The Andy Cohen Diaries: A Deep Look at a Shallow Year
Preamble: I did not wake up this morning thinking I’d buy and read Andy Cohen’s new book The Andy Cohen Diaries – A Deep Look at a Shallow Year, but Jill (no not that Jill) reported that it was worth a read, so I impulsively downloaded it onto my kindle, and haven’t out it down all day – except to tweet, or post on the blog, or garden, or eat. In full disclosure, the only other “housewife” type book I’ve read was Melissa Gorga’s “Fifty Shades of Gorga,” and that was only because I read the first chapter for free, and it was so awful it was laughable, so I figured the rest of the book would amuse me. It did. But in a Melissa is so completely un-self aware that this book is unintentionally funny and awful at the same time sort of way. Andy’s book is nothing like that.
Review – of the first half. Because that’s all I’ve read so far.
Andy’s book is a day by day recount of his life over the period of a year, written – as the title suggests – in diary fashion. It’s a messy look at his sex life, dating, love affair (with his dog), drug use, weight gain and loss, insecurities (he calls it co-dependence), professional highs and lows as he navigates his way through a jet set bi-coastal lifestyle full rubbing elbows with the rich and famous.
It works because he doesn’t hold back. He’s fat. He’s gross. He’s humiliated when photographed picking his nose. He’s sad that he’s too low on the totem pole to snag an invite to a Vanity Fair party, and happy when it finally arrives. He frets about his various appearances – and the amount and variety of them is staggering. It’s a tiny bit like watching an episode of Seinfeld – where Jerry frets about his various appearances on talk shows. Which might be intentional – or subliminal – he’s good friends with the Seinfelds.
For fans of the Housewives, there are some juicy tidbits interwoven in the book that explain a little of what goes on behind the scenes. It sounds like an fairly constant barrage of texts and phone calls.
So how does he feel about the housewives? It’s a mixed bag. It’s pretty clear he adores some of them – like Lisa Vanderpump (they tend to go out after WWHL or reunions), Carole (doesn’t think of her as a housewife) and NeNe (taping a WWHL with NeNe is just easy.) Others are just work to be around, and still others (and their husbands) are a pain in the ass.
Tuesday Sept. 10, 2013 – he’s at a party.
“The place was teeming with Housewives …. I feel so co-dependent in Housewife-heavy public situations, like I need to spend quality time with all of them. I don’t want anyone feeling like I dissed them, because trust me, I will wind up hearing about it later one way or another.”
“Tuesday Sept. 17, 2013
…. Major housewives drama offscreen this week. We are replacing several women in two cities. So far it’s been sad and energizing all at once. Hopefully we are adding life to both series by shaking thing up. I spent forty-five minutes on the phone today with one of their husbands who was begging for his wife’s job back, saying they have no backup plan, and I was telling him he never should have banked on this as his career. I had this same conversation a couple years ago with a (crying, literally) husband from another city and it is not pleasant. ….. Then Ramona called upset because I had invited Jill back to play tennis for a scene. Apparently a cast revolt was brewing about her coming back for even one scene. I completely understood her point of view, actually, and we killed the shoot (which necessitated a long follow-up call with Jill. And then last night NeNe was on (WWHL) …. and I did something to piss Linnethia off and I can’t figure out what it was, but she shut down on the air. Drama in four cities. I kind of love it.
Thursday November 14, 2013
“Carole Radziwill texted me saying she’d love some doggy time and she came over and got Watcha and they went to SoHo.” showing how close he is to Carole.
Later that day …. “Someone leaked a story to RadarOnline that I was actually fired or pushed out (of Bravo’s executive team.) I’m pretty sure it was a former Househusband. Radar will print anything.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
“I got a message from Teresa saying congrats on my new deal. She said she wanted to wait until it was final to call me. I mean, did she know that I’ve been working on this deal for nine months? Was she aware? Then she said, “I think we should partner together. I’m going to make you millions. I’m going to make you richer than Ryan Seacrest.” Intriguing.’
Monday Dec. 2, 2013
…”in the meantime, Patti Stanger is on Wednesday with Robin Quivers and Patti is saying that she has to sit next to me. (There are exactly five Bravo stars who have a thing about sitting next to me.) We told her no because Robin has never been on … I’m sure we haven’t heard the end of this.
Monday Dec. 17, 2013
“Wacha is at a photo shoot with Heather Thomas. She needed a cute dog …” then later that day,
“My show was so irritating. Brandi made an inadvertently racist comment about blacks not being able to swim on RHOBH last week. I have been dealing with a lot of shit coming my way.”
Thursday Jan 30, 2014
“Today we had three-city Housewife drama. Spent a fair amount of time on the phone with Lisa Vanderpump, who is not thrilled with something coming up on RHOBH,” then he talks about Phaedra not wanting to come on WWHL because of the charges filed against Apollo, and Ramona filing for divorce.
Thursday Feb 7, 2014
On the BH reunion “Two of the Housewives refused to sit next to Carlton because they believed that she had put spells on them, or that somehow she would put a spell on them.” He talks about how he regrets not giving Carlton a more rounded edit, and that he knew going into the reunion that Joyce and Carlton wouldn’t be asked back, but didn’t think they were aware of it yet. He also talked about trying to do some conflict resolution between Brandi and Lisa, and Kyle and Lisa, and saw genuine tears in Brandi and Kyle’s eyes, and hurt in Lisa’s eyes.
Tuesday Feb 11, 2014
“Tonight was Radzi’s book party at her house. I re-met Kristen … I tried to prep her husband, Josh, because I think it’s going to be a rough season for him. We show him being tough on his wife.”
Monday Feb 19, 2014
He talks about an incredible party he’s at, then after pages of name dropping mentions, “Oh, and amidst it all the Countess walked up in a white gown. And Carole was there too, not that I think of Carole as a Housewife, but she is one.”
So those are just some of the juicier quotes from the first half of his book. The book really humanizes Andy – and amid the partying, whoring, over drinking, over eating, drugs, rock ‘n roll, and jaded moments, are glimpses of the wide-eyed, insecure young boy that moved to New York because he was addicted to pop culture.