Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Livin’ La Vida Housewife” – S5E4
It’s time for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Darling! Shi Shi Shi Shi Shi! (Waves at VV™). Okay, it’s official – We have to come up with a new drinking game. I’ve only become slightly annoyed for the most part for the last couple of episodes – Certainly nothing to the point of yelling “STFU” at the TV or anything. However, I DID shout “Shut the Front Door” when I found out tonight that we DO have a tramp in our midst… (More about that later….lol)….
Remember last week…
Portia was being a little bratty but Kyle was having nothing of it and side-eyed Mauricio when he wanted to overindulge her uppity attitude. Kyle handled the situation perfectly. Also, YoYo and Bella sat down for a picturesque lunch and talked about YoYo’s upcoming trip. Bella turned into Bravo Gold right before our eyes when she earnestly said to YoYo, “I’m not going to get into any trouble…” Holy telegraphing impending doom, Batman!
At the risk of being voted off the island (Wait, wrong reality show)… I was SHOCKINGLY pleased with this episode. Now, does that mean I don’t have anything to snark about? Of course not… lol… But, I did something that I haven’t done in a few seasons – I watched the entire episode in its entirety – without taking any notes – Just because I was thoroughly enjoying the show. Let’s gab a little about it, shall we?
In part of the episode, we see the two Lisas have way too much fun for words as they eat and shop together. They have known each other for over 25 years and truly seem to get along well. Since neither of them seems jealous at all of the other – They may actually have a chance to make it through this show with their friendship still intact. We can only hope…
Tonight is when we really meet Eileen, the new girl, in a meaningful way. Most people know her from the soap operas she’s been in – Heck, she’s even won an Emmy. Yes, I know, just what this franchise needed – another actress…lol.
Okay, I may or may not be heretofore referring to Eileen as “That Tramp” because she happened to marry my elementary school heart throb Vincent Van Patten of “Apple’s Way” fame. Yeah… I KNEW all of you would know him from that…lol… He is or has been a successful actor, ranked 25th in the world in tennis, and is currently a co-host of the World Poker Tour. PLUS he had the dreamiest eyes ever! I knew I would marry him cuz he had blonde hair and blue eyes just like me. Oh wait, he didn’t marry me… And it’s all because of “That Tramp” Eileen. That bitch (giggles…sorry…). This is Eileen’s 3rd marriage and Vince’s second. They have one son together and he has 2 sons from his previous marriage. The only joy I find in this whole thing is that they bicker all the time with each other. The incredible enjoyment I derive when hearing them argue may just mean that I’m a bad person.
However, the main part of the episode focused on Kyle’s immediate family flying into Mallorca, Spain to yacht around the Mediterranean for a while. I hope that when you read that last sentence, you did so with your nose stuck up in the air and that you read it with some sort of a stuffy English accent or something. I fully expected the crew from “Below Deck” to come out to greet them, but alas, Bravo somehow missed an opportunity for cross-show promotion… lol. Gotta say that I loved how Kyle greeted each crew person and immediately concentrated on learning their names. When I see Kyle do stuff like that I really like her – But then invariably she goes and does something to piss me off. Right now, though… I hafta admit that I kinda like her (Do NOT get too excited, Jill, No not THAT Jill).
Okay, I could happily LIVE on the yacht they rented. Holy crap on a cracker was it ever beautiful! YoYo joined them for part of the yacht trip since she was jetting around Europe herself – from being on a sailboat with David in Turkey to tending to her ailing Mother in Holland. Both Kyle and YoYo looked stunning in their swimsuits. Kyle has recently said that she had been working hard to look good for this trip. At one point, everyone is pressuring Kyle to jump off the upper deck of the yacht and into the water. Mauricio ends up doing it first so she can see she’s not going to die. Kyle tweeted that it took her about an hour to muster up enough nerve to jump. The hilarious part is that when Kyle did jump – YoYo jumped with her – and from the camera angle it looked like they were very close together – Now the jump wouldn’t have freaked me out – but having someone else jumping so close to me would have.
Okay, so riddle me this… We’ve seen from previous episodes that Kyle doesn’t like anything having to do with jumping – except maybe jumping to conclusions. Why on earth would an adult woman be badgered into doing something like this when she’s clearly scared to death? And YoYo’s whole, “Your daughters are watching” lame reasoning doesn’t hold up for me, either. People dare me to do things all the time – that doesn’t mean I’m stupid enough to do them. Puhleeze. I mean, sure, I would probably try to goad someone into doing something like that by saying 1 or 2 things – but when they’re clearly terrified I would have offered a different option – or tried to get the attention off the person somehow. It just feels mean to me and it proves nothing.
The big scene on the boat thus far, though, is when YoYo receives a call from David telling her that her daughter, Bella, received a DUI. A freakin’ DUI!!!! She is only 17 years old. The minimum legal drinking age in California is 21. YoYo keeps saying she’s not happy and she’s disappointed with Bella’s choice. Ummm… ya think? To be fair, what could YoYo say at this point? It’s all very devastating…
We learn that YoYo’s father died from a car accident when she was only 7. Wow… I can only imagine how this situation caused YoYo to panic that her daughter could easily die in a car accident like her father. That’s got to be so, so scary. That being said…
Drunk driving pisses me off and underage drunk driving puts me over the edge. People losing lives as a result of drunk driving is just stupid (Sorry for using the “S” word, Madeline). According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), underage drinking is responsible for over 4,300 annual deaths among underage youth. In addition, youth aged 12 to 20 years drink 11% of all alcohol consumed in the United States (http://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/underage-drinking.htm). These statistics both astound me and piss me off.
Drunk driving is 100% preventable damnit. I personally know 2 kids whose lives were senselessly slaughtered because of underage drinking. We adults need to STOP coyly nodding and looking the other way when teens drink. We need to start having adult conversations with kids who think they’re mature enough to handle drinking. There are lots of articles about the effects of drinking on young, developing brains, like the one run by NPR entitled, “Teen Drinking May Cause Irreversible Brain Damage” which can be accessed here: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=122765890 or “The neurocognitive effects of alcohol on adolescents and college students” found here: http://alcohol.web.unc.edu/files/2010/12/The-neurocognitive-effects-of-alcohol-on-adolescents-and-college-students.pdf.
I hope they threw the book at Bella because I happen to not want her to die. I also don’t want anyone else to die at her hand, either. Bella reportedly blew a .14 breathalyzer test at the scene – Which approaches twice the legal limit (.08%)… Well, I mean, you know it would be almost twice the legal limit if she was even old enough to be allowed to drink… Did I mention she was also driving on a suspended license? Or that this all happened at 4:00 AM? Ummm… yeah… #nosympathy (Excuse the tirade… my Dad was an alcoholic… This is a clear and present danger to me…)
Other Things we learned from this episode:
As we know, Kim’s daughter is getting married and we got to see Kim’s Mother-of-the-Bride dress. Are you sitting down? It was absolutely stunning… and tasteful… and lacey… and perfect – I mean if you like big-ass bows (and I do).
Giggy the dog actually likes to shop and wear clothes.
Brandi was kind of an afterthought on tonight’s episode – Which brings me so much joy. However, she was on for a short time to demonstrate how stupid she really is with money – She received an unexpected six-figure check from her book – So of course she immediately runs out and leases a six-figure car. But we’re supposed to believe that it’s all Eddie’s fault she can’t buy a house… Right.
The other thing we learned about Brand was that she would clean up her podcasts and become “family friendly” if someone paid her enough to do so. It’s wonky… One minute Brandi says, “I personally don’t trust myself and I don’t know that I have a family-friendly side.” The very next minute, after learning there’s more advertising dollars available if she’s more family-friendly, she says, “I can filter myself, if need be.” Gosh Brandi, which is it? Oh, and how about cleaning up your act because you have 2 sons who are looking up to you to be their role model? How about that for motivation? Idiot.
Well, that’s it for this episode… Thanks for reading… See you next time!