pregnant. Not joking. She actually took a test.
Brandi asks if Heather wants more children and Heather says that at her age she doesn’t want a “Sarah Palin situation” and that she doesn’t want to “roll the dice”. Brandi is confused. She doesn’t understand what Heather means by this and, shocked, asks, “Is she having a baby?!” Heather explains Sarah had a child as a woman of 40+ and had a child with Downs. Brandi says she doesn’t think Sarah Palin should have had any children (cause super classy Brandi would never EVER engage in embarrassing drunken brawls).