Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
“Medford, 90210” – S5E6
Remember last week…
We found out that YoYo was stuck on Kyle’s yacht for an extra day because her husband and her ex-husband wanted her to stew for a day before returning to the reality of her daughter’s DUI… We learned “That Tramp” (Eileen) is returning to work on “The Young and the Restless” after being off for a year… Lisa got a star on the Palm Springs “Walk of Stars” and yet she was the only one not wearing pink… In addition, she only invited Lisa R. from the franchise cuz she didn’t want to ruin her special occasion by inviting her “friends”… Kim’s daughter got married and the very few parts we saw were beautiful… There is a swan that guards the Vanderpump footbridge and you can actually hear him squawk, “You Shall Not Pass” to everyone trying to escape the grounds… even Ken. (Obscure Lord of the Rings reference once again…lol)… And Brandi was once again, an afterthought. Unfortunately, it looks like this week – she’ll take a more prominent role.
Now one might think that since it’s the holiday season and all that this lil blogger would be festive, fun and relatively snark-free… And if that’s what one thinks… One would be wrong… Very wrong.
We’re at Lisa R’s house and we find out that her teenaged daughter, Amelia, borrows and wears Lisa’s jeans. Lisa expects her daughters to ask before they wear her clothes so she has the opportunity to say, “No.” lol… It’s kewl Lisa has good enough taste that her daughters would even WANT to wear her clothes and that they’re even able to fit into them size wise… #humblebrag… I love my Mom dearly… but honestly, there weren’t many of her clothes I would have ever wanted to wear…But of course she wasn’t a celebrity who bought designer clothes, either… but then, neither was I…lol.
For health reasons, it seems that Lisa’s parents are selling her childhood home in Medford, Oregon. Lisa still has some of her stuff there from 28 years ago that she needs to pick up. She blames her Mom for “keeping” her stuff. Ummm… How about you taking all the stuff that you want to keep and getting rid of the rest so your parents didn’t have to… That would have been nice to do, oh, say… 28 years ago… or at least 20 years ago, no?
Lisa wants her daughters to go with her on the trip to Oregon to help her clean out her stuff. One of the girls has a driver’s test that she doesn’t want to miss. The girls first say they wanted to be paid to go… (Are you freakin’ kidding me?)… And then they complained about how they didn’t want to move boxes (Are you FREAKIN’ kidding me?)… It’s decided they will go. They won’t be required to move boxes. KMN (Kill me now).
Kyle loves entertaining is planning her next barbecue with her “ladysitter” Justin. Is that supposed to be cute? “Ladysitter?” Wow… Just wow. Kyle likes to call it a barbecue so people’s expectations aren’t high. She knows it will be way more highfalutin than just having hot dogs… Kyle says she wants an English countryside barbecue with “non-ghetto sangria”… You know, cuz I’m SURE they served sangria (originating in Spain and Portugal) often along the English countryside, no? But it’s kewl cuz Kyle just returned from Spain and stuff…
Lisa R and her daughters are in Medford, Oregon. Lisa says that she negotiated with her daughter to agree that she fly back early so she can take her driver’s test. Lisa said it was all about negotiation. Really? Ummm… Cuz when they’re under 18… Is it really smart to negotiate that something like that? I don’t get the whole flying back early to take her driver’s test… Get your license a week later…There’s no negotiation necessary… Get your ass on the plane, we’re flying to Oregon… If you cop an attitude – watch your favorite things disappear one by one. I mean, seriously… I love Lisa and all… but there are 5 nearby DMV offices that serve Beverly Hills and a million more in the rest of the County that readily take driver’s test appointments.
Lisa R gives us some background information about herself. She lived in Newport Beach, CA (Orange County) until she was 7 when her dad was transferred to Medford, Oregon. It was a HUGE culture shock. She explains how she wore really short dresses and that she always felt out of place. She felt that she belonged in a big city. She had the feeling, “Why am I here? I am more fabulous than this.”
Lisa R tries to see her parents once a year. (Okay, I’ve got to stop right here… I admittedly have a lot of personal bias on this subject matter… Just wanted to warn you…lol.) I’ve got to be honest that it baffles me when someone has a very flexible work schedule, a whole lot of money, kids old enough to handle it, and they STILL don’t find time to visit their elderly parents. Love them while you have them. Seriously.
It looks like her parents have recently moved into a nice assisted living facility. Her dad is 92 and Lisa thinks he stays so strong because he doesn’t want to leave her mom. Last year, her mom had a stroke and lost a lot of her memory. Both of her parents are very spry and they go into a room that is featuring some of Lisa’s dad’s artwork. Holy crap on a cracker – her dad is a great painter! No really…
Lisa complains that it’s hard not having your parents be young and full of life. They both looked pretty great to me and were able to walk around on their own and stand around and talk. Lisa is lucky that her parents are even still with her. She may regret not making more time for them in her life when they’re gone. I know I do. I’d do almost anything to have another day with my mom or my dad.
It’s sad to Lisa that he can no longer paint and do things that make him happy. Her dad expresses that he doesn’t feel like he belongs where they are now living and that he can’t seem to settle down. He talks about not being around in 15 years. This conversation isn’t easy for Lisa or her kids.
At lunch, Lisa admits to her step sister that she’s avoided stuff with her parents. It sounds like the caretaking and financial management responsibilities have fallen to her step sister. Lisa is sad that her dd is suffering and is miserable. Her parents and her daughters join them at the table for lunch. She tells everyone the girls are returning home early the next morning. I can’t gauge how long they’ve been there – it feels like it’s been only a day or so, but you know editing.
There’s a scene at Lisa’s childhood home where everything is neatly displayed on tables for her to go through. She visits her old room that still has the same wallpaper on it from when she was a kid. She talks to her mom about how it’s a weird feeling to say goodbye to a house. Her mom says, “Let somebody else have this nice house.” Lisa tells us that it’s weird for her since she’s the adult now and that she is now taking care of her parents. Ummm… Actually, you’re not… You see them once a year. Puhleeze… Talk to me when you have to change their diapers daily. I dunno… Perhaps she’s taking care of them financially or something – but it really seemed like her sister was taking care of things. But Lisa seems to have a great heart – So she may be quietly funding that nice assisted living facility for her parents.
Meanwhile, we transition to the next segment where we learn that Eileen and her husband Vince (my boyfriend) live about an hour away from the city in the Santa Monica Mountains in Malibu. As she and Vince walk down the stairs leading to their backyard and pool, she makes a remark about how much dog poop there is and why aren’t the kids cleaning it up. Vince says the gardener should be cleaning it up. I love that Eileen expects her kids to do it. She and Vince have erratic schedules but end up spending a lot of time together. As they pick tomatoes and water their garden (cuteness overload)… Vince playfully turns the hose on her. Sigh… Dagnabit… I really like them as a couple the more I see of them together. Damnit (excuse the cussin’…).
Oh goodie… It’s time for Kyle’s barbecue… Kyle tells us that Mauricio likes to waltz in after everything is already done and THEN ask if he can help…lol. Kyle phones him and tells him he needs to stop and get ice. Okay, raise your hand if you think Mauricio actually stopped to pick up ice on his way home? Why on earth, with the amount of entertaining Kyle does… Why wouldn’t she have a professional ice machine? This makes no sense to me.
Kyle says that when her friends are fighting – that she just invites everyone to her event and leaves it up to the individuals involved as to whether they want to attend or not. She says after all she’s not in high school anymore. True, but you and your friends too often act like you’re still in Junior High.
Lisa decides to attend Kyle’s event because she is not going to let Brandi’s presence dictate if she goes or not because it gives Brandi all the power. Everyone arrives and introductions of the new girl (Eileen) and my boyfriend, Vince, are made… Vince thinks he’s worked with Kim when they were kids – but Kim doesn’t remember it… But seriously, does Kim remember anything? Kyle remembers Vince, though… I mean, who wouldn’t? lol… Kyle also remembers Eileen from being on the soap opera with her…
YoYo immediately accosts Lisa as she enters Kyle’s backyard because Lisa had the audacity not to invite YoYo to her Palm Springs Star ceremony… If you remember, Lisa was invited last season to the unveiling of David Foster’s Star on the real “Hollywood Walk of Fame.” YoYo is cranky that Lisa didn’t reciprocally extend an invitation to them to attend her ceremony in Palm Springs. Lisa shrugs it off that it was 120 degrees, in the middle of the week…etc… but YoYo is having NONE of that…lol.
As a point of reference, Palm Springs is about 140 miles away and can take easily 3 hours to drive there – So you almost have to spend the night and is therefore not an easy event wherein you just show up. Lisa lies and says she didn’t invite anyone to the ceremony… but YoYo knows she actually DID invite Lisa R. YoYo thinks that Lisa says she wants to move on – but that somehow the fact that since Lisa didn’t invite YoYo to her star ceremony indicates that Lisa hasn’t actually moved on. I think it does indicate Lisa’s moved on – She just has done so without YoYo. YoYo keeps bringing up the subject because she wants to talk about it but Lisa just wants to go get a drink. I’m with Lisa.
Eileen is the kind of person who sits back and observes people when she first meets them and lets them reveal who they are. Sure enough… Kyle’s friend Michelle brought up Brandi’s book and her vagina surgery… Eileen asked Brandi about the surgery and our little Brandi explained she had her vagina tightened. Eileen explains that she hasn’t met too many people who immediately throw out their vagina news like that. The thing is… Brandi isn’t the one who brought it up – She was merely answering questions about it. And yes, it’s pissing me off that I’m actually defending Brandi at the moment… but I’m confident that will change momentarily…lol.
As they’re sitting around talking, Kim says that when you’re going after acting parts that if they ask if you can do something, you always say, “Absolutely” just so you get the part. So Kim gets this part, and she’s reading the script –and she sees that she’s supposed to be a tennis pro. Kim said that she had only casually batted around balls with a boyfriend at… (Okay, wait for the name to drop)… “Charlton Heston’s house”(thud…lol). Kim tells how Nels Van Patten, Vince’s brother, helped her learn how to play enough so she could do well on the Magnum, P.I. episode – Whoa… I actually remember that episode and I had no idea that was our Kim as the tennis player…lol… How hysterical…
It was cute cuz Eileen then tells us a story about how she lied to get an acting part but it required her to ride a motorcycle… Unfortunately, the moment she got onto the motorcycle, she immediately popped the clutch and the bike fell on her. A homeless guy ran to her assistance and spit on a bandana and wiped the blood off her face. She remembers they had to paste her hair over the scrap marks on her face for the segment…lol.
Brandi and Eileen get into a back and forth discussion about something that happened on the soap opera series in which Eileen acted and in which Brandi was a huge fan. Brandi was trying to correct Eileen on some detail but Eileen summarily tells Brandi that she was actually there… You know… filming it. Lol… They bet $100 on something. I really don’t care who was right or wrong – The takeaway was that Brandi once again looked like an idiot. Is it wrong that it brings me so much joy? I think it might be…lol.
In this week’s edition of, “I Kid You Not”… Our little Miss Pretentious YoYo ACTUALLY uttered these words when explaining why she and David vacationed in Turkey this summer for the first time in 10 years… YoYo said, “And it was great because we do, you know, the Almalfi Coast – You know that whole thing every summer – And it gets old – you know – it becomes such a… it becomes a job.” Oh, cry me a freakin’ river, YoYo. Poor you, having to vacation on the Amalfi Coast every summer. Puhleeze. #richbitchproblems
Other Things we learned from this episode…
~~I’m noticing that the talking head interviews are so much more aesthetically pleasing to the camera this year than in previous seasons. In each designed scene, there are flowers, windows, etc. Heck, even Kim’s blouse matches her vases perfectly in her talking head interviews. It also cracks me up that in YoYo’s there’s actually a fire roaring in the fireplace for ambiance. Honey, there is NO reason to ever have a fire going on in Southern California. Well, unless you’re toasting marshmallows for s’mores or you live in the mountains. At the risk of “Haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate” – It’s going to be 66 degrees here on Christmas.
~~Brandi says that Lisa is a very stubborn individual. I guess that may or may not be true. Brandi also says she thinks she’s attracted to the challenge – because she always wants what she can’t have. Why, how totally mature of you, Brandi. Lisa tells Brandi straight up that she probably won’t attend her party because they have some work to do to repair their relationship before Lisa wants to warm Brandi’s house or anything else.
~~We meet the swans! We meet the swans! Hanky and Panky are Lisa V’s two male “gay swans” that YoYo’s ex-husband, Mohamed, gave to Lisa back when they were tiny babies. They LOVE Lisa and actually hug her – Well, as well as a swan can hug, I guess. However, there doesn’t seem to be much love between the swans and Ken. Perhaps they’re jealous of him. It’s kinda interesting… One of them wanders into the house and kinda has words with one of their poof balls of a dog before it’s swooshed back out of the house.
~~Lisa V. is baffled at why Brandi has invited her to her house warming party. Lisa wants Brandi to know that she hasn’t changed from last season – That Lisa is still the same horrible person that she was last season when Brandi felt the need to keep running to all of her friends and badmouth Lisa. Okay people… Why is it soooOOOooo hard to understand why Lisa wouldn’t want to go to a party at Brandi’s house? I mean seriously… Lisa said she was testing out the waters to see how things went at Kyle’s barbecue since it’s the first time they’ve actually seen each other since last season’s wackadoodleness.
~~Lisa R introduces her friend Eileen to YoYo for the first time when they all sit down and have lunch in Malibu… YoYo and Eileen both live in Malibu and they have several things in common. Eileen tells YoYo that YoYo’s daughter, Gigi went to school with Eileen’s step son and had attended a party at their house. They actually had a real talk about teenaged sex. Lisa R (who has all girls) doesn’t know if it’s too early to get her daughter(s) on “the pill”… and Eileen says she’s constantly saying to her sons, “Don’t forget the condoms.” Lol… It’s got be tricky to be a parent of teenagers nowadays.
Funniest Moment of the Epsiode…
Brandi, who seems to be sitting on a bar stool, wraps her arms around Ken to hug and hold onto him… and Ken is so determined to get away from her that he physically moves Brandi’s chair as he leaves. HI-lariously funny… I mean you know, if Brandi wasn’t so danged pathetic.
Quotes of the episode…
“The only thing that Lisa holds onto more than Giggy… Is a grudge.”
Kyle said this about Lisa V. but let’s be honest – Most of the housewives hold so many grudges they could hold daily grudge matches and never reuse subjects. Of course Lisa holds resentment against the rest of the cast for ganging up on her last season… When Lisa says she’s, “moving forward” – It doesn’t mean her scars have magically disappeared… I think it just means she’s choosing to keep walking while they’re healing. Let’s face it… Lisa is on this show for the publicity only. I highly doubt she will ever again trust any of you who were involved in last season.
“My life does not revolve around Lisa Vanderpump.”
Brandi says this to whomever would listen…lol. Ummm Brandi, who says it does? Or who says it should? But isn’t it crystal clear that Brandi that wants nothing more to do with Lisa… I mean it’s not like she begged Lisa to come to her house warming party like 2 million times or anything… Then Brandi tried to manipulate Lisa into coming when she told Lisa that her parents would be there and that they wanted to see her. Puhleeze.
Lisa R. does the ice bucket challenge on Access Hollywood Live… Brandi asks Lisa to go to lunch with her and when Lisa asks her why would she want to do that… In next week’s edition of “I Kid You Not” – Brandi said, “To eat your <bleep>”… Okay, where in the HELL did that come from? Everyone’s eyes immediately pop out of their sockets… Another ummm… creative word that rhymes with “stunning-linguist” is discussed and YoYo acts like she’s never heard of the word before… However, my eyes pop out of my sockets when I think I see Lisa and Ken actually show up to Brandi’s house for her “I’ve moved 5 times in 5 years because I’m an idiot” party… Good times…
Well, that’s it for this episode… Thanks for reading… See you next time!
Have yourself a merry, little Christmas – Or any other reason you celebrate this time of year… Hug and love on those you are lucky enough to have around… Allow yourself to be mentascental about those who aren’t around anymore but celebrate in a manner that would make them smile… Give generously from your heart… Receive enthusiastically… Listen to stories like it’s the last time you’ll ever hear them… Play games… Sing songs… And as usual, have way too much fun for words.
See you next time!